How To Know If A Man Really Loves You

If there is one thing I’ve learned on my journey of coaching both men and women in this field, it’s that women put a whole lot more stock into the things guys say than we do.

As men we enjoy getting positive reactions from women and so we can find ourselves being loose with our tongues vainly trying to give a woman good feelings and make her smile.

However, these aren’t things that we actually connect with in the way that women do . Early on in a woman’s dating life they take our words seriously, and after many let downs they can find themselves in a space in which they just don’t believe what men say anymore.

I know a number of women that have said that all men to them are “guilty” as  liars until proven innocent. That they pretty much nod “uh huh” to themselves while men offer words of affection. And the truth of the matter is they are 100% right for doing this.

We’ve all heard the expression that actions speak louder than words. And as a result of this I tell all the women I coach and work with to receive a man saying, “ I love you” as just a compliment – no different than him saying ,“ I like your hair” until his actions say different. A man saying, “ I love you”, to a woman does not mean that he wants to be with her. All it really means is that you are giving him good feelings and emotions in this moment and so he’s expressing that to you.

A great movie gives him good feelings too, but that doesn’t mean he wants to watch that movie and that movie only for the rest of his life. This is where women get it confused, because they don’t operate like this.

Women feel deeper than we do, and they usually take the time out to consider their feelings and analyze their feelings much more than we do. So when a woman says ,“ I love you”, it has more of a meaning to her. She’s often thought about it, has reasons that she respects you whether she can explain them or not, and has decided to put her trust in you. So naturally, women- on some level- think early on in their dating lives that when we talk love, it is after careful consideration, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.

What many of us don’t understand is that “love” is a feeling just like anger is a feeling. It’s an explosion of oxytocin, dopamine, and other hormones in the body that are being released into the blood stream due to the stimuli we are dealing with. So, a mans interpretation of love is often ,“ I feel these hormones and I am expressing them”, but this is surface level infatuation – not love. This is not the way an emotionally mature woman interprets love.

As men we have to be mindful of this, and we have to become conquerers of these hormonal explosions. We often do this with fear and anger, but do so with love as much. Just as we don’t allow irrational fears to hold us back, nor do we react to our anger every time we feel it, we shouldn’t react to love every time it is felt either.

It takes time to know you love a woman. You can only know you love a woman by her consistently keeping up with the behaviors that produce feelings of “love” over time. Anyone can be consistent for a month or two, but can they keep making mental, spiritual, and physical contributions to that “love” over a long period of time? That’s the test, that’s how you know there is any merit or reason you should accept the “feeling” of the love.

For the women who find themselves confused on whether or not a man loves you i’ll provide a break down. I do this because many women are in relationships with men who are abusing them whether physically or emotionally in the name of love. Other women allow a man’s expression of “love” to be the reason they remain attached to a relationship that they shouldn’t be attached to.

When you consider whether or not a man loves you, you must first ask yourself two questions.  First, what else does he love that isn’t you? Get a pen and a paper and make a list of all of  the things he has expressed love for. And now ask yourself,“ How much of what he loves does he share with me?” For example if a man really loves his mother, and has expressed that, have you met his mother? Have you spoken to her? How much of his mother has he shared with you? If a man really loves his car, see if he’ll let you drive his car.

The second  question and most important one is, “What does he have the least of?”, and how much of that does he share with you? Grab a pen and a paper and make a list of everything he doesn’t have much of and ask yourself how much of that does he share. Let’s say the guy you’re with doesn’t have a lot of money. How much of the money that he does have, is  he willing share with you?

Any billionaire can spend money on a woman and it’s meaningless to him because he has so much. It’s no big deal to throw some money away and proclaim love due to it. Now let’s take that same billionaire and let’s say he doesn’t have a lot of “free time”. How much of his free time does he give you? And if he really loves you, how much of his “used up” time does he allow you to become a part of?  Does he bring you along during times in which he would normally be alone?

This is how you use a man’s actions to determine if he’s truly connected to the emotions that he’s expressing. If these two aspects aren’t in place then his love is nothing more than a compliment. And you must treat it that way. That is the only way he’ll take bigger and wider steps to expressing that love in action.

He must see that that love just being expressed by his word is not good enough for you. And this doesn’t just go for the word “love”, this goes for “like”, him saying he’s “interested” and anything else. Those two questions are still relevant, just to a lesser degree.

This is how women save themselves from the dreaded “fuck boys” they are complaining about today. And let’s not just blame them, you women have to keep your own emotions in check just as well. Most men do believe themselves when they start expressing a genuine interest in you. They’re confused by their own feelings that changes later when they realized that it wasn’t “love” or “like” the way they initially thought it was love and like. It was a passing phase of hormones into the blood stream that are gone now that they have had their experience with you. But, when a guy shares what he loves with you, and shares what he has the least of with you, he will become invested into you and connected to you on a level deeper than words. You become wired into the fabric of his being; and that is what you want.

Guys only cast women to the side that they don’t have stock in. When there is no stock, there is no expected return of investment. When there is no expected return of investment, they don’t make any effort toward getting that return. They give what they don’t need, and then move on when they’re done. When a man gives you things that he values he finds it hard to let you just “walk away”, and then becomes emotionally invested in making sure you don’t walk away. He must share with you the things that he loves and then things that he has the least of to develop that burning desire to want to work to keep you around.  When held to that standard the men not for you will blow themselves out of your life before you even begin to get emotionally invested.

If you’re a man or woman that needs help with your relationship  Click Here to send me an email. Thanks For Reading.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Live Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com – ask about my free 15 minute consultation.

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Getting A Man Who’s “Not Ready” To Settle Down

Although most of my material is directed at men, I do always make a point to throw an article up to help out the ladies too every now and then. This topic in particular is one that I get asked a lot, and while I agree with most people who suggest not even bothering with a man who’s not ready to settle down unless “no strings attached” is what you want – I can’t ignore the fact that it is possible to get a man to settle down who thought he wasn’t ready. That is, until he met you.

I’ve seen it happen many times. Not only have I coached women specifically in this area, but I have also coached heart broken men on Getting back with the women they initially didn’t “want to settle down with” after she broke their hearts. This isn’t for the “on to the next one” types, if you’ve made it to that place more power to you. Some women just find themselves in situations where it’s not as easy done as it is said to “walk away” or “move on”. For them it’s too late; they’re already in it, and it’s going to take an emotional tug of war to get out of it. Other women have met a highly successful guy that marrying or being with is beneficial to them, and so they find it better to work it out than to walk away.  I’m speaking about high value men here that have choice with women by the way. These are usually the only types that find themselves at a state in which they’re “unwilling to settle down” anyway. So for you ladies, this is, “Getting A Man Who’s Not Ready To Settle Down”

First we need an understanding of how male emotional attachments work. I’ve taught this before, and I’ll post the link HERE if you want to get deeper into it – but, men develop emotional attachments when they invest. The more they invest into you, the higher the chances they’re going to develop an emotional attachment to you. This is one reason some women that allow a man to take them out on an expensive upscale dinner date or vacation end up with a stalker on their hands after deciding they don’t want to deal with the guy shortly after. The guy invested, received none of the cooperation he hoped for from the investment, and developed an strong emotional attachment because of it. One reason the “Netflix & Chill” culture has gotten so popular for men today is because men as a whole are unwilling to invest as much as men of old did – for many reasons we would need more time to discuss. However, that unwillingness to invest is men subconsciously protecting themselves from developing attachments. No investment, means no attachment. And let me just say, investments aren’t necessarily money. Investments from a man can be many things. Things like time, energy, effort, and money. In fact, the more of something a guy has the less he will consider it an “investment” subconsciously. A billionaire spending money on you doesn’t create emotions right away because he has so much money. But if that same billionaire had little free time, and started giving you that free time and even some of his “work time” then that would be a huge investment to him subconsciously

Let me also just add, that there are girls that manage to Netflix & Chill their way into a relationship through getting a man to invest by these other means. Men started to Netflix & Chill because showering, getting dressed, looking for a destination for a date, traveling to get to the date, spending money on the date(even if it’s just for him), walking with you after the date or during, etc. just to find out that he doesn’t even like a girl, takes time, money, and energy. That energy, if invested creates small levels of attachment that lead to men feeling duped and disappointed if nothing comes out of it. And because of how men are wired they grow tired of this process after the disappointment occurs too many times.

So how exactly is it done?

I’m going to defer to a man by the name of Dante Nero who does a podcast called the Beige Philip Podcast – A branch off of the great Patrice O’Neals ‘Black Philip’ Podcast after he passed.

I’ll call it The Jelly Bean Theory. I’ve always taught this concept to women in my own way, but Dante nailed it with this analogy.

The Jelly Bean Theory basically states that, in the heads of every unwilling to settle down man, he gives each woman he meets a giant empty glass jar. In the jar goes the jelly beans he fills it with whenever the woman he’s dealing with does something he finds pleasing. For example: if she buys him a cute little gift tailored to one of his needs, the man throws 15 jelly beans into the jar. She makes him a meal – 20 jelly beans in the jar, good sex – 10 jelly beans in the jar, shows him love affection – 5 jelly beans in the jar, massages his ego – more jelly beans, and so forth. Whatever is valuable to him is how he’ll add jelly beans to the jars of the women he’s dealing with. On the other end of this however, everything the woman does that he finds disrespectful like – bitching at him, nagging him, overly pressuring him to be exclusive etc. is 50 jelly beans out of the jar. Three positives can get you fifty jelly beans, but one negative can cause you to lose fifty. We can see this in the example of trust – it taking years to build, but only seconds to break.

So this trick here is to fill your jelly bean jar all the way up to the top, until it’s over flowing with jelly beans. And once you know for a fact that your jelly bean is full because you’ve treated him well and haven’t nagged, complained, and gotten into a lot of petty arguments with him – YOU WALK THE **** AWAY.

You call him up one evening and you say something in an extremely loving tone – massaging the hell out of his ego like “ Hey baby, I was just calling to let you know that I love you and that you mean the world to me, and that I want to do anything and everything for you, but I’m not going to be able to continue this relationship. You see, you’re an amazing man and I know you’re not ready to settle down, and as much as I love being with you because, you’re so great, I need to find someone to commit to me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, because I want to stay with you, but I can’t, I just can’t. I’m sorry.  I Am so sorry“ – And then you hang up. If he calls you back, you don’t answer. You let him call and call for that first day.

You let him think.

Because by now he’s losing it. You’re about to walk away with all of his jelly beans. None of his other girls if he has any, have any jelly beans. He may have one girl with 20, another with 60, but they all eventually lose them because they’re not disciplined enough to show restraint when it comes to buckling down and suppressing their need to vent the frustration with the conditions of the relationship. But you, you just walked away with a thousand of his jelly beans, and he needs to get them back. And he will do almost anything to get them back.

This is where the tables turn and you start getting him to invest. Now you get your own jelly bean jar for him in your head and YOU start filling it with jelly beans. You become the one he starts doing all the good things to get back with so that he can subconsciously get the jelly beans he gave you back from you. However, by the time he does, you guys both have two full jars of jelly beans and the playing field is now leveled. Unfortunately, most women don’t look at the guy the same after this ,and usually end up walking away and breaking the guys heart. So be mindful of this before using it. But, if you come across the right high value man, it may actually be worth sticking around.

I can help you fully execute this process; just email me at EddieFews@Gmail.com – I overviewed this concept as best as I could in a short article, but there are a lot of intricacies that some need help with throughout the process. For example “ Knowing when your jelly bean jar is full, creative ways to add to the jar, knowing when to finally pick up when he comes calling, and more”. And if you’re a guy that’s been through this process I’m here for you too, to show you how to get your jelly beans back. Many women have used this method subconsciously without knowing and got the same results. I bet some of you can think of a time in your life where you implemented this in certain ways and had guys calling for their beans. It happens all the time knowingly or unknowingly, but you can consciously control the process. Anyway, thank you guys for reading as always, and be very careful and considerate with this.

Much Love

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

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Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

I’ve always believed in and written about the concept of  having an abundant mentality, but not until recent did I wrap my head around the concept in a way that I had never before. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

For one reason or another I’ve been getting approached by women more than I ever have in my life. Women have been approaching me indirectly and asking me questions to some of the most obvious questions. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman Eddie Fews
“Hey, excuse me do you have the time?” – While their phone is in their hand.

“Do you know how to get to “ 34th Street” – while we’re on 34th Street.

Right after I’d tell them, they’d always seem to linger around for about 5-7 seconds, waiting on me to continue the conversation. Now, while I normally engage with women I approach, I’ve been a bit thrown off by the gesture and, as a result, I’ve just stood there wondering if there was anything else they wanted to ask me before they nervously and reluctantly said “well okay…thanks” and walked away. Eddie Fews

Women have been behaving more like men toward me, and I realized that it was happening right around the time I started to think like a woman.

You see, a highly attractive woman has the ultimate abundance mentality. Guys are cat calling them, approaching them, and writing to them on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter hundreds of times a day. As a result, they have no problem taking a break from the madness. They don’t mind putting their phone on silent or airplane mode and leaving it out of reach for a couple hours. They’ll cut a guy off that they were once into. They’ll even block certain guys on social media and on their phones so the guys can’t contact them if they wanted to. They’ll reject a quality guy, they’ll say no to “sex”, and they’ll walk away from a guy completely because they understand (and experience) that there will always be another attractive male trying to be in their life; there will always be another attractive male trying to sleep with them. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

That’s the difference between the mindset of guys who aren’t successful with women and the mindset of attractive women and men who are. The average joe won’t turn his phone on airplane mode, because he’s too afraid of missing out on an opportunity with a girl he likes. He won’t block a girl from contacting him – that he likes – even if she disrespects him, because he doesn’t want to miss out, if she decides to contact him. He won’t walk away from a girl he becomes somewhat emotionally attached to without trying everything he can first, because in his life, high quality women don’t come around often. He will never reject sex, if a woman throws it at him, and he will never turn down an attractive women that tries to come on to him. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

Now, what the average guy doesn’t realize is, because he “thinks” this way, because he tries to milk the most out every single opportunity with every attractive women that comes his way, he is developing a mindset that becomes a mild repellant to women. Consequently, he has to work a lot harder, chase women up & down, sell himself, and practically convince women that they should consider dating him. The mindset he has and the frame he projects makes women suspicious. They have to test him more, they have to screen him thoroughly, and they have to qualify him. Women aren’t just falling into his lap, because they get the intuitive sense that he would date anyone that was attractive. He seems to have no real standards beyond the surface, so she needs the guy to convince her. And if he’s has the gift of gab, but lacks the true “abundant female mindset”, she will find out that she’s been with a loser in a couple of months – that he wasn’t real, he just convinced her he was.

So, what men have to do is begin walking away from women that don’t live up to their standards. Not only is this going to make women build themselves up more, but it’s going to cause you to project a frame that says “ I HAVE STANDARDS, AND I WILL NOT DEAL WITH ANY WOMAN WHO DOESN’T LIVE UP TO THEM”. And thats the most attractive thing a man can do. A woman wants to feel chosen, she doesn’t want to feel like you settled for her. They want to feel special, they want to know that you could have dated any woman in this world if you wanted to, but you chose her because she is the one woman that met your standards. She is exactly the one you were looking for. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

So, as men we have to begin to develop standards beyond the surface, if we don’t have them already. Because, if all you require is for a woman to be attractive, thats all she will be. That’s a huge part of what is contributing to the madness we’re looking at on social media today. If she’s pretty enough, she can make hundreds of thousands of dollars a year. What is this teaching the younger women? What does this make them feel they have to aspire to? There is a place for money to be made off of beauty, but that can’t be ALL our women are into. A young girl without the proper guidance or role models can instantly view that as her ticket to success. We all know that beauty fades, so when the looks wear off and even younger women replace them, what will we be left with?  Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

I think it’s wrong for us men to complain about women when we’re the ones that are not holding them to higher standards. And this goes for women too. If every woman decided today, that they would not sleep with a man that wasn’t an intellectual, every man would be walking around with a book in his hand. That would elevate society immediately. A lot of power is held by the standards on which we base attraction. Women hold that power over men, and men over women. So will complaining about each other change a thing? No. But collectively holding each other to higher standards will. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

And it all starts with each of us as individuals. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

You attract what you think. Think abundantly, speak abundantly, act abundantly, and you will find your life being filled with abundance very shortly. Women have been approaching me for the simple fact that I’ve been letting go of the ones who didn’t live up to my standards. I’m projecting something different. My mindset influences my frame, my frame influences my aura/presence, and these things contribute to what a woman will intuitively pick up from me when I walk into the room. And when they finally see something different, they may just take their shot, just as we men do.

So this is my PSA, if you will. Learn to walk away while there are still options left. It’s easy to walk away when you’ve tried everything else; that’s not abundance. The hard part is walking away when you may still have a chance, but you know that the woman is not up to your standard. The hard part is turning down sex from a woman who you know isn’t up to par. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

But once you begin to do that, the types of women you really want will take notice.

We can’t hide anything in this world. Everything we do, whether in public or in private, will determine what we project from within us. Every action, every word spoken, and every thought is emitted from us.

Emit abundance… Get abundance. Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman Eddie Fews

Peace & Love Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman

Eddie Fews Act Like A Man, Think Like A Woman


Grab my ebook The Secret Laws Of Social Wisdom by clicking here.

For coaching, consultations and all other inquiries email: EddieFews@Gmail.com

The 7 Things All Men Need To Stop Doing

Lying To Women

The isn’t a chronological list that’s in order of ” most important to least important” but this first one is more important than any of the others. The bad reputation that is associated with “players” is directly linked back to the lies players have been known to tell in order to get what they want. No one hates the guy that is sexual active and completely honest about it, but we all hate the guy who lies and tries to hide his reputation. This generation more than any other has become aware of how much owning your truth can affect your life. Take a look at someone like charlamange the god(the most popular urban radio personality), he says controversial things all the time and has a bit of a bad reputation. So what allows him to continue to be successful despite his reputation? What allows people that are more world reknown to love and respect him? The fact that he is always honest when he is confronted with the truth. He’s publicly spoke about his penis size and him taking magnum rx pills to try an enlarge it to no avail; along with many other things. And he remains to be accepted because he isn’t ashamed of his decisions.

The past is the past and there is nothing that can be done to change that. Lying about it only lowers your own self worth and confidence. Every time you lie you take a step down in consciousness, and every time you tell the truth you take a step up. People may not always directly know when you’re lying, but they can feel it. There is always a noticeable shift in the vibe when someone gives into weakness and decides to be dishonest.

I find that quality women make a point to bait us into lying when we first approach them; they ask us a question because they want to see if we’re “real” or not. In that moment, they’ll look us into the eye and wait for our response; checking to see if we pass the “real/fake” challenge. Now if we lie, they’ll lose all attraction for us and we’ll find ourselves in a position where we “can’t think of anything to say”. At that point we have to move on to the next girl; or confess our lie and see what happens.

If you deal with quality women you know exactly what i’m talking about, but even if you don’t, this is a good practice that’ll prepare you for the moments when you are.

Telling People Who They Slept With

This is another big one; who you sleep with is your business and your business alone. What you and your girlfriend do behind closed doors is not something to brag to your boys about. Girls gossip, leave that to them; as players we have to have a bit more integrity. Getting laid is no longer some badge of honor; that’s high school stuff. If you feel the need to talk about it, chances are it doesn’t happen to you often.

And I don’t know about you guys, but when a guy tells me all the wild things he’s been doing with his girl it’s a bit of a challenge to view her the same. Naturally you’ll sexualize them in your mind; and I don’t want that for me or any of my friends. Also, when you’re a guy that keep his business on the low; a lot more women will gravitate to you. They’ll feel like they can trust you and they’ll get a bit wilder in the bed with you than they would with the average Joe. It’s all in the vibe you give off and your character(the things you do when no one is watching) effects your vibe. So give off that ” what we do is our business and no one else’s ” vibe and watch how much more attention you’ll get from women.

i.e. Think about Vegas.. the famous quote ” what happens in Vegas stays in vegas” inspires many women every night to get a little loose.

Bros Before Hoes

I love women just as much as the next guy but a lot of these interactions are temporary. What we have with are boys has usually been in place for sometime and has a higher probability of being in place than things in place with women. Think about it.. how many of your boys from the past are you still cool with? How many of the women from your past can you still rely on? That speaks for itself.

Nothing fustrates a guy more when his buddy chooses a woman over his friends. Because if she’s a real girl, someone you can have a sustainable relationship with, you won’t have to choose.

Don’t leave your boy alone to go get laid, don’t sneak around with women he likes behind his back even if he can’t get with them – unless he gives you the green light. There are billions of other women to choose from so your bros must always always come first. This is the rule; friendships hold a lot more value then pussy does.

Keeping Score

I notice that a lot of guys keep a count of the number of women they sleep with as if that is suppose to mean something. I know a number of guys that have slept with a lot of women but I don’t consider them players. Mainly because they had to lie and manipulate to get what they want. If you have to lie to get laid; the lay is empty and meaningless. That empty feeling will usually follow up behind each new partner.

Players aren’t out there sleeping with women to validate themselves. Players just genuinely love women and/or love having sex with them. The amount doesn’t matter; we’re validated by how thoroughly we serve our purpose, and not by the sexual acts we engage in with others. Don’t count the number and certainly don’t brag about what the number already is. Do things because you enjoy them and not because they make you feel better about yourself.

The Blame Game

I find it odd that men consider themselves leaders when they point fingers at women for the downfall of their relationships. It’s a kings job to successfully lead his kingdom dispite it’s condition. Could you imagine if Barack Obama started pointing fingers at the American citizens for the downfall of the American encomonmy? What kind of leader would he be? Sure some people inherit difficult situations like our current president has; but he still has to do his best to change things or risk being nailed to the cross.

No where in history has the collective group of citizens in nation been blamed for the destruction of their civilization. We hear about Cesar, Napoleon, Alexander the great, Hitler, Stalin etc. They are the ones that take the wrap; not the people that follow. So as a leader in your relationship/group of friends, you are never to blame them for the reason things went left. Accept full responsibility, unless you’re not a leader of course; and if you aren’t a leader, you aren’t a player so this article isn’t for you.

Keeping Quiet

I was in my local market the other day and at the counter was a boy around the age 10. He was speaking to the store clerk about which over the counter pain reliever he should take for his headache. In his hand was a soda and he waited as the clerk reached to hand him a Tylenol. Surprised by the situation I stepped in immediately and spoke to the kid first ” 90% of headaches come from a lack of water in the body, so if you put that soda back and grab a bottle of water you should feel better. “

He went on to what I suggested and as he left I had a quick word with the clerk. ” you know better than that man, that kid is only ten years old”. He knodded to me in shame, I paid for my items and left.

I say this to say; speak up for what’s right. We all fall short; I don’t speak up as much as I should, but it’s important that we fight through our natural resistance and do what’s right. There is a powerful feeling that comes from doing something positive for someone else. You’ll feel better, you raise a level in consciousness, and you will be aiding a fellow human at the same time. Sounds like a win, win, win to me. Everyday we are presented with opportunities to take a stand. So do not hold your tongue, stand up and speak your truth even if it means you’ll be taking a temporary loss. This is what being a true leader is all about.

Tunnel Vision On Pussy

Pussy is great, love is awesome, and women are even better, but there is more to life. The majority of the men that I’ve met that are great with women don’t have much money. Seducting women is their sharpest skill and it tends to be what consumes all of their time. As a result they are left with a lot of sex, but very little cash to live off of. That’s where the women come in and help support them; so it doesn’t fully click that they may have to make money on their own. Players don’t live like this; a true player will not sacrifice a shot at an advancement in their personal life for a shot at a new piece of ass.

Sure if you want to be the best you have to dedicate a lot of you off time to improving, but don’t forget that there is more to life. We all have a purpose and a reason for living; life is about advancing and leaving things behind when we past that can help the next generation. What work are you leaving behind for others? Children to raise? That’s all it will be until you begin to think about chasing things other than women.

A player chases himself first; women will always come second to that.

There are many more of these things that we as players must stop doing, but let’s crawl before we walk. I’ll leave you with this seven for now. Until next time.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com

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The Power In A Proper Compliment

There has been a myth going around the seduction community for some time that you should never compliment a woman on her looks. That instead you should point out something unique that a guy doesn’t usually compliment her on to get her attention. While I agree that an indirect compliment will definitely lift a woman’s spirits, I can’t help but laugh at the guys who are afraid to acknowledge a woman’s beauty. And I won’t even bother addressing the men who think they have to NEG – say something negative to knock an attractive woman off her high horse just to get her attention. I would only advise the men on that level of social immaturity to get a horse of their own before they even think about connecting with the opposite sex. But back to the subject at hand..

I believe that a proper compliment based solely off of a woman’s looks is the best way to connect with her. Women carry purses that are usually filled with items to touch up their appearance( make up, mirrors, etc.) which only suggest that they worry about what they look like a lot more than men do. What better way to ease the mind of a woman than to let her know that she doesn’t have to worry about how she is begin perceived at that moment. Having put her mind at ease, she can now contemplate other matters.. perhaps even.. YOU?

Now there is a catch..

The compliment certainly has to be unique and more than unique it has to be genuine. A compliment such as “ You’re beautiful/sexy/hot/cute/pretty” is unreacted to for several reasons.

Reason #1

It’s obvious-She hears this ALL the time.

Reason #2

When you say “ You’re beautiful” you are stating it as if it is a fact. While YOU may perceive her as beautiful she may be the complete opposite to someone else. Now although she may hear the word beautiful all the time; changing “ You’re beautiful “ to “ I THINK you are beautiful “ will get you a completely different reaction – I guarantee it.

Reason #3

There is no YOU in this compliment. What more is she supposed to say other than “ Thank You ” while walking away. Exactly how do the men that walk around calling women “hot” expect them to respond? Did you think they will lean into you and start making out with you? Grab your hand, take out a pen, and write their phone number on it? In what reality does this happen and why is it that the urban man sits around waiting for miracles instead of making them happen. This is your life; waiting will only get you what waiting has already gotten you.. Which is what?

Women wear tight dresses, high heels, and even walk the way they do because they WANT to be viewed as attractive. They want some guy to be confident enough in both himself and her to compliment her beauty without fear. So compliment her beauty relentlessly, do so with passion, high energy and she’ll love for you it.

The trick to successfully complimenting a woman’s looks is to state how the way she looks is making YOU feel. She doesn’t want to know she is attractive as much as she wants to know how much her attractiveness is affecting YOU. This is about YOU, this isn’t about her looking a certain way; it’s about her beauty filling YOU with fire and desire from the inside out. No woman can resist a man confident enough to express how tempted he is to give into weakness because of her beauty.

I’ll give you an example..

Back when I experimented with the online dating thing, I realized that all men would do is compliment a woman on her looks and the women hated it. Why? Because they weren’t doing it the proper way. They would all say “ Hey Beautiful, Hey sexy, you’re hot etc. “. Now as you stated before, they could of received more responses if they said “ I think you’re sexy, I think you’re hot etc “, but I decided to take a different approach. I was going to describe in one or two lines how the way a woman looked was making me feel. I never had to read profiles.. I would just monitor my emotions while looking at their pictures and just describe this to them.

One of my favorite lines was “ damn girl..you make me wanna knit the both of us matching sweaters.“

I could send that to ten girls and get seven responses, because I was stating how the way she looked was making me FEEL.

A proper compliment tailored to a woman’s looks also does something powerful for your benefit. Not only will paying a woman a proper compliment heighten the way she perceives herself, but it will also heighten the way she perceives you. We’ve all heard the expression “ It takes one to know one “ and people are only mirrors of ourselves after all. When you comment to a person on anything they subconsciously think it must have something to do with you. So by validating her attractiveness you are also validating your own.

I used to date this girl named Natalia, and boy was she BEAUTIFUL… But she wasn’t always that way. Natalia was my next door neighbor when I lived in the suburbs. And before we were together I would see her from time to time, but I never really thought anything of her. Then one day I had a friend over who came into my house excited saying he had no idea I had such a sexy neighbor. He was also wondering why I had never made a move on her. I told him I didn’t think she was all that cute, and he told me I was crazy. So immaturely I said to myself “ Fine, I’m just going to sleep with her to score some cool points with my boy; not to mention, the idea of sleeping with a next door neighbor is a bit exciting.”

The next day I looked her up on facebook ( we went to high school together, she was three years older) and sent her a message:

Me: Hey, there’s this cute girl that lives in my neighbor hood.. You know her?

Her: (I don’t remember what she said but it was something like..) Haha yeah that’s me 🙂

Me: Dope.. So can I borrow some sugar?

Her: Sure 😉

I think she thought I was joking, but I went right on over, knocked on her door and asked for sugar. She laughed, we talked for a bit and then we exchanged phone numbers. The whole time I am thinking “ This girl is not all that attractive -I’m not even sure I want to go through with this “. But I was on a mission and I was going to complete it. I called her a couple days later, chatted with her for 20 minutes and then invited her over for a back yard picnic. So there we were, hanging out in my backyard, me still thinking she’s not that cute, and then it all started… She went into a mind state where she began describing to me how attractive I was for about fifteen minutes. She had been in a metaphorical cocoon and once the compliments began to rain, she broke out and emerged as a butterfly. My eyes glazed over and I was hers. I ate it up and for the first time since I had seen her I began to view her as all of the things she was telling me I was.

“ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” – General Lew Wallace

“ A pimple turns to a dimple when you’re in love” – Japanese Proverb

Long story short

I fell more in love with Natalia that I’ve ever fallen for any woman in my entire life, all because she made a habit of constantly telling me how amazing I was. And as I stated above; subconsciously I would associate all of these great things with her even though my original opinions of her were negative. Her opinions of me, became my opinions of her and she knew this. I had fallen for her, I became emotional over her, and she began looking for a new male the conquer with her silver forked tongue.

There is a lot of power in the compliment and we must also realize that the more compliments we give out to others the more compliments we get in return. Compliments boost both someone else’s confidence and our own so it’s a win-win situation. Just make sure they’re genuine, original and tailed directly to the person. “I like your dress” doesn’t cut it; it’s cliche and heard by someone somewhere every single day. Try “ That dress goes great with the tone of your skin, how did you know to pick that color? “ That’ll open up the person and get the conversation flowing, but just remember that it has to be honest and genuine. If you love women enough, this will all be easy for you. Just begin expressing to them how much you really do LOVE specific things about them and how these things are making you FEEL.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com

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She Will Follow So Long As You Lead

I woke up to an epiphany this morning that will probably stick with me for the rest of my life. I intend to share it here in hopes that it can have at least some of that effect on anyone that reads this.

So I’ll just get into it..

I have been dating this woman for the past month and a half and she’s been great. Now of course no one is perfect, she just encompasses all the positives I could say I wanted before I met her. I remember saying to myself after the first few weeks of knowing her that “ I don’t know if there is somebody out there for everybody, but there was somebody out there for me. “ She’s that.  So anyway, like many of us do while going into a relationship that seems promising from the start my naivety led me to the assumption that things we going to be easy. I assumed that because we were so well matched that any conflicts that we could have would be minor and insignificant. And boy was I wrong. I’ve always known that women test us as men. The test aren’t intended to be malicious; their test are carried out simply because they want us to become better than we are. A woman needs to be able to feel her mans strength; she needs to know that her man can handle her in her wildest moments so that she can be secure in being with him. A woman wants to feel safe with her man, she wants to know that she’ll never be left out to dry, and the more you ensure her that she won’t be, the more she must test you to see whether or not she can trust your word.

So I always tell guys to encourage there woman to be strong; compliment her and help her become a greater version of herself that she can be so that the test she throws your way are more intense.  Their test can only make us stronger and as long as a man is rooted in his masculinity he never need worry about passing a test thrown at him by his woman. As a young guy I would worry about boosting my woman confidence  because I would be in fear of her getting out control. I liked her how she was – easy to handle, and so I tried my best to keep her that way, because she was at a level that I felt comfortable handling the things she threw at me. And so I would begin to resent the women I was with; they weren’t pushing me to grow and so I lost attraction for them. I wouldn’t stay with them all while being too immature to understand what was happening and so I would repeat this cycle over and over again. Eventually I understood what was going on and began to do the opposite. I began to compliment my woman more, telling her what she meant to me, and how important I believe what we have is. And what I found is a woman doesn’t take this new found self esteem to use it to lift her head above the world. She takes that energy and uses it to give it right back to me. I discovered that women were saving accounts with interest rates beyond my wildest explanations. They give us back everything we give them with a lot more behind it. I’m almost certain that old expression “ Hell hath no fury like a woman scorn” had its inception in a case in which a man wronged his woman deeply and so she gave it back to him with the interest I spoke of. And so if a man understands this, he understands that he can never out give his woman whether for the good or for the bad. Show her strength and she will be weak around you so that you can feel stronger; show her weakness and she will be strong around you in attempt to make you strong. Become weaker in this face of her strength and she will become even stronger and eventually devour the man that doesn’t rise up and claim what is his masculine right. Black women tend to get the reputation for being “Strong” and hard to deal with, and I believe that is due to the men not being able to rise in the face of their strength so the woman can feel comfortable being weak around him. A woman is a mans polar opposite and if he won’t rise to the plate and display his strength she will have to reflect it in hopes that he will recognize her for this and pick up the slack. A strong woman will always make a strong man.  And it is through her releasing of that strength by being weak around the man that she can trust to be responsible with her, that he will rise up in both his strength and power. And in this they become one flesh.

So I had to relearn what I stated above over this past week. The time had called for me to deal with the imbalance being reflected to me by my partner. She was calling for more strength and I wasn’t centered in my masculinity enough to give it to her; so as she once would shrink in the face of my strength so that i become stronger; she grew stronger in the face of my weakness. She had began to take notice of my controlling nature and she was calling for me to be better than this. I couldn’t see it at the time; all I could wonder is why on earth my woman was all off a sudden such a challenge to deal with. She wanted more, because I was asking her for more.  She wanted me to be greater than the selfishness within me that lead me to wanting things exactly how I wanted them and when I wanted them.

At first I was struggling with the imbalance because I was consciously trying to assert myself over her in order to get respect. And it is through that situation that I understood that instead of asserting myself, all I need do is relax back into the masculinity that I have been given that I  will prevail and my woman will trust me once again. It is nature and it is natural to a woman rooted in her femininity to want her man to be strong so that she can feel comfortable with surrendering herself to him. Women want to surrender, they just mean a man strong enough to handle them when they decide to give themselves.

After the night of conflict I had woke up to the answer; it was streaming through my mind clearly. It said “ You don’t have to give your woman instruction. Let her be who she is and have patience. If you’re practicing what you preach she’ll follow “. And so that was it. I had spent so much energy in relationships trying to assert my authority over my woman and giving them instruction that I didn’t understand that the women in my life weren’t listening to what I said as much as they were listening to what I do. Through the showing of a mans strength his woman naturally begins to pick up on his behaviors (both bad and good). So if a man can remain patient and remain strong in the face of his woman doing things that are unpleasing, she will eventually alter her behavior to reflect a behavior that will cause her man to feel more love for her. And the stronger a man in his what he is asking his woman to do the quicker she will begin to do as he would like. I had been telling women in my life to do things that I wasn’t full committed to doing myself and I had to understand that  as the leader in the relationship I can not expect something out of someone before I was fully giving that myself.

So this is my calling to all men to lead more so by action and less so by word. As Ive stated many times “ Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny. Lead your women first by your destiny, then your character, following your habits, your actions, and then your words/thoughts.

Now it is okay for a man to give instruction to his woman; in fact most women like and appreciate this, just be sure to do so from a place of understanding. From a place in which you are sure that the things you have asked have made it all the way to your destiny before you put it upon others. Because the more you ask of her, the more that she will ask of you so that she can be compliant. Rise into your strength and relax into the man that you were called to be and all imbalances experienced with your woman will quickly dissolve.

Peace & Love to all the readers.

Eddie Fews

Anyone seeking dating and relationship advice or private consultation just click here and I’ll be with you within 24 hours.


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com

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You Don’t Have It Because You Don’t Deserve It

 I’ve began to notice that everyone has a poverty like mentality when it comes to a particular area of their lives. There are poor men and women everywhere that are victims of thoughts that keep them enslaved to their conditions. Think poverty, talk poverty, and you will manifest poverty in your actions. Think wealth/abundance, talk wealth, and you will manifest actions that’ll lead to wealth. For many this happens unconsciously because they were raised by poor/wealthy families that have lead them into the thinking pattern they have today. So they go on producing and accepting having or not having.

So what poor mentality am I talking about ?

If love/sex were coins, many of you men would be homeless, strung out on the floor, shaking your coffee cups, and begging for change. It’s pitiful honestly; I see the tweets, the statuses, facebook comments etc. I almost want to shake some of you guys up so y’all can come to your senses. We’re idolizing and worshiping our women from a point of inferiority. I have no problem putting a woman on a pedastol, but I must first secure my position on my own pedastol. This isn’t fan telling a rockstar how amazing they are. This is a rockstar telling another rockstar that they like them too. Any coincidence that most celebrities date other people in their industry? They’re idolized by almost everyone else.But the worse part about the analogy I started this paragraph off with is most men don’t even realize that that’s how they are seen by every woman they idolize.

Would you date a homeless woman who sits around begging all day? No. There is nothing she could do to get you to do so. She could call you handsome and compliment you all day long but it just wouldn’t happen. Mainly because she hasn’t taken care of herself yet, so how could she possibly have anything to offer you? In terms of self wealth and value, a lot of our men have not taken care of themselves. Women are going after each other now. They’re “independent”, they don’t need us, because we aren’t offering anything.

If you guys want to get up off the floor and dust yourselves off its time to know what you deserve. Anyone that has anything, felt or feels like they deserve what they have. Even a spoiled brat kid with a million toys that wants more feels like he’s deserving of another one. So when he approaches his parents for a new one, he communicates to them from a deserving position. This is the same position you must come from when you approach, speak, or comment on women.

Everything you do must say ” I deserve you.. and I came to find out if you deserve me “

You can even turn this into a practice on your daily travels. Every time you see a woman you find attractive whether on Facebook or in person say to yourself ” I deserve you.. “. This is how you will begin to train your thoughts to feel worthy when you communicate with a woman you find attractive. You can even apply this same mentality to that new Porsche you have your eyes on. When you see that new car, that house or job you want tell yourself ” I deserve you”. After enough repetition you will be one step closer to attracting the things you deserve.

I was always taught that I can have anything that I truly feel I deserve. It’s more than just saying it, it’s believing it, but saying it is where it starts. Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habbits, our habbits become our character, and our character becomes our destiny. Let’s stop begging and start attractive the things we believe we deserve.

Peace & Love

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com

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