I received a question today and while I was initially going to post it in the Love & Dating Advice section, I figured I would turn it into an article, because the question has been asked over and over again.
The question went as follows..
Ok so this is definitely one aspect of game that I find very confusing.
The game places great emphasis on making the girl wait, ending conversations first, not coming across as needy etc.
But, at the same time there is a very thin line between coming across as needy and coming across as uninterested.
My question basically centers around this topic. How do you guys know when to hold back and make the girl miss you and when do you know that this is when you should show interest by initiating a conversation?
And since we are on the topic of making her wait, how long should one wait for the girl to initiate contact? I’ve seen guys who wait up to 1 week after last contact and it seems to work for them but it doesn’t make it any less confusing,
Would you be kind enough to shed some light on this issue?
I don’t consciously follow ANY of those rules, but those tend to be things that just NATURALLY happen with men who easily attract women. However, if you’re trying to fake it or do it because its what you THINK works; a chick will sniff you out as being unauthentic, immature, and dishonest.
What men have to understand is that it is feminine in nature to feel like you have to fight those petty battles and play these petty games with women. If you are a man and you are rooted in your masculinity a woman who is rooted in her femininity will natural submit to that which you are. It’s never so much about what you do with women as it is about the place and position you are coming from when you take to action. Women run on their intuition and I’ve seen a study that suggests that women are ten times more intuitive than men(we can’t even picture what that is like), therefore a woman cares more about the intuitive place of the action you are performing more so than they do the actual action. Feminine women are the subconscious and they are attracted to what is in the subconscious of the men that they are interested in. All of the superficial physical attributes don’t mean diddly squat after five minutes of conversation. How do you think a woman knows who to reject and who to accept after an approach? What is it that they are looking for? If two men walk up to a woman and both say “hello”, what makes a woman open to one approach versus another? The answer is what is it in the subconscious mind which is influencing the “how” and the “why” of a guy’s actions in the moment.
It’s never about what you do, what you say, or what you think; Its all about the place within your SOUL that your actions and words are coming from.
If a man calls a woman 10 times in a row, but in her heart and soul her intuition knows for a fact that he is not needy she will not perceive his actions as being needy. Now on the flip side, if a man calls a woman twice in a row and her intuition alarms her that he is needy, because he actually was he will be seen by her as such.
Guys will often ask questions like “So how do I come across as not needy so that chicks will find me as a busy guy that is more interesting?” And my answer has always been and will always be “You become that which you want people to perceive you as”. I’ve never been in the business of lying, pretending, and/or manipulating a woman in to thinking i am something i am not just so that I can get closer to them. It always has its ways of backfiring and blowing back up in the guy’s face down the line. Getting good with women isn’t about faking some act or playing some game to attract them, getting good with women is all about cultivating a space WITHIN yourself that women find attractive. That way it doesn’t really matter what you do on the outside(or what you look like) the women will be attracted to the light that shines from within you.
Its my theory that women don’t necessarily see “looks” or physical attributes when they see men. I believe that women subconsciously see different variations and qualities of light radiating from each person. I live in New York City and can often see what would be deemed as unattractive men with high quality women. And no they aren’t rich; not always at least. The guy I know that has gotten the most girls I’ve seen in my life was a hotel security guard that was six foot three, 350 pounds and he wasn’t much of a looker either. Not to mention, 80% of my clientele are always in shape, good looking, and highly intelligent guys. So it is not what is ON the man that women find attractive; it is what is IN the man that the women more are attracted to.
Quality women don’t objectivity men the way that we objectify women. They’re more interested in how we feel about our own selves than they are about how they feel about us. Any man that truly believes that he is attractive will radiate attractive light from his inside on outward. He will walk like an attractive man, talk like an attractive man, and expect women to be attracted to him because he finds himself attractive first. A man that believes he is unattractive regardless of how he looks will mope around with a lack luster attitude and will be viewed as that which he perceives himself to be. Sure he may get one or two petty fucks from women with their own heads up their ass, but he won’t ever get the fulfillment from the types of women he is actually looking for. This is why the concept of INNER-GAME is the only thing about the PUA community that I feel is actually important. There is nothing else to care for other than what is inside. Men are visual creatures; we are motivated by what we see, but women are internal creatures and are a lot more motivated by what’s beneath the surface.
So guys may ask.. “ Then how is it that I see rich wealthy men with all of the girls? “
And I’ll tell them that the majority of the wealthy people I know feel good about their wealth. And this fits directly into the concept that women are more concerned with how YOU feel about what you have than about what you actually have. It just so happens that most people with wealth feel good about what they have acquired and so women feel good being around that energy. Most poor people do not feel good about their state of poverty so it will be a challenge for them to motivate someone to be with them unless there are a lot of other areas of their life that they feel good about. Although I do know of a number of what would be considered “poor” men who live off of the wealth of the women they sleep with. And that is just because these are men who feel good enough about themselves that they radiate a light bright enough that women want to be around.
So the trick to becoming more attractive with women is to first develop yourself from the inside so that you can shine a light bright enough that women will be magnetically drawn to. If you want direct specifics on how to do this you can grab my new ebook The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom that will provide you with fifty direct ways of developing that inner light.
But in a general sense I’m a firm believer that our thoughts become our words, our words, become our actions, our actions become our habits, our habits become our character and our character becomes our destiny.
I believe a man has three opportunities to correct himself, if he is not yet strong enough to control his thoughts he must control his words because they will influence his actions; if he is not yet strong enough to control his words, he must control his actions because they will influence his destiny. It all starts with the mind; produce the thoughts that you want people to feel about you by first thinking those thoughts about your own self. The people around us are affected by the energy that we give off. If we want attraction we must feed our minds attraction; we must look ourselves in the mirror and think “ I am attractive”, say “I am attractive”, behave like we are attractive, and the world will follow suit. Be the leader of your own life; feel what you want others to feel first. Fix the inside and the outside will take care of itself.
Peace & Love
Email me: EddieFews@WayOfThePlayer.com For 1 on 1 coaching or consultation via Skype, phone or IM.