Dear Femininity, Men Want You Back

My last article was on the subject of men and women holding each other to higher standards, so we can each begin to improve the quality of ourselves, each other, and the quality of mates we’re attracting into our lives.

I had received a great deal of emails from women thanking me for giving them hope, saying things like “Thank you, I now know that it’s okay not to settle for less than what I deserve”. And while I agree with them, I can’t help but notice a common theme amongst the women of the 21st century.

You ready for it?

I find that many women lack the feminine version of the qualities that they desire in a man; and also, their desire to be liked for the same reasons that they like a man. The high-majority of women who I speak with day to day, are completely out of touch with what it is that attract men, and what it is that men desire. And so they are continually frustrated, because we as men are not attracted to them for the same reasons that they are attracted to us.

For example:

I meet a lot of these successful independent women who say things like “I have my Master’s degree, I make over $100,000 dollars a year, I can fend for myself, why can’t I find a decent man?” And what these women don’t realize is that men are not biologically programmed to look at a woman for what she can provide. So the amount of money a woman makes a year means absolutely nothing to the biological reasons that men find women attractive. I would even go so far as to say that any man who is looking to a woman for what she can provide isn’t a man. That’s not how “men” are wired. Women are biologically programmed to look at a man for what he can provide, the same way they look toward a man biologically as a figure of protection. Real men (in my dame dash voice) do not operate this way. A man should not look for his woman to protect him. Imagine a man saying to a group of his friends “Yo… I love my girl man. Last night she killed a big ass spider for me. I was scared as shit. I screamed and she just jumped up and killed it. She’s dope“.

Ladies… what would you do if there was an intruder in the home and your man hid underneath the bed and asked you if you could go out and deal with it? You would probably lose every nanobyte of respect and attraction for that man. Why does that happen? Because biologically you are wired to look to a man as a figure of strength who could protect you if he could.

Ever go on a date with a man who just doesn’t make you feel “safe”? Were you attracted to that man? Of course not.

So why is it that women get into this habit of expecting us to like them for the same reasons that they like us?

I’ll have a woman say something like “Eddie… I love you” and I will genuinely say “thank you” in appreciation that she has expressed herself to me in such a way, and do you know what she’ll say?  “Why didn’t you say that you loved me too?” I’ll say “Why do you love me?” She’ll usually say something like “because you’re so funny, wise, and insightful”. I’ll respond genuinely “So why should I love you ‘too’ because I’m funny, wise and insightful? You saying that you love me right now is predicated upon how you feel in this moment. Why do you expect me to love you in this moment the same way you love me, when you’re not doing the same things I am doing in this moment to be loved?”

The problem is, many women I speak with have completely lost touch with what it is that men want and find attractive. With all of the studying they do on men, they still somehow can’t wrap their head around this concept.

So I wrote this piece as a call to women to begin checking whether or not they are the feminine version of that which a man is looking for.

If I make a $100,000 a year and you make $100,000 a year, and one of the reasons you “like me” is because I do decent financially, and I would be able to provide for you if I had too, that doesn’t mean that I am suppose to like you equally for making the hundred thousand dollars.

I say this because, I am not programmed biologically to like you for your ability to provide. We are not equal in terms of attraction in that regard. My $100,000 means something to you biologically – something to the core of your nature. But, your $100,000 means absolutely nothing to me biologically – nothing to the core of my nature. Financial security has nothing to do with the core reasons that I feel attraction for a woman.

A man will approach the girl coming out of McDonalds, with the same type of intensity and desire as the woman walking down Wall Street. If she possesses and has developed/cultivated the qualities that attract him biologically, the money that she makes doesn’t mean a thing.

I want to repeat this again… Any man who feels attraction for you because of how well you do financially is NOT a man. And you will find yourself not attracted to him, and at constant war with him after the honeymoon phase.  The man that you want, if you are in tune with your femininity, is the man that will hold you to the standards of what attracts him biologically.

So I agree that a woman should hold the men to the standard of being able to provide if necessary, and a man should hold women to the standard of being that which he finds attractive – which I’ll get into in a second.

This is not some outdated way of thinking… this is our nature. This is what has allowed us to function for thousands of years in harmony. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the world is currently being destroyed at alarming rates, and the natural fabric of how a man and woman function naturally together is also being destroyed. I believe these extremely high divorce rates, lack of couples getting married, and just unhappy relationships in general, are all a product of this confusion. And each gender is pointing the finger at the other without us realizing what the problem actually is. We are being socially conditioned away from out nature and it is destroying the reasons that we come together.

I now ask the reader… “How many people do you know that you can legit say are in a healthy and happy relationship?”

It’s gotten so bad that break up and divorces have become the norm. We almost expect it now. How often do you expect your guy and girl friends’ boyfriend/girlfriends to stay together? I find many people counting the seconds until it’s over. I know that when I was in high school and the girl I crushed on got into a relationship, I knew it was only a matter of time before I got my shot.

So what is it that men want? Now just as being able to “provide” and being able to “protect” is just two of the many aspects that women are naturally programmed to look for in a man, I will provide two of the many aspects that men are programmed to look for in a woman. For more aspects feel free to send me an email and I can speak with you on this.

1. The Visual – Most women have a difficult time wrapping their heads around this because they believe that they are visual too. And they’re not. At least not in the way that men are visual. For an example of the difference you can watch the videos below:

The Men:

The Women:

The videos show the difference in the male versus the female reaction to being catfished. In the first video men speak with a woman on tinder who’s, fit and slender, but when she appears on the date she is about 100 pounds heavier than she was in the photo. The same thing happens in the second video; but this time its women meeting up with a guy they thought was in shape, but turns out to be 100 pounds heavier than his photo.

In this video, the women are all a lot more open to giving the overweight “deceiver” a chance than the men are to giving the overweight deceiving woman a chance. The men in the video are practically incapable of functioning. They just can’t handle or look beyond the visual. They ask no further questions, they’re completely uncomfortable and can see nothing else. The women on the other hand are open to see who this guy is, why he may have lied, and if he is someone they can at least be friends with. Someone they can possibly encourage or help. The men… well they took off running.

Now why do you think this is? If you read the comments on the video you will see that a lot of women were offended that the men didn’t respond in the fashion in which they would have responded. Which completely breaks down the reason why I am writing this piece. Men are not attracted to and/or open to women for the same reasons that women are attracted to and/or open to men. 

Let’s take Cleopatra for example: it is said that the key to Cleopatra’s consistent ability to seduce some of the most powerful men in the world in that time, is because of her understanding of the male visual. She would completely seduce and dazzle the men of that time with the visual; Robert Greens “The Art of Seduction” even quotes:

“Only one image of Cleopatra survives – A barley visible profile on a coin, but we have numerous written descriptions. She had a long thin face and a somewhat pointed nose; her dominate features were her wonderfully large eyes. Her seductive power however, did not lie in her looks – indeed many among the women of Alexandria were considerately more beautiful than she. What she did have above all women was the ability to distract a man. In reality, Cleopatra was physically unexceptional and had no political power, yet both Caesar and Mark Anthony, brave and clever men saw none of this. What they saw was a woman who constantly transformed herself before their eyes, a one-woman spectacle. Her dress and make up changed from day to day, but always gave her a heightened goddess like appearance […] by the time your head lay on the pillow beside her, your mind was spinning with images and dreams […] you never possessed Cleopatra, you worshiped her […] From Cleopatra we learn that it is not beauty that makes a seductress/siren, but rather a theatrical streak that allows a woman to embody a man’s fantasies […] A man is easily deceived by appearances ; he has weakness for the visual. Create the physical presence of a siren (heightened sexual allure mixed with a regal and theatrical manner) and he is trapped. He cannot grow bored with you yet he cannot discard you. Keep up the distractions and never let him see who you really are. He will follow you until he drowns. “

Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar are both men that could have had access to the most attractive women of all kinds and creeds across the entire planet. But it was Cleopatra, “A woman that had been exiled from Egypt” with the understanding of the male visual that gave her access to the most powerful men the world had to offer. These men even neglected their responsibility and duties within their own country to remain with her in Egypt. Mark Anthony had even known all about how she had seduced Caesar and brought down his kingdom and he still found himself unable to resist her. Think about that… (I’d encourage any woman further interested in this topic to look up the book “The Art of Seduction” and the chapter titled “The Siren” which is the first chapter of the book)

2. The Desire to Feel Powerful – I spoke about this in my Go Pro radio interview  a bit more extensively, but to paraphrase… All men have this innate desire to feel as if they are kings of the earth. To Feel Powerful. The more testosterone the male has, the stronger his desire for this. It is what drives a man to want the most attractive woman to parade around and show off, and it is what drives him to want to make the most money. It is a symbol to other men that he is the most dominant and powerful one of them all. All masculine mammals in nature have this battle. There is always one male that has to rise to be the Alpha male of the group. It is even said that in some species of male animals just 5% of the males produce 95% of the children of that species. Imagine if humans were like that? Well… I can’t say that we’re that much different. I’ve heard that 20% of the men sleep with 80% of the women. There is a masculine desire within each of us to want to dominate and conquer as much as we can. Testosterone even works as an agent to nullify oxytocin which will prevent a man from developing a chemical/emotional bond with the women he has sex with. This is why men can be so detached after sex – especially around a woman whose only way to make a man feel powerful was through the opening of her legs. Once he’s conquered what far too many women hold onto as if it’s some golden ticket that no one else has but them, he will be off to the next conquest. Unless however, a woman comes to terms with the principles that will keep the guy around.

I’ve found that far too many women remain quiet. A man wants to know when he is and how he is affecting you. He needs you to express yourself without the fear that he may or may not be feeling the same.

A woman will text a guy something like “Do you miss me? “ – Which really means she misses him, but she’s not comfortable saying so unless she is sure he feels the same. This is anti-seductive; had she had the self-esteem and confidence to be transparent and just say something like “I miss you. You make me feel so tingly on the inside, I don’t know what to do” she would be sub-communicating to the man that he is powerful. He has the ability to make her miss him and feel tingly.

One of the main reasons why a man likes to have sex is not because of the fifteen second orgasm that he gets when it’s over. It is the moaning, the groaning, and the scratching from his woman that he desires, because that is a sign to him that he is powerful. Having the ability to make a woman moan, groan, and scratch. This is why you can search the internet and find men obsessed over how to please their woman. It is not just to make a woman orgasm, but so that the man himself can feel powerful – knowing he has the ability to give pleasure.

So on the equal level of the visual I find this to be almost of a greater importance. The wives of some of today’s most powerful men on earth are not that physically attractive, but I’m almost certain that they have the ability to make their man feel powerful; and it is probably this ability that inspired the man to have the confidence to take his current position.

Be open, be transparent, and outwardly express how great his ability to affect you is, and the man will crave the words that leave your mouth to no end.

So to wrap this up… I just want the female readers to make sure that they are not trying to be the exact representation of that which they look for in a man. Rather they be the feminine representation of the qualities that men seek from them. If you want a man that makes 25 million dollars a year, just make sure you have a 25 million dollar ability to stimulate him through your visual (not just physical feature) and a 25 million dollar ability to give him dramatic and transparent presentations of what you feel his power to be. Just because a woman is making 25 million, doesn’t mean that she qualifies to get a man that makes 25 million. Because once again, he is not looking at your ability to provide to determine how attracted to you he is. If you want to make lots of money that’s great, but understand that your high level of education and the amount of money you make a year, means little to nothing to a real man’s (one that will make you happy) desire to want you for anything more than just sex.

The society of today has put too much emphasis on masculinity. It’s the only thing highlighted; so much so that many of the women today are being imitations of masculinity. No one talks about the innate power of a woman. It’s almost as if to be a woman is something you should be ashamed of. If we’re going to go forward as a society, I think it’s important that we begin to highlight both the power of a woman and exactly what that power is so that little girls can desire to be that which is closest to their nature.

It is through a great woman’s visual, energetic and transparent verbal stimulation that a man is inspired to rise to the height of his potential. Which is why the statement “Behind every great man, is a great woman” is something I whole heartily agree with. We need each other, and we need you to join us, and not compete with us so that we can live in harmony. How many of our great leaders were without a woman? Women are the divine energy. They are the inspiration for all creation on this planet. Men just take the energy that they give us and put it into practice. But it is the woman who gives birth to the energy to begin with. She conceives it, she gives it life, – the man raises it, and creates the physical manifestation of it. We are to come together as a team, each with our own role to become ONE complete body together. We aren’t meant to compete with one another the way we are today.

Men do not have the ability to conceive and inspire through the creation of energy. We create with the energy, we are not the creators of the energy.  So if women start doing what they have the power to do and discontinue being imitations of masculinity, our society and generation can rise to its greatest heights once again. And it is the responsibility of us as men to be strong enough to bring this to their attention. Far too many men are willing to just roll over and get fucked by the direction of society. What happened to our warriors? What happened to our voices? What happened to our leaders? I will be addressing us as men more advertently in my next piece.

Thanks for reading.

Eddie Fews

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47 thoughts on “Dear Femininity, Men Want You Back

  1. Hey good afternoon. I have to say, I find your writing style to be very intriguing. You made quite a few salient points and I liked how you used the Cleopatra example to heighten your argument (and it did!). When you talk about men not being concerned with the financial status of woman, I thought of that BET tv show (that I absolutely adore) Being MaryJane. Because the protagonist has a very successful career and is pretty well off, but she struggles with formulating meaningful relationships with men. So yeah, great insight! And I agree.

  2. Great read yo. Really enjoyed it from the beginning to end. The videos were such a nice added touch too support your points. Side note: Do you get emails from feminist? I know some feminist who would be upset at this article lol. Either way nice work.

  3. Great read thank you! You are definitely great at what you do. Will be buying you book to show support.

  4. That was great. Thank you. It’s interesting to see your thoughts on the deterioration of the male…which I believe is what leads to the overdevelopment of the male aspects in “independent” females.

  5. I loved this. Very interesting read and I appreciate you for it. The consciousness is real . I never even looked at it like that before. I see things in a whole other light. The masculine mentality…I see it within myself, my friends, my family. Thank you for this.

  6. Great piece. But I would like a little bit of clarification. Does a women lose femininity in your eyes if she feels that her being financially stable can be used as an attraction to a man? Men can want that from a woman but not necessarily for them to benefit from it but to know she can handle herself. Another question is what happens to those relationships where the male makes significantly less than a women? Most men find that to be an issue, I’ve even been a situation like that where the male felt powerless because he didn’t make as much. Women’s financial status can affect a relationship in other ways we can’t control don’t you think?

    1. Hey Kia,

      The main point of the article was to show that to a mans most natural core his level of attraction to a woman isn’t dependent upon the amount of money she makes. It has absolutely nothing to do with it. Now of course a man can make a conscious decision to partner with a woman with a high income for various reasons, but it has nothing to do with his core attraction and desire for her. The girl at Mc Donald’s or the girl without any income can get a man of the highest quality if she knows how. It happens all the time. So make money if you want. Just understand that to the core of a mans nature your money doesn’t mean a thing. And on the flipside, his does. Your nature causes you to seek a man that could provide, even if he doesn’t have the money yet. You need to at least recognize the potential within him to provide.

      Thank you for reading.

      1. This is so true. Men are visual creatures. I learned it the hard way. If a man doesn’t want to provide for you, it means he’s not into you/you’re not his type. I also found that masculine men are not attracted to masculine women because masculine men want to feel powerful. On the other hand, feminine men are attracted to masculine women because they’re not strong enough, so they need women to help them. Beauty and youth are women’s power. A nice car and social status are men’s power.

  7. I’m in SHOCK! What an amazing article!!! I literally loved it & feel I can benefit from it. I think EVERY woman should read that. The videos were also Eye opening. Thank you for sharing. Literally! Peace King.

  8. Boooooooyyyyyyyyyy!

    I truly believe you wrote that article for me because u hit everything on the nose!! Very intriguing article… I always felt like men are attractive to a woman’s financial stability and what she can provide.. And for this reason every time I meet a man I always talk finances and what I can bring to the table, thinking that it will make him attracted to me.

    Also I’m very Contradicting because I’m very firm on the big two P’s when it comes to a man and that is too Protect and Provide… And how can a man give that to me when I already talked finances and what I can do for myself!! And I notice it doesn’t help me at all because then a man gets comfortable when he feels he is not needed… Then after a while I get frustrated because he is not protecting and providing for me then I end up leaving… So what I’ve learned from that article is too let a man be attractive too me for me and not what I can bring too the table.

    Thank You

  9. Great piece! Very detailed, strong references, good examples. My girlfriends and I talk about similar subjects all the time. Your points are valid, from the conversations I have within my inner circles which primarily consists of professional single women I do believe switching gears or reversing the societal trend will prove to be difficult. There is a lack of communication and understanding between Men and Women which has led to frustration… Great piece.. I enjoyed it!

  10. I hope our relationship teacher will finally settle down someday too.. Knowledge sometimes hurts, you know.. Very beautiful write up. 🙂

  11. Hi Eddie,
    Kudos for your words and thinking, few writers are prepared to talk about this; one of the ancient frameworks of the dance we men & women do. Feminist backlash and all that.

    I believe that there are many of these frameworks at play in all of our interactions, this – visual / provide, protect – being one of them. I say ancient because it’s part of the basic ‘reading’ or intuitions our stone age cousins employed to gauge suitability in a mate. They were basic times and much has changed, but those impulses are still hard wired into our ‘old’ brains.

    Respect and honesty / transparency are also a requirement of social cohesion, very particularly in small groups and even more so in couples. I found the two fat videos interesting and, in my opinion, misleading. I believe they were conceived and made to illustrate a pre-determined view of the makers: men are shallow, women open and accepting. I fully understand that’s not your view!

    I analyse the videos from a different perspective – part of the visual reading of a woman by a man is both ancient and brand new – the ancient is: is she a good candidate to duplicate my genes. The brand new is how this has changed in our complex modern world – the modern view of beauty, physical attractiveness, wellness is shaped by a stupid number of influences from shallow to profound. By the way, women read men through this lens too.

    At least as important, and for me personally, vastly more important is respect and transparency / honesty – not a rigid adherence but as a baseline starting point, a relative standard to hold and be held to. When the guys meet the ‘now fat’ woman, they are confronted with the instant visual impulse that this woman is not a healthy candidate to duplicate their genes – the old, faint impulse. Then comes the modern interpretation – she doesn’t fit his view of a physically attractive woman. Hot on the heels of that comes storming the realization, in his ‘new’ brain, that she has been dishonest, that she has unapologetically deceived him – in effect that she has total lack of respect for him.

    In the Western world, over the last 60 years or so, the chipping away of men’s ‘value’ has resulted in a lot of men having higher requirements for honesty and respect – I believe that these men walking away from the fat woman can easily be seen as them having high integrity. They’ve been blatantly lied to and dis-respected, their actions are entirely reasonable: move away from ‘bad’ people. I would do the same. I would do the same if a guy was that dishonest to me – they can’t be trusted and life is to short to be friends with people who can’t be trusted.

    Equally, the women not walking away from the ‘fat’ guy, can be viewed as them having a high tolerance and comfort with blatant, unapologetic dishonesty. I believe that video was also skewed because the guy was much more engaging than the ‘fat’ woman – he touched early, was funny and spontaneous – all things designed to raise his status and open them up.

    I’m not down on women, I love and value women to the core of my being. I value personal integrity and respect as highly and like you Eddie, would love to see men & women at ease with their own, and each others, masculinity and femininity.

    Love & respect

  12. This was a wonderful read, thank you. As a young woman I’m so passionate about what you’ve highlighted in this article. I get so annoyed with today’s “feminine equality” movement. I always argue how is women acting, dressing and being tough and manly equality? It’s the complete opposite – it’s like saying “women have to be and act like men to be equal”. Well, no! I’ve always felt women have their own unique power in femininity, and that goes across all areas in life (including work). Just like men have their own unique masculine attributes. Only by embracing each, can we actually work together and compliment one another in the work place, dating scene, parenting, socialising etc. Do you know what kind of response I often get from fellow women when I argue this point? “That’s alright for you to say, you’re beautiful and attractive so you get what you want”… There’s no getting through to them. I hate that response. Anyway, thank you again for this article. At least I now know I’m not alone in these thoughts! X

  13. I completely agree and it’s refreshing to see that a man thinks and feels this way as well. In a piece I wrote a few months ago, I was referring to women standing firm in their femininity. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and for some odd reason, people think otherwise. We embody vibrant energy, light and love… It should be embraced. In addition those very “lady like” characteristics and qualities is what attracts the men. A man doesn’t want to date another man. We are not in competition. I really liked this! Great work… Very inspiring (writing purposes)

  14. nice article.. actually I was having the same thought.. but I thought that I was the only one with this thought.. I was so wrong.. and you are correct.. nice

  15. Hello,

    I believe that people need to focus on the individual person and not …oh he is a man so he must be masculine or she is a female so she must be feminine” kind of mentality. It puts a strain on people that do not fit that category naturally…like my self as an example. There are many people that do fit in this category should be comfortable in being themselves and be proud of there feminine/masculine qualities. I am naturally a masculine female. Since I was a kid I could never rap my head around women and the way the acted. I have three sisters, to this day they seem like aliens to me, the are the typical girls I guess.

    If a women is looking for a traditional man (masculine) to complement her femininity, he must be able to properly gain respect of that women. I’ll give an example:

    He would be the man in every decision factor, taking her opinion into consideration. The man should be firm but respectful, once he folds ( I hear a common issue with men giving in so I’m guessing he can get laid, he will do what ever it takes, like giving up his own things that the wife wants him to give up. He just lost respect and the women has become the man of the house/ family).

    In modern society, it is more difficult to have a man being the leader and the female taking a backseat (for the couples that prefer it). I have a few tips (men) for this type of relationship:

    You must always stand your ground, never let a women control you with her body.

    Know how to please her sexually! I can’t stress this enough. Your women will never be satisfied if you believe that your penis is for her pleasure, you have a penis / she has a clitoris (yes, they are equal). If you expect her to pleasure you like going down on you, you must do the same for her. If you are the type of guy that says, no I’m not going down on her, than you should not get her to go down on you. It’s respect, it will improve your relationship if you are equally pleasured in bed. FYI, Men, women do not get much of any pleasure with vaginal intercourse, women believe that they must make it look like thay are being pleasure emically i.e. the moaning and such. Men, porn is not your best friend! It gives a false idea of how to please a women sexually. They are actors lol!

  16. Sorry dude. You have the right concept but putting a fat women in place of a skinny woman does not prove “men” want skinny woman. It only proves the men who were attracted to the skinny woman are not attracted to the fat woman. Watch sexy anime’s, the women have large breasts and curvy backsides. They are not women that look like young boys. Those spoiled jerks that walked away from the fat woman are not looking for a lasting relationship, their looking for a mirror to jump into bed with.

    1. Did you read the article? Or did you scroll, see videos, watch them, and decide that my article was about fat women vs skinny women because of it? No where in my article did I say men prefer skinny women over fat women. The point made was men made their sole decision on whether they would bother having a conversation with the women completely based on visuals and nothing more. I.E. You watching anime cartoons because you think cartoons are sexy. Whereas the women were willing to stay and at least get to know the guy a bite DESPITE what he looked like and despite that fact that he pretended to be something he wasn’t. They pitied him and we were willing to be friendly because of it. The men could careless about the human being, its all about the visuals and nothing more. A crying unattractive girl gets little attention, a crying attractive women get lots of it. So sorry dude, you had the right idea, but completely missed the point of the material.

  17. Hi Eddie! I LOVED this article! I was doing a Google search on how to be more feminine and your article popped up. Your article is spot on! I

    I was dating a man several months ago that I thought I would end up marrying so I moved in with him, then I dumped him 8 months later because I was 100% turned off by him! He expected me to pay for dates, split bills with him, then we were planning a vacation and he wanted me to split that too. Mind you this man made a lot more money than me and had several hundreds of thousands of dollars in savings. I was just starting a new career and hardly had any money, but he didn’t care.

    I was so bothered and uncomfortable by that! It ended up killing our relationship, I resented him greatly and was so turned off by him whining about money all the time and I would think to myself my future husband and a real man wouldn’t be treating me like this.

    After reading your article I no longer feel bad about why I broke up with him and until I read your article I didn’t realize part of his attraction to me is what I could provide him! You are so right! REAL men aren’t like that. I had been wondering if my income mattered to a man, if men even cared about that. I have even been feeling guilty about how I do care how much a mans income is. I do like to know that a man can provide for me. I WANT a man to provide for me. I realize now thanks to your article that it’s natural for me to feel that way.
    I think it’s sad and horrible how feminism and society has ruined dating and marriage. I’m old fashioned I believe 1000000% in gender roles, I love it when a man is gentlemen, I’m okay with being the weaker sex, I don’t care if I make less money per dollar than a man does, I don’t want to compete with a man, I love it when a man is the leader and takes charge, that’s how it should be. Society and crazy feminist shouldn’t shame men for being men. It’s just so hard these days to find men to date who are REAL men. I love alpha men. It’s nice to see a man who knows how a REAL man is supposed to be and should be. Your article is wonderful and insightful. More people need to read it.

    1. Good morning first and foremost.

      I just wanted to say that while I appreciate your comment, I do have to mention that if you are making money as opposed to wanting to be a stay at home wife you should be expected to contribute some of that which you have. I do feel like it should be proportionate however. Meaning, if i make 80% of the household income I should be taken care of 80% of the financial responsibilities, and paying for 80% of the trips, dates, etc. etc. It’s a bit unreasonable to say that “ i should be allowed to dedicate a portion of my time and attention to make money, but the man should still pay for everything”. Especially when you consider that the tradition of the men paying stemmed from a time when women didn’t opt to have the careers that society pushes them to have today. You can not maintain “traditional values” when you are operating in a system and practicing the behaviors that are “non traditional”. Its having your cake and eating it too. Something has to give. Whats a man with billion dollar ideas without a drive or action to back that his ideas are indeed worth the money he claims? If 8-10 hours of your day contributes to something that has nothing to do with me should you not bring a portion of that into my world as well? There was a time when a woman job was her man, her man was her career, and building him was her responsibility. And so he take care of all financial responsibilities because that was her salary for the job she would do. Now many women spend 10-12 hours out of there 16 wake hours contributing to the dream of a man that has nothing to do with their relationship. Leaving only 4 hours(often times much less) to contribute to their mates. Thats incredibly disproportionate, and i would think some contribution would have to balance that out. You can give me 12 hours less than the woman of old, yet enjoy all the benefits that woman of old did. If you decided to work 1 hour a day instead of 8, could you still require your job to pay your the same salary?

      Thanks for reading.

      1. Your comment reminded me of a Cherokee proverb.. ” the man’s job is to make sure the woman can walk the earth unharmed. The woman’s job is to support the man as to guide him to the source.” We can take that in a different context today, but the same idea is there. I find beauty and solace in this proverb. We support each other in our roles.

  18. I am over 65 and am certain I stumbled here by mistake. This is a very boring place and topic. When you all hit 65, you will think the same thing. The fantasy world of femininity and masculinity has absolutely nothing to do with survival in real life. That is a luxury of a more leisured class.

    1. I truly agree with you…though I’ve just crossed 46 and smiling through my fight for survival…there are moments when we cross into the other territory (masculine/feminine)….sometimes I don’t even care as long as I know that I’m real, mean well and grounded!

  19. Eddie
    You are on target. My observations are a little different, I have found men are attracted to the visual including, classic femininity. Women are attracted to their personal concept of masculinity. Women are attracted to the masculine image but not to the one they see with their eyes as much as the one they maintain in their heads. So to remain attractive women much keep up their physical beauty but men must maintain the image/representation she holds of him which includes being a protector and provider and many other masculine things.

  20. To those who commented about feminists this article has absolutely nothing to do with feminism. Anyone who suggests it does has no idea what feminism is. This is to do with sexual attraction which is innate within us. It has nothing to do with Women’s Rights.

    Thanks for the article Eddie…I am just curious as to what you mean by visual but not just physical please? Please can you elaborate?

    What is visually attractive??
    Is it femininity?

    PS. I totally agree about the masculine need to feel dominant.

    I remember feeling very strong attraction to another ( unavailable) Man who competed directly with my partner constantly.

    This Man was slightly built and had a high pitched voice so I assumed he would be effeminate but he was infact ( or had trained himself to act like) an Alpha Male.

    My Partner is quite arrogant and has an absolutely massive ego which also means he enjoys peacocking and undermining any Male in his Company. ( I find this macho rather than masculine.)

    This guy fought against him and won on just about everything from values to knowledge… ultimately exposing all of my partner’s weaknesses.

    He also played the knight in shining armour to me behind my partner’s back. ( I was not sure if he did this because he fancied me or if it was just that he wouldn’t be put down in front of a Woman, or both? I would love to know your thoughts on this!)

    Anyway he always ensured he was always the victor.

    PS. We did not act on anything.

  21. I enjoyed the article and agree with much of what I read, but the fact remains that not all women are beautiful. I definitely fall into the category of woman who does not possess the traits of a stereotypical classic beauty. Im short and muscular. I have a very large frame, broad shoulders and thin hair. Im not by any means a head turner and I harbor no delusions about my lack of physical beauty. I’m fine with who I am and who I’m not. I felt as though you were suggesting that women like me should thank our lucky stars if we manage to snag ourselves a man because he was able to look past that damn “visual”. I dont know. My husband and I were friends first. We knew each other for years before attraction on a deeper level began to form. He’s amazing. He’s my absolute dream man and everything this not so beautiful woman could ever want. He makes me feel like a supermodel and when I’m with him I AM the most beautiful woman in the world. Maybe i just got lucky because with all of my physical shortcomings, I sure as hell didnt have to settle for the beautiful womens leftovers. Thanks for a very interesting article. Its certainly thought provoking!

  22. But here I see majority men want masculine women more.. I have resgistered myself on matrimonial profile n here guys only seem to talk about girls career and all.. majority of them stated that girl should be highly qualified or have professional qualification or should be carrier oriented.etc..where as I am girl from humble background with decent qualification ( not highly qualified but completed college degree),love to take care of myself ( I workout regularly),I love to learn new skills ( especially dance & yoga) n trying to be self employment through my hobbies only rather doing job( which I already did but didn’t like).but as per as marraige concerned my goal is to become great homemaker (so the carrier thing would be secondary for me after marriage however I will keep myself enagage in thing that I like so I want Husband who will support this goal).but here majority of guys I see want that ambitious woman with high flying carrier. So what I am supposed to do in such case,like is it wrong to be homemaker this days instead of being carrierist woman? Does Traditional feminity hold no value this days?

    1. We also have to remember that the men of day are being feminized just as the women today are becoming more masculine.However a man that has the ability to make you happy to your coe, and not have you in a “love-hate” on and off relationship that fizzles after a few years will not care for these things. Many of the careers desired by women today we not desired by the women of old. They new power of benefits of being a home maker so that a will organized family could be established. The broken home phenomena we’re seeing today is largely due to the fact that this component is missing from the home. It’s like having a shiny car without an engine. Some people get lucky and pull it off, but are the majority of people growing up in two parent homes with the biological mom and dad both in the home? No. Why is this happening? If you do some research the majority of women we were not interested in the whole ” Women go out and work too” concept. They we against it. It was only a small minority fighting for this to be a thing.

  23. But here I see majority men want woman who who earns because.. I have resgistered myself on matrimonial profile n here guys only seem to talk about girls career and all.. majority of them stated that girl should be highly qualified or have professional qualification or should be carrier oriented.etc..where as I am girl from humble background with decent qualification ( not highly qualified but completed college degree),love to take care of myself ( I workout regularly),I love to learn new skills ( especially dance & yoga) n trying to be self employment through my hobbies only rather doing job( which I already did but didn’t like).but as per as marraige concerned my goal is to become great homemaker (so the carrier thing would be secondary for me after marriage however I will keep myself enagage in thing that I like so I want Husband who will support this goal).but here majority of guys I see want that ambitious woman with high flying carrier. So what I am supposed to do in such case,like is it wrong to be homemaker this days instead of being carrierist woman? Does Traditional feminity hold no value this days?

    1. Traditional femininity holds tremendous value, which is a large part of the recent I wrote this article. I value it, along with other men who are in tune with their original masculine nature. Understand, that just as the feminine woman seems to be something of the past, the masculine male is also something of the past. Many of the women of today are more masculine than the men, and many of the men are more feminine than the women. For multiple reasons this has occurred, this is something I’ll touch on in the future. My advice to you if you’re looking for that man is to look for avenues in which these men frequent. Blogs, Youtube Channels, Natural Eating Events, health food stores etc. As the diet changes the mind changes with it, so a man with a more natural diet will be more inclined to have a natural mindset.

      1. Oh thanks, I have been waiting for ur reply eagerly,now won’t get disheartened because I have faith now that it is possible to get like minded man.anyways,I would like to contact you via email for further advice .thanks lot..stay blessed!

    1. Olga you must be fat n ugly. Please don’t be bitter. This is life. There are winners (asshole) and losers (likely your future husband).

  24. this is truly amazing. I have searched high and low on the internet the topic of feminine energy. I am just coming to understand that masculine energy has been my driving force all this time and it has been steering me wrong so now im trying to understand feminine energy and your article has been the best at explaining it so far.

  25. Hi Eddie,
    I stumbled upon your text thank you. I must say i agree that Femininity is not valued in today’s society. I am a feminist. Feminism is not about trying to be a man. On the other hand, women have had to fight for their right to be able to have a say and only now are respected after they have proven to be able to do the same as men and are able to be independent. This wasn’t handed to women by men, equality and right to vote and get paid equal etc. Of course it is a complex subject. I dislike the way you simplified the visual aspect of women vs men, basically condoning men’s superficiality and the pressure on women to constantly worry about their looks. In nature, it is the male that has to compete for the female’s attention through visuality, she is in camouflage. It was very telling how imbalanced were the women’s and men’s top fears; women fear meeting a serial killer and men fear the woman will be fat. It is the same as the man fears the woman will laugh at him, the woman fears the man will kill her. Many other things. Well, I believe in dialogue and bringing the true motivations behind our masks into light. A lot of fear is in both sides of the camp. What about the feminine masculine aspects in both sexes. Masculine is action, feminine receiving – every person has to have both aspects in balance to function in this world in a healthy manner. I do not want an alpha male, or a wimp, i want a human being by my side with whom to share life with. When i am pregnant of course i am more vulnerable and hope society and he will look after me for that period, but this doesn’t mean i want to be shunned away into the domestic domain only – this is what you are suggesting in a way. I believe the feminine values ought to break through into the world of finance and culture, this hasn’t happened yet. True courage in a man, is to look at the truth in depth and face his fears. As is within a woman. The world is going to heck with all this money-making obsession, which men do also to “feel powerful” and attract women. Please replace this obsession, with sustainable and ecological deeds and values – yes i would value and admire this in a man. So just saying, it doesn’t need to be money and objects!

    1. I appreciate the tone of your message but I do have to disagree with the fact that feminism isn’t about trying to be a man. Maybe not originally(which I would even argue then), but feminism has transformed into something that is mostly based around being able to “Do as men do”. Men as whole don’t walk around trying to fight for the right to do as women do. We don’t fight to not have to sign to enter the draft as women do, we don’t fight to be able to get into venues for free as women do so long as we’re attractive, we don’t fight to be respected if we choose to not work look for women take care of us, nor do we fight the standards for being police officers and fighters lowered just so we can fit in. I will also have you know that the majority of women did not agree with feminism at the time it was proposed, the women did not want to do as men did. They enjoyed being able to tend to their homes, be the rock of their families and nurture their own children and not toss them into some day care service in the hands of stranger while the child still needs its mothers touch. The divorce rate has sky rocketed, people aren’t even getting married anymore, birth rates have declined and this is largely a result of feminism. In the like 20+ states their are more whites dying than being born. We’re talking about the extermination of a race here and feminism was the catalyst. What exactly has the rights that were fought for done for humanity as a whole in a long run? Less marriage, less love, less children being born, and women are statistically less happy than they’ve ever been in recorded history. All this career, we can do what men can do mumbo jumbo for what? What has it truly done for the spiritual betterment of society as a whole? And the statement you made about nature is incorrect. There may be a few species in which that is the dynamic(most of those not being mammals btw, as humans are), but in the majority of mammals the men dominate and the women are more subservient. The males also have multiple women that they deal with, I.E. one deer in a herd of deer is usually responsible for fathering 90% of the deer in the herd, lions have multiple lioness, bulls multiple cows, roosters multiple chickens.. Lets talk about nature here if you want.

  26. Hi,liked your article very much & felt so enlightened.. that there is lot of power in being feminine woman than that of masculine woman…but when it comes to marraige I still noticed guys of today gives importantance to manly qualities in girls irrespective of feminine’s like no one cares how nurturing woman is, how great home maker she can be,how great mother, wife she can become.. instead guys focus is always on how much education she had , whether she is Carrier oriented or not, whether she is ambitious enough to do job or not? It’s like these days any carriestic woman who lacks feminine values such nurturing, sensetive,affectionate,supportive, creative, artistic , pretty & many more can be selected by men over any ultra feminine woman any it because the power of monetary success is more effective than womans femininity these days? If not then why guys are having commercial attitude towards marriage these days and put minimum salary crietaria while selecting a bride? It’s seems like majority of feminine woman are being single these days & girls who have manly qualities such as aggressive in carrier and ambitious to earn more n more money liked by the men most these days .. please throw some light on this & please tell me how girls who believes in feminine values should cope with these things?

    1. For the same reason the women have taken on more masculine values. It’s the social conditioning. I can only speak for the alphas. The beta will be a victim of the times. Unfortunately 80-85% of men are Betas and 15-20% of men are Alpha. So as a feminine woman, this is the pool that you either have to choose from, or the pool that has to choose you. On the bright, you will actually be happy when you find this person as opposed to this constantly love hate struggle many relationships go through.

    1. I wrote an article called ” How To Become The Woman A Man Needs” that should answer some questions.

  27. “make sure you have a 25 million dollar ability to stimulate him through your visual (not just physical feature) and a 25 million dollar ability to give him dramatic and transparent presentations of what you feel his power to be” Could you give some examples on how to do this outside of changing up the physical features?

    1. A simple definition for letting a man know that he has power in the context of a man dating a woman is letting him know that he can affect you, and letting him know that he is needed by you.

      Simple Example 1: Laughing at his jokes. This confirms to him that he has a good sense of humor. A good sense of humor is a “power”. Just look at how it allows professional comedians to pack out stadiums and make millions of dollars. Reacting to it in the moment and acknowledging any positive attribute has the same effect however. It all starts with a desire to want to discover the best things in him though. It’s a mindset.

      Simple Example 2: Asking him to help you open the Pickle Jar or hang up the curtains. This again is making him feel needed. It’s small an simple of course, but it’s the small things that count.

      There are many many more ways to this; these are just a few simple small ways. I work with women on this in my coaching. You can email me at for that. Thanks for the inquiry.

  28. This article is soooo on point and exactly what I have been preaching to any who will listen. Will now read your other articles, in case you address this topic, but we need to address men’s responsibility in this equation- right now, women do NOT feel SAFE to be feminine in this world. Until men step up and help us, protect us, listen to us, and make it safe to feel into our feminine power, we will continue to try to use masculine qualities to protect and control our environment. All too often the burden of trying to save these relationships fall on women to do the heavy lifting, especially trying to prevent damage to men’s frail ego (and believe me, alpha males have a frail ego no doubt about it). It is worth the effort 100 percent but only if WE GET SOMETHING BACK which is the yang to our yin. We create the energy and you take it. If we get nothing back we are literally DEPLETED and THAT is what we are seeing in our wrecked homes and environment as well. Ok wow i just got on my soap box sorry. Looking forward to reading more. Thank you!

  29. I totally understand what you mean. Generally, a good appearance- fit body, clean skin, etc is a sign of good genes- I totally got why attractiveness is a decision maker. But, I would be happy to see why that’s not the case for woman.

  30. I think it’s worth saying a bit about a ‘man’ not being particularly interested (as a complement to basic attraction) in how much a woman makes or what degree(s)/certification(s) she’s amassed.

    However, particularly considering ‘marriage’ or someone’s LTR ‘candidacy’, those things are important for different reasons (merely practical). For one, if she has massive school debt and a undersized job not taking care of that, it’s a ‘red flag’ for guys (aka: the ‘save me’… DON’T). I’ll probe a woman to find this out (degree=unpaid debt,lame job=wasted degree). If a woman has paid off all that school debt and lives within her means (and uses that degree), she may be worth further investment. Otherwise, there’s plenty of other folks better financially ready for a LTR and you should move on (aka: without the ‘debt’ anchor).

    Generally, if someone I’m dating has major debts, that’s about as far as this relationship is going. No pass go (and no collect $200). If a woman lacks responsibility and accountability (in this case financial… but also in general), she’s not partnership material.

    The ‘other’ angle I have on marriage is really a defensive and practical one. Marriage is not ’till death do us part’. It’s temporary now and may go through multiple ‘iterations’. As a man, you are foolish if you don’t plan for that divorce (that doesn’t mean it will happen… but statistics are pretty clear about your chances). Because there’s a financial windfall involved in the divorce, generally you shouldn’t be dating someone that makes significantly less than you PARTICULARLY if you are thinking about marriage later and want to have children. Generally, it’s favorable to be with a woman that can take care of herself after a divorce and not go ‘indigent’ (aka: a ‘financial’ boat anchor). Make sure you are looking at the life skills she has (or lacks) as she’ll hit you on the ‘way in and way out’.

    It’s true (aka: “approach the girl coming out of McDonalds”). I might do that but I won’t consider her ‘wife up’ or LTR material. In the converse, even if a woman meets the ‘wife up’/LTR criteria, that has nothing to do with ‘attraction’ so I could care less about that unless I’m actually attracted first (aka: you can’t sell me on step #2 before step #1 is accomplished… you have to get your ‘foot in the door’ as you can’t sell me on how good of a partner you would be as a replacement for sparking that attraction).

  31. This article written by Eddie/Goatman is so true! We all have to live in our true nature again for the society to be great! Submission is in a woman’s nature and dominance is in our nature as men! But we have to demand and require it for her to give it to us.

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