Should Men Be Allowed A Cheat Day In Relationships?

This one will probably be met with several screw faces from the female supporters, but I’m going to be optimistic and offer a perspective that should speak to a few of you. The few with a mind that is open to at least discussing masculine ideas without becoming angry. The few who’ll find it easiest to get a man to want to commit to them long term in the first place. I’ve found in my personal life that the most attractive and confident women have a spirit of seeking to understand. They may not agree right away, but they don’t go touting their opinion easily. They understand that there is a difference within the psychology of a man and a woman and thus, they seek to understand the males way of thinking to better help them function in a union with one. The majority of these women just so happen to be in functional relationships, but perhaps that’s just a coincidence.

Today it’s very easy for a woman to say, “Well this is what I want and if he doesn’t like it then its on to the next one”, but how long does this mentality survive until you’ve worn yourself out through failed relationship after failed relationship and one finds themselves alone? It is the very “on to the next one” mentality that results in a man not feeling attracted to a woman anyway. I’ve wrote about this before. A man thrives off of feeling needed, so if you’re mentality is “On to the next one, I can do fine without a man, My feelings or the highway etc…” you will produce a vibe that  will subconsciously be a repellent to the opposite sex. He may stick around to enjoy the sex, the affection, and good times, but his eyes will continue to wander to a place in which he can feel that he is “needed”.

Women want to feel “wanted” and men want to feel “needed”. It is a thin line, but there is a difference between the two. Before I get into the topic let me also say that there are always exceptions to every rule. Every time I write something like this I get an email from a woman saying,“ Well I knew this guy that this didn’t apply to”. Of course you do. I’m speaking to the majority. If I wrote an article saying, “Men have ten toes” would you email me saying, “ Well I disagree. I knew someone who had 11 toes?”.

No.

So lets not do that here.

It is also true that men are being emasculated today. We’re dealing with some of the most emotional, not knowing what they want, tipping toeing men of all time. This is happening for several reasons that I will be tackling in my next article,“Why Have Men Become So Effeminate?”. Women are also being a lot more masculine, and consequently we’re dealing with some of the most aggressive, detached, and combative women of all time. So I understand that these two types will be the first to write this content off before they even try comprehend it. But my intent is only to speak to the true nature of masculinity, and not what masculinity has been marginalized into during the 21st century.

Now with that being said, this article is not written to encourage women to give their man a cheat day, its more so written to get women to understand a male’s way of thinking, his nature, and his emotions more than anything. You can do whatever you want with the information after that, but understanding one another should be pivotal. So I’m going to go into several aspects arguing my case, and if you can keep an open mind and put away what YOU think, and your opinions for a moment please continue. If you’re already turning up your nose and waiting to disagree, you can stop here and leave a comment disagreeing as if you read the entire thing and understand what I’m trying to say.

I’ll start by presenting this one fact: ‘A single human male produces enough sperm in two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet.

Would you or would you not agree that a creatures genetic make up has some impact an influence on what that creature does and that creature’s way of thinking? Surely a lion being born with claws and sharp teeth feels compelled to hunt animals for meat. Its teeth and digestive system aren’t made to digest grass, and so it hunts because of its biological make up . This isn’t some social construct. No one has to tell the lion that it’s suppose to hunt other animals. The lion knows instinctively that its job is to hunt because of the cards that it has been dealt. So, what would possessing enough sperm cells to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet every two weeks do to a man on an instinctual level when our bodies naturally  produce hormones that trigger us to want to reproduce? Nothing happens for no reason in nature. It is our hormones and our emotions that trigger our actions.

For example, when a man or woman becomes angry it is because their bodies are producing a chemical called catecholamine, and it is this chemical that triggers the motivation to act out in anger. Its not just a mental thing.  It’s a hormonal cause for the emotion that proceeds before the action. So in that same light, how does a woman only being able to have one child a year influence her instinctual behavior? Her traditional nature would encourage her to find one suitable partner with strong genes so that she could give birth and maintain the population of the planet. Nature didn’t create sex so that we could have pleasure, nature made sex pleasurable so that we would reproduce. If sex were painful our subconscious would instinctively shy us away from the act.

So what does a man and woman’s biological nature tell you about the way that we feel compelled to act instinctively? A man’s nature – producing enough sperm to impregnate every female on the planet; a woman’s nature – only being able to produce one child per year? Which would be the one that would be more concerned with finding a commitment with one person? And before anyone says humans have free will… sure we do, but nature still plays its role. This is why you consistently hear women saying, “All men are the same” and men saying ,“ All women are the same”. Surely we each have our own personality and things that makes us unique, but we all possess the same nature. Just as all lions are the same, and all dolphins are the same. They each have unique attributes, but when you boil them down to their nature they each do the same exact things.

And this brings me to my next point:

When a male and female copulate,hug, kiss or touch, a chemical called oxytocin is produced. Oxytocin is a bonding chemical, and this is what creates the romantic feelings we feel for one another. The body begins to crave the feel good chemical oxytocin and this creates the emotion which is responsible for attachment. The most oxytocin is produce when a woman breast is being sucked on, so if any ladies out there are with a no good man that you can’t seem to get away from; keep the guy away from your breast. This is the same chemical produced when a woman is breast feeding that intensifies the bond and connection between a mother and her child. Now, did you that know oxytocin is produced by both man and woman, but testosterone nullifies oxytocin? And the more testosterone a man has the more difficult it will be for him to be attached to any one person. The chemical responsible for attachments begins to be nullified within him. You don’t just love someone dearly because you love them, you love them because they’ve succeeded at producing a sufficient amount of feel good chemicals in your body that created the attachment. This can’t be forced and/or manufactured. A man can’t just love you the way you love him because you want him to. You have to succeed at producing high enough levels of oxytocin within him that can’t be all nullified because of his testosterone. And the more testosterone he has, the more difficult this will be. Which is why the most alpha males(men with the highest testosterone counts) sleep with the most women and have the most difficult time with commitment. He just doesn’t feel it the way that you do. So a mans ability to want to stick around with you after sex isn’t just based on how soon or how late you have sex with him. It is based on how much oxytocin you’ve succeeded at getting him to produce before, and during the act. You wait too long and see him too infrequently, and he will have produced enough testosterone to get rid of it- and the attachment. Too soon, and there simply just isn’t enough yet.

Now let me just say that it is possible to make a man produce enough oxytocin in one day if you’re skilled, and if things line up with the other factors in play, but that’s another article altogether. I will elaborate more on this in my book for woman on how to successful seduce the man they want, but what I will say is that the less sperm a man is carrying over an extended period of time the less testosterone he will have. So if he has masturbated or had sex several days before meeting you and you’re skilled, he won’t have the testosterone available to nullify the oxytocin. Hence why older men are more willing to enter a commitment because a mans testosterone count lowers as he gets older. This is not something men are aware of. For the most part we’re just on autopilot responding to our nature. So my question is, why must men be held to the same commitment standards as women when we’re not even capable of feeling the same things that women are feeling for us biologically? Should a man born without sight  be forced to pass an eye exam lest he be cast away?

Why is it that the majority of mammals on the planet exist within a system that contains few males and many females? In a cow pen there is one bull, and a bunch of cows. Lion prides contain one lion and several lioness. In a herd of deer there is usually one alpha male deer that is responsible for impregnating 90% of the females in the herd. Even in a chicken coop there is usually one or two roosters( if the coop is big enough) and a bunch of hens and the one rooster is responsible for fertilizing all the eggs. What is that telling us about the nature of male creatures? Perhaps just more coincidences.

Lets dive into commitment from a male point of view:

When a woman meets a confidant alpha male who naturally attracts a lot of women what is the usual dynamic? Typically the Alpha male will not be looking to settle down with any one particular girl in the early years of his life, and so he will be developing  non-exclusive relationships with multiple women. Because the women like him, they will put up with it for a short time before pressuring him to commit to them exclusively over all of the other girls that he’s seeing. He’ll do one of two things: If he likes her he’ll do his best to comfort her and assure her that he does have feelings for her but he’s still not ready. In other words, he hasn’t been worn down enough.  Now if he doesn’t like her, he’ll just cut her off and/or make it clear to her that it’s not going to happen and she’ll walk away or stay until she finds someone willing.

All men who have high levels of success with women have been confronted with this dynamic multiple times. Often from two or three women all at once. We know that we chase women initially to lock in their interest and to win their compliance, and then she chases us after that to maintain our investment in her and to win our commitment. Commitment is almost never actually something that WE as alpha males want. Its something that we give to our women if we value them enough over time. If we had it our way, we would have several women who commit to us that we don’t actually commit to. And this is usually what’s going on. The majority of quality women that I know tell me they don’t feel comfortable sleeping with more than one man at a time. And so they’ll be committing to men in non- committed relationships anyway. This is all just due to their nature if their nature is intact; since a woman  can only carry the child of one man at a time. Men on the other hand are able to create thousands of children a year if we have the availability. And so a man’s natural and biological feelings will be in alignment with what his biological potential is. Because most women don’t feel this desire to their core, they can’t accept the fact that we legitimately do. The majority of quality men I know are all sleeping with multiple women until they find one suitable enough to build something with.

Ask a woman why hasn’t she had sex with a thousand attractive men yet? And she’ll say something like “  That’s gross, or I respect myself and I won’t just sleep with anyone”. Ask a guy why he hasn’t had sex with a thousand women yet and he’ll tell you that he just hasn’t had the time to, or hasn’t found  that amount of attractive women willing to sleep with him.

So if commitment to monogamy is something that we didn’t even want, but we gave to the woman we love as a reward for putting up with enough of our nonsense, should we not be allowed a cheat day as a reward to us for going against our nature by entering a committed relationship once every blue moon?

What women have to understand is that entering a committed relationship is a lot more simple for them. Women are turning down dozens of men every single day that are trying to sleep with them. So once they enter a relationship they don’t have to do anything new. They only have to continue turning down men same way they were doing before entering the commitment. Every day of a man’s life he is trying to get women to sleep with him either directly or indirectly. That’s our life. So once we enter a commitment we have to perform an action that is the complete opposite of the reality that we live every single day. We’re the only ones that have to struggle with taking up a new practice and a new behavior. The women, for the most part, get to remain the same, because after all, the commitment was something that she wanted. So she’s getting something that she wants, that is congruent with her daily behavior anyway. Its like getting paid to brush your teeth, take a shower, and then commute to work. You’ll do it whether you get paid or not, so to get paid for it is a double and unrealistic bonus. Imagine your boss saying “I’ll give you a two hundred dollar bonus on every check if you eat dinner when you get off work.”. Now of course you don’t have to, but you’re likely to do it anyway, so its easy money.

When people go on a diet, they reward themselves with a cheat day because they’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what they were used to every day of there life prior. So in that same light, why shouldn’t men be allowed a cheat day because we’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what we were used to everyday of our life prior? Why can’t our women say “ Wow.. You’ve successfully went against your biological nature and motivation to populate the earth and remained with one woman for a year. Go have a cheat day baby. “  Hell, if a woman would do something as simple as saying, ” Thank you for being faithful” it would make a world of difference in how her man felt about staying strong and honoring the commitment.

The modern day, new age feminist will tell you that monogamy is a social construct, and that is a lie. Monogamy for women is a biological construct. It’s embedded in their nature and their biological potential. Once again, sex wasn’t created for us to have pleasure, pleasure is just the emotional impetus so that we will have sex and procreate. Third wave feminism is atheism. You can’t believe in a higher power and think that our biological natures weren’t created with a purpose. But shout out to all of my feminists. Pardon me. This article isn’t for you.

So I want to wrap this up by reiterating that I am not encouraging women to run and tell their boyfriend “ go have a cheat day”, your feelings should matter as well. But what we’re not going to do is coddle childish emotions that aren’t validated by anything other than more emotion, and make decisions based off of that. The discussion can be had, perhaps your man is over that stage of his life, perhaps his T count isn’t where it used to be, and he’s had his fun already. I just think that we should all strive to understand one another a lot more.

In the eleventh chapter of Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill said “ The woman who understand a man’s nature and tactfully caters to it, need have no fear of competition from other women. Men may be “giants” with indomitable will-power when dealing with other men, but they are easily managed by the women of their choice.” And I completely agree with this statement. Its easy to say “only an insecure woman would go for something like this” and while an insecure woman may go for this out of necessity, a woman with the ultimate confidence may be willing to allow it because she understands.

I always tell women that men rule on the front end, we are the conscious mind and women are the subconscious mind. The subconscious is responsible for 80% of our thoughts and activity, but the thing is, the conscious mind doesn’t even know the subconscious mind is operating. A woman that understands her man and seeks to provide him with what he needs will rule her man. And the beauty of it all is, he won’t even have the slightest idea of whats going on. The insecure woman is controlled by her man, because she is trying to control him on the front end. The conscious end. Leave that to him, let him think he’s ruling.  He will feel a lot more comfortable with opening up and revealing his true feelings to you that way. The truly confident woman allows her man to have that 20% front end; the small battle, because she knows that ultimately she is ruling from behind the scenes; responsible for 80% of his activity. The women that get a thorough grasp on this, will never be short on a man that’s willing to commit to her and give her his everything.

For anyone further interested in an example of this topic you can check out this couple from Brooklyn, New York who have allowed two additional women into the relationship and are sharing one man between them three. The man and his first wife have been together for 17 years, the two other women have been with him and his wife for 11 years. How many of you have been with one person consistently for 5 years? And i’m not talking about breaking up and getting back together years later. I’m talking about a strong consistent five years. They’re all attractive women who could easily have a man to themselves if they truly wanted to. The women don’t sleep with each other, they don’t do threesomes, and there is not a sign of low self esteem insight. You can check that out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XaRjpjdui8

Thanks for reading.

Eddie Fews


For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@wayoftheplayer.com

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12 thoughts on “Should Men Be Allowed A Cheat Day In Relationships?

  1. I really wanted to disagree with this. I was shaking my head and saying ” no no no” when I read the title, but after reading it I can’t find anything to disagree with you. You did a really great job.

    Thank you.

  2. Quick question… since we’re talking about biology and everything, should women be allowed to cheat also? As you said, men have a lot of sperm so they can get a cheat day, but women have multiple eggs, so can she have a cheat day every few years or so? Maybe get a chance to mate with a new male like most mammals do?

    Also how does libido factor into this? You may have a lot of sperm, but if you can only ejaculate once a day, should his woman with a much higher libido than him be able to cheat?

    More sex, even with a condom, is gonna result in more pregnancies. I know men who father multiple children with many mothers that he cannot afford, some of which are out of wedlock.

    Also, my area has the highest rates of STDs in the state, and causal sex is the culprit, by allowing you guy a cheat day he could contribute to the spread of sexual diseases.

    I think the Aziz Ansari show put it best when it comes to cheating, if you wanna cheat on your SO, just go masturbate. Bam.

    I disagree with your argument due to the fact that it will lead to more disease and accidental pregnancies. I may have agreed with your argument if women were too allowed to partake in this “cheat day” after serious discussion with their partner, but it seems like you want to have your cake and eat it too. So you can chase after women while your SO waits for you, even though she has multiple eggs, is attracted to more than one person, can possibly have a higher libido than you, and can orgasm more than you (women tend to be able to have more orgasms than men) and therefore is physically able to have more sex than you and your assumption that women biologically want sex less and monogamy more. In the Victorian era, it was thought that men were rational and had less of a libido and women were sex crazed. This changed because our ideas around sex are socially constructed, so women are told they want less sex, and to be prudish, and to seek less relationships.

    1. Thanks for commenting, I appreciate your opinion and your input.

      1) One man is able to provide a female with trillions of sperm cells in her life time. What would be a human woman’s biological purpose for seeking a new partner if the male she is with is still producing all of the sperm she could ever possibly need? Even up until the point in which she can no longer produce eggs, but he can still produce sperm. Now if the man were to leave her and she was without anyone to fertilize the eggs that her body was producing she could theoretically look for a new partner to do so. But, so long as her partner is around to do that(cotaining millions of sperm cells a day to fertile her one egg a month, and 0 once she’s pregnant), I don’t understand what the biological purpose of seeking a new partner every few years would be. Most mammals are left by the male that impregnated them, the highest quality human women have developed the skill to keep a man around.

      2) And once again, the article is speaking to the majority. Our biological nature, not individual cases. What about the person with 11 toes? But in that event, my one ejaculation a day still provides a woman with a minimum of 100 million sperm cells to potentially fertilize her one egg.

      3) STD’s are a newer phenomenon. This article is speaking to the biological nature of male and female, that was invented far before STD’s were even heard of. No where in the article did I suggest men should go completely sex crazy and have sex with millions of women in this society. I’m providing information for the males desire to be understood.

      4) Masturbation is a waste of my life fluid and purposeless act. It doesn’t satisfy a mans biological urge to populate. Only a temporary sexual urge. All men will tell you how unsatisfying it is, because we still seek women. Why not just avoid women and men altogether and just masturbate? Both man and woman?

      Let me also say, that I don’t think the majority of the men walking around here deserve what I’m speaking about because, they don’t have the awareness to understand themselves, nor are they mature enough to be responsible in this society. Also, once a man enters an agreement to be in a committed relationship he should be bound by that agreement. This is something that a man would have to discuss with a woman he’s interested in before making that agreement. If a woman wanted to bring this to her man on her own she could. As I said twice in the article I didn’t write this for men to go to their woman and ask for a cheat day, I wrote the article to breakdown the biological reasoning that men are out actively seeing multiple partners. Man and women existed far before the ignorant victorian era that was less than 200 years ago; there was also slavery and the complete genocide and castration of a people at that time so I wouldn’t use their knowledge or lack of as a reference for anything. I’d point to more sophisticated societies. Societies that exist far before the people of that time came into power, and become an authority through ignorance and savagery.

      A woman has one egg at a time. Your multiple egg claim isn’t connecting. Once one of her “multiple eggs” is fertilized she is without a biological purpose to take in the sperm of another male for a year.

      No where did I state that women want sex less, because that would be false.. We all want to feel pleasure; we instinctively seek pleasure and avoid pain. Who wants to feel pain? boredom? Apathy? But what happens when all we do is chase pleasure as much as we want it? What gets done? So there are many times in which our desire for pleasure must be denied. And so I don’t believe that at all, I’ve had the pleasure of being surrounded by several women, and thats not the case. I would never say that women don’t want sex more than men, but when a man knows how to truly satisfy his woman sexual beyond this silly “3-4 orgasm” system that we’ve been told, women can be a lot more content despite their libido than you think. However, when a woman begins to breast feed like she’s suppose to after giving birth, her libido dramatically decreases and she simply does not have the desire for sex the way that she used to. Upon properly nursing her baby for the amount of time necessary, her libido will increase again and she will want sex more often from her partner once again until her biological purpose of wanting sex is fulfilled and she begins breast feeding again.

      I also wouldn’t agree that a woman can have more sex than me upon being satisfied. Not than I believe that she can have more orgasms that me. I believe she can feel them deeper, but we can share in orgasm together. Me can in fact have multiple orgasms which we aren’t taught because we’re still ignorantly operating with a pass down knowledge of this “victorian aged” and some years before.

      I would recommend that you grab a copy of the book called ” The Wounded Womb” by Dr Phil Valentine. 25 years of research went into the book and I’m 100% sure it will answer the majority of your questions when it comes to what is falsely now considered a social construct. Which once again is of course a new-age lie. These are biological constructs, not social ones. Not to mention the emotional, spirituality, physical, and metaphysical reasoning for a woman to remain with as few partners as possible. I only tackled the biological reasoning, but that will all be in the book. Thank you for commenting. Peace & Love

      1. I totally understood where you were coming from until you replied here. I think the woman who responded about a woman’s sexual needs was right. Why wouldn’t it be fair for both parties to “cheat” if the woman’s needs are just as great. Hell, we get bored too! You had me convinced til I read your reply! Anyway , maybe couples need to decide what works for them though I think many men want to POSSESS and are fine with having multiple partners as long as their women don’t.

  3. I have to completely disagree with the woman “angry feminist” above, it’s almost as if she didn’t read the entire piece. If I skimmed it and looked at the title, possibly I could see her point of view, but I don’t see how anyone with an unbiased view reading the article couldn’t understand what it is you were saying within this article. The young lady sounds like she came in with an opinion before even reading it. Thats something she’ll grow out of as she matures.

    You did a great job Eddie, and have opened my mind to something that I didn’t consider. I’ll be waiting for your next one!

  4. It wasn’t easy to read this and remain objective because of what cheating means. It means to be dishonest, to defraud, to deceive, to violate. Cheating is not something mature, open and honest people do. Now expanding a relationship to include additional sexual partners is something that can absolutely be done in a wonderful, respectful and healthy way. Whether it’s the man who has the partners, or both of them. I think if it works for your relationship, then hey, go for it!! I definitely wish more people were open to the idea. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  5. I am in a committed relationship and would feel in adequate if I allowed him a cheat day. I feel it is my job as his woman to fulfil him. I did however love reading the article!

  6. Eddie,

    I am sure you already know this but you’re an extraordinary writer. You have a exceptional ability to put the reader into your point of view. I read everything that you write, whether I agree 100% or not, because of the adventure that you take me on. I’ve always favored fiction, but somehow you use non fiction to take me on a journey. You are truly blessed.

    – Linda

  7. We’re more than biology, we are spiritual beings needing a sense of belonging, requiring love, affection, and loyalty. The unification of two people in essence manifests creation, a gift to be cherished. A gift to be taken with great care and responsibility. Vulnerability, rejection, and disappointment, have now caused us to consider going down the rabbit hole. All other deviations are byproducts of humanity lying to themselves. Our relationships are becoming like our insatiable desires for the next best thing; new car, new nose, new shoes, and now new people. Purchase. use, disregard, repeat. Consumerism has infiltrated our humanity. The principles above have kept us chasing our own tail. In our ignorance, we’ve opened up Pandora’s Box. Let’s just wait to see the aftermath. Time is precious, utilize it with people who respect your spirit being instead of seeing you merely as a item on a shelf. To whom much is given, much is required. Maybe that’s why some of us are stuck in a rut. We lack understanding of what the requirements are, in order to receive the very things that will sustains us. My comments are not directed towards the writer or anyone in particular. It is simply my observations of my generation, Generation “Y”, why the madness?

    1. I’m with you, and so I spread awareness on ancient understandings. The female perspective (yours) is to be respected, as well as the males (mine). And so we must aim for somewhat of a middle ground, hence this article.. I’d encourage you to watch the video at the end, you’ll find it interesting.

  8. The truth is we (men and women) are all whores!! But! We must focus on containing our desires so we can maintain the sanctity of the family unit! That’s why Mother Nature started giving us STD’s we can’t get rid of. To stop us all from being hos lol. But all jokes aside I think if he gets day then give her one too. Women have been screwing the gardener, mail man, pool boy etc forever and then going back to their husbands like nothing happened lol. They’re just better at acting like they are disgusted by it. So let’s all be honest and open about it and remember to be safe because HIV is very much part of our world now.

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