Should Men Be Allowed A Cheat Day In Relationships?

This one will probably be met with several screw faces from the female supporters, but I’m going to be optimistic and offer a perspective that should speak to a few of you. The few with a mind that is open to at least discussing masculine ideas without becoming angry. The few who’ll find it easiest to get a man to want to commit to them long term in the first place. I’ve found in my personal life that the most attractive and confident women have a spirit of seeking to understand. They may not agree right away, but they don’t go touting their opinion easily. They understand that there is a difference within the psychology of a man and a woman and thus, they seek to understand the males way of thinking to better help them function in a union with one. The majority of these women just so happen to be in functional relationships, but perhaps that’s just a coincidence.

Today it’s very easy for a woman to say, “Well this is what I want and if he doesn’t like it then its on to the next one”, but how long does this mentality survive until you’ve worn yourself out through failed relationship after failed relationship and one finds themselves alone? It is the very “on to the next one” mentality that results in a man not feeling attracted to a woman anyway. I’ve wrote about this before. A man thrives off of feeling needed, so if you’re mentality is “On to the next one, I can do fine without a man, My feelings or the highway etc…” you will produce a vibe that  will subconsciously be a repellent to the opposite sex. He may stick around to enjoy the sex, the affection, and good times, but his eyes will continue to wander to a place in which he can feel that he is “needed”.

Women want to feel “wanted” and men want to feel “needed”. It is a thin line, but there is a difference between the two. Before I get into the topic let me also say that there are always exceptions to every rule. Every time I write something like this I get an email from a woman saying,“ Well I knew this guy that this didn’t apply to”. Of course you do. I’m speaking to the majority. If I wrote an article saying, “Men have ten toes” would you email me saying, “ Well I disagree. I knew someone who had 11 toes?”.

No.

So lets not do that here.

It is also true that men are being emasculated today. We’re dealing with some of the most emotional, not knowing what they want, tipping toeing men of all time. This is happening for several reasons that I will be tackling in my next article,“Why Have Men Become So Effeminate?”. Women are also being a lot more masculine, and consequently we’re dealing with some of the most aggressive, detached, and combative women of all time. So I understand that these two types will be the first to write this content off before they even try comprehend it. But my intent is only to speak to the true nature of masculinity, and not what masculinity has been marginalized into during the 21st century.

Now with that being said, this article is not written to encourage women to give their man a cheat day, its more so written to get women to understand a male’s way of thinking, his nature, and his emotions more than anything. You can do whatever you want with the information after that, but understanding one another should be pivotal. So I’m going to go into several aspects arguing my case, and if you can keep an open mind and put away what YOU think, and your opinions for a moment please continue. If you’re already turning up your nose and waiting to disagree, you can stop here and leave a comment disagreeing as if you read the entire thing and understand what I’m trying to say.

I’ll start by presenting this one fact: ‘A single human male produces enough sperm in two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet.

Would you or would you not agree that a creatures genetic make up has some impact an influence on what that creature does and that creature’s way of thinking? Surely a lion being born with claws and sharp teeth feels compelled to hunt animals for meat. Its teeth and digestive system aren’t made to digest grass, and so it hunts because of its biological make up . This isn’t some social construct. No one has to tell the lion that it’s suppose to hunt other animals. The lion knows instinctively that its job is to hunt because of the cards that it has been dealt. So, what would possessing enough sperm cells to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet every two weeks do to a man on an instinctual level when our bodies naturally  produce hormones that trigger us to want to reproduce? Nothing happens for no reason in nature. It is our hormones and our emotions that trigger our actions.

For example, when a man or woman becomes angry it is because their bodies are producing a chemical called catecholamine, and it is this chemical that triggers the motivation to act out in anger. Its not just a mental thing.  It’s a hormonal cause for the emotion that proceeds before the action. So in that same light, how does a woman only being able to have one child a year influence her instinctual behavior? Her traditional nature would encourage her to find one suitable partner with strong genes so that she could give birth and maintain the population of the planet. Nature didn’t create sex so that we could have pleasure, nature made sex pleasurable so that we would reproduce. If sex were painful our subconscious would instinctively shy us away from the act.

So what does a man and woman’s biological nature tell you about the way that we feel compelled to act instinctively? A man’s nature – producing enough sperm to impregnate every female on the planet; a woman’s nature – only being able to produce one child per year? Which would be the one that would be more concerned with finding a commitment with one person? And before anyone says humans have free will… sure we do, but nature still plays its role. This is why you consistently hear women saying, “All men are the same” and men saying ,“ All women are the same”. Surely we each have our own personality and things that makes us unique, but we all possess the same nature. Just as all lions are the same, and all dolphins are the same. They each have unique attributes, but when you boil them down to their nature they each do the same exact things.

And this brings me to my next point:

When a male and female copulate,hug, kiss or touch, a chemical called oxytocin is produced. Oxytocin is a bonding chemical, and this is what creates the romantic feelings we feel for one another. The body begins to crave the feel good chemical oxytocin and this creates the emotion which is responsible for attachment. The most oxytocin is produce when a woman breast is being sucked on, so if any ladies out there are with a no good man that you can’t seem to get away from; keep the guy away from your breast. This is the same chemical produced when a woman is breast feeding that intensifies the bond and connection between a mother and her child. Now, did you that know oxytocin is produced by both man and woman, but testosterone nullifies oxytocin? And the more testosterone a man has the more difficult it will be for him to be attached to any one person. The chemical responsible for attachments begins to be nullified within him. You don’t just love someone dearly because you love them, you love them because they’ve succeeded at producing a sufficient amount of feel good chemicals in your body that created the attachment. This can’t be forced and/or manufactured. A man can’t just love you the way you love him because you want him to. You have to succeed at producing high enough levels of oxytocin within him that can’t be all nullified because of his testosterone. And the more testosterone he has, the more difficult this will be. Which is why the most alpha males(men with the highest testosterone counts) sleep with the most women and have the most difficult time with commitment. He just doesn’t feel it the way that you do. So a mans ability to want to stick around with you after sex isn’t just based on how soon or how late you have sex with him. It is based on how much oxytocin you’ve succeeded at getting him to produce before, and during the act. You wait too long and see him too infrequently, and he will have produced enough testosterone to get rid of it- and the attachment. Too soon, and there simply just isn’t enough yet.

Now let me just say that it is possible to make a man produce enough oxytocin in one day if you’re skilled, and if things line up with the other factors in play, but that’s another article altogether. I will elaborate more on this in my book for woman on how to successful seduce the man they want, but what I will say is that the less sperm a man is carrying over an extended period of time the less testosterone he will have. So if he has masturbated or had sex several days before meeting you and you’re skilled, he won’t have the testosterone available to nullify the oxytocin. Hence why older men are more willing to enter a commitment because a mans testosterone count lowers as he gets older. This is not something men are aware of. For the most part we’re just on autopilot responding to our nature. So my question is, why must men be held to the same commitment standards as women when we’re not even capable of feeling the same things that women are feeling for us biologically? Should a man born without sight  be forced to pass an eye exam lest he be cast away?

Why is it that the majority of mammals on the planet exist within a system that contains few males and many females? In a cow pen there is one bull, and a bunch of cows. Lion prides contain one lion and several lioness. In a herd of deer there is usually one alpha male deer that is responsible for impregnating 90% of the females in the herd. Even in a chicken coop there is usually one or two roosters( if the coop is big enough) and a bunch of hens and the one rooster is responsible for fertilizing all the eggs. What is that telling us about the nature of male creatures? Perhaps just more coincidences.

Lets dive into commitment from a male point of view:

When a woman meets a confidant alpha male who naturally attracts a lot of women what is the usual dynamic? Typically the Alpha male will not be looking to settle down with any one particular girl in the early years of his life, and so he will be developing  non-exclusive relationships with multiple women. Because the women like him, they will put up with it for a short time before pressuring him to commit to them exclusively over all of the other girls that he’s seeing. He’ll do one of two things: If he likes her he’ll do his best to comfort her and assure her that he does have feelings for her but he’s still not ready. In other words, he hasn’t been worn down enough.  Now if he doesn’t like her, he’ll just cut her off and/or make it clear to her that it’s not going to happen and she’ll walk away or stay until she finds someone willing.

All men who have high levels of success with women have been confronted with this dynamic multiple times. Often from two or three women all at once. We know that we chase women initially to lock in their interest and to win their compliance, and then she chases us after that to maintain our investment in her and to win our commitment. Commitment is almost never actually something that WE as alpha males want. Its something that we give to our women if we value them enough over time. If we had it our way, we would have several women who commit to us that we don’t actually commit to. And this is usually what’s going on. The majority of quality women that I know tell me they don’t feel comfortable sleeping with more than one man at a time. And so they’ll be committing to men in non- committed relationships anyway. This is all just due to their nature if their nature is intact; since a woman  can only carry the child of one man at a time. Men on the other hand are able to create thousands of children a year if we have the availability. And so a man’s natural and biological feelings will be in alignment with what his biological potential is. Because most women don’t feel this desire to their core, they can’t accept the fact that we legitimately do. The majority of quality men I know are all sleeping with multiple women until they find one suitable enough to build something with.

Ask a woman why hasn’t she had sex with a thousand attractive men yet? And she’ll say something like “  That’s gross, or I respect myself and I won’t just sleep with anyone”. Ask a guy why he hasn’t had sex with a thousand women yet and he’ll tell you that he just hasn’t had the time to, or hasn’t found  that amount of attractive women willing to sleep with him.

So if commitment to monogamy is something that we didn’t even want, but we gave to the woman we love as a reward for putting up with enough of our nonsense, should we not be allowed a cheat day as a reward to us for going against our nature by entering a committed relationship once every blue moon?

What women have to understand is that entering a committed relationship is a lot more simple for them. Women are turning down dozens of men every single day that are trying to sleep with them. So once they enter a relationship they don’t have to do anything new. They only have to continue turning down men same way they were doing before entering the commitment. Every day of a man’s life he is trying to get women to sleep with him either directly or indirectly. That’s our life. So once we enter a commitment we have to perform an action that is the complete opposite of the reality that we live every single day. We’re the only ones that have to struggle with taking up a new practice and a new behavior. The women, for the most part, get to remain the same, because after all, the commitment was something that she wanted. So she’s getting something that she wants, that is congruent with her daily behavior anyway. Its like getting paid to brush your teeth, take a shower, and then commute to work. You’ll do it whether you get paid or not, so to get paid for it is a double and unrealistic bonus. Imagine your boss saying “I’ll give you a two hundred dollar bonus on every check if you eat dinner when you get off work.”. Now of course you don’t have to, but you’re likely to do it anyway, so its easy money.

When people go on a diet, they reward themselves with a cheat day because they’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what they were used to every day of there life prior. So in that same light, why shouldn’t men be allowed a cheat day because we’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what we were used to everyday of our life prior? Why can’t our women say “ Wow.. You’ve successfully went against your biological nature and motivation to populate the earth and remained with one woman for a year. Go have a cheat day baby. “  Hell, if a woman would do something as simple as saying, ” Thank you for being faithful” it would make a world of difference in how her man felt about staying strong and honoring the commitment.

The modern day, new age feminist will tell you that monogamy is a social construct, and that is a lie. Monogamy for women is a biological construct. It’s embedded in their nature and their biological potential. Once again, sex wasn’t created for us to have pleasure, pleasure is just the emotional impetus so that we will have sex and procreate. Third wave feminism is atheism. You can’t believe in a higher power and think that our biological natures weren’t created with a purpose. But shout out to all of my feminists. Pardon me. This article isn’t for you.

So I want to wrap this up by reiterating that I am not encouraging women to run and tell their boyfriend “ go have a cheat day”, your feelings should matter as well. But what we’re not going to do is coddle childish emotions that aren’t validated by anything other than more emotion, and make decisions based off of that. The discussion can be had, perhaps your man is over that stage of his life, perhaps his T count isn’t where it used to be, and he’s had his fun already. I just think that we should all strive to understand one another a lot more.

In the eleventh chapter of Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill said “ The woman who understand a man’s nature and tactfully caters to it, need have no fear of competition from other women. Men may be “giants” with indomitable will-power when dealing with other men, but they are easily managed by the women of their choice.” And I completely agree with this statement. Its easy to say “only an insecure woman would go for something like this” and while an insecure woman may go for this out of necessity, a woman with the ultimate confidence may be willing to allow it because she understands.

I always tell women that men rule on the front end, we are the conscious mind and women are the subconscious mind. The subconscious is responsible for 80% of our thoughts and activity, but the thing is, the conscious mind doesn’t even know the subconscious mind is operating. A woman that understands her man and seeks to provide him with what he needs will rule her man. And the beauty of it all is, he won’t even have the slightest idea of whats going on. The insecure woman is controlled by her man, because she is trying to control him on the front end. The conscious end. Leave that to him, let him think he’s ruling.  He will feel a lot more comfortable with opening up and revealing his true feelings to you that way. The truly confident woman allows her man to have that 20% front end; the small battle, because she knows that ultimately she is ruling from behind the scenes; responsible for 80% of his activity. The women that get a thorough grasp on this, will never be short on a man that’s willing to commit to her and give her his everything.

For anyone further interested in an example of this topic you can check out this couple from Brooklyn, New York who have allowed two additional women into the relationship and are sharing one man between them three. The man and his first wife have been together for 17 years, the two other women have been with him and his wife for 11 years. How many of you have been with one person consistently for 5 years? And i’m not talking about breaking up and getting back together years later. I’m talking about a strong consistent five years. They’re all attractive women who could easily have a man to themselves if they truly wanted to. The women don’t sleep with each other, they don’t do threesomes, and there is not a sign of low self esteem insight. You can check that out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XaRjpjdui8

Thanks for reading.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@wayoftheplayer.com

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So You’ve Met Someone Special?

Is this your first time falling in love or has it happened before?

If this is the first time you’ve found someone special it is important that you understand that this someone special is going to come in your life again and again, and again, and again, and again. If this isn’t the first time, and you’re still referring to this someone special as “ someone special ” you’re an idiot.

Do not, and I repeat do not, give up the game just because you’ve met someone special. Settling down shouldn’t be some spontaneous decision that you make because you’ve met someone special. Settling down should only be something you do when you have been considering settling down for sometime; far before you met anyone special. When you allow a woman who is seemingly unique to cause you to change your course randomly who do you think is now leading the interaction? And how does flipping and flopping depending on who comes into your life on any given day effect your frame? Is that the frame of a leader or is that the frame of a more unstable man that blows with the wind? A man that goes wherever life takes him? Not a man that is in control, not a man who has the ability to create his own destiny. What would happen if we bought every item being offered at a “special” price at the electronic store despite having a mortgage that has to be paid? In any other aspect of our life do we let the potential of something special interfere with our priorities?

The moment you settle down before you’ve made the conscious decision to; a decision that should include a plan and a purpose, you are giving up your power. You are giving up the very thing that makes you attractive, and are potentially setting yourself up for oneitis, disappointment, and heartbreak.

Always trust you initial instinct. The feeling you get when you first meet a girl is likely going to be the most accurate description of where you should take your relationship. As guys we do that anyway; when we meet a girl we always make a note to decide mentally whether or not this girl is going to be a “ hit it and quit it, a friends with benefits, a girlfriend, a wife etc”. Now what happens when a girl that initially gave you the “hit it and quit” vibe gives you some amazing sex and so you decide to promote her to a friends with benefits spontaneously after the lay? What happens when you become even weaker after a few more ejaculations and she gets bumped to girlfriend? You get bumped to beta male in her mind. And because of your now weakened frame and you become food that will be used as emotional energy to fuel her to get the guy with a stronger frame.

We get emails from guys all the time that have had this happen to them and you know what the common theme is between them? They have all developed emotional dependence on these women and have waited until they were seconds from drowning to begin flapping their arms to call the life guard over for help.

Stick to your guns. 

If she wasn’t good enough for you in the beginning, its likely she just isn’t up to your standards. Don’t let the production of oxytocin(a bonding chemical created by cuddling, kissing, sex etc.)  influence your thoughts and cause you to take an action you had no intention of taking while your emotions were stable.

We have to be stronger than our emotions.

This will keep men from marrying prostitutes and wasting time with women who are below their standards. When a man meets a prostitute, what is likely his first thought? Whats his first instinct? To sleep with her, pay her, and leave; never to see her or talk to her again. And not that I’m advocating prostitution, but that is exactly what he should do. He should stick to his plan, a plan that likely wasn’t deluded by emotional manipulation when it was created.

Do not.. And I repeat do not give up the game until you’ve made that conscious and well thought out decision that you are ready. A decision that should have came LONG before you met “someone special”.

Develop a plan, decide what you want to do, and stick to it. Be a man. Stop being lead by emotions and affection from women. Your first thought is almost always the most accurate one.

Now, for the guys who are ready to settle down and the guys who are far too undeveloped in their game to heed to this advice; give every woman you consider settling down with a 90 day probation before you make the decision to commit to them. Women that are bad for you will likely blow themselves out in 90 days or less.

If she starts pressuring you to commit to her before that 90 days, she can go fuck herself. All women will put on a show initially, its the mating dance, its the act to get you to commit. Once they have that commitment the mask comes off and you are now dealing with the very thing that gave you that initial gut feeling in the first place.

Its just like the girl who’s place is always clean when you first meet them. The girl that eventually starts leaving dishes around and before you know it, her place is a complete mess every time you come over.

Trust your gut. I can’t say my gut has always been right, but it has been right 95% of the time and those are odds that I have to take. I’m not going to let the potential fantasy of some hollywood romance movie interfere with me takin charge and being the leader of my own life.

Men, do yourselves a favor.. Stop being taken by love. Ask yourself why do you want to be in a relationship? For what purpose. What can a relationship offer you at this point of your life that a friends with benefits can’t? And if you can’t come up with anything good enough; you aren’t ready to be in a relationship. You’re just doing it because you think its what you’re suppose to do. Men are jumping in relationships with women everyday now that are offering nothing. I would hope that after a woman pressures you to escalate your situationship into a relationship that something new would come with the offer. She gets the commitment she wants, but what do you get? 9 times out of 10 in todays time you’ll get absolutely nothing.

There was a time in which women withheld on sex, affection, and full submission until after they received commitment, but that time is not today. When will we stop buying cows that are already offering us the milk for free?

Be the leader. Stop following feelings. Leave that to the more feminine in nature.

Peace & Love

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@wayoftheplayer.com

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How To Not Be Desperate

I’ll be turning more of the advice I give into articles –  it’s a lot of information that can be helpful to more than just the person in the emails I give it to. This is from a guy that asked me about a remedy for his desperation.

Hey Eddie,

Are there any books, videos, guides etc. that can help me start the long journey of destroying being desperate etc.

I think subconsciously I give it off to girls (even though I am very aware of it and actively think about it with every move I take with girls)

I know no book or video can 100% help you…but it’s a start and I am sure there are deeper issues at stake here.

Any advice would be greatly helpful.

Thanks

Being desperate doesn’t take place in action; desperation is all a reflection of the vibe you are giving off to a woman. The energy you are sub-communicating, and if you’re consciously thinking about every move thats another clear sign of desperation. There is no need to impress with anything other than the audacity and boldness you had to approach the women the way you did and begin conversation. I’ve never been into doing magic tricks and bending over backwards to get a girl to like me. I’m not a performer, I’m an attractive male offering emotional and attractive conversation. Take it – go on this emotional journey with me, or leave it and resume the life you were living before me.

The root of my audacity is the fact that to the core of my being I believe I possess something that everyone needs in their lives. Every woman and every man. I have the ability to transform the life of anyone that crosses my path, and its possible that maybe I don’t, but I believe that I do and thats what makes me attractive.

Your desperation is all a result of the core beliefs you have about yourself. How worthy you feel your contribution to social interactions to be. A man thats feels talentless and worthless will never get out there and make any impact on the world because to his core he doesn’t believe that he has anything to offer the world. And a man that believes he is of low value and women don’t NEED him in their lives will not have much drive to get out there and approach any of them.

Even this post here.. You asked for videos and books, but I believe that I could write you a post an completely change your outlook on how you feel about desperation – which can trigger a drive to make a change. Will it change your life? Maybe. Maybe not?  But I believe I have the ability to, and thats whats driving me to jock away at this keyboard.

Desperation is all a mindset. And the way you change a mindset is to fill it with new information that is the opposite of the current state that it is in. For example: What do you look up on search engines? A needy desperate guy searches, ” Why do women think I’m so desperate? ” – And what he will get in return is a bunch of information to back up and reinforce the reason he is viewed as desperate. An attractive man or a man that wants to be attractive thinks and searches ” Guide to being completely awesome and having a life of abundance ” – And he will run into information that will back that statement. So long as you search what you are and ask questions about what you are you will stay that way. You want to change? Begin asking questions about that which you want to be. That’ll help you get there.

Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits and our habits become our destiny.

You thought yourself into your situation and you can think yourself out of it. Put energy and thought into your change, the more you put in the more you get out. Saying to yourself in the mirror ” I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to this universe” a thousand times isn’t half as affective as taking a paper and writing it down it thousand times. Change isn’t going to come over night nor will it come from reading all day. Take active steps in making a change in your life. You must DO something.

Its like getting in shape.. If you want to get a 6 pack you have to exercise, eat right, drink water etc. consistently for 3-6 months to get one. And depending on your physical shape when you started, it maybe longer than that. So you have to ask yourself what is your emotional condition. Are you 300 pounds emotionally trying to get down to 150. Or are you 180 pounds emotionally trying to get down to 150. Your emotional weight will impact the length of time you will have to actively contribute to your change ( Thinking new thoughts, reading new information, writing it on paper, saying it in the mirror, praying about it, meditating on it, etc. etc.)

Work for the change you want and understand that it’s possible that it may take a few years for you to get there. This is the microwave age, but no sustaining change comes without dedication and consistency.

Where Do I Start ?

For and foremost let me say I think its important for each man to divulge into his own creativity to come up with physical, mental, and spiritual exercises that he can do to improve his condition based off of the material I wrote above.  The more of YOU the task that you apply to improve your condition the more focused the energy being applied to situation; causing a faster and stronger improvement.
But here are a few examples..
  1. As Stated Above, Grab a pencil and a notebook and spend a hour or more (The more you put in the greater the transition) writing down “ I am fun, loving and attractive. “ – “ I possess a grand sense of humor and a irresistible charm. “ “ I Love women and women love me” – “ I am the greatest thing that has ever happened to this planet.
Spend hours writing the above. Start with an hour a day. Treat it like a Job and get it done habitually. Your friends want to play videos? You stay home unless you’ve done your hour. This has to be more important to you than leisure if it is actually want you want.
Look yourself in the mirror and say the above, over and over. Tell yourself you’re the most attractive man on earth. Say it over and over it until you believe your new truth.
Meditate on the statements above, sit still close your eyes and repeat the phrases like those over and over again for 20 minutes.
This all becomes apart of the collective energy you are contributing into your change and you reap what you so. And most importantly, create your own statements, create your own affirmations. Don’t depend on my thinking process, dig down deep within yourself and pull out quotes from the man that you’re on your journey to be.
Get creative, because it will get boring, but in 6 months – 2 years (depending on where you are) it will all be worth it.
Own Your Destiny.

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For Personal Consultation via Skype Phone & IM – For one on one coaching email me at EddieFews@wayoftheplayer.com 

5 Quick Tips For A Great First Date

This is a response to the emailer John11236, who asked me for a couple quick tips to ensure that he had a more successful first date while out a coffee this evening. Check out these 5 quick tips.

Tip #1 – If you’ve spoken to her enough to know something small that she likes, under $5 bucks, pick it up on the way tot he date  and wait for the proper moment to reveal it and give it to her.

For example: On my first date with a girl I was talking to in the past, she had texted me an hour before the date ” I’m so excited for our first date. This is a date right? :) – To which I responded something like ” Nope. Its our one year anniversary. We’re going to grab some drinks an celebrate. ” she’s like ” haha okay, see you there”

So on the way, I stopped by a stationary store and picked up a “Happy Anniversary card” – I didn’t write anything in it, but it was a small comical gift and she melted when I gave it to her. (later on in the night she revealed that had baked me some fresh cookies and pulled them out in wrapped ‘happy anniversary’ paper, but thats a story within itself…)

Second example: A woman would tell me how much she loves chocolate chip cookies. So i’d stop by a bakery on my way to meet her and pick up a chocolate chip cookie for her.

And its also very important WHEN you give the gift. Just chill and wait for the moment. This tip can also only be applied if you take the time out to have a conversation with the girl before going out with her. Something I would suggest that all men do. If you can’t last at least thirty minutes on the phone with a woman, then how do you expect to have a steady flow of conversation while on a date. Too many men are trying to rush to waste time on a date with someone they could find out they aren’t compatible with after five minutes on the phone – or video chat.  The technology is here, lets respect our time and use it to our advantage.

Tip #2 – If you feel like conversation is getting stale and/boring instantly suggest that you guys take your coffee and tea in hand and go for a walk. The association with boredom and staleness is tied to everything in that room at that point. A new scenery will almost be wiping the slate clean; opening up new avenues for conversation. I’ve even seen this work inside of my home. If a girl starts to get closed off at the thought of me making advancements, I’d suggest we move to another room in the house. The prior rejections on my escalation are almost forgotten about at that point. Its almost as if it didn’t happen. For whatever reason all the negativity was tied into everything within the room that it was taking place in.

I could go deeper and say that the term en-TRANCE, would suggest that the entering of every new room puts one under a new trance, but thats another topic for another time lol.

Tip #3 – How you start is usually how you finish. So you want to make sure that the initial HELLO is warm, lively and bright. Thats what will initially get the ball rolling. Its always good to get off to a great first start if you can help it. Its like a little snow ball being pushed down a hill. It begins to pick up steam the further and further it gets down the hill. And the bigger it gets, the more force and energy it will take to stop it and push it in the opposite direction. And that goes for a negative start or a positive start. Start off good, and it’ll be tough to stop the ball from rolling in a good way; start off bad and the same happens.

Tip #4 – Physical contact is very important.. Ask to see her hands, hold them in your hands, so you can look at her lines. I’m not expert at palm reading nor do I pretend to be on dates, but its a great way to introduce physical contact. Women love finding out new things about themselves, so even if a date is going bad, she will be open to letting you see her hands at the thought of learning something new about herself. You can even see this at how often women read their horoscopes and take those internet personality test.

Also, the sooner you break the touch barrier the better. Hand holding is an instant signal of romance. When you see two people holding hands its an instant indicator that they are together. Whether that be two girls, two guys, or a guy and a girl. So holding her hand to look at the inside of the palm is still in some way connected to romantic hand holding. The same action and amount of effort is needed to do both.

The top deep line is the love line. And they say that the further this lines curves up to the middle finger, the deeper a persons capacity to love. Look it up if you need to for accuracy, but what’s most important is that you have fun with it. Too much reality can ruin the ‘fantasy’.

Tip #5 – When all else fails, if the conversation just isn’t flowing like you want it to I’m going to give you a quick cold reading technique thats simple and easy to remember. This will at least buy you 5-10 mins to get it together while also honoring part of tip 4 by allowing you to teach her something new. She’ll subconsciously connect you with this new found realization about herself.

You can introduce it as ” Hey lets play this game, it’ll teach you somethings about yourself and allow me to get to know you better. ”

4 Questions and Four Simple Interpretations – Wait until the end to reveal what they mean.

1) You’re in an all white room without windows or doors, give me three separate adjectives to describe how you would feel? ( Most will say: Alone, Scared, Afraid)

2) Whats Your Favorite Color? And three separate adjectives to describe it? (Blue: Calm, Beautiful, Pure)

3) Whats Your Favorite Animal? And three separate adjectives to describe it (Cat: Sexy, Independent, Fun)

4) You’re before and ocean shore, whats the first thing you do? ( Take off my clothes and dive right in)

The first question is a reflection of how you see death..

The second question is a reflection of how you see yourself.. As being.. calm, beautiful, pure.

The third question is a reflection of how others see you.. As being sexy, independent, and fun

And the third is how you go about sex..

Depending on how elaborate her answer is for number four, you can get really in depth about your interpretation. Just make it up and have fun with it.

Apply those 5 quick tips and you’ll be on your way to having a great first date.

Eddie Fews


To book 1 on 1 Dating and Social Developing consultations email me at EddieFews@WayofThePlayer.com

For a copy of my second ebook ‘The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ – Support independent publishing: Buy this e-book on Lulu.

Social Changes To Improve Social Success

I watched an interview not too long ago where I was reminded of a time when I was recently confronted with energy from a social situations negative affect on my level of productivity. If you own a copy , The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom you would have read the law on the numbing of our everyday senses. This is especially true in large cities such as my own (New York City). We as people are constantly being bombarded with information, bright lights, foul smells, loud noises, etc. that are so unnatural to humanity that they are slowly but surely destroying our capacity to FEEL. The numbing happens so gradually that one cannot fathom what is even going on, unless they “resensitize” themselves to their environment. Anyone that has ever gained or lost weight can tell you that without photos of themselves or the changing number on the scale they could not notice the difference between their body when they were just 10-15 pounds lighter or heavier. That is largely due to the fact that we are with ourselves and looking at ourselves daily. It’s a challenging thing to follow, besides the majority of our perception of our external is due to the emotional state of our internal. Ever feel really great in an outfit one day and then feel shitty in it just a couple weeks later? The outfit didn’t change and neither did our bodies, the only difference now is the mindset.

So, as I have been resensitizing, I had been able to pick the influence subtle energies had been having over how I’ve been feeling throughout my everyday life.

Just recently I decided to begin a new routine where I would begin taking my work out of the home to great cafes in affluent parts of New York City. While working from home I would often find myself working from the bed, falling asleep every other hour and getting ‘ just enough to get by’ amounts of work done. While working in areas surrounded by other workers I became influenced by the collective energy of productivity. I had yet to develop a work space in my home and considering my neighborhood, the energy that radiated throughout my building/neighborhood was not exactly one of wealth builders and productive personal. So I purchased my monthly metro card and vowed to head outside of the house a minimum of 5 days a week to the best neighborhoods New York have to offer.

When I first made the decision, I was very much excited. The simple thought of a new routine that would bring a higher level of wealth and positive energy into my life had my mind racing with new ideas and personal goals. I jumped up, got dressed, threw a good unread book and my Macbook into my business bag and ran for the door. When I got to the front of my building I was confronted by a well-known lethargic resident with a zest for conversation about sports and rap music. A mid-forties man with a good heart who had never really accomplished much; nor did he ever appear to have a desire to. He is content where he is and that is fine for anyone who wants to live this way. I’ve always considered him an acquaintance and whenever he would see me he couldn’t wait to stop me to discuss the latest hip-hop and sports news and this time was no different.

As I exited the front door he delightfully called out “Yo man… did you see any new rap battles lately!?”, I respond politely, trying my best to hold onto all of the new ideas I came up with just before leaving the house “Nah not yet… what’s a good one to watch?”. We go back and forth a bit and before you knew it I was sucked in! Ten minutes had passed and I was still here talking about things that weren’t going to get me anywhere. At around the fifteenth minute I had begun to feel like going back up stairs and taking a nap. I honestly had forgotten all of the ideas and all of the passion that I once had to tackle my new routine, had dissipated all at once. At this moment I realized that I had begun to share energy with the fellow that I was speaking with. Some of my passion had naturally diffused into him and some of his lethargy had naturally diffused into me energetically.

It’s no surprise that we hear statements like “He’s a product of his environment” and “A man is a combination of the five people he spends the most of his time around”. It’s all the subtle distribution of energies going from one person into the other and so on. And as soon as I had this realization I instantly looked at my “former” neighborhood acquaintance and said “Hey man… I gotta go”. I hauled off still feeling unmotivated and lethargic, but just an hour afterward my ideas and passion had begun to return. I was back with a vision and a new perspective on social interactions.

We as people must understand that we are not just what we eat, but we are what we consume through all of our senses. Every sense is collecting information for the brain and thus telling it how to respond to its environment. Just as the eyes adjust to allow more light in so one can see in a dark room, the mind and energetic vibrations of our bodies adjust to the people we share energy with. The body is made to adapt to its environment, whether for the better or for the worst.

The music we listen to is a part of our diets. The noises from the environment around us is a part of our diets. A man living in a home in which there is much debate and quarrel is consuming the energy from the quarrel from the ears without even knowing. These things all influence the direction of the mind. These are a part of our ear’s diet.

The programs we watch, the books we read, the posters, and signs on our walls are a part of our eye’s diet. The neighborhoods, the quality of light, the cleanliness etc.  This is why I recommend solar gazing to all who are capable. Staring into the sun has many benefits, but one of the main benefits is its direct source of food for the eyes; and the eyes are closest to our brains. Its brain food; light into the eyes shining directly into the brain.

The food we taste, the drinks we drink all are a part of our mouth and body’s diets. The stomach creates blood from the foods we consume – blood cell create tissues, and tissues come together to make and repair organs. Not to mention our blood is the body fluid that is directly connected to our spirits. Poor blood, because of poor food consumption will result in a poor connection with the spirit.

The comfort around us, the quality of the materials that are on our skin; the plushness of our beds all tell the body whether it should remain in that section or not. When in a cold environment the brain sends signals to the body to seek warmth, and when in a plush environment the brain sends signals to the body to remain present. This is why many have trouble getting out of their ultra comfortable beds in the morning. The body seeks pleasure and comfort and when those things are present, so does the innate motivation to do anything. The bodies being told that it’s in good space.

The smells we take in are all a part of the diet of our noses. Ever walk into a smelly room and are initially disgusted by it until your body is sent the signal from your brain that this is natural and so you smell the smell no more? You have adapted to the smell of the room; the brain has sought to deliver you “comfort” in your current environment. And if the brain is told to seek comfort in the presence of foul smells, it will begin to wire itself to seek this whenever you are away from that which it has taught itself to adapt to. This will have a subtle influence on how the mind is wired to seek “needed”.

And once again, these things all happen so gradually and slowly that it is challenge to notice that any change is taking place. This is why it is important that we resensitize so we can know how we’re being influenced by our external environments. We’ll reengineer our ability to FEEL the subtle changes.

So anyone struggling with a level of motivation can easily create change in their life by switching the environment. Whether that be moving the body some place more influential physically or by changing the signs/posters/music/food/level of comfort around them within the home.

Our circumstances won’t change until we change our entire diets.  And our diets are largely due to what is going on in our environments.

One love.

Eddie Fews  


For direct help on redesigning your everyday consumption and/or for direct  spiritual, social, or dating consultation feel free to email me now at EddieFews@wayoftheplayer.com

Let ‘The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom‘ change your life. Just click the link below –>   Support independent publishing: Buy this e-book on Lulu.

The Power In A Proper Compliment

There has been a myth going around the seduction community for some time that you should never compliment a woman on her looks. That instead you should point out something unique that a guy doesn’t usually compliment her on to get her attention. While I agree that an indirect compliment will definitely lift a woman’s spirits, I can’t help but laugh at the guys who are afraid to acknowledge a woman’s beauty. And I won’t even bother addressing the men who think they have to NEG – say something negative to knock an attractive woman off her high horse just to get her attention. I would only advise the men on that level of social immaturity to get a horse of their own before they even think about connecting with the opposite sex. But back to the subject at hand..

I believe that a proper compliment based solely off of a woman’s looks is the best way to connect with her. Women carry purses that are usually filled with items to touch up their appearance( make up, mirrors, etc.) which only suggest that they worry about what they look like a lot more than men do. What better way to ease the mind of a woman than to let her know that she doesn’t have to worry about how she is begin perceived at that moment. Having put her mind at ease, she can now contemplate other matters.. perhaps even.. YOU?

Now there is a catch..

The compliment certainly has to be unique and more than unique it has to be genuine. A compliment such as “ You’re beautiful/sexy/hot/cute/pretty” is unreacted to for several reasons.

Reason #1

It’s obvious-She hears this ALL the time.

Reason #2

When you say “ You’re beautiful” you are stating it as if it is a fact. While YOU may perceive her as beautiful she may be the complete opposite to someone else. Now although she may hear the word beautiful all the time; changing “ You’re beautiful “ to “ I THINK you are beautiful “ will get you a completely different reaction – I guarantee it.

Reason #3

There is no YOU in this compliment. What more is she supposed to say other than “ Thank You ” while walking away. Exactly how do the men that walk around calling women “hot” expect them to respond? Did you think they will lean into you and start making out with you? Grab your hand, take out a pen, and write their phone number on it? In what reality does this happen and why is it that the urban man sits around waiting for miracles instead of making them happen. This is your life; waiting will only get you what waiting has already gotten you.. Which is what?

Women wear tight dresses, high heels, and even walk the way they do because they WANT to be viewed as attractive. They want some guy to be confident enough in both himself and her to compliment her beauty without fear. So compliment her beauty relentlessly, do so with passion, high energy and she’ll love for you it.

The trick to successfully complimenting a woman’s looks is to state how the way she looks is making YOU feel. She doesn’t want to know she is attractive as much as she wants to know how much her attractiveness is affecting YOU. This is about YOU, this isn’t about her looking a certain way; it’s about her beauty filling YOU with fire and desire from the inside out. No woman can resist a man confident enough to express how tempted he is to give into weakness because of her beauty.

I’ll give you an example..

Back when I experimented with the online dating thing, I realized that all men would do is compliment a woman on her looks and the women hated it. Why? Because they weren’t doing it the proper way. They would all say “ Hey Beautiful, Hey sexy, you’re hot etc. “. Now as you stated before, they could of received more responses if they said “ I think you’re sexy, I think you’re hot etc “, but I decided to take a different approach. I was going to describe in one or two lines how the way a woman looked was making me feel. I never had to read profiles.. I would just monitor my emotions while looking at their pictures and just describe this to them.

One of my favorite lines was “ Oh Wow!.. you don’t even need a second photo.“

I could send that to ten girls and get seven responses, because I was stating how the way she looked was making me FEEL.

A proper compliment tailored to a woman’s looks also does something powerful for your benefit. Not only will paying a woman a proper compliment heighten the way she perceives herself, but it will also heighten the way she perceives you. We’ve all heard the expression “ It takes one to know one “ and people are only mirrors of ourselves after all. When you comment to a person on anything they subconsciously think it must have something to do with you. So by validating her attractiveness you are also validating your own.

I used to date this girl named Natalia, and boy was she BEAUTIFUL… But she wasn’t always that way. Natalia was my next door neighbor when I lived in the suburbs. And before we were together I would see her from time to time, but I never really thought anything of her. Then one day I had a friend over who came into my house excited saying he had no idea I had such a sexy neighbor. He was also wondering why I had never made a move on her. I told him I didn’t think she was all that cute, and he told me I was crazy. So immaturely I said to myself “ Fine, I’m just going to sleep with her to score some cool points with my boy; not to mention, the idea of sleeping with a next door neighbor is a bit exciting.”

The next day I looked her up on facebook ( we went to high school together, she was three years older) and sent her a message:

Me: Hey, there’s this cute girl that lives in my neighbor hood.. You know her?

Her: (I don’t remember what she said but it was something like..) Haha yeah that’s me 🙂

Me: Dope.. So can I borrow some sugar?

Her: Sure 😉

I think she thought I was joking, but I went right on over, knocked on her door and asked for sugar. She laughed, we talked for a bit and then we exchanged phone numbers. The whole time I am thinking “ This girl is not all that attractive -I’m not even sure I want to go through with this “. But I was on a mission and I was going to complete it. I called her a couple days later, chatted with her for 20 minutes and then invited her over for a back yard picnic. So there we were, hanging out in my backyard, me still thinking she’s not that cute, and then it all started… She went into a mind state where she began describing to me how attractive I was for about fifteen minutes. She had been in a metaphorical cocoon and once the compliments began to rain, she broke out and emerged as a butterfly. My eyes glazed over and I was hers. I ate it up and for the first time since I had seen her I began to view her as all of the things she was telling me I was.

“ Beauty is in the eye of the beholder” – General Lew Wallace

“ A pimple turns to a dimple when you’re in love” – Japanese Proverb

Long story short

I fell more in love with Natalia that I’ve ever fallen for any woman in my entire life, all because she made a habit of constantly telling me how amazing I was. And as I stated above; subconsciously I would associate all of these great things with her even though my original opinions of her were negative. Her opinions of me, became my opinions of her and she knew this. I had fallen for her, I became emotional over her, and she began looking for a new male the conquer with her silver forked tongue.

There is a lot of power in the compliment and we must also realize that the more compliments we give out to others the more compliments we get in return. Compliments boost both someone else’s confidence and our own so it’s a win-win situation. Just make sure they’re genuine, original and tailed directly to the person. “I like your dress” doesn’t cut it; it’s cliche and heard by someone somewhere every single day. Try “ That dress goes great with the tone of your skin, how did you know to pick that color? “ That’ll open up the person and get the conversation flowing, but just remember that it has to be honest and genuine. If you love women enough, this will all be easy for you. Just begin expressing to them how much you really do LOVE specific things about them and how these things are making you FEEL.

Eddie Fews


 

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The 7 Things All Men Need To Stop Doing

Lying To Women

The isn’t a chronological list that’s in order of ” most important to least important” but this first one is more important than any of the others. The bad reputation that is associated with “players” is directly linked back to the lies players have been known to tell in order to get what they want. No one hates the guy that is sexual active and completely honest about it, but we all hate the guy who lies and tries to hide his reputation. This generation more than any other has become aware of how much owning your truth can affect your life. Take a look at someone like charlamange the god(the most popular urban radio personality), he says controversial things all the time and has a bit of a bad reputation. So what allows him to continue to be successful despite his reputation? What allows people that are more world reknown to love and respect him? The fact that he is always honest when he is confronted with the truth. He’s publicly spoke about his penis size and him taking magnum rx pills to try an enlarge it to no avail; along with many other things. And he remains to be accepted because he isn’t ashamed of his decisions.

The past is the past and there is nothing that can be done to change that. Lying about it only lowers your own self worth and confidence. Every time you lie you take a step down in consciousness, and every time you tell the truth you take a step up. People may not always directly know when you’re lying, but they can feel it. There is always a noticeable shift in the vibe when someone gives into weakness and decides to be dishonest.

I find that quality women make a point to bait us into lying when we first approach them; they ask us a question because they want to see if we’re “real” or not. In that moment, they’ll look us into the eye and wait for our response; checking to see if we pass the “real/fake” challenge. Now if we lie, they’ll lose all attraction for us and we’ll find ourselves in a position where we “can’t think of anything to say”. At that point we have to move on to the next girl; or confess our lie and see what happens.

If you deal with quality women you know exactly what i’m talking about, but even if you don’t, this is a good practice that’ll prepare you for the moments when you are.

Telling People Who They Slept With

This is another big one; who you sleep with is your business and your business alone. What you and your girlfriend do behind closed doors is not something to brag to your boys about. Girls gossip, leave that to them; as players we have to have a bit more integrity. Getting laid is no longer some badge of honor; that’s high school stuff. If you feel the need to talk about it, chances are it doesn’t happen to you often.

And I don’t know about you guys, but when a guy tells me all the wild things he’s been doing with his girl it’s a bit of a challenge to view her the same. Naturally you’ll sexualize them in your mind; and I don’t want that for me or any of my friends. Also, when you’re a guy that keep his business on the low; a lot more women will gravitate to you. They’ll feel like they can trust you and they’ll get a bit wilder in the bed with you than they would with the average Joe. It’s all in the vibe you give off and your character(the things you do when no one is watching) effects your vibe. So give off that ” what we do is our business and no one else’s ” vibe and watch how much more attention you’ll get from women.

i.e. Think about Vegas.. the famous quote ” what happens in Vegas stays in vegas” inspires many women every night to get a little loose.

Bros Before Hoes

I love women just as much as the next guy but a lot of these interactions are temporary. What we have with are boys has usually been in place for sometime and has a higher probability of being in place than things in place with women. Think about it.. how many of your boys from the past are you still cool with? How many of the women from your past can you still rely on? That speaks for itself.

Nothing fustrates a guy more when his buddy chooses a woman over his friends. Because if she’s a real girl, someone you can have a sustainable relationship with, you won’t have to choose.

Don’t leave your boy alone to go get laid, don’t sneak around with women he likes behind his back even if he can’t get with them – unless he gives you the green light. There are billions of other women to choose from so your bros must always always come first. This is the rule; friendships hold a lot more value then pussy does.

Keeping Score

I notice that a lot of guys keep a count of the number of women they sleep with as if that is suppose to mean something. I know a number of guys that have slept with a lot of women but I don’t consider them players. Mainly because they had to lie and manipulate to get what they want. If you have to lie to get laid; the lay is empty and meaningless. That empty feeling will usually follow up behind each new partner.

Players aren’t out there sleeping with women to validate themselves. Players just genuinely love women and/or love having sex with them. The amount doesn’t matter; we’re validated by how thoroughly we serve our purpose, and not by the sexual acts we engage in with others. Don’t count the number and certainly don’t brag about what the number already is. Do things because you enjoy them and not because they make you feel better about yourself.

The Blame Game

I find it odd that men consider themselves leaders when they point fingers at women for the downfall of their relationships. It’s a kings job to successfully lead his kingdom dispite it’s condition. Could you imagine if Barack Obama started pointing fingers at the American citizens for the downfall of the American encomonmy? What kind of leader would he be? Sure some people inherit difficult situations like our current president has; but he still has to do his best to change things or risk being nailed to the cross.

No where in history has the collective group of citizens in nation been blamed for the destruction of their civilization. We hear about Cesar, Napoleon, Alexander the great, Hitler, Stalin etc. They are the ones that take the wrap; not the people that follow. So as a leader in your relationship/group of friends, you are never to blame them for the reason things went left. Accept full responsibility, unless you’re not a leader of course; and if you aren’t a leader, you aren’t a player so this article isn’t for you.

Keeping Quiet

I was in my local market the other day and at the counter was a boy around the age 10. He was speaking to the store clerk about which over the counter pain reliever he should take for his headache. In his hand was a soda and he waited as the clerk reached to hand him a Tylenol. Surprised by the situation I stepped in immediately and spoke to the kid first ” 90% of headaches come from a lack of water in the body, so if you put that soda back and grab a bottle of water you should feel better. “

He went on to what I suggested and as he left I had a quick word with the clerk. ” you know better than that man, that kid is only ten years old”. He knodded to me in shame, I paid for my items and left.

I say this to say; speak up for what’s right. We all fall short; I don’t speak up as much as I should, but it’s important that we fight through our natural resistance and do what’s right. There is a powerful feeling that comes from doing something positive for someone else. You’ll feel better, you raise a level in consciousness, and you will be aiding a fellow human at the same time. Sounds like a win, win, win to me. Everyday we are presented with opportunities to take a stand. So do not hold your tongue, stand up and speak your truth even if it means you’ll be taking a temporary loss. This is what being a true leader is all about.

Tunnel Vision On Pussy

Pussy is great, love is awesome, and women are even better, but there is more to life. The majority of the men that I’ve met that are great with women don’t have much money. Seducting women is their sharpest skill and it tends to be what consumes all of their time. As a result they are left with a lot of sex, but very little cash to live off of. That’s where the women come in and help support them; so it doesn’t fully click that they may have to make money on their own. Players don’t live like this; a true player will not sacrifice a shot at an advancement in their personal life for a shot at a new piece of ass.

Sure if you want to be the best you have to dedicate a lot of you off time to improving, but don’t forget that there is more to life. We all have a purpose and a reason for living; life is about advancing and leaving things behind when we past that can help the next generation. What work are you leaving behind for others? Children to raise? That’s all it will be until you begin to think about chasing things other than women.

A player chases himself first; women will always come second to that.

There are many more of these things that we as players must stop doing, but let’s crawl before we walk. I’ll leave you with this seven for now. Until next time.

Eddie Fews


Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via Skype, phone or IM.