So I was recently hired by a highly attractive educated young woman to begin working with her on improving her dating life success. Her, unlike most with her credentials, physical appeal, and youth had decided that enough was enough, and that she was ready for change. She was only thirty years old, had graduated from one of the top ten schools in the country, had her masters, and is damn near making six figures a year doing marketing with a fortune 500 company right here in New York City. Her problem you ask? She somehow couldn’t manage to get a guy to commit to her for any thing other then a long-term friends with benefits situationship. And I do mean long term. She had had one for two years, another for three, and even one that stretched as long as six years that only ended recently after he proposed to, and married his best friend who he had been crushing on all along. So for the life of her, she wondered what she was doing wrong. You see, she wasn’t a bad woman at all. She had kept all of these men coming around for years and years, so there was obviously something about her that they couldn’t so easily let go of. So what was it? Why wouldn’t they commit to her in the way she wanted? This all had led us into a deeper conversation, an as she revealed some things about herself to me, I had encouraged her to do what I refer to as an “honesty exercise” on FaceTime with this new guy that was set to take her on a first date later on in the week.
She told the guy she would like to FaceTime, he agreed, and then he reported back to her the next morning to inform her that he had ‘fallen asleep before he could FaceTime, but that he would prefer to meet in person anyway so i didn’t matter much’. Her response? “ Okay That Works! 🙂 Saturday?” .. And thats when I realized what part of the problem she was having was. She was just too easy. Instead of committing to the exercise that I suggested she did, she allowed the guy of interest to side step it, and pull her right back into doing what it is he wanted without her putting up any resistance. It’s kind of like a girl saying “ I’m saving myself for marriage” on the first date and then the moment a guy says “ Nah. i’d prefer to have sex tonight” , she responds “Okay thats fine”. Wheres the backbone? No Resistance or challenge at all? You know the move women do even when they know they’re going to have sex with you, when they move your hand the first few times you reach for there erogenous zones, just so they don’t come across as too easy.. Not even a verbal one of those? I have no doubt that if this guy has any skill with women, the moment he saw her response he immediately concluded they he would probably be able to sleep with her on the first night.
She asked me what should she have done and I told her she should of busted his balls. I told her it is your job a female companion to bust a mans balls anytime he deviates from his masculinity. It’s the only thing thats going to make him feel like you in fact, have the potential to make him better. Staying true to our word, and doing what we said we would do is a standard that men are held to. A man cannot be a leader if he’s indecisive, doesn’t know what he wants, and his word cannot be relied upon. Whether he knows it consciously or not a man wants a woman that helps snap him back into position when he falls short of his highest masculine nature. I told her any response such as “ So you didn’t do what you said you would, and now you want me to do what you want? I don’t know mister 😛 “ would of have been sufficient. She kicked herself a bit and told me that she was just nervous that she would come across “bitchy” if she didn’t just go with it. I informed her that when a woman is that easy all she’ll do is weaken a guy over time. It’s like a mother that feeds a child candy every time they ask. It’ll make them happy in the moment, but then what happens in the future? So that behavior is an ego boost for men, and we all know men connect ourselves to women that stroke our egos, but what exactly does an ego boost that isn’t deserved do to a man over time? It destroys him. It dulls his blade. It convinces him that the shell of himself that he is currently being is someone good. Men are programed to pass on our seeds, and most of us won’t become much more than we have to become to successfully do that. That’s what success is to a man biologically; successfully being able to spread your seed as much as possible. This is why the majority of men who go around laying pipe every where don’t really do well in life. (Another reason most of our favorite musicians fall off after getting mainstream successful if they’re unmarried) . You ever hear a woman say ” broke men are the best in bed” ? The success of spreading their seed is convincing their biology that they’re already successful. So the motivation to exceed beyond that is non existent. On a biological level this is the case, but a spiritual level men in tune with themselves know something different. We understand that an overly easy going woman will dull our blade, and we subconsciously resent them for it.
Thats what a side chick is for. The reason a man seeks out a side chick, or a “friends with benefits” is so that we have a woman that carelessly pumps our ego so that we feel “good enough” to deal with our wife, or the woman we actually want to be our wives. She boosts our morale and a self esteem, but she doesn’t actually do anything to boost us beyond that. Our wives on the other hand are holding us to the standard of what they know our potential is. I’ve always said that one of the reasons black women are so hard on black men is because they’re the only ones that truly know our potential, because they’re one of us. Whereas another woman would easily be impressed by our ability to spit a hot sixteen, or windmill dunk a ball out the gym, black women know we’re much more than that; and they truly won’t be satisfied with us until we become that. The side chicks are the women on the sideline, the cheerleaders, the screaming fan. The wife is that mirror we have to look into at the end of the day when its all said and done. And what would happen to you if you suddenly could no longer gain access to a mirror? You could think you look good all you like, and feel good because of it , but would you actually look good? And until a woman, your wife, or a mirror revealed to you what you actually look like, you could be living a long life of disillusion.
It is important that a wife learns to be both however, lest their man will begin looking for that side chick. Someone to boost his morale, while his wife challenges him to be better. If you could be a mans biggest fan, and his mirror perhaps he would be slower to seek it out else where. But all in all, if he could only choose one, as I told my client, a man wants his woman to be a blade sharpener. Which is why a man almost never leaves his wife for his side chick. He wants to slice through the world as his woman sharpens his blade. My client was just being another portion of the world that men were slicing through. She wasn’t doing anything to make them better at slicing, or to strengthen their blade. Eventually that mans blade would hit a wall that was too thick from him to slice through because he was being convinced that he was sharp enough already, but he was not actually prepared for what was ahead. She was an amazing side chick; probably one of the best, and this was confirmed after she revealed that several of her situationships led to the guys getting married or being in happy long term relationships after her.
The woman a man needs prepares him for the world ahead. I’ve heard story after story of a woman that supported her man entirely after he lost his job, supported him in his depression, only to have him leave her for another woman once he got back onto his feet. But the support they were offering wasn’t the support these mens spirits were actually longing for. They were giving the “ i’m here for you no matter what. Just take your time to figure yourself out” kind of support, but his spirit was looking for that “ I’m here for you, but I’ll have to leave you if you don’t eventually get your shit together” kind of support. Only one of those was actually going to boost him to do something. I’ve told the story a million times of the woman I know who worked a second job and gave all of the money to her boyfriend, and bought him books, until he figured out what he was going to do with his life who’s now happily married to him and wealthy 18 years later. But the difference between her man and most men is the guy she was with wasn’t lazy, unmotivated, nor was he bum. He was selling drugs at a high level, and getting money the only way he knew how. He just didn’t know any other way, so she asked an already ambitious man to stay at home, while she worked until he figured out a way to redirect his ambition. If he went back to the streets during this time, she was going to leave him, she said it. She wasn’t just taking shit; she was taking some, but she was offering true spiritual support. He sat at home, doing nothing but reading for a whole year while his girlfriend worked a second job an gave him all the money, before he become the multi-millionaire he is today.
Now this isn’t some call for women to no longer remain with the guy you’re currently with. It’s a group effort; I’d suggest that if your man isn’t currently being the man you would like him to be then it could be possible that you’re failing as his companion. Especially if he was once a sharp motivated man when you met him that has somehow lost his way. Did you dull his blade? Why isn’t he sharp? What happen to his motivation? And what true spiritual support have you offered him to try to change that? I would encourage all women to remain with a man thats being honest, upright, and treating you with respect. There isn’t an “I” in team, so if your man isn’t being all he could be, it is possible that you may not be being all that you can be to him. Or that you’re not acting as a source of support and motivation thats encouraging him to become more.
This isn’t all the pieces to the puzzle of becoming the woman that a man needs, this is just one vital portion that I discovered my client was lacking. This is the edges of the puzzle if you will. Her and I will be completing the puzzle over time as we’ll continue our work. Once you become the woman you’re man needs, once you sharpen his blade, and become his mirror that both highlights his beauty and reveals to him his true self a man will be happy be the man to you and to the world that you’ve been wanting him to the entire time.
Thanks For Reading.
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