If there is one thing I’ve learned on my journey of coaching both men and women in this field, it’s that women put a whole lot more stock into the things guys say than we do.
As men we enjoy getting positive reactions from women and so we can find ourselves being loose with our tongues vainly trying to give a woman good feelings and make her smile.
However, these aren’t things that we actually connect with in the way that women do . Early on in a woman’s dating life they take our words seriously, and after many let downs they can find themselves in a space in which they just don’t believe what men say anymore.
I know a number of women that have said that all men to them are “guilty” as liars until proven innocent. That they pretty much nod “uh huh” to themselves while men offer words of affection. And the truth of the matter is they are 100% right for doing this.
We’ve all heard the expression that actions speak louder than words. And as a result of this I tell all the women I coach and work with to receive a man saying, “ I love you” as just a compliment – no different than him saying ,“ I like your hair” until his actions say different. A man saying, “ I love you”, to a woman does not mean that he wants to be with her. All it really means is that you are giving him good feelings and emotions in this moment and so he’s expressing that to you.
A great movie gives him good feelings too, but that doesn’t mean he wants to watch that movie and that movie only for the rest of his life. This is where women get it confused, because they don’t operate like this.
Women feel deeper than we do, and they usually take the time out to consider their feelings and analyze their feelings much more than we do. So when a woman says ,“ I love you”, it has more of a meaning to her. She’s often thought about it, has reasons that she respects you whether she can explain them or not, and has decided to put her trust in you. So naturally, women- on some level- think early on in their dating lives that when we talk love, it is after careful consideration, but this couldn’t be further from the truth.
What many of us don’t understand is that “love” is a feeling just like anger is a feeling. It’s an explosion of oxytocin, dopamine, and other hormones in the body that are being released into the blood stream due to the stimuli we are dealing with. So, a mans interpretation of love is often ,“ I feel these hormones and I am expressing them”, but this is surface level infatuation – not love. This is not the way an emotionally mature woman interprets love.
As men we have to be mindful of this, and we have to become conquerers of these hormonal explosions. We often do this with fear and anger, but do so with love as much. Just as we don’t allow irrational fears to hold us back, nor do we react to our anger every time we feel it, we shouldn’t react to love every time it is felt either.
It takes time to know you love a woman. You can only know you love a woman by her consistently keeping up with the behaviors that produce feelings of “love” over time. Anyone can be consistent for a month or two, but can they keep making mental, spiritual, and physical contributions to that “love” over a long period of time? That’s the test, that’s how you know there is any merit or reason you should accept the “feeling” of the love.
For the women who find themselves confused on whether or not a man loves you i’ll provide a break down. I do this because many women are in relationships with men who are abusing them whether physically or emotionally in the name of love. Other women allow a man’s expression of “love” to be the reason they remain attached to a relationship that they shouldn’t be attached to.
When you consider whether or not a man loves you, you must first ask yourself two questions. First, what else does he love that isn’t you? Get a pen and a paper and make a list of all of the things he has expressed love for. And now ask yourself,“ How much of what he loves does he share with me?” For example if a man really loves his mother, and has expressed that, have you met his mother? Have you spoken to her? How much of his mother has he shared with you? If a man really loves his car, see if he’ll let you drive his car.
The second question and most important one is, “What does he have the least of?”, and how much of that does he share with you? Grab a pen and a paper and make a list of everything he doesn’t have much of and ask yourself how much of that does he share. Let’s say the guy you’re with doesn’t have a lot of money. How much of the money that he does have, is he willing share with you?
Any billionaire can spend money on a woman and it’s meaningless to him because he has so much. It’s no big deal to throw some money away and proclaim love due to it. Now let’s take that same billionaire and let’s say he doesn’t have a lot of “free time”. How much of his free time does he give you? And if he really loves you, how much of his “used up” time does he allow you to become a part of? Does he bring you along during times in which he would normally be alone?
This is how you use a man’s actions to determine if he’s truly connected to the emotions that he’s expressing. If these two aspects aren’t in place then his love is nothing more than a compliment. And you must treat it that way. That is the only way he’ll take bigger and wider steps to expressing that love in action.
He must see that that love just being expressed by his word is not good enough for you. And this doesn’t just go for the word “love”, this goes for “like”, him saying he’s “interested” and anything else. Those two questions are still relevant, just to a lesser degree.
This is how women save themselves from the dreaded “fuck boys” they are complaining about today. And let’s not just blame them, you women have to keep your own emotions in check just as well. Most men do believe themselves when they start expressing a genuine interest in you. They’re confused by their own feelings that changes later when they realized that it wasn’t “love” or “like” the way they initially thought it was love and like. It was a passing phase of hormones into the blood stream that are gone now that they have had their experience with you. But, when a guy shares what he loves with you, and shares what he has the least of with you, he will become invested into you and connected to you on a level deeper than words. You become wired into the fabric of his being; and that is what you want.
Guys only cast women to the side that they don’t have stock in. When there is no stock, there is no expected return of investment. When there is no expected return of investment, they don’t make any effort toward getting that return. They give what they don’t need, and then move on when they’re done. When a man gives you things that he values he finds it hard to let you just “walk away”, and then becomes emotionally invested in making sure you don’t walk away. He must share with you the things that he loves and then things that he has the least of to develop that burning desire to want to work to keep you around. When held to that standard the men not for you will blow themselves out of your life before you even begin to get emotionally invested.
If you’re a man or woman that needs help with your relationship Click Here to send me an email. Thanks For Reading.
For One on One Live Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com – ask about my free 15 minute consultation.
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This one will probably be met with several screw faces from the female supporters, but I’m going to be optimistic and offer a perspective that should speak to a few of you. The few with a mind that is open to at least discussing masculine ideas without becoming angry. The few who’ll find it easiest to get a man to want to commit to them long term in the first place. I’ve found in my personal life that the most attractive and confident women have a spirit of seeking to understand. They may not agree right away, but they don’t go touting their opinion easily. They understand that there is a difference within the psychology of a man and a woman and thus, they seek to understand the males way of thinking to better help them function in a union with one. The majority of these women just so happen to be in functional relationships, but perhaps that’s just a coincidence.
Today it’s very easy for a woman to say, “Well this is what I want and if he doesn’t like it then its on to the next one”, but how long does this mentality survive until you’ve worn yourself out through failed relationship after failed relationship and one finds themselves alone? It is the very “on to the next one” mentality that results in a man not feeling attracted to a woman anyway. I’ve wrote about this before. A man thrives off of feeling needed, so if you’re mentality is “On to the next one, I can do fine without a man, My feelings or the highway etc…” you will produce a vibe that will subconsciously be a repellent to the opposite sex. He may stick around to enjoy the sex, the affection, and good times, but his eyes will continue to wander to a place in which he can feel that he is “needed”.
Women want to feel “wanted” and men want to feel “needed”. It is a thin line, but there is a difference between the two. Before I get into the topic let me also say that there are always exceptions to every rule. Every time I write something like this I get an email from a woman saying,“ Well I knew this guy that this didn’t apply to”. Of course you do. I’m speaking to the majority. If I wrote an article saying, “Men have ten toes” would you email me saying, “ Well I disagree. I knew someone who had 11 toes?”.
So lets not do that here.
It is also true that men are being emasculated today. We’re dealing with some of the most emotional, not knowing what they want, tipping toeing men of all time. This is happening for several reasons that I will be tackling in my next article,“Why Have Men Become So Effeminate?”. Women are also being a lot more masculine, and consequently we’re dealing with some of the most aggressive, detached, and combative women of all time. So I understand that these two types will be the first to write this content off before they even try comprehend it. But my intent is only to speak to the true nature of masculinity, and not what masculinity has been marginalized into during the 21st century.
Now with that being said, this article is not written to encourage women to give their man a cheat day, its more so written to get women to understand a male’s way of thinking, his nature, and his emotions more than anything. You can do whatever you want with the information after that, but understanding one another should be pivotal. So I’m going to go into several aspects arguing my case, and if you can keep an open mind and put away what YOU think, and your opinions for a moment please continue. If you’re already turning up your nose and waiting to disagree, you can stop here and leave a comment disagreeing as if you read the entire thing and understand what I’m trying to say.
I’ll start by presenting this one fact: ‘A single human male produces enough sperm in two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet.
Would you or would you not agree that a creatures genetic make up has some impact an influence on what that creature does and that creature’s way of thinking? Surely a lion being born with claws and sharp teeth feels compelled to hunt animals for meat. Its teeth and digestive system aren’t made to digest grass, and so it hunts because of its biological make up . This isn’t some social construct. No one has to tell the lion that it’s suppose to hunt other animals. The lion knows instinctively that its job is to hunt because of the cards that it has been dealt. So, what would possessing enough sperm cells to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet every two weeks do to a man on an instinctual level when our bodies naturally produce hormones that trigger us to want to reproduce? Nothing happens for no reason in nature. It is our hormones and our emotions that trigger our actions.
For example, when a man or woman becomes angry it is because their bodies are producing a chemical called catecholamine, and it is this chemical that triggers the motivation to act out in anger. Its not just a mental thing. It’s a hormonal cause for the emotion that proceeds before the action. So in that same light, how does a woman only being able to have one child a year influence her instinctual behavior? Her traditional nature would encourage her to find one suitable partner with strong genes so that she could give birth and maintain the population of the planet. Nature didn’t create sex so that we could have pleasure, nature made sex pleasurable so that we would reproduce. If sex were painful our subconscious would instinctively shy us away from the act.
So what does a man and woman’s biological nature tell you about the way that we feel compelled to act instinctively? A man’s nature – producing enough sperm to impregnate every female on the planet; a woman’s nature – only being able to produce one child per year? Which would be the one that would be more concerned with finding a commitment with one person? And before anyone says humans have free will… sure we do, but nature still plays its role. This is why you consistently hear women saying, “All men are the same” and men saying ,“ All women are the same”. Surely we each have our own personality and things that makes us unique, but we all possess the same nature. Just as all lions are the same, and all dolphins are the same. They each have unique attributes, but when you boil them down to their nature they each do the same exact things.
And this brings me to my next point:
When a male and female copulate,hug, kiss or touch, a chemical called oxytocin is produced. Oxytocin is a bonding chemical, and this is what creates the romantic feelings we feel for one another. The body begins to crave the feel good chemical oxytocin and this creates the emotion which is responsible for attachment. The most oxytocin is produce when a woman breast is being sucked on, so if any ladies out there are with a no good man that you can’t seem to get away from; keep the guy away from your breast. This is the same chemical produced when a woman is breast feeding that intensifies the bond and connection between a mother and her child. Now, did you that know oxytocin is produced by both man and woman, but testosterone nullifies oxytocin? And the more testosterone a man has the more difficult it will be for him to be attached to any one person. The chemical responsible for attachments begins to be nullified within him. You don’t just love someone dearly because you love them, you love them because they’ve succeeded at producing a sufficient amount of feel good chemicals in your body that created the attachment. This can’t be forced and/or manufactured. A man can’t just love you the way you love him because you want him to. You have to succeed at producing high enough levels of oxytocin within him that can’t be all nullified because of his testosterone. And the more testosterone he has, the more difficult this will be. Which is why the most alpha males(men with the highest testosterone counts) sleep with the most women and have the most difficult time with commitment. He just doesn’t feel it the way that you do. So a mans ability to want to stick around with you after sex isn’t just based on how soon or how late you have sex with him. It is based on how much oxytocin you’ve succeeded at getting him to produce before, and during the act. You wait too long and see him too infrequently, and he will have produced enough testosterone to get rid of it- and the attachment. Too soon, and there simply just isn’t enough yet.
Now let me just say that it is possible to make a man produce enough oxytocin in one day if you’re skilled, and if things line up with the other factors in play, but that’s another article altogether. I will elaborate more on this in my book for woman on how to successful seduce the man they want, but what I will say is that the less sperm a man is carrying over an extended period of time the less testosterone he will have. So if he has masturbated or had sex several days before meeting you and you’re skilled, he won’t have the testosterone available to nullify the oxytocin. Hence why older men are more willing to enter a commitment because a mans testosterone count lowers as he gets older. This is not something men are aware of. For the most part we’re just on autopilot responding to our nature. So my question is, why must men be held to the same commitment standards as women when we’re not even capable of feeling the same things that women are feeling for us biologically? Should a man born without sight be forced to pass an eye exam lest he be cast away?
Why is it that the majority of mammals on the planet exist within a system that contains few males and many females? In a cow pen there is one bull, and a bunch of cows. Lion prides contain one lion and several lioness. In a herd of deer there is usually one alpha male deer that is responsible for impregnating 90% of the females in the herd. Even in a chicken coop there is usually one or two roosters( if the coop is big enough) and a bunch of hens and the one rooster is responsible for fertilizing all the eggs. What is that telling us about the nature of male creatures? Perhaps just more coincidences.
Lets dive into commitment from a male point of view:
When a woman meets a confidant alpha male who naturally attracts a lot of women what is the usual dynamic? Typically the Alpha male will not be looking to settle down with any one particular girl in the early years of his life, and so he will be developing non-exclusive relationships with multiple women. Because the women like him, they will put up with it for a short time before pressuring him to commit to them exclusively over all of the other girls that he’s seeing. He’ll do one of two things: If he likes her he’ll do his best to comfort her and assure her that he does have feelings for her but he’s still not ready. In other words, he hasn’t been worn down enough. Now if he doesn’t like her, he’ll just cut her off and/or make it clear to her that it’s not going to happen and she’ll walk away or stay until she finds someone willing.
All men who have high levels of success with women have been confronted with this dynamic multiple times. Often from two or three women all at once. We know that we chase women initially to lock in their interest and to win their compliance, and then she chases us after that to maintain our investment in her and to win our commitment. Commitment is almost never actually something that WE as alpha males want. Its something that we give to our women if we value them enough over time. If we had it our way, we would have several women who commit to us that we don’t actually commit to. And this is usually what’s going on. The majority of quality women that I know tell me they don’t feel comfortable sleeping with more than one man at a time. And so they’ll be committing to men in non- committed relationships anyway. This is all just due to their nature if their nature is intact; since a woman can only carry the child of one man at a time. Men on the other hand are able to create thousands of children a year if we have the availability. And so a man’s natural and biological feelings will be in alignment with what his biological potential is. Because most women don’t feel this desire to their core, they can’t accept the fact that we legitimately do. The majority of quality men I know are all sleeping with multiple women until they find one suitable enough to build something with.
Ask a woman why hasn’t she had sex with a thousand attractive men yet? And she’ll say something like “ That’s gross, or I respect myself and I won’t just sleep with anyone”. Ask a guy why he hasn’t had sex with a thousand women yet and he’ll tell you that he just hasn’t had the time to, or hasn’t found that amount of attractive women willing to sleep with him.
So if commitment to monogamy is something that we didn’t even want, but we gave to the woman we love as a reward for putting up with enough of our nonsense, should we not be allowed a cheat day as a reward to us for going against our nature by entering a committed relationship once every blue moon?
What women have to understand is that entering a committed relationship is a lot more simple for them. Women are turning down dozens of men every single day that are trying to sleep with them. So once they enter a relationship they don’t have to do anything new. They only have to continue turning down men same way they were doing before entering the commitment. Every day of a man’s life he is trying to get women to sleep with him either directly or indirectly. That’s our life. So once we enter a commitment we have to perform an action that is the complete opposite of the reality that we live every single day. We’re the only ones that have to struggle with taking up a new practice and a new behavior. The women, for the most part, get to remain the same, because after all, the commitment was something that she wanted. So she’s getting something that she wants, that is congruent with her daily behavior anyway. Its like getting paid to brush your teeth, take a shower, and then commute to work. You’ll do it whether you get paid or not, so to get paid for it is a double and unrealistic bonus. Imagine your boss saying “I’ll give you a two hundred dollar bonus on every check if you eat dinner when you get off work.”. Now of course you don’t have to, but you’re likely to do it anyway, so its easy money.
When people go on a diet, they reward themselves with a cheat day because they’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what they were used to every day of there life prior. So in that same light, why shouldn’t men be allowed a cheat day because we’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what we were used to everyday of our life prior? Why can’t our women say “ Wow.. You’ve successfully went against your biological nature and motivation to populate the earth and remained with one woman for a year. Go have a cheat day baby. “ Hell, if a woman would do something as simple as saying, ” Thank you for being faithful” it would make a world of difference in how her man felt about staying strong and honoring the commitment.
The modern day, new age feminist will tell you that monogamy is a social construct, and that is a lie. Monogamy for women is a biological construct. It’s embedded in their nature and their biological potential. Once again, sex wasn’t created for us to have pleasure, pleasure is just the emotional impetus so that we will have sex and procreate. Third wave feminism is atheism. You can’t believe in a higher power and think that our biological natures weren’t created with a purpose. But shout out to all of my feminists. Pardon me. This article isn’t for you.
So I want to wrap this up by reiterating that I am not encouraging women to run and tell their boyfriend “ go have a cheat day”, your feelings should matter as well. But what we’re not going to do is coddle childish emotions that aren’t validated by anything other than more emotion, and make decisions based off of that. The discussion can be had, perhaps your man is over that stage of his life, perhaps his T count isn’t where it used to be, and he’s had his fun already. I just think that we should all strive to understand one another a lot more.
In the eleventh chapter of Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill said “ The woman who understand a man’s nature and tactfully caters to it, need have no fear of competition from other women. Men may be “giants” with indomitable will-power when dealing with other men, but they are easily managed by the women of their choice.” And I completely agree with this statement. Its easy to say “only an insecure woman would go for something like this” and while an insecure woman may go for this out of necessity, a woman with the ultimate confidence may be willing to allow it because she understands.
I always tell women that men rule on the front end, we are the conscious mind and women are the subconscious mind. The subconscious is responsible for 80% of our thoughts and activity, but the thing is, the conscious mind doesn’t even know the subconscious mind is operating. A woman that understands her man and seeks to provide him with what he needs will rule her man. And the beauty of it all is, he won’t even have the slightest idea of whats going on. The insecure woman is controlled by her man, because she is trying to control him on the front end. The conscious end. Leave that to him, let him think he’s ruling. He will feel a lot more comfortable with opening up and revealing his true feelings to you that way. The truly confident woman allows her man to have that 20% front end; the small battle, because she knows that ultimately she is ruling from behind the scenes; responsible for 80% of his activity. The women that get a thorough grasp on this, will never be short on a man that’s willing to commit to her and give her his everything.
For anyone further interested in an example of this topic you can check out this couple from Brooklyn, New York who have allowed two additional women into the relationship and are sharing one man between them three. The man and his first wife have been together for 17 years, the two other women have been with him and his wife for 11 years. How many of you have been with one person consistently for 5 years? And i’m not talking about breaking up and getting back together years later. I’m talking about a strong consistent five years. They’re all attractive women who could easily have a man to themselves if they truly wanted to. The women don’t sleep with each other, they don’t do threesomes, and there is not a sign of low self esteem insight. You can check that out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XaRjpjdui8
Thanks for reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
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My last article was on the subject of men and women holding each other to higher standards, so we can each begin to improve the quality of ourselves, each other, and the quality of mates we’re attracting into our lives.
I had received a great deal of emails from women thanking me for giving them hope, saying things like “Thank you, I now know that it’s okay not to settle for less than what I deserve”. And while I agree with them, I can’t help but notice a common theme amongst the women of the 21st century.
You ready for it?
I find that many women lack the feminine version of the qualities that they desire in a man; and also, their desire to be liked for the same reasons that they like a man. The high-majority of women who I speak with day to day, are completely out of touch with what it is that attract men, and what it is that men desire. And so they are continually frustrated, because we as men are not attracted to them for the same reasons that they are attracted to us.
I meet a lot of these successful independent women who say things like “I have my Master’s degree, I make over $100,000 dollars a year, I can fend for myself, why can’t I find a decent man?” And what these women don’t realize is that men are not biologically programmed to look at a woman for what she can provide. So the amount of money a woman makes a year means absolutely nothing to the biological reasons that men find women attractive. I would even go so far as to say that any man who is looking to a woman for what she can provide isn’t a man. That’s not how “men” are wired. Women are biologically programmed to look at a man for what he can provide, the same way they look toward a man biologically as a figure of protection. Real men (in my dame dash voice) do not operate this way. A man should not look for his woman to protect him. Imagine a man saying to a group of his friends “Yo… I love my girl man. Last night she killed a big ass spider for me. I was scared as shit. I screamed and she just jumped up and killed it. She’s dope“.
Ladies… what would you do if there was an intruder in the home and your man hid underneath the bed and asked you if you could go out and deal with it? You would probably lose every nanobyte of respect and attraction for that man. Why does that happen? Because biologically you are wired to look to a man as a figure of strength who could protect you if he could.
Ever go on a date with a man who just doesn’t make you feel “safe”? Were you attracted to that man? Of course not.
So why is it that women get into this habit of expecting us to like them for the same reasons that they like us?
I’ll have a woman say something like “Eddie… I love you” and I will genuinely say “thank you” in appreciation that she has expressed herself to me in such a way, and do you know what she’ll say? “Why didn’t you say that you loved me too?” I’ll say “Why do you love me?” She’ll usually say something like “because you’re so funny, wise, and insightful”. I’ll respond genuinely “So why should I love you ‘too’ because I’m funny, wise and insightful? You saying that you love me right now is predicated upon how you feel in this moment. Why do you expect me to love you in this moment the same way you love me, when you’re not doing the same things I am doing in this moment to be loved?”
The problem is, many women I speak with have completely lost touch with what it is that men want and find attractive. With all of the studying they do on men, they still somehow can’t wrap their head around this concept.
So I wrote this piece as a call to women to begin checking whether or not they are the feminine version of that which a man is looking for.
If I make a $100,000 a year and you make $100,000 a year, and one of the reasons you “like me” is because I do decent financially, and I would be able to provide for you if I had too, that doesn’t mean that I am suppose to like you equally for making the hundred thousand dollars.
I say this because, I am not programmed biologically to like you for your ability to provide. We are not equal in terms of attraction in that regard. My $100,000 means something to you biologically – something to the core of your nature. But, your $100,000 means absolutely nothing to me biologically – nothing to the core of my nature. Financial security has nothing to do with the core reasons that I feel attraction for a woman.
A man will approach the girl coming out of McDonalds, with the same type of intensity and desire as the woman walking down Wall Street. If she possesses and has developed/cultivated the qualities that attract him biologically, the money that she makes doesn’t mean a thing.
I want to repeat this again… Any man who feels attraction for you because of how well you do financially is NOT a man. And you will find yourself not attracted to him, and at constant war with him after the honeymoon phase. The man that you want, if you are in tune with your femininity, is the man that will hold you to the standards of what attracts him biologically.
So I agree that a woman should hold the men to the standard of being able to provide if necessary, and a man should hold women to the standard of being that which he finds attractive – which I’ll get into in a second.
This is not some outdated way of thinking… this is our nature. This is what has allowed us to function for thousands of years in harmony. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the world is currently being destroyed at alarming rates, and the natural fabric of how a man and woman function naturally together is also being destroyed. I believe these extremely high divorce rates, lack of couples getting married, and just unhappy relationships in general, are all a product of this confusion. And each gender is pointing the finger at the other without us realizing what the problem actually is. We are being socially conditioned away from out nature and it is destroying the reasons that we come together.
I now ask the reader… “How many people do you know that you can legit say are in a healthy and happy relationship?”
It’s gotten so bad that break up and divorces have become the norm. We almost expect it now. How often do you expect your guy and girl friends’ boyfriend/girlfriends to stay together? I find many people counting the seconds until it’s over. I know that when I was in high school and the girl I crushed on got into a relationship, I knew it was only a matter of time before I got my shot.
So what is it that men want? Now just as being able to “provide” and being able to “protect” is just two of the many aspects that women are naturally programmed to look for in a man, I will provide two of the many aspects that men are programmed to look for in a woman. For more aspects feel free to send me an email and I can speak with you on this.
1.The Visual – Most women have a difficult time wrapping their heads around this because they believe that they are visual too. And they’re not. At least not in the way that men are visual. For an example of the difference you can watch the videos below:
The Men: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2alnVIj1Jf8
The Women: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUy3_kBme4M
The videos show the difference in the male versus the female reaction to being catfished. In the first video men speak with a woman on tinder who’s, fit and slender, but when she appears on the date she is about 100 pounds heavier than she was in the photo. The same thing happens in the second video; but this time its women meeting up with a guy they thought was in shape, but turns out to be 100 pounds heavier than his photo.
In this video, the women are all a lot more open to giving the overweight “deceiver” a chance than the men are to giving the overweight deceiving woman a chance. The men in the video are practically incapable of functioning. They just can’t handle or look beyond the visual. They ask no further questions, they’re completely uncomfortable and can see nothing else. The women on the other hand are open to see who this guy is, why he may have lied, and if he is someone they can at least be friends with. Someone they can possibly encourage or help. The men… well they took off running.
Now why do you think this is? If you read the comments on the video you will see that a lot of women were offended that the men didn’t respond in the fashion in which they would have responded. Which completely breaks down the reason why I am writing this piece. Men are not attracted to and/or open to women for the same reasons that women are attracted to and/or open to men.
Let’s take Cleopatra for example: it is said that the key to Cleopatra’s consistent ability to seduce some of the most powerful men in the world in that time, is because of her understanding of the male visual. She would completely seduce and dazzle the men of that time with the visual; Robert Greens “The Art of Seduction” even quotes:
“Only one image of Cleopatra survives – A barley visible profile on a coin, but we have numerous written descriptions. She had a long thin face and a somewhat pointed nose; her dominate features were her wonderfully large eyes. Her seductive power however, did not lie in her looks – indeed many among the women of Alexandria were considerately more beautiful than she. What she did have above all women was the ability to distract a man. In reality, Cleopatra was physically unexceptional and had no political power, yet both Caesar and Mark Anthony, brave and clever men saw none of this. What they saw was a woman who constantly transformed herself before their eyes, a one-woman spectacle. Her dress and make up changed from day to day, but always gave her a heightened goddess like appearance […] by the time your head lay on the pillow beside her, your mind was spinning with images and dreams […] you never possessed Cleopatra, you worshiped her […] From Cleopatra we learn that it is not beauty that makes a seductress/siren, but rather a theatrical streak that allows a woman to embody a man’s fantasies […] A man is easily deceived by appearances ; he has weakness for the visual. Create the physical presence of a siren (heightened sexual allure mixed with a regal and theatrical manner) and he is trapped. He cannot grow bored with you yet he cannot discard you. Keep up the distractions and never let him see who you really are. He will follow you until he drowns. “
Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar are both men that could have had access to the most attractive women of all kinds and creeds across the entire planet. But it was Cleopatra, “A woman that had been exiled from Egypt” with the understanding of the male visual that gave her access to the most powerful men the world had to offer. These men even neglected their responsibility and duties within their own country to remain with her in Egypt. Mark Anthony had even known all about how she had seduced Caesar and brought down his kingdom and he still found himself unable to resist her. Think about that… (I’d encourage any woman further interested in this topic to look up the book “The Art of Seduction” and the chapter titled “The Siren” which is the first chapter of the book)
2. The Desire to Feel Powerful – I spoke about this in my Go Pro radio interview a bit more extensively, but to paraphrase… All men have this innate desire to feel as if they are kings of the earth. To Feel Powerful. The more testosterone the male has, the stronger his desire for this. It is what drives a man to want the most attractive woman to parade around and show off, and it is what drives him to want to make the most money. It is a symbol to other men that he is the most dominant and powerful one of them all. All masculine mammals in nature have this battle. There is always one male that has to rise to be the Alpha male of the group. It is even said that in some species of male animals just 5% of the males produce 95% of the children of that species. Imagine if humans were like that? Well… I can’t say that we’re that much different. I’ve heard that 20% of the men sleep with 80% of the women. There is a masculine desire within each of us to want to dominate and conquer as much as we can. Testosterone even works as an agent to nullify oxytocin which will prevent a man from developing a chemical/emotional bond with the women he has sex with. This is why men can be so detached after sex – especially around a woman whose only way to make a man feel powerful was through the opening of her legs. Once he’s conquered what far too many women hold onto as if it’s some golden ticket that no one else has but them, he will be off to the next conquest. Unless however, a woman comes to terms with the principles that will keep the guy around.
I’ve found that far too many women remain quiet. A man wants to know when he is and how he is affecting you. He needs you to express yourself without the fear that he may or may not be feeling the same.
A woman will text a guy something like “Do you miss me? “ – Which really means she misses him, but she’s not comfortable saying so unless she is sure he feels the same. This is anti-seductive; had she had the self-esteem and confidence to be transparent and just say something like “I miss you. You make me feel so tingly on the inside, I don’t know what to do” she would be sub-communicating to the man that he is powerful. He has the ability to make her miss him and feel tingly.
One of the main reasons why a man likes to have sex is not because of the fifteen second orgasm that he gets when it’s over. It is the moaning, the groaning, and the scratching from his woman that he desires, because that is a sign to him that he is powerful. Having the ability to make a woman moan, groan, and scratch. This is why you can search the internet and find men obsessed over how to please their woman. It is not just to make a woman orgasm, but so that the man himself can feel powerful – knowing he has the ability to give pleasure.
So on the equal level of the visual I find this to be almost of a greater importance. The wives of some of today’s most powerful men on earth are not that physically attractive, but I’m almost certain that they have the ability to make their man feel powerful; and it is probably this ability that inspired the man to have the confidence to take his current position.
Be open, be transparent, and outwardly express how great his ability to affect you is, and the man will crave the words that leave your mouth to no end.
So to wrap this up… I just want the female readers to make sure that they are not trying to be the exact representation of that which they look for in a man. Rather they be the feminine representation of the qualities that men seek from them. If you want a man that makes 25 million dollars a year, just make sure you have a 25 million dollar ability to stimulate him through your visual (not just physical feature) and a 25 million dollar ability to give him dramatic and transparent presentations of what you feel his power to be. Just because a woman is making 25 million, doesn’t mean that she qualifies to get a man that makes 25 million. Because once again, he is not looking at your ability to provide to determine how attracted to you he is. If you want to make lots of money that’s great, but understand that your high level of education and the amount of money you make a year, means little to nothing to a real man’s (one that will make you happy) desire to want you for anything more than just sex.
The society of today has put too much emphasis on masculinity. It’s the only thing highlighted; so much so that many of the women today are being imitations of masculinity. No one talks about the innate power of a woman. It’s almost as if to be a woman is something you should be ashamed of. If we’re going to go forward as a society, I think it’s important that we begin to highlight both the power of a woman and exactly what that power is so that little girls can desire to be that which is closest to their nature.
It is through a great woman’s visual, energetic and transparent verbal stimulation that a man is inspired to rise to the height of his potential. Which is why the statement “Behind every great man, is a great woman” is something I whole heartily agree with. We need each other, and we need you to join us, and not compete with us so that we can live in harmony. How many of our great leaders were without a woman? Women are the divine energy. They are the inspiration for all creation on this planet. Men just take the energy that they give us and put it into practice. But it is the woman who gives birth to the energy to begin with. She conceives it, she gives it life, – the man raises it, and creates the physical manifestation of it. We are to come together as a team, each with our own role to become ONE complete body together. We aren’t meant to compete with one another the way we are today.
Men do not have the ability to conceive and inspire through the creation of energy. We create with the energy, we are not the creators of the energy. So if women start doing what they have the power to do and discontinue being imitations of masculinity, our society and generation can rise to its greatest heights once again. And it is the responsibility of us as men to be strong enough to bring this to their attention. Far too many men are willing to just roll over and get fucked by the direction of society. What happened to our warriors? What happened to our voices? What happened to our leaders? I will be addressing us as men more advertently in my next piece.
Thanks for reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
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This here has to be one of the most common things men face in the field of dating that they seem incapable of coming up with a solution to. I’m asked about it religiously, theres been television shows about it, and there are many memes going around making fun of the male friend being heart broken once he’s be reminded that he is still “Just a friend”. So what does a guy do when he’s put into the dreaded friend zone? And how does he get out of it? I’m going to cover all of that here, but first, lets get the harsh reality out of the way. It is my firm belief that 9 times out of 10 men and women can not be friends. Are there examples of men and women that are friends? Absolutely. But are the MORE examples of men and women that finally reveal to there “friends” that they weren’t actually their friends; that in fact they were just pretending to be their friends, because they thought that would lead to them actually having a chance? Caertainly. This is the reason the popularity of the “Friend Zone” got as big as it did in the first place.
Now, i’m not talking about friends in the sense of “Facebook Friends”. Nor am I talking about friends in the sense that “ Me and My Ex are friends because he texts me every couple of weeks to see how I am doing.”. Men and women can certainly be friends through the internet, and through text messaging. The distance makes friendship the only option. But can men and women consistently be equal friends on both of their parts while hanging out privately with just the two of them on a consistent basis – like regular friends do? I say no. One of the two can genuinely be friends; the one that isn’t attracted to the other one. But there is almost never a case in which the both of them feel absolutely no attraction to the other.
Ladies, have you ever had a guy approach you and when you revealed to him that you had a boyfriend he replied with “ You can’t have friends? “. What does he actually mean by that? When he saw you before he approached did he think “That girl is so beautiful. She would make a great friend”. No. He approached because he was attracted, and if you didn’t have a boyfriend he would have never mentioned anything about friendship.
So, 9 times out of 10 when a guy is friend zoned he’s not actually your friend. He’s faking a friendship and waiting for his opportunity to try again. Or he is waiting until he gets the courage to reveal his true feelings to you. I know countless amounts of women that were friends with guys for years that had no clue their male friend secretly liked them until it was revealed by the guy years later.
If you want to test out what I’m saying, pick up your phone one evening and text one of your male friends “ Hey, I know we’re only just friends, but It’s been a long time for me, and I’m really aroused tonight. Would you come over and spend the night? And could you promise to keep it between us? “ and see what they say. If they do anything other than blatantly reject your offer and put the friendship on ice until they figure out whats going on with you they’re not actually your friend. If one of my male friends were to text me that message tonight that would be the immediate end of the friendship. Because we’re friends and friends only, and nothing else could ever come from this union except friendship.
I say all of this to say, that if you’re a guy or a girl with any intentions on ever getting out of the “friend zone” stop pretending to be someones friend when you know that is not what you want. STOP SETTLING. The reason you were friend zoned in the first place is because you were willing to accept that position. No one can delegate you to a place you don’t allow yourself to be. When you want something, you don’t settle for a consolation prize. We can only get what we deserve out of life, so if you don’t feel like you’re deserving of the girl you’re going after why go after her? And if you feel like you are deserving of the girl you’re going after, why would you accept less than you feel you deserve?
If you worked for a company and felt like because of your qualifications and experience you deserved to be the manager of the company what would you do if they said “ No. We’re only giving you a base salary and temp position. We’re not making you manager”? What would you do? Would you accept the temp position or would you leave? You would leave, I hope, because if you didn’t you would be sending the clear message that you don’t feel like you deserved the manager position after all. The company would also look at you and lose respect for you, because you didn’t have the courage to walk away from something that didn’t give you what you claimed you wanted. And this is exactly how a woman looks at you when you accept less than you petitioned for. When you allow them to determine what your position in their life is going to be, metaphorically they become the CEO and you become the employee. Now imagine an employee saying “one day I’m going to have the courage to tell the CEO that I want to take their position. But I’m just going to pretend to be an employee for right now until I have the courage”. It simply doesn’t work, nor does it ever happen. And even if this were attempted, they wouldn’t just become CEO because they stated this is what they secretly wanted all along. You would be investing years of time and energy into something that has less than a 1% chance of succeeding. All while you sit around listening to your “friend” tell you about all the other guys she’s dating that aren’t you.
So what do you do? You have two options.
You take the plunge – Often times the so called “friend” is waiting around to catch the person that friend-zoned them in a vulnerable position. They’re waiting around until their “friend” is sad or down or just had a break up to reveal their intentions. Is preying on the weak the behavior of a friend? Certainly not. Hell, if you desire to get out the friend zone, you’re not a friend anyway. But even if they were to agree in those moments once they get their strength back that will be a short lived relationship. Approach them while they’re strong. Let them know that you don’t want to waste any more of your time and that you’re too attracted to them to sit around pretending to be a friend. You look them square in the eye and tell them the truth. And you go in knowing that your self-respect will not allow you to accept less than you feel you deserve; you go in willing to walk away. Then, if you two aren’t on the same page perhaps in your absence they will have the time to reflect on the qualities you brought into their life and whether or not they should give the relationship a shot.
You decide you’re going to remain the friend and put all of your focus and energy on being nothing other than a friend. All while you begin searching for someone else for a romantic partnership. If you are not in a space in which you are willing to walk away I recommend you never bring it up. Just stick with this option. It will only lead to heart break, a further loss of respect, disappointment and a potential lost “Friend”. I would even recommend telling your friend something like this, “ You know, I’ve liked you this whole time, but I’ve decided that I’m just going to be your friend and I’m going to start putting my energy into finding someone for me.” That way the air is clear and things can become more definitive.
I say all of this to say “ Waiting around” has never gotten anyone anything. You’re either going to take a leap of faith in life and be willing to not succeed or you won’t ever actually live. There’s an old expression that goes, it’s better to die on your feet than live on your knees. Friend zoned guys that are hiding their intentions are currently living on their knees. And the fact that they’re willing to live on their knees is the reason they’re friend-zoned. Women simply do not like men who are afraid to take risk. When will you stand up? When will you leap off the cliff and see if you can fly? Flying won’t get any easier the longer you wait. Flying will always be flying and it will always take the same amount of effort as it always has. To succeed you’re going to have to step into the unknown. You’re going to have to jump.
Thanks for reading.
Need Help Getting Out The Friend Zone? For One on One Live Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
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So yesterday in the article I wrote titled “Is Your Girl Slipping Away?” I briefly touched on the underlying rownoncept that is present in all relationships between a man and a woman; which is investment versus compliance.
My original introduction to the concept was spoken by a comedian by the name of Patrice O’Neal who began to gain popularity before his passing (12/7/1969 – 11/29/2011) for his ability to break down relationships from an abstract, yet completely relatable point of view. Patrice said “The game men and women play is pussy versus time. Men are trying to get the pussy as quickly as possible without having to give up that much of their time, and women are trying to get as much of a guy’s time as possible before having to give up the pussy”. He went on to say that women treat men that allow women to abuse their time the same way men treat women who allow them to abuse their vaginas. Men that get friend-zoned are the men that don’t know the value of their time and they see a woman’s sex as being so much more valuable than their time that they allow a woman to completely use their time up without requiring anything in exchange. The men in essence become what Patrice calls “Time Hoes”. They’re not a woman’s friend, they’re just used for male time and attention. They won’t actually have sex with the guy because a woman’s attraction is connected to her respect, and they don’t respect him because he doesn’t know his own value. The same way a guy will have sex with a girl he considers a “hoe”, but would never be seen with her in public at a movie. Women will go to dinner and movies, but would never actually have sex with him, they’ll be having sex with someone else. Its reversed.
You can check out an excerpt from the original audio “Time Hoe” below:
I was first introduced to the concept many years ago, and since I was in agreement with it I didn’t give it much thought after that; I just took it for what it was. But the more and more experience I got with women the deeper I understood what it is they truly want as women and what it is we truly want as men. I peeled back the layers and began to understand that what was thought to be just sex was compliance (Sex, warmth, status, affection, submission, power etc.). And what was thought to be just time was actually investment (Time, commitment, attention, validation etc.). Which is one of the seven fundamental understandings I adhere to when it comes to men and women relationships. This one in particular being Investment versus Compliance
There are many examples of investment that a woman wants. There is time, there is attention, there is money spent, validation, commitment, and so forth. Men all over social media are playing into the whole “time hoe” concept daily. They’re being conditioned to give away time and validation left and right with the “like” button and the comment section. These men that are liking all a woman’s pictures and leaving comments under their pictures for just being “beautiful” are secretly hoping that one of these women sees the comment and decides to message the guy as a result. Which of course never happens. What kind of woman is going to comply with messaging a guy first that is already giving away his time, attention, and validation to her just because she looks good? He isn’t requiring anything. He’s just cheaply giving away something that he should value. For a man to be more successful with women he has to know his value. He has to begin to view his time, attention, and commitment as being worth something. Something that he’s not just going to cheaply give away to anyone without cost. Women will take the validation, the same way most men will take a decent looking woman throwing sex at them, but they won’t actually respect the guy to give him the time of day, the same way you’ll probably have no interest in seeing the girl that slept with you that didn’t know her value ever again. Women don’t probably know this, but as guys we know in our hearts that something as simple as the “like” and the comment section is more often than not used in the spirit of outcome dependence. We’re not doing it for no reason, we want something in return. We want to be noticed, and we cross our fingers and hope that we will be. This is one of the things fueling the gap between beta males and attractive women. There are a lot more outlets today for them to just give away their validation to any attractive woman which subconsciously lowers their own self worth little by little. If I like a woman’s picture more often than not, I found something creative and artistic about it. And if I ever leave a comment, it will be a comment about the creativity or the effort put into the photo. Not the looks that a woman was given at birth, or the looks that a woman paid for.
Your time, your attention, and your validation has to have worth. You have to recognize that you are an entity that’s worthy of being admired. It is a mans frame of mind that attracts women. Women can easily fall in love with a man that they didn’t find attractive at first until they fell in love with his mind. The same way men can easily fall in love with a woman with a terrible personality just because she is beautiful. Its all reversed.
All men in the friend zone that don’t want to be there see themselves as worthless. They don’t value their time, they don’t value their conversation, they don’t value their attention, their touch or anything. And so a woman isn’t attracted enough to their minds to take them seriously. A woman will never take a man seriously unless she is attracted to his frame of mind. A mans confidence is all dependent upon what he perceives his own value to be. Forget what other people say about you, what do YOU believe your value is? And women will treat you according to this. For example: If I make eye contact with a woman I mentally feel that my gaze should be appreciated by a woman because it is worth something. I don’t go around gazing at everyone; and I do this on purpose so that when I do make gaze at a woman she can intuitively pick up on the value of my gaze. This is one of the reasons why I don’t go around staring at women’s asses when they walk by. I don’t care what these others guys are doing, my stare has worth, and I’m not just going to be cheaply giving it out to every fat ass that walks by. I’ll look up and appreciate Gods work of art in the sky before I start staring at every woman I see just because she looks good. Its okay to look and admire beauty, but when you begin to stare, you begin to give too much of yourself away. I tell guys I coach all the time, don’t stare at women. If you’re not going to approach them, leave them alone, because you’re giving away validation and devaluing yourself in the process. You should require something for your stare, and so approach her and if this woman doesn’t recognize your value move on and stop giving yourself away so cheaply.
So if women are going to value your investment (time, attention, and commitment) they’re going to do so because you mentally understand that value of your investment; and because your actions reflect just how much you value what you mentally claim to value. And the more and more a woman values your investment the more willing she is going to be to be compliant with your wishes for smaller and smaller dosages of your investment.
Rockstars are desired by everyone, always on the road, and paid boat loads of money for two to three hours of their time on stage. And so they will naturally value their time because of how much their time is valued by others. So naturally thousands upon thousands of women in the crowd are willing go back to their trailers and sleep with them without requiring anything in exchange. They just perceive the rockstar’s time, attention, and validation as so much greater than their compliance they’ll give it all away in hopes to equal it. Many think it is the money that brings the women to them, but I work with guys with tons of money that can’t get laid for free. Not to mention there are plenty of men without a dollar to their name that are sleeping with attractive women all the time. The truth is, it is the confidence that the value that is put on their investment (time, attention, validation) that attracts the women to them. And you can begin to value yourself to this degree without having to be a rockstar. Success can give a man value, because of confidence it can give him, but a man can create value for himself and develop confidence without having to be successful by societies definition. His high level of confidence becomes a success within itself. What women want from men is investment (Time, commitment, validation, attention) from a guy that actually has value. Women can get tons of attention and investment from guys through social media and walking down the street effortlessly, but she truly wants it from the one guy that she perceives as being valuable. The valuable guy that she respects makes her feel more secure about herself, because he is secure within himself. And once she’s secure she can take the mask off and finally breathe. A woman’s life begins once she’s secure, her power, and everything that makes her special can only be tapped into once she has that security. Many think money is the security that women seek, and society would lead you to believe this, but there are plenty wealthy single women that still aren’t secure. They still aren’t tapping into the unique power of a woman and what makes them special. Their true security comes from having a man that they can follow who is valuable and completely secure within himself.
This same concept applies to women in reverse.
Let’s take the honest Gold Diggers for example:
The honest Gold-Digger is the woman who lets a man know from the very beginning that she doesn’t value his time, attention, and validation because he doesn’t value himself and so she won’t have sex with him, but she’s willing to be compliant with one of his requests (increasing his perceived value by being seen with him) in exchange for financial favors. Similar to the honest Player who lets a woman know from the beginning that he is not looking for a relationship but he is willing to be compliant with one of her requests (time, attention and validation) in exchange for sex. They’re both pretty much doing the same thing and there is nothing wrong with this. Gold diggers and players get a bad rep because of the association with dishonesty due to the label. The players that lead a girl on into thinking that there is the possibility of a relationship, and the gold diggers who lead a guy on into thinking that there is a possibility of sex. These are the two who are wrong and interfere with the entire system. It is not the gold diggers fault if she was honest from the very beginning and all throughout the relationship, that male involved becomes upset that he wasn’t able to manipulate her into giving him sex. His expectation is his own problem, as long as she kept it all the real she shouldn’t have to deal with the emotions he experiences because he wasn’t able to trick her. Just like the woman that gets upset with the honest player who she wasn’t able to manipulate into entering a committed relationship with her over time. He shouldn’t have to worry about the emotions she experiences in the end if he was honest in the beginning and throughout the relationship because she wasn’t able to trick him.
Honest gold diggers and players are in essence the same thing. They’re opposite sides of the same coin. They both know their worth, know their value and refuse to give it away to anyone who they don’t see as being equally as valuable. But they have needs and are honest about those needs with the people that enter their life. She receives the wealth and assets she gets from a successful man, and he receives the empowering feeling he gets from having sex with an attractive woman. If the honest gold digger feels that her being in your presence (raising your social status) is worth you buying her a car and so you buy it aren’t you agreeing with her? And if this honest player feels that him giving you his time and attention is worth you giving him sex and so you give it to him aren’t you agreeing with him as well? Both of the emotional parties have to leave their agendas out of this. Because in all actuality the men buying gifts in hopes of manipulating the woman into giving him sex and the woman giving sex in hopes of manipulating the man into committing to her are the most dishonest people of all. If they were honest from the beginning and said “ I’m going to buy you these gifts for a few months, but then I’m going to try to make you have sex with me” and I’m going to have sex with you for a few months and then I’m going to try and make you commit to me” I’m sure both the player and gold digger would opt out or again make it clear that they are not going to be doing that. You don’t walk into a strip club and pay the stripper for a lap dance and then get angry because she didn’t want to also have sex with you free of charge. You paid for what you believed your money was worth. You made a payment, you received a dance, transaction complete.
So when it comes to a woman and compliance women have to put more value on the things that guys want from them or else they will be used by the guys who know their worth. In the same way I suggested to a man to put value on something as simple as his gaze a woman should put value on something as simple as her hug. The more you do something for everyone, the less valuable the energy around that action will be when its done to others.
Example: The woman that hugs every single person she sees has a hug that is of a weaker energy, feeling, and vibration that the woman that reserves her hugs (because she values them) for the people whom she feels are deserving of it. A man loves a woman’s warmth, whether its the warmth of her hug or the warmth of her vagina and the fewer people that have access to this warmth the stronger the vibration and feeling of this warmth will be when it is felt by the people she deems worthy. Value your warmth. It is of importance to men and of value to them and the warmer it is due to you treating it like its worth something mentally and through action, the more a man will value your warmth. He likely will not know why he enjoys your hug so much, he may not be sensitive enough to your energy to understand, but he will daydream about it and desire it nonetheless.
Men want to be seen with high quality women because its a reflection to other men that he is of high value. The same way women play the “beauty game” as a form of competition with other women. Men play the “Look what I got” as a status game with other men. There is a lot to a woman, but on the surface women help a man validate his own character. They’re pretty much the stamp on him. Without her, as I said in my radio interview he cannot have his crown. He can be a prince at best. But it is the woman he is with that is a reflection to him that he is king. And if you know anything about men, you know that we want power. We want to feel like we’re king. And a quality woman allows us to do that. Highly quality women get treated the same way by men as the rockstar regardless of how he looks gets treated by women. Men everywhere are willing to invest anything into them just to gain their compliance. (sex, submission, status/reverence). Know your worth ladies, come to grips with what it is that men want from you and make sure you’re getting what it is that you want as you’re giving him what he wants. There has to be a balance there to maintain the relationship. He gets too much and your value decreases, and he begins to take advantage. He gets too little, and he’ll either seek it elsewhere if he knows his worth, or he’ll become weak and turn into a man that you no longer find attractive.
Men also want to feel like leaders, its the fantasy played up for us in action movies all the time. We all want to envision ourselves as the hero that leads our team to victory. And the women willing to follow a man they value through being compliant have the ability to grant men this fantasy. We want to be the “head” of our household, we want “respect’’, we want you to “listen”. Blah blah blah, if you’ve ever been in a relationship with a man that knew his value you’ve heard it all before. We want you to look up to us and we want you to let us know that we have power as I touched on in the Dear Women, Men Want Femininity Back back article. But its also important that you do so with balance. A man needs a challenge to continue to grow and become better and any quality man will appreciate and respect you for the challenges you throw his way. He may not like it in the moment, but he’ll thank you for it in his own ways later.
So to the men, know your worth and your value and for the ones who do require submission from your woman with balance. If she became a slave you wouldn’t find her attractive. Just as a woman wouldn’t find a man attractive that completely opened himself up and consistently laid all his emotions and feelings out no matter how much she tries to convince him that this is what she wants.
Compliance and investment. As both parties require their needs from one another with balance it’ll be much easier to keep that spark alive long into the relationship. If any women and men need extra help on understanding where they stand in terms of value, more examples of ways to value themselves, and what they should be requiring based on where they are in their journey they can email me for coaching & consultation to improve this aspect and many other aspects of their relationship life at EddieFews@gmail.com with the title of the article as the subject of the email.
Thanks for reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
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Just yesterday I was giving my usual free fifteen minute consultation when I began to receive questions about the nature of women. The fellow I was talking to was just a few years shy of fifty years old when he had finally been confronted with the truth I revealed. Now, to his credit he did state that it had been in front of his face the whole time, and that he had always thought it, but could never fully grasp the concept until that moment he was on the phone with me.
He started by telling me that he’d been a minister most of his fully grown adult life and because most of the women he met were through the church he made a constant effort to “do the right thing.” Mainly because any mistreatment upon anyone by his hands could reflect bad on himself, his church, which would then affect his ministry. With this being the case, he could never quite understand why he had been mistreated by almost every woman he’d come across when all he tried to do was love them, give them everything he could, and be there for them. Just as God intended(according to scripture) a man should do for his wife, this man claimed he did in each and every relationship.
He began to inquire with me why this was the case. He ask if it could be because his money wasn’t all the way together; that maybe if he was rich none of these issues would have existed – to which I revealed to him was nonsense. Although a woman will stick around with a man thats being a straight up simp just because he’s paid she will still be miserable and which would likely lead to mistreatment. The financial security can only hold her attention but so much. Deep down financial security isn’t what she wants. She wants to be secure in her man and the strength she can feel within him. She’s seeking a rock, an anchor, that internal gut feeling that says “ If this entire world was torn down today I know that my man would still make a way for us.” It’s one thing to be specialized at your skill, something that you studied, practiced a lot, or went to school for. But it’s an entirely different thing to be specialized at life itself.
I’ve always said that intelligence has nothing to do with ones ability to read information in a text book, remember it, write about it, and recite it. Intelligence is about two things: Awareness and the ability to find solutions to the problems life throws your way. Awareness so that you can recognize the problem, and then the ability to solve the problems you’ve become aware of. And, a “problem” doesn’t necessarily have to be anything negative or dramatic; a problem could be “ How do I get this basketball to go into this hoop “ or “ How do I rhythmically move my body to the sound of this music.” For example, lets say you lived in a world of dancers, in which dancing was the only profession, dancing was the language, the only way to get a degree, and your ability to dance affected how much money you could make – wouldn’t those who couldn’t dance be viewed as unintelligent by the masses who could? Don’t we all view MacGyver as a genius for his unconventional ways of making something out of nothing whenever faced with a problem?
So I say all this to say this fellas inability to either choose a quality woman, bring the quality out of his woman, or simply find solutions to the problems that were presented in his relationship caused the women he dated to view his as emotionally unintelligent. They would then resent him, and the mistreatment would begin, which was pretty much them passive aggressively begging for him to do something about the situation – whether thats leaving her or repairing what they had. However, since all he knew was “love” thats all he gave. Had he been emotionally intelligent he would know that his woman required more than just “love”. Women are emotional creatures, and because they are so in-tuned with their emotions and the volume of them that they experience they need to feel a wide range of emotions from their mate. They need to feel the emotion that is relevant to that moment; the emotion from a man “aware “ enough to know which one they need at that time. Sometimes they will provoke you to love them with their gaze, their walk, and their talk. An other times they need you to check them when they allow their emotions to cross the line of respect you two have for each other.
As a man you have to know how to do both, and if you can’t do both the relationship will become unbalanced and they will hate you for it. As the man you are expected to be the leader and if you’re are not leading they have nothing to follow, and if they don’t have anything to follow they will either provoke you with mistreatment to regain your leadership or they will start to look for it elsewhere. The minster I did the consultation with was leading every woman he dated into an unbalanced relationship in which all they received was love no matter what they did. Thus, they pushed him and pushed him for a “checking” or any other emotion, and finally completely pushed him away when they didn’t get it.
Women need more than just love fellas, and they need more than just to be checked as well. There are hundreds of emotions and the more effective you become at interacting with them along the full spectrum of their emotions the more effective of a lover you will become. Put the phone done, shut the TV off and tune into your woman every once in a while. Figure out what she’s feeling and whats going on inside of her; Not by asking her “what she’s feeling”, but by genuinely listening to what she’s saying, how she’s moving, and figuring it out. If you’ve ever upset your woman you know that she wants you to “know” what she feels and why she feels that way; she doesn’t want to tell you. If she has to tell you it means you don’t know her, and if you don’t know who she is, it’s not going to be possible for you to know where you’re taking her. How can the “leader” have to ask those which he leads where he is to go? The man that has to ask him woman “what’s wrong” is simply admitting that in that moment he has no idea how to lead his woman back to place of peace.
Thanks For Reading
For One on One Live Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com – ask about my free 15 minute consultation.
This is a response to the emailer John11236, who asked me for a couple quick tips to ensure that he had a more successful first date while out a coffee this evening. Check out these 5 quick tips.
Tip #1 – If you’ve spoken to her enough to know something small that she likes, under $5 bucks, pick it up on the way tot he date and wait for the proper moment to reveal it and give it to her.
For example: On my first date with a girl I was talking to in the past, she had texted me an hour before the date ” I’m so excited for our first date. This is a date right? 🙂 – To which I responded something like ” Nope. Its our one year anniversary. We’re going to grab some drinks an celebrate. ” she’s like ” haha okay, see you there”
So on the way, I stopped by a stationary store and picked up a “Happy Anniversary card” – I didn’t write anything in it, but it was a small comical gift and she melted when I gave it to her. (later on in the night she revealed that had baked me some fresh cookies and pulled them out in wrapped ‘happy anniversary’ paper, but thats a story within itself…)
Second example: A woman would tell me how much she loves chocolate chip cookies. So i’d stop by a bakery on my way to meet her and pick up a chocolate chip cookie for her.
And its also very important WHEN you give the gift. Just chill and wait for the moment. This tip can also only be applied if you take the time out to have a conversation with the girl before going out with her. Something I would suggest that all men do. If you can’t last at least thirty minutes on the phone with a woman, then how do you expect to have a steady flow of conversation while on a date. Too many men are trying to rush to waste time on a date with someone they could find out they aren’t compatible with after five minutes on the phone – or video chat. The technology is here, lets respect our time and use it to our advantage.
Tip #2 – If you feel like conversation is getting stale and/boring instantly suggest that you guys take your coffee and tea in hand and go for a walk. The association with boredom and staleness is tied to everything in that room at that point. A new scenery will almost be wiping the slate clean; opening up new avenues for conversation. I’ve even seen this work inside of my home. If a girl starts to get closed off at the thought of me making advancements, I’d suggest we move to another room in the house. The prior rejections on my escalation are almost forgotten about at that point. Its almost as if it didn’t happen. For whatever reason all the negativity was tied into everything within the room that it was taking place in.
I could go deeper and say that the term en-TRANCE, would suggest that the entering of every new room puts one under a new trance, but thats another topic for another time lol.
Tip #3 – How you start is usually how you finish. So you want to make sure that the initial HELLO is warm, lively and bright. Thats what will initially get the ball rolling. Its always good to get off to a great first start if you can help it. Its like a little snow ball being pushed down a hill. It begins to pick up steam the further and further it gets down the hill. And the bigger it gets, the more force and energy it will take to stop it and push it in the opposite direction. And that goes for a negative start or a positive start. Start off good, and it’ll be tough to stop the ball from rolling in a good way; start off bad and the same happens.
Tip #4 – Physical contact is very important.. Ask to see her hands, hold them in your hands, so you can look at her lines. I’m not expert at palm reading nor do I pretend to be on dates, but its a great way to introduce physical contact. Women love finding out new things about themselves, so even if a date is going bad, she will be open to letting you see her hands at the thought of learning something new about herself. You can even see this at how often women read their horoscopes and take those internet personality test.
Also, the sooner you break the touch barrier the better. Hand holding is an instant signal of romance. When you see two people holding hands its an instant indicator that they are together. Whether that be two girls, two guys, or a guy and a girl. So holding her hand to look at the inside of the palm is still in some way connected to romantic hand holding. The same action and amount of effort is needed to do both.
The top deep line is the love line. And they say that the further this lines curves up to the middle finger, the deeper a persons capacity to love. Look it up if you need to for accuracy, but what’s most important is that you have fun with it. Too much reality can ruin the ‘fantasy’.
Tip #5 – When all else fails, if the conversation just isn’t flowing like you want it to I’m going to give you a quick cold reading technique thats simple and easy to remember. This will at least buy you 5-10 mins to get it together while also honoring part of tip 4 by allowing you to teach her something new. She’ll subconsciously connect you with this new found realization about herself.
You can introduce it as ” Hey lets play this game, it’ll teach you somethings about yourself and allow me to get to know you better. ”
4 Questions and Four Simple Interpretations – Wait until the end to reveal what they mean.
1) You’re in an all white room without windows or doors, give me three separate adjectives to describe how you would feel? ( Most will say: Alone, Scared, Afraid)
2) Whats Your Favorite Color? And three separate adjectives to describe it? (Blue: Calm, Beautiful, Pure)
3) Whats Your Favorite Animal? And three separate adjectives to describe it (Cat: Sexy, Independent, Fun)
4) You’re before and ocean shore, whats the first thing you do? ( Take off my clothes and dive right in)
The first question is a reflection of how you see death..
The second question is a reflection of how you see yourself.. As being.. calm, beautiful, pure.
The third question is a reflection of how others see you.. As being sexy, independent, and fun
And the third is how you go about sex..
Depending on how elaborate her answer is for number four, you can get really in depth about your interpretation. Just make it up and have fun with it.
Apply those 5 quick tips and you’ll be on your way to having a great first date.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com
Show Support, Buy The Book: The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Click Here