How To Not Be Desperate

I’ll be turning more of the advice I give into articles –  it’s a lot of information that can be helpful to more than just the person in the emails I give it to. This is from a guy that asked me about a remedy for his desperation.

Hey Eddie,

Are there any books, videos, guides etc. that can help me start the long journey of destroying being desperate etc.

I think subconsciously I give it off to girls (even though I am very aware of it and actively think about it with every move I take with girls)

I know no book or video can 100% help you…but it’s a start and I am sure there are deeper issues at stake here.

Any advice would be greatly helpful.


Being desperate doesn’t take place in action; desperation is all a reflection of the vibe you are giving off to a woman. The energy you are sub-communicating, and if you’re consciously thinking about every move thats another clear sign of desperation. There is no need to impress with anything other than the audacity and boldness you had to approach the women the way you did and begin conversation. I’ve never been into doing magic tricks and bending over backwards to get a girl to like me. I’m not a performer, I’m an attractive male offering emotional and attractive conversation. Take it – go on this emotional journey with me, or leave it and resume the life you were living before me.

The root of my audacity is the fact that to the core of my being I believe I possess something that everyone needs in their lives. Every woman and every man. I have the ability to transform the life of anyone that crosses my path, and its possible that maybe I don’t, but I believe that I do and thats what makes me attractive.

Your desperation is all a result of the core beliefs you have about yourself. How worthy you feel your contribution to social interactions to be. A man thats feels talentless and worthless will never get out there and make any impact on the world because to his core he doesn’t believe that he has anything to offer the world. And a man that believes he is of low value and women don’t NEED him in their lives will not have much drive to get out there and approach any of them.

Even this post here.. You asked for videos and books, but I believe that I could write you a post an completely change your outlook on how you feel about desperation – which can trigger a drive to make a change. Will it change your life? Maybe. Maybe not?  But I believe I have the ability to, and thats whats driving me to jock away at this keyboard.

Desperation is all a mindset. And the way you change a mindset is to fill it with new information that is the opposite of the current state that it is in. For example: What do you look up on search engines? A needy desperate guy searches, ” Why do women think I’m so desperate? ” – And what he will get in return is a bunch of information to back up and reinforce the reason he is viewed as desperate. An attractive man or a man that wants to be attractive thinks and searches ” Guide to being completely awesome and having a life of abundance ” – And he will run into information that will back that statement. So long as you search what you are and ask questions about what you are you will stay that way. You want to change? Begin asking questions about that which you want to be. That’ll help you get there.

Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits and our habits become our destiny.

You thought yourself into your situation and you can think yourself out of it. Put energy and thought into your change, the more you put in the more you get out. Saying to yourself in the mirror ” I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to this universe” a thousand times isn’t half as affective as taking a paper and writing it down it thousand times. Change isn’t going to come over night nor will it come from reading all day. Take active steps in making a change in your life. You must DO something.

Its like getting in shape.. If you want to get a 6 pack you have to exercise, eat right, drink water etc. consistently for 3-6 months to get one. And depending on your physical shape when you started, it maybe longer than that. So you have to ask yourself what is your emotional condition. Are you 300 pounds emotionally trying to get down to 150. Or are you 180 pounds emotionally trying to get down to 150. Your emotional weight will impact the length of time you will have to actively contribute to your change ( Thinking new thoughts, reading new information, writing it on paper, saying it in the mirror, praying about it, meditating on it, etc. etc.)

Work for the change you want and understand that it’s possible that it may take a few years for you to get there. This is the microwave age, but no sustaining change comes without dedication and consistency.

Where Do I Start ?

For and foremost let me say I think its important for each man to divulge into his own creativity to come up with physical, mental, and spiritual exercises that he can do to improve his condition based off of the material I wrote above.  The more of YOU the task that you apply to improve your condition the more focused the energy being applied to situation; causing a faster and stronger improvement.
But here are a few examples..
  1. As Stated Above, Grab a pencil and a notebook and spend a hour or more (The more you put in the greater the transition) writing down “ I am fun, loving and attractive. “ – “ I possess a grand sense of humor and a irresistible charm. “ “ I Love women and women love me” – “ I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to this planet.
Spend hours writing the above. Start with an hour a day. Treat it like a Job and get it done habitually. Your friends want to play videos? You stay home unless you’ve done your hour. This has to be more important to you than leisure if it is actually want you want.
Look yourself in the mirror and say the above, over and over. Tell yourself you’re the most attractive man on earth. Say it over and over it until you believe your new truth.
Meditate on the statements above, sit still close your eyes and repeat the phrases like those over and over again for 20 minutes.
This all becomes apart of the collective energy you are contributing into your change and you reap what you so. And most importantly, create your own statements, create your own affirmations. Don’t depend on my thinking process, dig down deep within yourself and pull out quotes from the man that you’re on your journey to be.
Get creative, because it will get boring, but in 6 months – 2 years (depending on where you are) it will all be worth it.
Own Your Destiny.

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Let Her Go – Its Important

I’ve began to understand that every issue men have with women stems from the exact same place. Too often men are attacking the minor issue, where if they would just destroy the foundation that is keeping them from getting what they want, the entire “issues with women” building would come tumbling down. Its like cutting weeds, if you just cut the part of the weed that you can see it will continue to grow back. But if you would just dig down and pull the weed up from its root, it’ll have no base to return from.

So whats at the root of every mans issue with women?

I had been listening to a Snoop Dogg interview in which he told a story that has the answer directly in it.

Snoop had joined platinum recording R & B artist “Usher” on a cruise ship filled with women to shoot a music video. When snoop arrived to the video shoot, he greeted usher and was introduced to Ushers new “lover”. Snoop claimed the lover was smoking hot and one of the more attractive women he has seen in a long time. Usher had then revealed to him that he found the girl special an was romantically into her.

Long story short..

They wrap up the video shoot and Usher says to snoop ” Hey man, I don’t want to send you away empty handed. Pick out a couple of these women and I’ll send them with you on your boat.”

Snoop looked at Usher, smiled and jokingly said ” The only one I want is your girl. The one you introduced to me earlier”.

They both laughed and without hesitation Usher called her over and sent her with Snoop.

Snoop then says to the interviewer “And that’s what you’re suppose to do. She doesn’t belong to you, she belongs to the game.”

Can you imagine?

You finally meet one of the “Special” girls that you really like and then having to give her up right when things are getting serious?

I’ve always been taught, that you can have anything at will when you learn to live without it. I’m willing to bet, Usher went on to meet three more girls who he felt were more special than the girl he let go.

Guys that deal with a lot of women know what I mean by ” Special” girls. There are always those women who shine a bit brighter than all of the rest. When you run into these types you’ll often feel like you have met the one. And they will stick around as long as you are willing to let them go – when and if it comes down to it. If things don’t work out and you “completely” let them go, you will be happy to discover that there are more of these “special” women out there.

You may even notice this when it comes to a persons financial life. The people that hoard all their money and are always bickering about who has to pay what never seem to have much money. I know this first hand because I was once one of those people; all of my money was “mine” and mine only. This resulted in me being broke all of the time. When I finally realized I was being cursed by my own decision making I made a complete turn around. I began chipping in more while out with friends and paying for them when they didn’t have enough. An abundance of career opportunities began to come at my from all angles and I was able to have more money than ever before.

When you learn to let go and come to the understanding that there is an abundance of everything you could dream of, life will become a bit bigger and you will have access to all the things that have been slightly out of your reach.

Generous people always have lots to be generous with and this didn’t come from them being cheap until they had something to give. They all started out by being willing to give when they had very little. There is an ancient story in the Bible in which a man with $100,000 gave a $1,000 to his church and a poor widow with only 1 penny, gave her only penny. It then states in Luke Chapter 21 verse 3-4 “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.”

Now I’m not getting religious on you, this is Way Of The Player, but the proof is all over the pudding. The Ability is the ability to “Let go” and dive into uncertainty with faith that you will be rewarded.

Let go of something that you have been holding onto today and marvel at the life changes you will experience.

Eddie Fews

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