It May Be Time To Hire A Personal MatchMaker

Before I start, how many women and men reading this can they that they’ve been successful with choosing their own partners over the years?

It was only recently that I became aware of just how popular “Match Making” had become. I had been working with a female client of mine on improving the effectiveness of her ability to convert dates into second, third, and fourth dates; eventually leading to guys asking her to enter committed partnerships. During this she revealed to me that just before hiring me she was consulting with a few match making agencies to pair her up with gentlemen in New York City. I initially joked about the idea until I did some research and found out just how big the market was. The problem I discovered however, was that the agencies weren’t effective at getting to know the people they were matching on a spiritual level. They were just looking at income, education, and surface level characteristics that for the most part were hit or miss. Since I had been getting to know my client over the past couple months, I decided that I could do a much better job at scouting and pairing her up on dates with men that matched all the attributes she wanted, the characteristics she was looking for, and the deep intangibles that women need to be content and satisfied in their relationships.

Often times women assume that just because a man is on her level from an educational and financial standpoint that the men are also on their level when it comes to developing, maintaining, and generating attraction. How many women out there have gone on date after date with men who were everything they could want “on paper” that they just didn’t feel anything for halfway into the date? I bet this is the case for most of you. Every woman I have ever worked with has told me this story over and over again. The truth is, a mans ability to remember what is in his school books and master whatever field he is in has nothing to do with his ability to generate attraction . Just as there are people that can tell you everything about history, and nothing about math, there are people that can tell you everything about almost anything, that don’t know a thing about dating, love, and generating attraction.

Because we feel it, we all think we get this thing called love, but the fact is most of us has never been taught how it works. We see it in television, movies, plays etc, but it never seems to translate into real life. The movie love is false, and not even that last more than two hours – which is about the length of many peoples first and only date. Women especially think they’re good at generating attraction, and while most admittedly are good at that in the beginning, few are good at maintaining that attraction over a long period of time.

It’s only recently that we began to marry for “Love”. Traditionally marriage had a greater purpose. We can’t debate the fact that “Love” is a feeling, and feelings go up and go down. Therefore building a marriage off of a foundation of “love” isn’t very reliable. It would be like building a house on a giant see-saw; and this is what we have today.

The current divorce rate is in the USA is at about 53%. The divorce rate in other western based “marry for love” countries like Spain and Portugal are at 60%, and Belgium being as high as 70%. Meaning that in countries marrying for “love” you can flip a coin and it could predict whether or not your marriage actually has a chance at standing the test of time.

India, a country home to many arranged marriages has a divorce rate that is projected to be from 1-15%. With several cities in india having a divorce rate as low as 4%. Now we can make a million arguments for why we believe that is the case, but the one thing that can not be denied is the numbers. Men lie, women lie, and numbers don’t. The fact of the matter is, their marriages are lasting, and despite how much more forward thinking we assume we are than them we’re not making it work. For us marriage is a 50-50 shot, for them marriage has a 95% chance of lasting. I’m not going to go so far as to say they’re doing everything right, but I think it would foolish to not admit that there are things we can learn from them.

A common argument thrown around is that the women in india are treated differently than women are treated here. There’s talks about the violence in india and violence against women. And in no way am I denying the existent of this, I’m just not so sure that as Americans we can put ourselves on some moral high ground to look down on them. Lets look at these numbers:

America has 4 times more people using drugs than india, a murder rate that is twice as high as india, 1500% more rapes than india, 700% more total crimes, and it keeps going. You can check all of that research here.

We can even look at the “reported” domestic violence, there are 300,000 domestic violence cases reported a year in India versus the 10,000,000 reported in the US. Thats a little over 3000% percent more here than over there. And did I mention that India has a population 400% higher than ours? Now I’m not going to deny that many unreported domestic violences cases do occur both in the USA and in India, but for the numbers to be matched considering the population difference there would have to be a total 12,000% more unreported domestic violence cases over here and thats just to match our “reported cases” . The number goes up even more when you consider the USA reported cases combined with the unreported ones. But, even if ours were slightly lower, can a man thats killed three people, look down on, and judge a man thats killed five?

I only say all of this to say that even if our rapes and domestic violence cases in the USA were on par with india – which they aren’t, ours clearly being significantly higher, but even if they were – Their “arranged” marriage success rate is still leaps and bounds above our “marry whoever you love” success rate. And did you know that arranged and self marriage couples show little to no difference in overall martial satisfaction?

There was a research study conducted in which they took ten random women, then ten random men, and had them sit with each other in a room for nine hours reading each other love poems, and telling each other they loved each over and over again. After the nine hours, 4 of the 10 couples had decided to get married. And what they discovered was love wasn’t this “magical” thing that hollywood makes it out to be. Love is just one of the strongest emotions, and those emotions can be generated at random depending on a varying degree of variables.

In my personal opinion it takes a village to nurture a healthy marriage just as it takes a village to raise a child. We live in a culture in which moving from relationship to relationship is the norm. And not just that, we’re constantly reminded of celebrity break ups and divorce through the media. Many of our parents got divorced if they got married at all. Not to mention the amount of options we’re constantly reminded that we have today; the popularity of online dating can accept some responsibility there.

If a man and woman that lived on a small farm in an extremely small town without cell phones or internet got married do you think they would break up over a big argument? Probably not, because their chances of meeting someone else that they would be both attracted to and have compatibility with would be slim to none. Now if those same two people lived in a mega city like right here in New York it’s much easier to break up. Not only are our dating apps full of millions of men and women looking to date, but there is an attractive man and woman walking up the street every ten minutes. There are clubs, bars, and cafes full of interesting single attractive people that could all potentially be your next “high” – your next hit of the chemical “love”.

We need a culture that enforces staying together and working it out even when you may not exactly “feel it” the way you did before. Most people still get up and go to work everyday even when they don’t “feel it”, because they value the importance of making money over their feelings. So why don’t we value the importance of developing structured healthy marriages and families as much as we do money? Feelings can be recreated upon proper stimuli, and if we put less energy into “giving up” and more energy into “working it out” we could quickly realize this. You only need to do a little research to discover the many benefits that marriage has on the maintenance on a quality society.

I posted those divorce statistics but imagine if I had access to some statistic that told me the percentage of regular everyday relationships that had long term success. It’s obvious that those numbers would be far more dramatic.

For all of these reasons I decided to begin doing matchmaking for my female clients. I would do it for my male clients too if they actually came to me to find a consistent relationship. Most men of the men are looking to widen their options because they don’t have access to the same level of options that women do. Most of the time they have to pursue; women on the other end are the pursued.

I begin my process going out during the day and during the evening gathering men that fit the profile that women are looking for. I then meet with them for lunch, dinner, or coffee to interview and screen them for the qualities and attributes the women that hire me are looking for. But most importantly, I’m checking to see if they have the deep rooted alpha intangibles that women love, but just can’t put their fingers on. When I believe I have a match I communicate with them both to make suggestions on how they should handle the date to maximize their chance of a successful encounter. I then set the date, stand back, and let the magic happen from there. If requested, one more date is organized by me personally, I think act as a mediator between the two to keep things on track until it becomes self sustaining.

I don’t write this to say that everyone woman needs a matchmaker, but if you find yourself picking the wrong person far more than you find yourself picking the right person, why not allow someone thats knows what to look for pick for you? You ultimately get the choice on whether or not you drink the water, I just bring you to the lake. Email me now at EddieFews@Gmail.com for any inquiry.

I appreciate your time.

Peace & Love


For One on One Live Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com – ask about my free 15 minute consultation.

Buy My Book: The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ by Clicking Here 

How To Become The Woman A Man Needs

So I was recently hired by a highly attractive educated young woman to begin working with her on improving her dating life success. Her, unlike most with her credentials, physical appeal, and youth had decided that enough was enough, and that she was ready for change. She was only thirty years old, had graduated from one of the top ten schools in the country, had her masters, and is damn near making six figures a year doing marketing with a fortune 500 company right here in New York City. Her problem you ask? She somehow couldn’t manage to get a guy to commit to her for any thing other then a long-term friends with benefits situationship. And I do mean long term. She had had one for two years, another for three, and even one that stretched as long as six years that only ended recently after he proposed to, and married his best friend who he had been crushing on all along. So for the life of her, she wondered what she was doing wrong. You see, she wasn’t a bad woman at all. She had kept all of these men coming around for years and years, so there was obviously something about her that they couldn’t so easily let go of. So what was it? Why wouldn’t they commit to her in the way she wanted? This all had led us into a deeper conversation, an as she revealed some things about herself to me, I had encouraged her to do what I refer to as an “honesty exercise” on FaceTime with this new guy that was set to take her on a first date later on in the week.

She told the guy she would like to FaceTime, he agreed, and then he reported back to her the next morning to inform her that he had ‘fallen asleep before he could FaceTime, but that he would prefer to meet in person anyway so i didn’t matter much’. Her response? “ Okay That Works! 🙂 Saturday?” .. And thats when I realized what part of the problem she was having was. She was just too easy. Instead of committing to the exercise that I suggested she did, she allowed the guy of interest to side step it, and pull her right back into doing what it is he wanted without her putting up any resistance. It’s kind of like a girl saying “ I’m saving myself for marriage” on the first date and then the moment a guy says “ Nah. i’d prefer to have sex tonight” , she responds “Okay thats fine”. Wheres the backbone? No Resistance or challenge at all? You know the move women do even when they know they’re going to have sex with you, when they move your hand the first few times you reach for there erogenous zones, just so they don’t come across as too easy.. Not even a verbal one of those? I have no doubt that if this guy has any skill with women, the moment he saw her response he immediately concluded that he would probably be able to sleep with her on the first night.

She asked me what should she have done and I told her she should of busted his balls. I told her it is your job a female companion to bust a mans balls anytime he deviates from his masculinity. It’s the only thing thats going to make him feel like you in fact, have the potential to make him better. Staying true to our word, and doing what we said we would do is a standard that men are held to. A man cannot be a leader if he’s indecisive, doesn’t know what he wants, and his word cannot be relied upon.  Whether he knows it consciously or not a man wants a woman that helps snap him back into position when he falls short of his highest masculine nature. I told her any response such as “ So you didn’t do what you said you would, and now you want me to do what you want? I don’t know mister 😛 “ would of have been sufficient. She kicked herself a bit and told me that she was just nervous that she would come across “bitchy” if she didn’t just go with it. I informed her that when a woman is that easy all she’ll do is weaken a guy over time. It’s like a mother that feeds a child candy every time they ask. It’ll make them happy in the moment, but then what happens in the future? So that behavior is an ego boost for men, and we all know men connect ourselves to women that stroke our egos, but what exactly does an ego boost that isn’t deserved do to a man over time? It destroys him. It dulls his blade. It convinces him that the shell of himself that he is currently being is someone good. Men are programed to pass on our seeds, and most of us won’t become much more than we have to become to successfully do that. That’s what success is to a man biologically; successfully being able to spread your seed as much as possible. This is why the majority of men who go around laying pipe every where don’t really do well in life. (Another reason most of our favorite musicians fall off after getting mainstream successful if they’re unmarried) . You ever hear a woman say ” broke men are the best in bed” ? The success of spreading their seed is convincing their biology that they’re already successful. So the motivation to exceed beyond that is non existent. On a biological level this is the case, but a spiritual level men in tune with themselves know something different. We understand that an overly easy going woman will dull our blade, and we subconsciously resent them for it.

Thats what a side chick is for. The reason a man seeks out a side chick, or a “friends with benefits” is so that we have a woman that carelessly pumps our ego so that we feel “good enough” to deal with our wife, or the woman we actually want to be our wives. She boosts our morale and a self esteem, but she doesn’t actually do anything to boost us beyond that. Our wives on the other hand are holding us to the standard of what they know our potential is. The side chicks are the women on the sideline, the cheerleaders, the screaming fan. The wife is that mirror we have to look into at the end of the day when its all said and done. And what would happen to you if you suddenly could no longer gain access to a mirror? You could think you look good all you like, and feel good because of it , but would you actually look good? And until a woman, your wife, or a mirror revealed to you what you actually look like, you could be living a long life of disillusion.

It is important that a wife learns to be both however, lest their man will begin looking for that side chick. Someone to boost his morale, while his wife challenges him to be better. If you could be a mans biggest fan, and his mirror perhaps he would be slower to seek it out else where. But all in all, if he could only choose one, as I told my client, a man wants his woman to be a blade sharpener. Which is why a man almost never leaves his wife for his side chick. He wants to slice through the world as his woman sharpens his blade. My client was just being another portion of the world that men were slicing through. She wasn’t doing anything to make them better at slicing, or to strengthen their blade. Eventually that mans blade would hit a wall that was too thick from him to slice through because he was being convinced that he was sharp enough already, but he was not actually prepared for what was ahead. She was an amazing side chick; probably one of the best, and this was confirmed after she revealed that several of her situationships led to the guys getting married or being in happy long term relationships after her.

The woman a man needs prepares him for the world ahead. I’ve heard story after story of a woman that supported her man entirely after he lost his job, supported him in his depression, only to have him leave her for another woman once he got back onto his feet. But the support they were offering wasn’t the support these mens spirits were actually longing for. They were giving the “ i’m here for you no matter what. Just take your time to figure yourself out” kind of support, but his spirit was looking for that “ I’m here for you, but I’ll have to leave you if you don’t eventually get your shit together” kind of support. Only one of those was actually going to boost him to do something. I’ve told the story a million times of the woman I know who worked a second job and gave all of the money to her boyfriend, and bought him books, until he figured out what he was going to do with his life who’s now happily married to him and wealthy 18 years later. But the difference between her man and most men is the guy she was with wasn’t lazy, unmotivated, nor was he bum. He was selling drugs at a high level, and getting money the only way he knew how. He just didn’t know any other way, so she asked an already ambitious man to stay at home, while she worked until he figured out a way to redirect his ambition. If he went back to the streets during this time, she was going to leave him, she said it. She wasn’t just taking shit; she was taking some, but she was offering true spiritual support. He sat at home, doing nothing but reading for a whole year while his girlfriend worked a second job an gave him all the money, before he become the multi-millionaire he is today.

Now this isn’t some call for women to no longer remain with the guy you’re currently with. It’s a group effort; I’d suggest that if your man isn’t currently being the man you would like him to be then it could be possible that you’re failing as his companion. Especially if he was once a sharp motivated man when you met him that has somehow lost his way. Did you dull his blade? Why isn’t he sharp? What happen to his motivation? And what true spiritual support have you offered him to try to change that? I would encourage all women to remain with a man thats being honest, upright, and treating you with respect. There isn’t an “I” in team, so if your man isn’t being all he could be, it is possible that you may not be being all that you can be to him. Or that you’re not acting as a source of support and motivation thats encouraging him to become more.

In closing,

This isn’t all the pieces to the puzzle of becoming the woman that a man needs, this is just one vital portion that I discovered my client was lacking. This is the edges of the puzzle if you will. Her and I will be completing the puzzle over time as we’ll continue our work. Once you become the woman you’re man needs, once you sharpen his blade, and become his mirror that both highlights his beauty and reveals to him his true self a man will be happy be the man to you and to the world that you’ve been wanting him to the entire time.

Thanks For Reading.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com

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How To Know If A Man Really Loves You

If there is one thing I’ve learned on my journey of coaching both men and women in this field, it’s that women put a whole lot more stock into the things guys say than we do.

As men we enjoy getting positive reactions from women and so we can find ourselves being loose with our tongues vainly trying to give a woman good feelings and make her smile.

However, these aren’t things that we actually connect with in the way that women do . Early on in a woman’s dating life they take our words seriously, and after many let downs they can find themselves in a space in which they just don’t believe what men say anymore.

I know a number of women that have said that all men to them are “guilty” as  liars until proven innocent. That they pretty much nod “uh huh” to themselves while men offer words of affection. And the truth of the matter is they are 100% right for doing this.

We’ve all heard the expression that actions speak louder than words. And as a result of this I tell all the women I coach and work with to receive a man saying, “ I love you” as just a compliment – no different than him saying ,“ I like your hair” until his actions say different. A man saying, “ I love you”, to a woman does not mean that he wants to be with her. All it really means is that you are giving him good feelings and emotions in this moment and so he’s expressing that to you.

A great movie gives him good feelings too, but that doesn’t mean he wants to watch that movie and that movie only for the rest of his life. This is where women get it confused, because they don’t operate like this.

Women feel deeper than we do, and they usually take the time out to consider their feelings and analyze their feelings much more than we do. So when a woman says ,“ I love you”, it has more of a meaning to her. She’s often thought about it, has reasons that she respects you whether she can explain them or not, and has decided to put her trust in you. So naturally, women- on some level- think early on in their dating lives that when we talk love, it is after careful consideration, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

What many of us don’t understand is that “love” is a feeling just like anger is a feeling. It’s an explosion of oxytocin, dopamine, and other hormones in the body that are being released into the blood stream due to the stimuli we are dealing with. So, a mans interpretation of love is often ,“ I feel these hormones and I am expressing them”, but this is surface level infatuation – not love. This is not the way an emotionally mature woman interprets love.

As men we have to be mindful of this, and we have to become conquerers of these hormonal explosions. We often do this with fear and anger, but do so with love as much. Just as we don’t allow irrational fears to hold us back, nor do we react to our anger every time we feel it, we shouldn’t react to love every time it is felt either.

It takes time to know you love a woman. You can only know you love a woman by her consistently keeping up with the behaviors that produce feelings of “love” over time. Anyone can be consistent for a month or two, but can they keep making mental, spiritual, and physical contributions to that “love” over a long period of time? That’s the test, that’s how you know there is any merit or reason you should accept the “feeling” of the love.

For the women who find themselves confused on whether or not a man loves you i’ll provide a break down. I do this because many women are in relationships with men who are abusing them whether physically or emotionally in the name of love. Other women allow a man’s expression of “love” to be the reason they remain attached to a relationship that they shouldn’t be attached to.

When you consider whether or not a man loves you, you must first ask yourself two questions.  First, what else does he love that isn’t you? Get a pen and a paper and make a list of all of  the things he has expressed love for. And now ask yourself,“ How much of what he loves does he share with me?” For example if a man really loves his mother, and has expressed that, have you met his mother? Have you spoken to her? How much of his mother has he shared with you? If a man really loves his car, see if he’ll let you drive his car.

The second  question and most important one is, “What does he have the least of?”, and how much of that does he share with you? Grab a pen and a paper and make a list of everything he doesn’t have much of and ask yourself how much of that does he share. Let’s say the guy you’re with doesn’t have a lot of money. How much of the money that he does have, is  he willing share with you?

Any billionaire can spend money on a woman and it’s meaningless to him because he has so much. It’s no big deal to throw some money away and proclaim love due to it. Now let’s take that same billionaire and let’s say he doesn’t have a lot of “free time”. How much of his free time does he give you? And if he really loves you, how much of his “used up” time does he allow you to become a part of?  Does he bring you along during times in which he would normally be alone?

This is how you use a man’s actions to determine if he’s truly connected to the emotions that he’s expressing. If these two aspects aren’t in place then his love is nothing more than a compliment. And you must treat it that way. That is the only way he’ll take bigger and wider steps to expressing that love in action.

He must see that that love just being expressed by his word is not good enough for you. And this doesn’t just go for the word “love”, this goes for “like”, him saying he’s “interested” and anything else. Those two questions are still relevant, just to a lesser degree.

This is how women save themselves from the dreaded “fuck boys” they are complaining about today. And let’s not just blame them, you women have to keep your own emotions in check just as well. Most men do believe themselves when they start expressing a genuine interest in you. They’re confused by their own feelings that changes later when they realized that it wasn’t “love” or “like” the way they initially thought it was love and like. It was a passing phase of hormones into the blood stream that are gone now that they have had their experience with you. But, when a guy shares what he loves with you, and shares what he has the least of with you, he will become invested into you and connected to you on a level deeper than words. You become wired into the fabric of his being; and that is what you want.

Guys only cast women to the side that they don’t have stock in. When there is no stock, there is no expected return of investment. When there is no expected return of investment, they don’t make any effort toward getting that return. They give what they don’t need, and then move on when they’re done. When a man gives you things that he values he finds it hard to let you just “walk away”, and then becomes emotionally invested in making sure you don’t walk away. He must share with you the things that he loves and then things that he has the least of to develop that burning desire to want to work to keep you around.  When held to that standard the men not for you will blow themselves out of your life before you even begin to get emotionally invested.

If you’re a man or woman that needs help with your relationship  Click Here to send me an email. Thanks For Reading.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Live Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com – ask about my free 15 minute consultation.

Buy My Book: ‘The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Now by Clicking Here