How To Know If A Man Really Loves You

If there is one thing I’ve learned on my journey of coaching both men and women in this field, it’s that women put a whole lot more stock into the things guys say than we do.

As men we enjoy getting positive reactions from women and so we can find ourselves being loose with our tongues vainly trying to give a woman good feelings and make her smile.

However, these aren’t things that we actually connect with in the way that women do . Early on in a woman’s dating life they take our words seriously, and after many let downs they can find themselves in a space in which they just don’t believe what men say anymore.

I know a number of women that have said that all men to them are “guilty” as  liars until proven innocent. That they pretty much nod “uh huh” to themselves while men offer words of affection. And the truth of the matter is they are 100% right for doing this.

We’ve all heard the expression that actions speak louder than words. And as a result of this I tell all the women I coach and work with to receive a man saying, “ I love you” as just a compliment – no different than him saying ,“ I like your hair” until his actions say different. A man saying, “ I love you”, to a woman does not mean that he wants to be with her. All it really means is that you are giving him good feelings and emotions in this moment and so he’s expressing that to you.

A great movie gives him good feelings too, but that doesn’t mean he wants to watch that movie and that movie only for the rest of his life. This is where women get it confused, because they don’t operate like this.

Women feel deeper than we do, and they usually take the time out to consider their feelings and analyze their feelings much more than we do. So when a woman says ,“ I love you”, it has more of a meaning to her. She’s often thought about it, has reasons that she respects you whether she can explain them or not, and has decided to put her trust in you. So naturally, women- on some level- think early on in their dating lives that when we talk love, it is after careful consideration, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

What many of us don’t understand is that “love” is a feeling just like anger is a feeling. It’s an explosion of oxytocin, dopamine, and other hormones in the body that are being released into the blood stream due to the stimuli we are dealing with. So, a mans interpretation of love is often ,“ I feel these hormones and I am expressing them”, but this is surface level infatuation – not love. This is not the way an emotionally mature woman interprets love.

As men we have to be mindful of this, and we have to become conquerers of these hormonal explosions. We often do this with fear and anger, but do so with love as much. Just as we don’t allow irrational fears to hold us back, nor do we react to our anger every time we feel it, we shouldn’t react to love every time it is felt either.

It takes time to know you love a woman. You can only know you love a woman by her consistently keeping up with the behaviors that produce feelings of “love” over time. Anyone can be consistent for a month or two, but can they keep making mental, spiritual, and physical contributions to that “love” over a long period of time? That’s the test, that’s how you know there is any merit or reason you should accept the “feeling” of the love.

For the women who find themselves confused on whether or not a man loves you i’ll provide a break down. I do this because many women are in relationships with men who are abusing them whether physically or emotionally in the name of love. Other women allow a man’s expression of “love” to be the reason they remain attached to a relationship that they shouldn’t be attached to.

When you consider whether or not a man loves you, you must first ask yourself two questions.  First, what else does he love that isn’t you? Get a pen and a paper and make a list of all of  the things he has expressed love for. And now ask yourself,“ How much of what he loves does he share with me?” For example if a man really loves his mother, and has expressed that, have you met his mother? Have you spoken to her? How much of his mother has he shared with you? If a man really loves his car, see if he’ll let you drive his car.

The second  question and most important one is, “What does he have the least of?”, and how much of that does he share with you? Grab a pen and a paper and make a list of everything he doesn’t have much of and ask yourself how much of that does he share. Let’s say the guy you’re with doesn’t have a lot of money. How much of the money that he does have, is  he willing share with you?

Any billionaire can spend money on a woman and it’s meaningless to him because he has so much. It’s no big deal to throw some money away and proclaim love due to it. Now let’s take that same billionaire and let’s say he doesn’t have a lot of “free time”. How much of his free time does he give you? And if he really loves you, how much of his “used up” time does he allow you to become a part of?  Does he bring you along during times in which he would normally be alone?

This is how you use a man’s actions to determine if he’s truly connected to the emotions that he’s expressing. If these two aspects aren’t in place then his love is nothing more than a compliment. And you must treat it that way. That is the only way he’ll take bigger and wider steps to expressing that love in action.

He must see that that love just being expressed by his word is not good enough for you. And this doesn’t just go for the word “love”, this goes for “like”, him saying he’s “interested” and anything else. Those two questions are still relevant, just to a lesser degree.

This is how women save themselves from the dreaded “fuck boys” they are complaining about today. And let’s not just blame them, you women have to keep your own emotions in check just as well. Most men do believe themselves when they start expressing a genuine interest in you. They’re confused by their own feelings that changes later when they realized that it wasn’t “love” or “like” the way they initially thought it was love and like. It was a passing phase of hormones into the blood stream that are gone now that they have had their experience with you. But, when a guy shares what he loves with you, and shares what he has the least of with you, he will become invested into you and connected to you on a level deeper than words. You become wired into the fabric of his being; and that is what you want.

Guys only cast women to the side that they don’t have stock in. When there is no stock, there is no expected return of investment. When there is no expected return of investment, they don’t make any effort toward getting that return. They give what they don’t need, and then move on when they’re done. When a man gives you things that he values he finds it hard to let you just “walk away”, and then becomes emotionally invested in making sure you don’t walk away. He must share with you the things that he loves and then things that he has the least of to develop that burning desire to want to work to keep you around.  When held to that standard the men not for you will blow themselves out of your life before you even begin to get emotionally invested.

If you’re a man or woman that needs help with your relationship  Click Here to send me an email. Thanks For Reading.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Live Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com – ask about my free 15 minute consultation.

Buy My Book: ‘The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Now by Clicking Here 

Going Through A Break Up? Read This Now – Get Your Ex Girlfriend Back

Going Through A Break Up? Read This Now

The holidays just seem to be the time in which everyone decides to save money on gift buying and break up with their partners and as a result I’ve gotten a share of emails asking about getting back with ex girlfriends, dealing with heart break, etc. I decided I would make a public post about the question and stories I’ve bene hearing and the way I responded. Every guy going through it seems to think that their girlfriend was the “special” one, and while that may be partially true; the full truth is that there is something special about everyone of these women. No one is more special than the other. Its just the feeling of loss mixed with the feelings of “wanting what you can’t have” that causes men to romanticize over women who probably meant absolutely nothing to the last couple guys that walked in and out of their life.

I often wonder how a man with high self esteem and pride could feel comfortable dating a girl who had let men walk all over them just months before meeting you. Wheres your dignity? Surely if the last guy treated her like dirt and she allowed it you don’t want to be the one to roll out the red carpet.. or do you? But you know what they say.. “ One mans trash is another mans treasure”. I find myself curious about how the women I’m dating let guys treat them in the past. When you feel you are deserving of the best you kind of don’t wanna settle for a woman who didn’t know her worth until she was inspired by the love you began to give her. I’ll be the first to admit that I have made this mistake a couple times, but after the first I was always quick to snap out of it. There is a well of women out here; a well of amazing women. As I am writing this there is beautiful barista working behind the counter at the cafe I’m sitting at. She has no real shape, no ass, average sized breast, but her face is gorgeous and she carries herself with such grace and elegance. Not to mention I was out with an amazing woman last night; theres just so many. I repeat phrases like “ theres so many great women” because i really want the readers to get it. If you’re heart broken, cry it out but get over it. The moment you wipe the water clouding your vision you’ll notice all the great women you’re surrounded by.

I saw a study recently in which a scientist created a test group of 20 strangers – ten male, ten female and paired them up facing each other while sitting at tables. They were to stare each other in the eyes while reading romantic poetry and repeating phrases like “ I love you” and “ I want to spend my life with you”. The study went on for 8 hours.. And you know what happen? When it was done three out of the ten couples got married and four of the remaining seven couples began seeing each other after the study. So what does that tell us? What we know to be love is truthfully something we coax ourselves into being in when we find someone who we feel is attractive enough (whether internally, externally or both), that we happen to begin seeing consistently.

It is our own thoughts, it is the things we say to ourselves about the partner while they’re not around that slowly but surely fills us with the chemical reaction we know to be infatuation. I fall in love easily, I always have, because I enjoy it. I enjoy the emotions, I enjoy the rush, the inspiration; I even enjoy the momentary pain once its all said and done. Its all creative fuel for me. I use for creativity. I fall in love because it is part of my purpose in life to, however i’m always completely aware that this is ME thats making all of this happen. There is no special girl necessarily; but there is special thoughts of my own creation. And i then use those same thoughts to rise on above and beyond it. If you’ve fell in love once you can fall in love again. Its simply a matter of teaching yourself too; and like anything else – with practice comes perfection.

Anyway; I’ll get to a couple pieces of advice that I gave out recently on men dealing with heartbreak. I’m sure the majority of the stories out there aren’t too different than these.

From: JMW

Subject: Stressed over a girl I was seeing. Fix or move on?

Message:I’ll try to summarize this the best I can.

About 3 months ago, I met a girl through some friends. Every person I met said the same thing, “She’s sweet, beautiful, fun, and I think you 2 would get along great”. So I decided to meet her in a group setting and they were right, we really hit it off. We dated for a couple months and she was VERY interested me. She kept asking our mutual friend if I liked her, she texted me everyday from the day we met at least once if nothing else than to say goodnight. First time we slept together, she beat around the bush for 2 hours basically inviting herself over. We had an incredible time every time we were together.

The last time I saw her she came to my house, we cooked, watched a movie, etc. We were supposed to hang out a couple days later but she cancelled on me because she forgot she had plans with friends. I hate when people break commitments but I didn’t address it via text and things had been going so well I didn’t want to make a mountain out of a molehill. After that day, she quit texting me except for when I texted her first, but she would respond immediately to my texts. We would talk for 2 hours but then when I’d invite her over or ask her out, she would beat around the bush with bs excuses.

So after about 10 days of this, I confronted her about it basically saying wtf but in a more polite and professional manner. She said said I had been super sweet to her (my first mistake, I know) and that she thought I was looking for something serious and she wasn’t ready for that blah blah etc. I have no idea why she thought that because AFAIK I had done nothing to indicate it. A few days went by and our mutual friend called me and said she told them that when she was cooking, I walked up behind her and gave her a hug and she thought it was moving too fast. I guess I’m just batshit for thinking you can hug a girl 3 weeks after you’ve been sleeping together.

It has been driving me bonkers because she was perfect for what I like. I’ve had gf’s for 2+ years that I missed less than her. So the same mutual friend called me yesterday and said she had been talking about me to them and on one hand trying to make me sound like the bad guy but on the other hand still acting interested in seeing me. 2 of our friends told me they think she started to catch feelings, it freaked her out, so she bailed.

Sorry this was so lengthy, but I haven’t slept in 2 weeks and am trying to find the solution. What would you recommend? I made the mistake of being very nice and accommodating because I had convinced myself “she was different” and would appreciate it which she acted like she did.

Can I/should I try to salvage this or move on and try to forget about it?

My Response: First things first bro..

Here me once and here my clear.

CLOSURE is for BITCHES and bitches only.

Life ain’t fair and you aren’t always going to get closure. And the fact that you’re struggling to move on without getting it is a reflection of why she isn’t around to begin with. Its weak and is a reflection of you not being able to stand on your own two feet(not secure, women want a secure man) without the assistance of information from another.

Second.. Everybody gets GOT bro, its all apart of the game. Like my dad(former super player) told me after I got broken up with and left the first time.. ” You ain’t a player until you get played son”.

Two things can happen when you have such an experience; you can become bitter or you can become better. This shit should only fuel you because of the knowledge, wisdom, and understanding you’re going to gain from having this experience.

Also, let me ask. Why on earth would you want to be a relationship because YOU want to be in one? Don’t you understand how girly that is? She was already fucking you, she was already crashing and cooking food with you.. Why would you want to hand over your freedom as if you were going to get something in exchange for doing so? Its a bad deal.

Now if she wasn’t fucking you or doing all the girlfriend shit and said ” I only fuck and cook with guys who decide to be my boyfriend and stop fucking other women” I could understand you wanting to be in a relationship because then AT LEAST there is a REASON. You get to cook and fuck the girl granted you give her your freedom.

The mindset that pushes a guy to want to be in a relationship off of his own decision is an INSTANT oneitis mindset. That would only suggest that oneitis, is but a couple months away. You’ll have your 1-4 months of fun, but after that its all set and done.

So if I could give you any advice right now I would tell you to cry your eyes out, play a bunch of sick love drunk love songs ” The Script” has a great album called Breakeven I think. I balled my eyes out to that when I lost my first love after being a pimp all my life before then. And once you’re spend a couple weeks crying and sulking you build yourself back up into a stronger better man, worthy of attracting a higher quality woman because of the wisdom you gained from this experience.

You’ll fall in love again, believe that.. I’ve been in love 9 times almost; its a choice, you talk yourself into falling in love. You’re poison your thoughts day by day little by little until you’re on your death bed.

You will be straight man, I promise you that. You may have a couple months of recovery but after that you will not remember this girl existed. Well you may, but she’ll be a faint memory. And it won’t be a big deal.

I live in NYC and I’ve lost some of the greatest women by societal standards that this country has to offer. You think you’ll never meet another for a while, but you always do. A player will always snap back into position and get back on his shit.

Now what you don’t want to do is contact her. Please do not contact her. PLEASE. It will be of no use.

If you want her back – which you probably won’t if you really do what you’re supposed to, when she contacts you IGNORE HER the first time and respond the second time she reaches out. THIS SHIT NEVER FAILS.. TRUST ME.. There are no unique situations. I don’t give two shits what the text or voicemail says, let her contact you at least twice before you respond. The first text is always spontaneous, the second and third will reveal her true feelings. If you don’t want her back then of course just ignore her all together and just carry on with life.

So just hold out, cry, and rebuild. And when she contacts you IGNORE the first text and then respond to the second or third one.

It make take a couple days for her to send a second text, but she will.. THEY ALWAYS DO. There are no female exceptions to the rule; no matter how great you thought or think she is. We’re animals, creatures of habits and NO ONE is above human nature.

You’re but a few short months away from being the best version of yourself you’ve ever been. Sulk for a bit, but find a way to be EXCITED. Its gets better man. It does get better. Weather this storm and then enjoy your new life.

JMW: Thanks for the lengthy response Eddie!

Deep down I know you’re correct and I guess the 2 biggest things that are driving me crazy are:

1. I haven’t figured out what I’ve learned just yet. I like having a building block to work off of and a failure knowing where I went wrong so I can improve next time.

2. Before I even agreed to meet her, some people I’ve known for years and trust their opinion, told me how great of a girl she was and sweet and innocent and whatever. I’m not sure whether we all misread her or whether something changed.

I honestly wasn’t looking for a relationship or trying to change anything. I was pleased with how things were and never once mentioned a relationship or being exclusive or any of that. We saw each other a couple times a week for food, sex, fun shit and that’s perfect for me. It gives me time to do my own shit while still having a cool chick around on occasion. Even at the time, I didn’t realize it would bother me as much as it has if things didn’t work out. And like I said, more than anything I just want to know wtf happened.

I’ve had similar situations in the past and didn’t give a damn. I’ve heard the PUA talk of oneitis for years, but assumed I was too heartless to understand. Overall, I don’t much care for it. Hell I can’t even say I’ve ever been in love. Usually when things end, we part ways, it’s a chapter to close, and I search for something else. For some damn reason this one has me all messed up in the head.

I’ve held out this long without contacting her and general consensus is that she will reach out again at some point. Maybe I’ll just continue to wait it out and see what happens.

Thanks again, you are awesome and I’d probably be lost had I never discovered this industry

My Response: You’re not always going to know man. Because you CARE to KNOW is the root of your oneitis. I’m sure you could give two shits about the starting at finishing point of exactly where things went from with some of the women you parted with in the past. It just didn’t matter to you. As it doesn’t matter to many of us; unless it’s a girl we’ve developed oneitis for.

And women are never listening to the shit we say nor do they care so much for the things we do. What they care about is the place and position our words and actions are coming from. So you don’t have to say ” I want to be with you for the rest of my life” to give off the ” I want to be with you for the rest of my life” energy and vibe. Its implied subtly.

The thing men don’t understand about women is that women speak a language that many men don’t understand; its a language of hints. They speak it with each other and because it comes so natural to them they assume WE speak it too. But we don’t..And this is why women think guys are “dumb”.. We only know one language; and don’t understand that most obvious words and interpretations of the language they naturally think ALL people speak.

So a woman is reading into the language that you speak that you don’t even know that you speak if that makes any sense. So she communicates back to you in that lingo hoping you’re paying enough attention to make adjustments when she responds to make adjustments. You cared too much; regardless of what you may think – hence the reason you are here. The fact that you are posting on this forum about her shows you had oneitis for her that she picked up on in language number two. It may not of been blatant to you because of your natural male insensitivity but it was obvious to her, hence the reason she took off.

You just have to accept that. Regardless of what you may think; her telling you this from her own mouth (which she did in chick language already) isn’t going to make you feel any better. What you are asking for is for her to be a GUY and tell you clearly and plainly exactly why she behaved the way she did and unfortunately women just don’t operate like that. You have to take this one like the champ you are and keep it moving.

You can’t except a dog to meow man, even if it’ll make you feel better. Dogs just don’t meow. And chicks just don’t explain in the language that men want them to how and why things took the turn they did.

Accept it and rise man. Everyone takes a loss.

I got GOT at one of the most pimp moments of my life. I was seeing loads of chicks all the time; and one girl got me. So no ones exempt. And never think you’re above the BROKEN heart. Because once you think you are; it’ll be waiting for you right around the corner to remind you that human nature is still intact.

It’ll be tougher now for sure, because you will have built up stronger walls against it; which only means that you will be attracting higher quality women now because of your new found resistance. So don’t worry and be happy *Bob Marly voice*

Be open about it to bro. Don’t be afraid to wear that shit with a smile. People respect transparency and you’ll be surprised how many women want to fuck you out of sympathy because of it. So long as you’re not trying to pose like you’re some big macho unfeeling man after the break up. Most of the sympathy pussy won’t hang around for too long, but they’ll still be there to comfort you at moments through this. And you’re not going to cry to them of course; you’re going to just accept the fact that you’re in remodeling mode and you’re going to smile through it.

And no problem man. I’m in a good mood and so I’m writing a lot. You caught me at the right time.

JMW: I’ll be damned. I came looking for some advice and words of encouragement and it actually went better than I had hoped for.

For the past couple weeks I’ve been trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong so I can improve it and move on. Being a guy who hates bullshit, I’d rather have it spelled out as blatantly as possible right in front of my face and take out the guess work. That didn’t happen this time. But after talking with you and having some time to think, I see the mistakes I made and can learn from them now.Most of the time, if a 2 month “relationship” ends I don’t give a shit and that’s why they usually don’t end because the girl detects that I wouldn’t give a shit and keeps trying to “win me over”. Since she came to me so highly reviewed through friends, I let my guard down and caught feelings too soon because I wasn’t making her prove she was worthy. While I never said it or directly showed it, she could just tell I guess. Hell I didn’t even realize at the time I gave this much of a damn but she did. I definitely fucked a couple things up and now I finally see what they were. Hell I even cancelled another date after I met this girl because things went so well (and I got the flu).
Thanks again for all the help. I’m glad I caught you in a good mood because it may just be what gets me out of this damn funk I’ve been in.
From: DM

Subject: Need your expert advice man please!!! (break up)

Message: So my gf of one and a half years just broke up with me. She said she isn’t happy, that we havent been doing well for a long time and that “She loves me, but isn’t in love with me” (whatever that means).. Anyways, we have had problems in our relationship, but i didn’t think that the gravity of which would culminate in this kind of breakup. We talked, and asked her to work it out saying i could change, be the person she needed to give it a chance, but she was having none of it. I know what it seems like, ive been devastated, but i still love this girl, and am not ready to walk away from such a long relationship without a fight. Ive read different places that the only and best way to get back an ex is to go into radio silence for a month and just work on yourself. How should I go about this, i love this girl with all my heart and would give anything to work things out. Im a fucking wreck, but she doesn’t seem to be too distraught (as she put it she’s ‘numb’ to me). What is a way that i can get out of this and at least have a shot at getting back with her. I know i made the mistake of trying to convince her to try it, but we had had fights before and BAM we were in each others arms again. I need some advice on how to make this relationship work again, and not have people tell me to move on, find other fish in the sea etc.. I need help with this one please!

Thanks and i look forward to your response.

My Response: “i love this girl with all my heart and would give anything to work things out. Im a fucking wreck”

This quote here is the sole reason your girl left you. You care about her more than you care about yourself and because of it you’ve become a burden. You’ve become a weight on her shoulders and this is why she now resents you. You’re draining her. You’re free loading off of the energy she brings into your life. Who wouldn’t be numb to a free loader? She’s lost respect for you because you’ve put her desires too far before your own. And once a woman loses respect for you; her love for you goes right out the window. It happens to the best of us so don’t be so hard on yourself. But you must fucking chill. Any action you take from the mindset that you are currently in is going to push her further away from you than she is now. If you make absolutely ZERO attempts to reach out to her again she WILL come back when you least expect it. But remember I said ZERO! So before you do something stupid like send her a 500 word text or give her a call remember that the action will ruin the 100% guarantee that she WILL return if and ONLY if you make ZERO attempts to contact her again.

Every attempt at contact after that point reduces the chances of her returning by 50%.. But as long as you do NOT, you have a 100% chance that she will return. I swear to you before God.. No woman is special and they all do the same shit.

Work Out, read books, and go hang out with buddies. It’s tough to read with a broken heart i know. Its tough to work out with a broken heart also, but you must power yourself through it man. Its the only way. Just power yourself through making improvements and SHE WILL return when you least expect it.

From: EnKay

Subject: Need and urgent reply!! I Don’t wanna lose her. ( Break up )

Message: Been dating a girl since november. Had a great start. Havent seen her in 5 weeks. Issues at work etc. ive lost my job and havent been myself. Neither had she. Had a bit if distance. Sent flowers to her for valentines day last week, thiught to restart this. We set tomorrow for a date. Been really excited. Then she sent this:

“I tried calling earlier, I’m putting dating on a hold at the minute, not sure what i want. I don’t want to mess you around so thought I would let you know”

How do i respond??

I need your help please?

My Response: Why would you wanna date a girl if your life is currently a mess? Cut it out bro. Don’t you know that if you’re a mess you will only make the life of another a mess? Why fuck up someone else life just because you’re currently lonely? Get your shit together first bro. These chicks ain’t going NO WHERE. You only want her because its appearing that you can’t have her. TRUST ME. If you had her, you wound’t even want her like you do now. You’re listening to the chemicals reactions in your body that are all created from YOUR OWN thoughts and not the honest logic. Fuck her bro.. Not literary.. Like forget her.. Go on with your life. She’ll come chasing you if you do, but as long as you stay obsessed with her mentally, she’ll know intuitively and want nothing to do with you. Women intuition is 10x stronger than ours – we can’t even imagine what this is like. You have to live your life as if everyone is always watching because they are. If you wouldn’t post on the forums about her with her knowing; don’t do the shit thinking that she won’t know. She’ll feel it. Its a topic I cover in my book.

Behave the way you would behave if you had a camera following you everywhere you go linked directly to her television screen and she was watching your every move. Because she kinda is and this will all impact the way she thinks about you when you’re not around. Life is a feeling process. We pick up vibes.. women just pick them shits up stronger. Grow man.. Grow tall and let go. She’ll love you for it.

But whatever you do.. DO NOT HIT HER UP! its the worst thing you can do. And she’ll feel less attraction for you and push you further away.

Peace.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com

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She Will Follow So Long As You Lead

I woke up to an epiphany this morning that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. I intend to share it here in hopes that it can have at least some of that effect on anyone that reads this.

So I’ll just get into it..

I have been dating this woman for the past month and a half and she’s been great. Now of course no one is perfect, she just encompasses all the positives I could say I wanted before I met her. I remember saying to myself after the first few weeks of knowing her that “ I don’t know if there is somebody out there for everybody, but there was somebody out there for me. “ She’s that.  So anyway, like many of us do while going into a relationship that seems promising from the start my naivety led me to the assumption that things we going to be easy. I assumed that because we were so well matched that any conflicts that we could have would be minor and insignificant. And boy was I wrong. I’ve always known that women test us as men. The test aren’t intended to be malicious; their test are carried out simply because they want us to become better than we are. A woman needs to be able to feel her mans strength; she needs to know that her man can handle her in her wildest moments so that she can be secure in being with him. A woman wants to feel safe with her man, she wants to know that she’ll never be left out to dry, and the more you ensure her that she won’t be, the more she must test you to see whether or not she can trust your word.

So I always tell guys to encourage there woman to be strong; compliment her and help her become a greater version of herself that she can be so that the test she throws your way are more intense.  Their test can only make us stronger and as long as a man is rooted in his masculinity he never need worry about passing a test thrown at him by his woman. As a young guy I would worry about boosting my woman confidence  because I would be in fear of her getting out control. I liked her how she was – easy to handle, and so I tried my best to keep her that way, because she was at a level that I felt comfortable handling the things she threw at me. And so I would begin to resent the women I was with; they weren’t pushing me to grow and so I lost attraction for them. I wouldn’t stay with them all while being too immature to understand what was happening and so I would repeat this cycle over and over again. Eventually I understood what was going on and began to do the opposite. I began to compliment my woman more, telling her what she meant to me, and how important I believe what we have is. And what I found is a woman doesn’t take this new found self esteem to use it to lift her head above the world. She takes that energy and uses it to give it right back to me. I discovered that women were saving accounts with interest rates beyond my wildest explanations. They give us back everything we give them with a lot more behind it. I’m almost certain that old expression “ Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn” had its inception in a case in which a man wronged his woman deeply and so she gave it back to him with the interest I spoke of. And so if a man understands this, he understands that he can never out give his woman whether for the good or for the bad. Show her strength and she will be weak around you so that you can feel stronger; show her weakness and she will be strong around you in attempt to make you strong. Become weaker in this face of her strength and she will become even stronger and eventually devour the man that doesn’t rise up and claim what is his masculine right. Black women tend to get the reputation for being “Strong” and hard to deal with, and I believe that is due to the men not being able to rise in the face of their strength so the woman can feel comfortable being weak around him. A woman is a mans polar opposite and if he won’t rise to the plate and display his strength she will have to reflect it in hopes that he will recognize her for this and pick up the slack. A strong woman will always make a strong man.  And it is through her releasing of that strength by being weak around the man that she can trust to be responsible with her, that he will rise up in both his strength and power. And in this they become one flesh.

So I had to relearn what I stated above over this past week. The time had called for me to deal with the imbalance being reflected to me by my partner. She was calling for more strength and I wasn’t centered in my masculinity enough to give it to her; so as she once would shrink in the face of my strength so that i become stronger; she grew stronger in the face of my weakness. She had began to take notice of my controlling nature and she was calling for me to be better than this. I couldn’t see it at the time; all I could wonder is why on earth my woman was all off a sudden such a challenge to deal with. She wanted more, because I was asking her for more.  She wanted me to be greater than the selfishness within me that lead me to wanting things exactly how I wanted them and when I wanted them.

At first I was struggling with the imbalance because I was consciously trying to assert myself over her in order to get respect. And it is through that situation that I understood that instead of asserting myself, all I need do is relax back into the masculinity that I have been given that I  will prevail and my woman will trust me once again. It is nature and it is natural to a woman rooted in her femininity to want her man to be strong so that she can feel comfortable with surrendering herself to him. Women want to surrender, they just mean a man strong enough to handle them when they decide to give themselves.

After the night of conflict I had woke up to the answer; it was streaming through my mind clearly. It said “ You don’t have to give your woman instruction. Let her be who she is and have patience. If you’re practicing what you preach she’ll follow “. And so that was it. I had spent so much energy in relationships trying to assert my authority over my woman and giving them instruction that I didn’t understand that the women in my life weren’t listening to what I said as much as they were listening to what I do. Through the showing of a mans strength his woman naturally begins to pick up on his behaviors (both bad and good). So if a man can remain patient and remain strong in the face of his woman doing things that are unpleasing, she will eventually alter her behavior to reflect a behavior that will cause her man to feel more love for her. And the stronger a man in his what he is asking his woman to do the quicker she will begin to do as he would like. I had been telling women in my life to do things that I wasn’t full committed to doing myself and I had to understand that  as the leader in the relationship I can not expect something out of someone before I was fully giving that myself.

So this is my calling to all men to lead more so by action and less so by word. As Ive stated many times “ Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny. Lead your women first by your destiny, then your character, following your habits, your actions, and then your words/thoughts.

Now it is okay for a man to give instruction to his woman; in fact most women like and appreciate this, just be sure to do so from a place of understanding. From a place in which you are sure that the things you have asked have made it all the way to your destiny before you put it upon others. Because the more you ask of her, the more that she will ask of you so that she can be compliant. Rise into your strength and relax into the man that you were called to be and all imbalances experienced with your woman will quickly dissolve.

Peace & Love to all the readers.

Eddie Fews

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