Getting A Man Who’s “Not Ready” To Settle Down

Although most of my material is directed at men, I do always make a point to throw an article up to help out the ladies too every now and then. This topic in particular is one that I get asked a lot, and while I agree with most people who suggest not even bothering with a man who’s not ready to settle down unless “no strings attached” is what you want – I can’t ignore the fact that it is possible to get a man to settle down who thought he wasn’t ready. That is, until he met you.

I’ve seen it happen many times. Not only have I coached women specifically in this area, but I have also coached heart broken men on Getting back with the women they initially didn’t “want to settle down with” after she broke their hearts. This isn’t for the “on to the next one” types, if you’ve made it to that place more power to you. Some women just find themselves in situations where it’s not as easy done as it is said to “walk away” or “move on”. For them it’s too late; they’re already in it, and it’s going to take an emotional tug of war to get out of it. Other women have met a highly successful guy that marrying or being with is beneficial to them, and so they find it better to work it out than to walk away.  I’m speaking about high value men here that have choice with women by the way. These are usually the only types that find themselves at a state in which they’re “unwilling to settle down” anyway. So for you ladies, this is, “Getting A Man Who’s Not Ready To Settle Down”

First we need an understanding of how male emotional attachments work. I’ve taught this before, and I’ll post the link HERE if you want to get deeper into it – but, men develop emotional attachments when they invest. The more they invest into you, the higher the chances they’re going to develop an emotional attachment to you. This is one reason some women that allow a man to take them out on an expensive upscale dinner date or vacation end up with a stalker on their hands after deciding they don’t want to deal with the guy shortly after. The guy invested, received none of the cooperation he hoped for from the investment, and developed an strong emotional attachment because of it. One reason the “Netflix & Chill” culture has gotten so popular for men today is because men as a whole are unwilling to invest as much as men of old did – for many reasons we would need more time to discuss. However, that unwillingness to invest is men subconsciously protecting themselves from developing attachments. No investment, means no attachment. And let me just say, investments aren’t necessarily money. Investments from a man can be many things. Things like time, energy, effort, and money. In fact, the more of something a guy has the less he will consider it an “investment” subconsciously. A billionaire spending money on you doesn’t create emotions right away because he has so much money. But if that same billionaire had little free time, and started giving you that free time and even some of his “work time” then that would be a huge investment to him subconsciously

Let me also just add, that there are girls that manage to Netflix & Chill their way into a relationship through getting a man to invest by these other means. Men started to Netflix & Chill because showering, getting dressed, looking for a destination for a date, traveling to get to the date, spending money on the date(even if it’s just for him), walking with you after the date or during, etc. just to find out that he doesn’t even like a girl, takes time, money, and energy. That energy, if invested creates small levels of attachment that lead to men feeling duped and disappointed if nothing comes out of it. And because of how men are wired they grow tired of this process after the disappointment occurs too many times.

So how exactly is it done?

I’m going to defer to a man by the name of Dante Nero who does a podcast called the Beige Philip Podcast – A branch off of the great Patrice O’Neals ‘Black Philip’ Podcast after he passed.

I’ll call it The Jelly Bean Theory. I’ve always taught this concept to women in my own way, but Dante nailed it with this analogy.

The Jelly Bean Theory basically states that, in the heads of every unwilling to settle down man, he gives each woman he meets a giant empty glass jar. In the jar goes the jelly beans he fills it with whenever the woman he’s dealing with does something he finds pleasing. For example: if she buys him a cute little gift tailored to one of his needs, the man throws 15 jelly beans into the jar. She makes him a meal – 20 jelly beans in the jar, good sex – 10 jelly beans in the jar, shows him love affection – 5 jelly beans in the jar, massages his ego – more jelly beans, and so forth. Whatever is valuable to him is how he’ll add jelly beans to the jars of the women he’s dealing with. On the other end of this however, everything the woman does that he finds disrespectful like – bitching at him, nagging him, overly pressuring him to be exclusive etc. is 50 jelly beans out of the jar. Three positives can get you fifty jelly beans, but one negative can cause you to lose fifty. We can see this in the example of trust – it taking years to build, but only seconds to break.

So this trick here is to fill your jelly bean jar all the way up to the top, until it’s over flowing with jelly beans. And once you know for a fact that your jelly bean is full because you’ve treated him well and haven’t nagged, complained, and gotten into a lot of petty arguments with him – YOU WALK THE **** AWAY.

You call him up one evening and you say something in an extremely loving tone – massaging the hell out of his ego like “ Hey baby, I was just calling to let you know that I love you and that you mean the world to me, and that I want to do anything and everything for you, but I’m not going to be able to continue this relationship. You see, you’re an amazing man and I know you’re not ready to settle down, and as much as I love being with you because, you’re so great, I need to find someone to commit to me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, because I want to stay with you, but I can’t, I just can’t. I’m sorry.  I Am so sorry“ – And then you hang up. If he calls you back, you don’t answer. You let him call and call for that first day.

You let him think.

Because by now he’s losing it. You’re about to walk away with all of his jelly beans. None of his other girls if he has any, have any jelly beans. He may have one girl with 20, another with 60, but they all eventually lose them because they’re not disciplined enough to show restraint when it comes to buckling down and suppressing their need to vent the frustration with the conditions of the relationship. But you, you just walked away with a thousand of his jelly beans, and he needs to get them back. And he will do almost anything to get them back.

This is where the tables turn and you start getting him to invest. Now you get your own jelly bean jar for him in your head and YOU start filling it with jelly beans. You become the one he starts doing all the good things to get back with so that he can subconsciously get the jelly beans he gave you back from you. However, by the time he does, you guys both have two full jars of jelly beans and the playing field is now leveled. Unfortunately, most women don’t look at the guy the same after this ,and usually end up walking away and breaking the guys heart. So be mindful of this before using it. But, if you come across the right high value man, it may actually be worth sticking around.

I can help you fully execute this process; just email me at – I overviewed this concept as best as I could in a short article, but there are a lot of intricacies that some need help with throughout the process. For example “ Knowing when your jelly bean jar is full, creative ways to add to the jar, knowing when to finally pick up when he comes calling, and more”. And if you’re a guy that’s been through this process I’m here for you too, to show you how to get your jelly beans back. Many women have used this method subconsciously without knowing and got the same results. I bet some of you can think of a time in your life where you implemented this in certain ways and had guys calling for their beans. It happens all the time knowingly or unknowingly, but you can consciously control the process. Anyway, thank you guys for reading as always, and be very careful and considerate with this.

Much Love

Eddie Fews

For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email:

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11 thoughts on “Getting A Man Who’s “Not Ready” To Settle Down

  1. I’m smiling so hard because I love this. I haven’t heard it explained like this, but I’ve used it many times. It works girls!

  2. Great Job.. I really enjoyed this. Laughing at the whole Jelly Bean part, but I get it. Thank you. I Appreciate your passion and creativity.

  3. a.) I don’t think I would put jelly beans (effort) into a man who wasn’t ready to settle down. I don’t need to be on a marriage track ASAP but if he doesn’t see that in his future then why chase him?

    b.) I have only put effort with 2 men and both of them I broke it off with them before we became serious. I married one and the second one proposed.

    So apparently that does work 😂😂😂. Honestly I never knew this was a thing.

    1. Lol I agree with point number one however, some women find themselves in contact with a serious “winner” and want to lock it down, because they don’t come across real winners that are available often. Most of them are either already locked down and/or the women they meet don’t know how to get them consider a more stable lifestyle.

    2. This article is extremely well written and contains valuable for the average woman living in the Western world and any woman who is dating. You have a gift Eddie that no doubt should be spread to the world.

      Meanwhile I agree with Chrissy that it is best to start out with a man who wants commitment. I noticed this theme in movies of long term relationships starting from one night stands and while I am sure it happens how common is that? And what quality of people are involved?

      Meanwhile I have met women & men who are very attractive and celibate until they find a woman they want as a serious partner with whom they want to share and build with energetically as well as tangibly .

      The reality is that we live in a time where via social engineering women have been devalued and the focus is purely the material. The male -created femenist movement has generated more benefit to men than women

      Women are sooo “free” since now they work, now they suppport themselves, support men financially and meanwhile are expected to give their mind body and spirit to men who are often placing them in rotation.

      The femenist movemend seperated
      From the home, out of the family structure and so in that sense she became cheapened and the family life degraded.

      Now a woman has to work incredibly hard to have what used to be a given – marriage and commitment and the time to raise a good family.

      Of course there are some who have not lost this within believing communities of various faiths.

      In light of this..I think that those of us who believe in such values must be more vocal in using our influence to reducate people away from mainstream philosophy and thinking that harms the soul and the society at large.

      Imagine if more MEN spoke on the benefits of commitment to the right woman and on being the right MAN and KING to attract this woman. And meanwhile using masculine energy to encourage the femenine toward the true attributes of Queen that any man would long to claim.

      And then to bring them together on elevated principles that would be nurturing and life giving.

      That would be something.

    1. Not sure i understand entirely what you mean.. If you mean what I think you mean, it’s not so much about a “game”. It’s about positioning yourself to be viewed as valuable as you see yourself. Men unwilling to settle down don’t see the value in settling down with a woman. When they feel like theres something to “Lose” that can change.

  4. Very interesting article. I totally understand the Jelly Bean concept. And I agree that you have to be careful doing that. I’m going to share this article with a friend of mine. This will help her with what she’s going through.

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