Here you’ll find my responses to personal emails I’ve received from Men asking for Advice. If you’re looking for quick personal advice, send me an email through the Contact Us page and I’ll post my response here within 48 Hours.
Subject: Cold After First Date
Message: Literally, she went sleeping in love with me and woke up cutting me of and saying she needs some time for herself. Am I an idiot here? Am I missing out something? I really can’t understand her, I’m trying but I cant cause she felt so real when she was with, I usually notice when girls aren’t true with me, but this was true and that’s why I cant understand her.
The is all so common..
Women can fluctuate emotionally.. They’re like the tide, they come in and they come out. And depending on their own level of emotionally stability some will do this much more than others. Where guys go wrong is that we expect them to be like us; we expect them to be all the way consistent and so we hold them to their words the way we would hold onto our friends words. The thing is.. they’re not our friends. Especially not after 2 weeks of knowing one other.
When a guy and a girl come together what guys seem to forget is that women have “game” just as much as we have “game”. A guys game instinctually is to try and pump ourselves up, we present ourselves as smarter, stronger, more skilled, talented, and experienced than we actually are, because we understand instinctually that women are attracted to a man with the potential to provide. Women on the other hand understand that a guy will like them to the extent that they mirror him and inflate his ego. So when you say ” We both felt this amazing deep connection” what you’re not understanding is that she was simply mirroring the vibe/connection that you were projecting, because if she didn’t you wouldn’t have liked as much as you do now. If a girl likes you a little bit and thinks theres some potential she can’t tell you ” slow down buddy… I only like you a little bit” while you’re projecting all of this hollywood romance on her unless she wants to 1)hurt you ego and 2) cause you to back pedal and reconsider how inspiring you truly find her.
She becomes charmed by how quickly she’s been able to make you fall in love. Its powerful and intoxicating to her. And by not playing along, she risks giving that power up. So she’ll fall into the moment, have a good time and play “house” with you, but after that moment their is still more to consider than that moment. While you’re holding onto the memories of yesterday she is considering this moment. You’re not longer there will all of the funny jokes, charm, kisses, and good looks; all that is there is that moment and whatever is around her then.
So thats what you’re missing.. When a woman says ” I love you” she is saying “i love you” to the guy you are being in that moment. If you allow her saying ” I love you” to change ANYTHING about you or ANYTHING about how you feel about her she no longer loves you. She loves the guy you were being just that moment right before she said those words; because it is that guy who inspired the words in the first place. The guy of that moment, not the new guy you became as a result of her.
This guy that posting on the forums, confused, and asking a ton of “what went wrong questions” is not the guy that she was mirroring those emotions for. You weren’t doing this during the date.. So how could you expect her to feel that now? When you acknowledge that you are not being the guy of that moment today, you’ll have the answer to why she’s not being the woman she was at that moment today. She follows you.
Subject: Best Way To Get Out of A Rut
Message: What are some ways that you have found that helps you get out of a rut/ cold streak with women?
My Response: A lot of guys that struggle with approaching are struggling, because they are approaching women too infrequently. They go out, see the girl they’re interested in, start talking themselves up, buy a drink, and then approach after investing all that energy into something so simple. The frame comes off desperate and repulsive. They get rejected and go into ” whoa is me mode” and wait another hour before making another attempt to approach. With this pattern, they never get hot, or enter the mode that is referred to as “in state”.
“in state” is a vibe you get usually following a successful interaction in which you successful escalate with a woman you approach beyond whats considered “socially normal”.
The best way I’ve found for newer guys to get hot or “in state” is to approach more women in shorter amounts of time. After three – five quick rejections they usually realize how little of a deal being rejected is and approach from a care free frame of mind; one that isn’t at all outcome dependent an as a result woman women take to them a bit easier. Imagine trying to heat a hot pocket in the microwave for 30 seconds every 5 minutes for 25 minutes, instead of for just 2 minutes and 30 seconds straight. The foods been in the microwave for the same amount of time in both scenarios, but only one will actually cook the food and get it “hot”. Try approaching 5 women within the same 30 minutes. A success within that five will usually get you out of the rut, but so can 5 quick rejections.
Give it a shot.
From: Sir Pounce
Subject: Thank You Eddie
Message: Thank you for your insight. There is a lot of division in the PUA community but I think I respect you the most so far so I wanted YOUR opinion on a quick subject…
In the interest of saving your time I’ve condensed as much as I can. A lot of PUA’s (& my experience) say women get uninterested once the chase stops if you haven’t F closed more or less. It’s called the ‘cat string theory’. My question then is: when, how, and how shouldn’t I show interest in a woman I’m gaming.
My Response: Whats up Sir Pounce,
The thing is.. The more you want them to stay the more they will want to leave. The moment you become overly concerned with “how to do this” & “how to do that” is the moment you are far too caught up in your head and once this is the case you can never project the frame that will keep you in a position of dominance. Some girls will stay, some will leave, its all apart of the game. You have to get comfortable enough with yourself to the point where it doesn’t matter. It is the men who need women the least that have them around the most. Women don’t like being “needed” and they definitely don’t like a man to worry.. Ever. I met this old guy on the subways of new york city not too long ago; as we got to talking I could sense that he was a super player back in his time. Turns out I was correct, he was a former pimp. Said he never touched or drugged a woman; he would just take your regular every day 9 to 5 women and they would love him so much that they would do anything for him. Including, selling their bodies for him and giving him all of the money. Now i’m no ‘pimp’ nor do I think I have the stomach for it, but I couldn’t resist asking him what his secret was.. And you know what it was? Its was something I didn’t fully understand initially, but after some time it all just clicked. He said ” I’ve been with thousands of women in my time, but not once did any of them ever think that I was worried about something or that I had any problems.” And that was it.. As unrealistic as it sounds and seems women want a super hero; the same way we want “purity”. Its unrealistic, but its what we both want. Women will pretend they’re pure to keep a guy interested(lying about sexual history) and when a man pretends he’s a flawless super hero they’re interest in kept the same way. Its when we let our guards down, take the mask off, and show that we’re human that its game over. I’ll leave it there for now.
Thanks for the mail.
Subject: How To Handle Flakes
Message: So this happened to me a couple times recently. The girl I was going to see cancels pretty last minute and has a seemingly legit reason. On top of this she keeps saying how sorry she is, suggests another time and activity.
As a rule I never want to tell the girl it was ok that she flaked because it’s really not ok. I know that in this kind of situation I’ll get the next date but I think finding a way to let her know that this generally wouldn’t be alright with me would help a lot. It’s a chance to show that I do need people to respect my time because I respect myself.
You ever dealt with this or something similar?
My Response: Its more than just “showing” its about YOU genuinely respecting your own time. If i set out time to hang with a girl I’ve put aside plans to hang with buddies, a potentially meet up with another girl, or planned time for another activity. So if you flake on me, I respect my time enough to just never speak to you again.
If you had a interview at Google, and you just canceled your interview last minute, do you think you would be getting another interview anytime soon? This is where communicating your value early on becomes important. And the more you believe in your value, the less you have to try and communicate it.
I’m google bro. This is an opportunity. You would have to come with an over the top offer to get me to consider seeing you again after you waste my time.
A mans time is what a womans wants. Its a time vs pussy thing. We want the pussy without giving up that much of our time, and they want as much of our time before having to give up the pussy. And the more our time is worth, the less of it we have to give away to get what it is we want in return. The more they feel their sex is worth, the more of your time they’ll require before giving it up.
Treat your time with more value and you will subconsciously begin believing in the value you have a lot more.
Subject: How To Turn A Clingy Girl Into A Friends With Benefits
Message: I went on a date with one girl, and we banged. She’s been texting me non stop, and I’m pretty sure she wants a relationship. She seems REALLY into me. I don’t think I’m ready for that.. I’d like to keep her as a FWB, but I don’t want to break her heart. What’s the best way to approach this?
I’m going to see her next weekend.
My Response: First understand that is natural to feel this way just after you bang a girl who becomes super interested in you after. And understand that the tide can always turn man. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; so it is only because she isn’t leaving you room to breath that you get the FWB feeling. But if she was to suddenly pull away and be treating you indifferently, its a chance you could start to feel LTR all of a sudden.
I say keep it cool for now. Text back when you feel like it. Sometimes don’t text back at all. Just feel it out man. You’re going to see her next week so don’t draw any lines as of yet. You draw a line and a woman is going to hold you to it. This is how guys end up with broken hearts. They’re too quick to think that everything they feel in the now is the say all be all; and those things can change.
Play it cool. Make your decision after the next time you see her.
Subject: Did I miss this up by being too dominate?
Message: She texted me a quick text basically telling a situation of her life in which she was thinking of me. I commented on that, but also escalated sexually immediately by painting her an explicit picture of us together.
She has seen the message but didn’t reply, which I find quite weird as it has been more than 12 hours without any contact. I’m posting here mostly not to give in to the panic that tells me to send her a message, telling her that I hope she didn’t misunderstand those words as disrespect, as I used them to indicate the strength of my passion in that moment of vivid imagination.
I am going to wait at least 24 hours before I take any actions, but if she doesn’t reply, I really don’t know what to do. Ignoring it? Acting cool and completely disregard it (it’s hard to do it on text, when the whole message history is just there)? Bringing it up?
My Response: One of the number one destroyers of the phone game has to be the “Read” function that has been added to both Facebook chats, and text messaging chats. The concept of a mans post being “read” and not replied to destroys his patience(which is a key component to seduction), and send him into this wonder and desperation.
I never cared for the feature. I’ll respond when I respond. I don’t care “when” I read it. If I wasn’t ready to respond at that moment because ” I couldn’t think of anything” , “I got busy”, “I felt anxious about what to say” etc. I just don’t respond until I am ready.
The game is all patience man. All patience. You have to learn when to sit back and chill for a bit and let the chick do some work.
As men we are always looking for solutions, looking for a way to repair what seems to be a problem, but sometimes the best healer is time. Technology has created this illusion that we can always find a way to repair things in this moment because we have a device in our hand that has access to anyone we choose in a split second. That works in business, it works for logistics, but its completely irrelevant to romance and seduction.
We have to learn how to sit back and rekindle whatever it is that needs to be rekindled when we are most emotionally fit to rekindle it.
Don’t give yourself a “time”.. Don’t say ” I’ll respond in 24 hours”, say ” I’ll fix it when I’m ready” or ” I’ll respond when I’m ready”.
When you believe in yourself, the women are not going any where man. It is the guys constantly trying to repair and fix what they feel to be broken that let women get away from them. If she’s yours she’ll be yours. Theres a lot more going on in her life that you. Have patience bro.
She may even fix it herself.
Subject: Interesting Situation
Message: I’ve been in the game for a few years and feel like I’m hitting some interesting mid-game problems. So here’s the situation:
I’ve been seeing girl A and girl B casually for about 1/1.5 months each.
Girl A: she’s an attractive sorority girl (HB 8.5) and she lives in the same town as me. The sex is incredible however there’s absolutely no feelings besides that. Sure we’ll grab some food sometimes but everything eventually leads to sex.
Girl B: she’s a cute girl (HB 7.5) but lives in a neighboring state. Although the sex is fun with her, we both really enjoy our time together and both have developed feelings for each other.
A few days ago, went on a trip with Girl B and we both ended up (drunkenly) saying that we love each other. We also said the same thing in the morning and even used the term bf/gf a few times. As someone that believes in karma, I believe the right thing to do would be to cut things off with girl A (even though girl B would not know). However at the same time, I understand that a long distance relationship with girl B would be harder than a local one and Im wondering if I should hedge my bets.
My Response: Have you considered the possibility that you like Girl B a bit more because of the distance and infrequent amount of time you’ve been able to see her? The connection is built on emotion and less on the physical because, besides the two times a month in which you see her, the emotional connection is all there is. Had you seen her as equally as you’ve seen girl A, you may or may not have the feelings for her that you do currently. Emotions are usually based on self perception. The nerd in high school is love with the cheerleader because of the image he’s created of her in his mind. She could be the most bitchy and unfit for a relationship girl on the planet. But he’s emotions are based upon what he chooses to see because of his circumstance vs her. She’s further out of reach, and the possibility is seemingly lower for attaining her.
Just keep that in mind.
My only question is, what is making you feel pressured to cut one of them off. Is it just the fact that you and her exchanged “i Love you” or have you just be creating the impression that she is the only girl in your life and now thats starting to catch up with you?
Just be aware dude. Part of the reason she likes you is because you have other options. You’re a bit less dependent emotionally. It is “this guy – with two options” that is projecting the frame that this girl likes so much. When you lose that, a portion of the frame you project goes with it. So i’d advise you making a gradual transition into a commitment if thats something you come to find out you actually want. I wouldn’t make a sudden switch. I’ve seen that land guys is 3-6 months relationships tops.
Subject: Asked To Meet – No Answer. What Do I do?
Message: Yesterday I spot a 9 at the bar. We have eyecontact. Long.
My taxi for the party arrives so I have to go, in the taxi I’m thinking “shit I cant let this one go” so I call a (female) friend of mine who is still at the bar, explain the situation and ask her to tell this girl to add me on FB.
Today I get the friend request.
I asked my friend what the girl said. She said she didnt say much, looked quite shy but seemed to find it very nice.
So also today I start chatting, she is responsive and even tries to keep the conversation going herself. It wasn’t a continuous conversation (lots of time in between reading and answering) and I think in total we exchanged like 10 sentences.
Because I’m not interested in investing much time chatting without even knowing if I like this girl I think by myself I just ask her to go on a date right away. I tell her;
“Really liked your vibe yesterday, want to get to know you and not by chat… Will you go out with me one of these days?”
After this she went quiet…
Did I go to fast?
How should I proceed?
I aint done with this one yet, so please some advice
Women build from the bottom to the top.
Men build from the top to the bottom.
As men we naturally want to get straight to the point and to the purpose. We can find at all of the small things later. Women want us to care about the process. Ever ask a girl for her number and she immediately says ” You didn’t even ask me my name”. That was her first knee jerk reaction because in her mind.. If don’t even care what her name is, how could you possibly care about keeping her safe, secure, and loving her. Now of course we don’t see it that way’ but they do. They’re step by step in their mind and its a battle between us getting to the point and them getting their hoops jumped through. Now the higher your value the less hoops you have to jump through. The higher their value than yours the more they may want you to jump through, and even then it still may not be enough.
So what you have to realize is.. That her in female mind, she is seeing this conversation as.. ” If he couldn’t ask me for my number in purpose (had to send someone else to do it), and if he can’t even maintain a conversation on Facebook (step one), how is he going to maintain a conversation on a date (step 2)? She’s not just assuming that you will be able to be great on the date. The Facebook chat is her way to tell whether or not it’ll be worth. She’ll assume you do this the way you do everything. So on the date you’ll be just trying to jump to step 3(sex). It’ll like ” I don’t wanna sit here eating for too long investing time when I haven’t even had sex with her yet.” – Thats how she’ll see it.. Intelligently so, because you have yet to display you’re capable of anything. She’s not just going to assume things are going to turn out like a movie.
So with that being said.. MY advice to you would be to just have the conversation man. Had you approached her on your own, and put in your own effort i’d give other advice. But you didn’t; she doesn’t even know you or what you’re about yet.
Pump the breaks and have the talk. You’re trying to get something, without giving anything.
Not saying that your message couldn’t’ work, because it could, but if you want to increase the probability of its success and/or increase the probability of a successful date, I’d relax and have the talk. Its not like you’ll be meeting her in the next 20 mins in which you couldn’t converse anymore.
Get it done man. Sometimes its a process, not and event.
Subject: Cold Emotions Vs. Warm Emotions
Message: I just ended a year and 10months relationship. This is my third longterm relationship. Previous two relationships were 1 year, and 9 months.
My Response: You’re like most..
You don’t understand that the way you think about the girl TODAY will influence how you begin to feel about her months down the line.I say this and I will repeat this again and again. . Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, and your habits become your character. What you think today will either make or break your future tomorrow. And this goes for the thoughts that occur both when she is present and the thoughts that occur when she isn’t. 99% of us don’t have the memory required to understand how often this is actually taking place. Also, keep in mind that the guys GAME is the CHASE, he wants to chase the girl down and ultimately win her over. Now once thats done the guy usually gets lazy, but thats exactly when the girls game begins. The girls game is to subdue him, to get him attached so that she can have security in where she stands in his life. Its tough being with a guy that can just pick up and leave at any moment. She needs investment, she needs TITLES, she needs these things to help secure that the guy isn’t just going to leave her once her gets ready.
If you win at your game.. completely seducing her, you’ll lose interest, she wins at her completely subduing you she will lose interest. It’s all about keeping that balance, and taking the relationship ONE DAY at a time. Focus on whats happening today. Handle the emotions of today. She’ll introduce Future to you, and you deal with that as it comes.
Subject: Girl constantly texting during date.
Message: I was on a date with a girl and she was constantly texting and checking her facebook and instagram. WTF??
How do you handle that?
My Response: You can only handle it if you’re willing to disregard her completely if she doesn’t respect your request. And it currently doesn’t sound like you have that in you, so you have to learn to “Walk” away from women who do this to build your willingness to do so.
I personally will just take the phone out of her hand and put it in my pocket, but I also possess the confidence to pull this off. If you don’t, you’ll be making a mistake by trying it. You have to know, not “think” that you’re 10x more worth her focusing on her attention on than her phone.
Bottom line is, you’ll have to deal with anything you’re willing to accept in life. If you’re willing to allow people to do something, you’ll run into people who will do it. If you’re willing to allow people to take your land, someone who “takes land” will take it. There are nice people out there who won’t take it, because they were taught better, but there are those who will to the people who are willing to allow them too.
You don’t need a method or a technique. Once you’re not willing to accept it, your personality will create your own method of handling it.
But if something bothers you, SPEAK UP, or TAKE ACTION. Immediately. You have to value yourself more than that. Whether thats saying something to her, taking her phone, or walking away. But if you say something and she doesn’t comply, you must still then action – which would be “Walking away” in your case.
Subject: Am I Ugly? (picture attached)
So I’m new to this, only started trying to pick up girls about 2 weeks ago.
Most of my approaches have been on moving targets and I’m not getting the success I’d hoped for in all honesty. A lot of girls won’t even stop for me, the ones that do all apparently have boyfriends and I’m not sure if it’s my opener, body language or I’m just not very good looking.
So I’m 5’10, medium build.
– I’ve done about 50 approaches
– got 5 phone numbers
– only 2 actually responded
– 1 of them progressed into a date.
Am I just not very attractive or would you expect a guy like me to perform better than that?
My Response: You can start by understanding that women do not necessarily view attractiveness the way men do.
Ever had a woman say her friend was really attractive, and then you met her to find out that she wasn’t half as attractive as she was made to seem. Well, from your girlfriends perspective she was. beauty is in the eye of the beholder because it is all a reflection of our perception.
A woman is judging a mans attractiveness more so on the frame her projects than she is on his physical appearance. Sure she can recognize and attractive guy by saying ” he’s hot”, but could that most attractive guy on the planet walk up to any halfway decent chick and SCREAM “ME YOU, SEX, NOW” without turning her off completely? No. Now could the hottest girl on the planet walk up to any guy and say the same statement while growling and with crust in her eyes and still get sex? Yes.
We’re both horny and we both want sex, but what we ultimately use to determine true sexual attraction is a bit deeper for women than it is for men. Men are visual and because we’re this way we naturally assume everyone is this way. Your problem isn’t your looks. You’re a good looking dude, but there are guys half as good looking that get women to stop for them with less effort.
Its in the frame.. You have to get to the point in which you EXPECT women to stop for you. To the point where you begin to think they are completely out of their minds if they don’t. Its a psychotic level of confidence you have to develop over time. The same way an anorexic sees themselves as fat despite how skinny they are, you have to view yourself as the most attractive guy on the planet despite what you look like or what other people say.
That frame is the frame that will attract women. To your core, you have to believe you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to this planet. You don’t say this, you project it.
Work on the mindset and your success will change.
Your thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.
Subject: Difference between Oneitis and The Real Thing
Message: So I’ve been seeing a coworker for a few weeks.
She’s what you would call a quality woman. I’m really tired of meeting beautiful but dull women, rolling my eyes once every 3 words they say. And I’ve been getting that a lot lately. This one though has more going for herself other than her looks. I genuinely enjoy her company. Maybe a bit too much.
I had a day off today. My roommates are at work, friends are at work, she’s at work, etc. I pretty much got the afternoon to kill and couldn’t shake her out of my head. It’s not the first time this happens either.
Since we’re not officially exclusive, I though that maybe I should call a sidegirl over just for the hell of it and see what happens. She just left a couple of minutes ago with a huge look of disappointment on her face. You should’ve seen it, I swear she was thinking I suddenly turned gay. I was trying really hard not to laugh. Had more sexual interactions when I was 13. She stayed a little over 2 hours. The highlight of it all was her head on my shoulder while watching a youtube video. Intense stuff, I know.
I think I’m falling hard for the coworker, but I need an objective perspective on this because I don’t entirely trust myself at the moment.
Even as I’m writing this I have a retarded smile on my face thinking of her. I’m so fucked.
My Response: Lol
Oneitis is like little droplets of urine little by little being dropped into a fresh bucket of water. The first 50 drops go unnoticed. The water is drinkable, and anyone who didn’t see the drops of urine go into the water could drink the water and wouldn’t taste or see a thing. But after about 300 of the little drops, you begin to have a problem. Now its noticeable, tastable, and gets thrown away. Sometimes it’ll rain and further dilute the bucket, but usually, we’ll end up needing to get another bucket of water.
Although its impossible, I do my best to keep even one droplet of urine from getting in my fresh water. Some will slip by of course, but I catch as many as I can.
You may be at about 150 droplets.. Potentially more and it happens to the best of us.
In the beginning its cool, its like ” What is this yellow liquid.. Its so fascinating, the water used to be clear. Lemonade perhaps? But after a while – once you get a little closer and take a whiff its like “This is urine!”
R.C: Lol, nice analogy.
But isn’t that bucket something you want and usually can’t / don’t have?
My Response: Men have to sacrifice the pursuit of love for the pursuit of purpose to ultimately be happy. And women have to sacrifice the pursuit of purpose for the pursuit of love to ultimately be happy “
We each have the urge to pursue both, but the way to our happiness lies within the pursuit of opposite things.
I’ve found this to be true within my own life. Catching oneitis is awesome at first, but in all reality it is only women who are able to remain happy while experiencing oneitis. We have to resist oneitis to be happy, and they have to give in to their oneitis to be happy. The lines are becoming blurred, especially today, but I like to believe that human nature is still in tact despite what society is doing. Women now are fighting the urge to fall in love – afraid to fall, and men can’t wait to fall in love. We’re always looking for the one we could fall in love with. Thats what I notice today.
Men are detachers by nature, we detach from our home and our family to go hunt.. Women are attachers by nature, they attach to the home, the child in their womb, and the family.
Opposite attract. Thats just nature.
Men are better suited to handle to not catching oneitis, and women are better suited to catch oneitis. My longest relationships and happiest relationships were always the ones in which I kept my emotions in check and never stopped pursuing my purpose. The shortest or unhappiest were always the ones in which I got too stuck and found thoughts of the girl more important that where i was going with my life.
R.C: Thank you for this man. I really appreciate it.
Subject: We Split, She has a rebound, and I want to re-attract her
Message: Well first I read your article over a few times and was shocked at how much I could relate. I guess it shows that my situation is not really that unique. Basically I was the guy who cared about her more than I cared about myself and became a burden. Ever since the phone call where she broke up with me I haven’t even sent her a text because I know it never works, so at least I did something right haha
I realize that in my current mental state even if I did get back with her the relationship would fall apart for the same reasons. I basically want to get to the point where I’ve improved my life and don’t care if I get her back or not before ever speaking with her again.
After reading your blog though I also have another question about relationships in general…You reminded me that I’m supposed to care about a girlfriend without valuing her happiness above my own, which seems obvious but is something I lost sight of. But then what do I do when a girlfriend does something disrespectful towards me (like flaking or ditching me)? Calling her out seems needy, breaking up seems extreme if it’s not a pattern, and doing nothing is shitty for my own happiness.
Right now I’m trying to move on and part of that for me is trying to understand this stuff so that I don’t fall into the same patterns and live a Groundhog Day-esque life. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction with your blog so far!
My Response: Not only did you find out how much you could relate to all the stories of the others guys, but you also responded to the article in the exact same way, posing damn near the same questions with the exception of you last one. I guess thats human nature for you. And emotional instincts that we have to learn to put to the side at time for our own benefits.
I personally don’t believe the things that I speak of and the ways in which we have to handle to relationships now applied to men 200 -300 years ago. But it is not during this instant information age in which we have access to everything we want at the click of a button that man has forgot some of the most simple things. Things like emotional control. So having to let go, is something that us new age men(the majority of whom lack emotional control and the wisdom of how to manage their half of the relationship) must train themselves to do to be able to handle the women that come into our lives in the future.
Part of you is still responding to the emotions of your relationship and not the reality of the relationship. The reality is something you’re going to realize after a little bit of “me” time. When you’re going to be made fully aware of just how flawed this girl you were dealing with actually is. She too is a product of this “age” but as a woman her reaction to it is a bit different than ours.
And to answer: “But then what do I do when a girlfriend does something disrespectful towards me (like flaking or ditching me)? ” – This may seem a bit out of reach for you to completely take in a the moment considering your state, but a woman you’re with only begins to ditch you and flake on you when you have put her happiness before your own. Its almost an attempt to leave you alone so you can find yourself again. The respect is gone, and she would much rather do whatever she flaked on you to do, than hang out with you. You’re not longer the “amazing” guy that she can’t wait to see, that she was flaking on her friends to see in the past. You’ve been a new guy, you’ve become emotional dependent on her, you’ve become a burden. To answer your question simply; you just keep from her from getting to a place in which she even wants to flake on you. And if she does, you’ll be too busy doing what MAKES YOU HAPPY despite what she says or does to even pay too much mind to it. A woman wants to be around the guy who is happy on his own. She wants to share in that happiness.. She doesn’t necessarily want to be with the guy who will be unhappy if she isn’t there because she flakes. She wants to know that whether she flakes or not, you’ll be too busy being happiness to even feel negative way about her flake. When you’re in that state… she never flakes, because it wouldn’t affect you whether she did or not. No one picks on the guy that isn’t afraid to fight back. Being only continue to act on the things that they know get under our skin. As a man in a relationship, you want to be as unshakeable as possible. And that should be more important to you than a relationship. Your happiness is dependent upon it. And in order to have a relationship you’re happiness must be more important to you than hers.
So in the mean time, I believe you should continue tackling the things that are going to make you happy; and considering your state, she is not one of them. So.. leave her be for now and work on you.
Subject: She Was Really into -all of a sudden ignores me
Message: Just find it weird, ive dated 16 girls over the last year, counting this one, and none of the other girls have been as into me as this one. And even though none of the others ended in more than sex, none ignored me, and i never ignored the ones i didnt feel like seeing again either.
What do i do if she contacts me with a casual snap or something, keep ignoring till she gives me something to actually respond to?
My Response: Thats cool. And you can’t force her to be interested in you if she currently isn’t. The past is irrelevant, the 16 girls, the weeks before, the things she said, its all irrelevant. Women are responding to the nature of the moment. Nothing they say emotionally means anything outside of the moment they say it. Guys make the mistake of letting there guards down when a woman says something like ” I love you” – without realizing that she was saying ” I love you” to the guy you were being in that moment. Therefore if you allow her saying ” I love you” to change you in ANY way, you are no longer the guy she loves. You have become a new guy that was affected by her words. You are currently not the guy that she was SUPER into, you have become a new guy that posts on forums about her and send her desperate text messages. Those feelings she felt was for the guy that wouldn’t do that. Now you’re someone else, and she’s treating you like the stranger you’re acting like.
Just patient, don’t worry about what to say. Take it as it comes.. And Im only saying wait a week because thats the average amount of time it takes for a man as emotional as you to center himself. It could be longer or shorter; its all a reflection of how long you’ll take to “let her go” from within.
Subject: Finally went direct
Message: So approached a girl who i noticed was taking a picture of ne with her phone. Started joking around cause she was sending a snap to friends and i just happened to be in the picture.
she said something about it being hot out and i said something along the lines of “oh i thought said ‘you are hot’ and thought ‘oh wow thank you, i was just about to say i thought you were pretty cute too”
Basically being cocky funny and she seemed to enjoy it. Didn’t really get a chance to say that much else because i had to run to class but i handed her my phone and said put your number in and we’ll grab coffee. She agreed and gave me her number and i went to class.
Texted her after class asking “so how famous am i now with all your snapchat friends? ” and no response. Sigh
She texted back “oh, pretty famous”
I waited a few minutes and responded “oh, kinda what i expected actually. When you get out of class though, let’s grab coffee”
Still waiting for a response. I’ve been trying not to be too wordy or overly eager through text but also trying not to draw the convo out
My Response: “too wordy” was correct..
Sounds like she’s still feeling you out.. You in a rush? Some place you gotta be? The game is all patience man.. Knowing when to take steps back, and then when to take steps forward to get to where you want to be. You saw that success meme about what people think success looks like and what it actually looks like? Scoring with a girl can be the same exact way when you don’t get to home base the same night. You have to know how to play. You have to know when to relax and just not respond when you’re feeling overly excited or the slightest bit anxious. And if you wait long enough, you’ll know what to say when emotions settle. You’ll get better at that overtime, but in the beginging stages you have to know not to text back just yet if you’re have anxiety about what to say. You got the number.. The first milestone is out the way.. Now you just chill.. Rushing will set off alarms and result on you being ignored. Wait for the cue.. When you’re patient you’ll know what a cue is. Women throw us alley oops all the time to dunk the ball.
Subject: How to get rid of the rebound guy?
My Response: Do you want to get rid of the guy or get out of the friend zone? Cause thats something you kind of forgot to mention.
So you’re the guy hanging out with the girl that just had a bad break up, and found a rebound.. Who’s the real “beta” here? You’re a third string option. Theres two layers to get through before you could even have access to her. And I don’t think she is worth the effort at all. Especially if she’s down and all the time…
Unhappy people can only drag you down. Rule number one in the 48 laws of power is to Avoid The Unhappy & Unlucky..And yes, even if that unhappy, and unlucky is a pretty girl.
Who’s happiness is more important to you.. Yours or hers? If its yours.. Act like it and get away from her.
Subject: is it bad to be logical?
Message: Something I have realized recently is women hate logic. Now I am not talking about something as logical as the LSAT, but something very ordinary like answering their questions.
Any time you answer a woman’s question and your answer makes sense, it’s a turnoff for them??
Example: a woman asks “what is the name of this song?”
I used to think a good answer is “the name of this song is Winter Wonderland” but that makes too much sense and women hate it??
question: “what is the name of this song?”
answer: “do you know Kim? the girl that was on that show? you remind me of her”
answer has nothing to do with the question. but somehow this is better??
Does you know what I am talking about here? if what you say is logical in the slightest bit, it’s somehow unsexy?
is there any time you want to talk to a girl in a way that makes sense?
My Response: Its not that women don’t care for logic; they just care more for fun.
If you’re my buddy and you asked me for a dollar would you rather me give you the dollar that you asked for or a lump of melted 14k gold.
Now thats tangible so of course you would prefer the gold; cause its worth more. And of course no one would ever do this, but the beauty of seduction and words is that you can ALWAYS give the GOLD instead of the dollars. Its WORDS, there is always an opportunity to give something a bit more pleasing than what was asked for. It cost you nothing, and it takes the same amount of time. And there is even a reward for doing so.
I’m honestly glad that women are this way. How boring would they be if they wanted everything exactly the way they asked for it? That shit would suck. How could you fall in love logically? It just doesn’t make any sense. The world runs on logic, but fantasy runs on the illogical, and our emotions are all based on our mental fantasy and the illogical. Women just happen to be a bit more emotional.
Subject: Liking people..
Message: What do you do if you don’t like people but you want to grow to like people?
My Response: You’re off to a great start.Wanting it is the first step.
Very easy man.. Just start saying to yourself ” I love people” everyday and everytime you walk by someone mentally say to yourself ” I love that guy”..
You thoughts become your words, your words become your actions, your actions become your habits, your habits become your character, and your character becomes your destiny.
You start with your thoughts the rest will follow. It’ll probably be a 6 month process to actually get you there, but its worth it. You don’t go from not liking people for 18 years to liking people in 3 weeks. You have to begin to work at it. Just as if a person that was 650 pounds would have to work hard to get down to 200 pounds. It wouldn’t happen over night no matter how bad they wanted it. They spent their entire lives being fat. So right now you’re about 350 pounds of anti social, you need to get down to 160.. Work at it and understand it takes time. And often it’ll fell like no progress is being made.. Especially when theres no tangible scale you can measure yourself with.
But with time, effort and diligence results will be undeniable.
Subject: Hey Eddie
Message: Girls tell me I give of a kid vibe! Innocent and adorable like a cute kid! I’m asking how do I get rid of this vibe?
My Response: It just means you’re being viewed as “soft”.. You’re not getting rejected enough, you’re not building up your masculine force. Just keep going out and getting rejected. You’ll naturally build a level of toughness – a resilience to comments like this and other test women throw your way. Build your internal world through your external world. Approach 10 women a night and get blown out if need be. Just as those muay thai fighters kick trees until they shatter their shins, because the shins will then grow back stronger. You must kick down your weak emotional walls by having them broken down through rejection. The shins start out sweet, weak, and adorable too. But they break it and heal it until they are unbreakable. As Jay-Z said on the Song Power ” You have to go through pain in order to become you, but once the world numbs you, you’ll realize theres only one you. “
Message: Here’s my current situation-I had my wisdom teeth pulled out last thursday and I’ve been stuck on the couch since. In my boredom, I decided to go balls to the wall on Okcupid, PoF, and Tinder nearly around the clock. I’ve connected with a ton of girls, some of them truly hot. I have at least 30 phone numbers of girls I’ve been texting from this online surge.The problem? I feel like I’m never going to meet a single one of them and the opportunity is going to pass me by. As we know, online girls are incredibly flakey. It’s why I try to meet them within a day or two of talking and secure the sex within 1-3 dates because they are so flippant. They are getting many other offers online daily and most of them eventually settle into toying with a bunch of AFCs rather than getting played themselves.The issue is that my mouth is currently still swollen and stitched up on the inside. I would imagine my breath is probably nasty as well given the healing process. so I’m in no shape to make out with any girls for at least the remainder of this week.So I’m stuck texting all of these girls, trying to juggle their interest without playing too much Dr. Phil.How would you recommend I go about this? I realize I won’t be meeting all of them, or even most of them. But I’m going to be massively disappointed if I don’t capitalize here. My text game really isn’t great because I usually pressure girls for the meetup right away and then escalate.A handful of them have already agreed to meet up with me. I have a date planned for tomorrow, wednesday, and thursday. I have little confidence that any of them will end up happening though. Generally, when I plan out dates in advance like this, the girl just straight up doesn’t respond on the day of and then hits me with a horrible excuse a day or two later and we never actually meet up.
How should I be playing this? Just general “check in” texts every few days and then a “retention statement” like, “Can’t wait for tonight! See you at 8 at -place-!”? I fear that by doing this by the time the date rolls around the girl will be bored and won’t want to leave her comfort zone to meet.
I could also just blow up their phones all day long by trying to retain their interest. But the more texts we exchange, the more opportunity there is for me to misstep and lose the interest.
And then I could just go totally cold for a week and text them out of the blue hoping to set something up, but by then they will certainly have forgotten why they gave me their number and who I am, and will be extremely unlikely to oblige to a meet up.
Assuming I do meet a few of them this week I know I’ll have to take it easy because of my mouth, while still seeming fun, outgoing, and attractive. The swelling should be mostly gone by then but as I said i won’t be able to confidently swap spit. That’s more uncharted territory for me: creating a sexual frame when I know I can’t have sex or even make out with the girl. But I don’t want to draw attention to that fact because it will just paint me in a negative light.
I’m sitting on a goldmine of hotties here, help me to at least secure a few shags! Thanks
My Response: This is why I always pick up the phone and call girls man. One solid 45-60min phone conversation connecting verbally with a girl will have her chasing you for a few weeks. When I did an online binge and came away with numbers like yourself I ended up calling 5 girls a night for a hour each until I had gotten through most of the numbers. I practically had 80% of those girls calling/texting me asking when and if we could meet up. Some I would just invite over to my place and others I would just go out with. So i know your condition, but if its at all possible to begin calling girls and having those conversations I would STRONGLY recommend it. The shit works. Second.. you can do this again man. You’re only going to get better with the whole online dating thing; so you’ll be able to spend less time on it while extracting more numbers. Just see it like that.. If none of these chicks work out, you’ll take the experience and upgrade in the online dating skills you acquired during the binge. As you have already seen, online dating is easy as hell. Its almost awful how simple it is. Now unlike you, i haven’t been flaked on with a girl i’ve met online in a long time. Thats because i focus on building that connection through the phone conversations. Good men are hard to come by, so when they finely speak to a man thats worth it; they don’t want to let them go. Of course attractive men come everyday, smart men come everyday, but genuinely good men – leaders, men of power, self awareness, and presence are hard to come by. So when I talk to a chick, I’m always sub communicating the reality that she’ll probably never meet another guy like me again. Because its true. So for now just focus on your development. This game is about improving yourself as a person more than it is about getting laid with a bunch of hot girls. You want to be the guy hot women want to chase because you’re special, and less of the guy that has to chase hot women. Chasing girls gets exhausting.. I’d rather not do it unless I have to. Let me know if I answered your question.
Subject: The Gym
Message: I had just gotten done with an intense treadmill workout. Im sweating balls and wiping down the treadmill when a beautiful woman hopped on the next treadmill and made strong eye contact with a big smile with me. I was feeling gross drenched in sweat with beads of sweat still running down my face. I felt self conscious, gave a smile back and just left. I’m still kicking myself for not saying anything because I thought it was very clear she was interested. What should I have said in that situation? Should I have opened or wait till next time when I’m not feeling disgusting? I’m pretty sure it was on me for feeling that way, but was I justified for feeling gross and unattractive and not opening?
My Response: Pheromones man.
We’re not receiving the energy the way that they are. Too us we’re sticky, smelly, and disgusting. Too them they’re subconsciously triggered by the pheromones your sweat is giving off telling them you’re a hard worker and would make a good mate. Its not something they “choose” its just something they feel. Its biological programming.
What is there to lose anyway? She says “no” life goes on. You don’t have to come to the forum. And you don’t have to deal with regret. She says “yes” and a new chapter of your life opens up.
Thats a easy decision for me. Its a complete Win – Win. Only a fool and a mad man would opt out of a situation thats cost him nothing and guarantees him some level of elevation.
I realize I should have returned to her when she locked eyes with me, but I just couldn’t think for a reason to do it. Why did she act disinterested in the beginning? What should I do next time I see her?
Heres a general body language/ eye contact rule.
When you lock eye contact with a girl she can do one of four things with her eyes and they each mean something different.
1) She lifts her eyes and looks up in the air. This means she isn’t attracted and sees you as being unworthy of her.
2) She looks left or right. It means she’s indifferent. She could care either way. Approach her she may be open to it; don’t approach and she won’t lose any sleep.
3) She looks down. This is a subconscious sign of “submission” and she is potentially submitting herself to the possibility of you being capable of leading her.
4) She locks eyes back and hold eye contact with you without breaking. Simple means, she wants to have sex with you. Now. You just have to be as confident and interesting as your eye contact and she’s yours.
Guys have to keep in mind that even though a woman may want you to approach her; that is not a sign that she is going to know what to do when you finally do approach. Many women are afraid of potential awkwardness and will reject or behave antisocially with guys that they like just because they are afraid they are going to run out of things to say and look like idiots themselves.
Too many guys give women too much credit. They are more often than not just as confused as us when it comes to what to say and what to do when we approach. Hell, they are usually more confused because they look at us and say ” You’re the one that approached ME; why do you expect me to know what to say? I thought you knew what you were doing”. And thats what being a leader is all about. Leading the conversation up until the point that she feels comfortable enough to join along side of you and help you carry it.
And keep in mind that some women are better at it than others. Many beautiful girls lack socially skills because they don’t need social skill. Everyone likes them because they are beautiful. They get invited to parties because they are beautiful. What on earth did they need social skills for? To attain what? They already get everything from their looks.
I teach men to take full responsibility but keep in mind that some girls just don’t know what to say. And if we don’t know what to say; or if we don’t know how to lead them out of that awkwardness then WE just have to become more efficient at socializing.
Keep getting out there bro. You’ll get the hang of it all with enough repetition.
hey eddie, reason I am here is that I need help with a part of my life.
my issue is basically that I am a loner, i have no friends, at first i was alright with having no friends but now it is really effecting me, no one ever calls me or invites me any where or is interested in hanging out with me, i joined a gym to meet new people and i meet people and talk to them a bit but that is it, we only talk in gym, and very little and basic, so i am feeling like I am not the guy you invite any where, you become friend with or even want to talk to. I try to chat with people, be nice, smile but it does not work for both males and females.
i also go to uni and I attempt to talk to people but still it does not get deeper, I become the person they know and talk to if they see, not the friend they come to talk to and want to hang with.
i try to make, small talk, chat, smile but nothing works, I can not make the progress to become friends with guys or dating with girls.
so i need help, if you have any more questions or need me to clarify anything inorder to help me better, i will answer anything. i just really need help. i have not had a friend or dated for 3-4 years.
I think this is a clear case of you just not understanding your value and because you don’t understand you value you have a difficult time communicating that value to others. People like people that know their worth and contribute their worth. If you’ve ever worked at a job or been to a school with a teacher that is real easy going and extra nice you’ll be able to see how easily people take advantage of them. People that don’t know their value are often under appreciated and if you aren’t being appreciated or even sub communicating to others why they should appreciate you how can you expect them to want to be around you?
I think you have to ask yourself what it is that you have to offer to others. And when you make a list of those things you have to attribute value to them. People want to be around people who have VALUE.
Now I also understand that it can be a task to make friends after high school is already over. And that is a task that you most certainly can handle. When you’re looking to make friends with guys, bring something to the table. When I was your age I had a solid network of friends and the only guys that were able to get through to me outside of that circles were the guys that offered something.
For example: a guy would walk up to me after class and say ” Hey man, you free after this? How about we hit the cafe on me. I want to show you something”
A guy that did that communicates to me that he has value and also communicates that he understands my value because he isn’t trying to enter my life to take. He’s entering my life with the intention on giving right from the start. And who doesn’t want to become friends with someone who doesn’t mind sharing with their fellow mates. Thats what friendships are all about man. There gives and takes. All done subconsciously. I make him laugh – he hooks me up with chicks. I share my ideas with him – he gives me a place to crash while drunk on the weekends. Those aren’t the best examples but i am sure you get where I am going.
And let me also add in that if I thought my ideas were useless; I would talk about them in a useless way and no one would see them as being valuable. So me sharing the ideas that I deem useless would have worthless in a friendship. But because I see my ideas, my jokes, my company etc. as being important. People want to share in that.
I think you get it man. Start giving bro. You’ll get back. Go into interactions with the intention to give. Let the receiving happen on its own. With enough diligence you will be recognized and naturally promoted socially.
You have to work at it though man. Its just like building a house. The more bricks a day you lay the faster it will be built. And you currently need a social house. So hit the bricks.
Peace & Love
All fun and games so we continue texting for a week or so. She asked if she could add me on facebook and since I start to think ‘this girl is actually my type, awesome sense of humor’, we add each other. (A few days later she likes one of my videos)
She has told me she thinks I’m funny and cool numerous times and I’ve told her the same.
Anyhow so I try to shedule a date, with just texting you won’t really get to know someone in my opinion!
We decide to meet up at a park and go out for drinks afterwards, cool!
2 days before the sheduled date she says “sorry :C I won’t be able to make it, it’s my best friends birthday!”
I was kind of upset, I mean that’s something you’d know about earlier than 2 days beforehand right? Anyhow, I just text her “Ok, give her a birthday hug for me.” (our texts are usually a bit longer)
She than asks if I still wanna meet and I lighten up a bit, okay maybe not all is lost and she just genuinely didn’t know about the birthday. She said she’d check her shedule when she gets back at her place since she was at a lecture at that moment.
She never lets me know anything about it.
Few days later (today) I ask if we’re still meeting up and now she’s saying that she’ll be too busy the few coming weeks.
Haven’t responded yet. I mean, cmon really? Too busy to hang out for a few hours in the coming few weeks? (we’re both students btw)
I’m so confused though, I don’t want to think that she’s not into me at all. She even told one of her friends about me and told her that she thought I was this super funny guy.TL;DR: Girl is my type, I seem to be her type, we shedule a date, she flakes, she says she wants to reshedule and than never attempts to, says she is too busy the coming weeks. Bullshit, or am I reading too much into it?
Almost every time im in a club or at a party i hook up with hot girls, but it never goes further than that. I do not get girls when i am sober and that is bothering me. I do not get nervous when i talk to girls, but i can’t approach the hot one during day, in the night i have no trouble (party or club).How can i get more confident, get more girls and so on?I want to get laid more, but i can’t seem to hook up/get to know the right girls. The only time i managed to do it i was drunk. I have never kissed a girl sober, can you help me? thanks!
Its all a mind game bro.
I sit around talking myself up all day long dude. Its a process you have to put yourself through. You have to know you’re the shit before anyone else. They come along after you’ve finally accepted who you are. Until then it’s going to be something you have to tolerate.
And keep in mind that this is one of those things in life that is a process, not an event. Everything in the world is so INSTANT today. Developing into a better human being is not something thats as fast as the drive thru window. You have to put in the work bro.
You have to fail with hot girls sober, you have to experience the rejections and thats what develops your character. It develops your ability to stand in the face of adversity unscathed. Thats what women find most attractive. They don’t want to be able to shake and rattle you. They want to know your SOLID and can be depended on at anytime. They’re not as strong as us in more ways than just physical. So they’re looking for that strength in you. And the only way to have that is to develop it.
Take the risk – take the failures with the successes. And you’ll be making moves toward becoming the man you want to be.
Anyways later that night I text her:
Me: Hey, I’m at this amazing rooftop party, just wanted to see how your doing
Her: Whoa thanks so much for taking time off of ur glamorous life to rub it in my face how generous of u I’m fine thanks
I do NOT reply or talk to her. I think I made the smart move by doing that. Cause it’s stupid to have a serious talk via text.
She sends me the next day:
Me: Hey sorry about my last txt I was really upset and I took it out on u
I didn’t reply. She panicked a bit, check my online profiles, and finally called me.
“Hey, what’s up?
Me: “Im im the studio recording music”
her: I just wanted to say I’m sorry for saying that to you, I had an argument with my mom and I was mad.
Me: (I act distant and cold) “Ok, cool”
Her: you sound distant.
Me: No, I seen your txt and all that I’m just busy. I rather talk to you about this in person, can’t talk right now in on the busy side.
Her: Ok, I ttyl I can see your busy
Me: Ok, I’ll see you this week?
Her: Ya I’m free on X day
Me: I’ll check my schedule and see if I can make it
I want this girl to respect me, I respect her and I want her to see me as a man. I don’t want to be a doormat and let her get away with that stuff – do I ignore this, make an issue out of this or confront her and let her know I’m not to be spoken to like that. Also was I too easy to let her hang out with me again?
The day she recommended me hanging out with her I’m busy – should I reschedule or just say I can’t make it
As a general rule how do you deal with girls bad behavior.
And take the word “busy” out of your vocabulary.. If you’re busy, you won’t need to say it, your mannerism and shortness of sentence will imply that in itself. Hell, if you’re that busy you wouldn’t of even picked up the phone.
Just like the rooftop party text.. If the rooftop party was that amazing; you would not be thinking to text some girl while you’re surrounding by women at some amazing rooftop party. You don’t need to big up your life when your life is actually big. People will catch the vibe and adjust themselves accordingly.
” This rooftop party I’m at blows.. I’d much rather be kicking it with you” – thats a text that I would of sent
I’m not trying to be cool.. If i want a girl, I’m going to let her know.. If i don’t, I won’t be talking to her.
When women actually want to be around you, you can be very nice and sweet to them because it really doesn’t matter. They want to be around you because you’re awesome as a person, not just because you do “awesome things”.
I pray that sticks
Some points that I wanted to mention to you:
– You talked about women being able to endure more than men. In this context, do you mean post-break-up? When we broke up I was already with bad sleep patterns and couldn’t hold my emotions. I called her two days after it, feeling completely horrid. I then had coffee with her two weeks later because I thought I needed to hear her say she didn’t love me anymore directly.
Besides those points, I never contacted her (be it message or calls) again. Lack of sleep made me feel complete despair. Now that I’m more stable, I do not initiate contact with her, ever.
– Your advice makes total sense. It goes a lot along the lines of what I was saying. You’re preaching outcome-independence basically. Since we have friends in common, I will perhaps call her in a couple of months. In the meanwhile I will keep myself busy, learning, having fun and trying to meet other women. A mind-frame of confidence and convincing myself that, no matter what I do, it will be fun. For me and those around me.
I realize that even if she reached out now, it wouldn’t be good if we resumed a relationship, as I am not in the alpha and independent mind-frame I aim to reach.
So… Following your suggestions and what I wrote on that post, you’d recommend the best thing is to focus on myself and my development? Eventually, come whatever may, it should be good for my life which should also translate to a different posture of mine (more relaxed) if I do meet her? I have yoga classes on friday with her and I don’t want to give them up. I would like (independently of her wanting to reach me out or not in the future) to be able to go to the classes feeling confident and well. Like a pillar of light.
Thanks for your kind words and your time.
I just want to say that you’re the F***ing man.
You’re attitude is amazing and its just something I rarely come across in emails. Its just a breath of fresh air and I can already tell that you’re going to be on your way with someone more suitable for your lifestyle very shortly.
Hell, she’ll try to come back for sure. You just have to evaluate whether you would want her to or not and why. Is she bringing something that no other woman could? And if no.. Could you get that again? I’m sure you could.
Most people aren’t looking for love, they’re looking for help and thats something we all should look at when we’re feeling desperate. A woman is incapable of carrying a heavy load, so they are looking for someone that can help them carry their own load. Know woman wants to bare a mans baggage. They can barely carry their own.
I would suggest that you continue attending your yoga classes and just be mature. Don’t start canceling life events that were set in place whether she was apart of your life or not. Go for the yoga, her being their is irrelevant. Now if any part of you is going to yoga with hope that you see her; she’ll know. And thats unattractive.
Keep being awesome man. I don’t think you’re having trouble at all.
I am guessing this is a clear sign she is no longer interested because if she was I am sure she would have gotten in touch (especially since she was a bit rude the last time we text).
My question is should I wait another week or two to contact her or contact her now? And if I do how would I do it?
I just hope I can re-attract her and turn this around. It started off so good and came down crashing!
Energy always follows thought.
Now let me say; if you reach out to contact her at this point, you will be putting off an opportunity for you to learn the power of letting the woman go. And this is a lesson all men must learn before they can become truly successful with women. You only learn this lesson by letting go out of choice, not necessity.
Men tend to thank they’ve let women go after they texted her 10 times, called her 3 and she ignore them. Thats not letting the woman go. Thats called picking the only option you have left. You let go out of necessity, not choice. So you don’t acquire the stronger sense of presence/aura that attracts women that a man acquires from letting go of women he still has a chance with. You don’t grow – you don’t learn. You stay on your current level.
I could go on and on about this, but the moral of the passage is; if you’re interested in growing in the long run, I would leave this one alone. She may reach out – she may not, but what you will acquire will be much more beneficial than any one relationship ever could be.
Now if that isn’t your interest and you feel both comfortable and content with where you are on your journey. Call her don’t text. Call her up and let her know that you’d still like to continue to see her. Be cool and be calm; like you’ve been busy in life lately, but you’ve accomplished a few things and you now have time to date again. A woman is always responsive to that kind of energy.
With all due love in respect,
There is this girl I initially attracted and we hooked up twice (very quickly). I was so into her I asked her I wanted to be in a relationship (on our 3rd date) and she said yes. We saw each other a few more times.
Then suddenly after seeing each other for less than a week she said she realized she doesn’t want to be in a relationship and its not me but her. And that I’m a great guy and she really likes me and wants to be in close friends.
I tried meeting up with her after that and she flaked on me. She also been acting distance and never gets in touch with me.
Our last conversation was over text and it didn’t go well. She was quite aloof, distant and wasn’t invested in the conversation. Let us just say she is acting very uninterested even in the friendship.
My question is, is it possible to RE-ATTRACT a girl? Can I re-attract this girl?
The most obvious thing to do is forget about her for a while, completely cut contact and meet other girls. But I’m wondering after a week or two can I hit her up again and regain her interest? What would be the way to do it?
I’m sure there are situations where a guy act desperate and pushy with a girl (like I did) and loses the attraction and interest they once had and then down the road are able to gain it back somehow?
There is always a way to re-attract a woman but first you must stop doing what you’re doing and realize why it isn’t working.
If you came before a door with a pull sign on it, would you begin pushing it if you really wanted to get through the door badly? It would be foolish, wouldn’t it?
So what you’re currently doing is pushing on a door with a pull sign on it. She’s the door. So if you want any hope to reattract the girl start pulling and then you can walk through the door.
A woman likes to know that a man can stand on his own two feet an do without her. If you are constantly reaching out to her subconsciously she will feel like you are incapable of being a provider since you need her every step of the way.
Start pulling man.. The tables always turn; but not until you start doing the opposite of what currently isn’t working.
Let a week go by and you’ll hear from her.
How old are you btw?
Thanks for the upbeat post! That was very useful!
I’m 33. I always seem to find myself falling into the same trap, pushing…..
Really like your analogy of the door!
This question has been bothering me for a long time and if you can please answer it – i will be forever grateful…
What do i do if the girl that i approached is giving me strong dismissive body language and one word responses (where it’s quiet obvious that she doesn’t want to keep talking to me)?
I run my opener and she looks the other way and doesn’t want to look at me in the face while I am talking to her. If i ask a question she answers in a condensing tone and gives one word answers.
Now obviously this proof that i didn’t approach correctly… and yes there’s always the generic advice of “next her”… but let’s say i want to stay to damage control and just keep plowing. i have been forever wondering what to do to turn it around.
You’re not going to get the tread through the needle on the first poke. Sometimes you stick with her and poke around a bit before she opens up. It a natural chick defense; and its a test to see if you’re strong enough to get through her guard. If you can’t even get her to feel comfortable talking to you,how can you have anything more wit her? Thats how she’ll see it.
A huge tip to follow is to asking open ended questions as apposed to close ended questions. All close ended questions end in a yes, no,or a one word answer. Where are you going? To starbucks, where do you work? at starbucks? How are you? good etc.etc. Those are all simple questions. And if you are asking those it shows that your approach isn’t genuine. You don’t actually find the girl interesting, you are just approaching for the sport, or to add another notch to your belt.
Open ended: I know it gets busy in there – Whats it like working in starbucks? This calls for a longer responses and shows you actually care about the person you are talking to.
You aren’t in these interactions to receieve, you are in them to give. If you go in trying to get a number or trying to get laid, they’re walls will stay up until you take on the attitude of entering a conversation to give.
Hey so I met this girl from during the day, I number closed, and I had 2 dates with her . I even got to kiss close her but she keeps raving about how awesome she thinks i am but she has the pic of guy who is a big time player as her profile pic and she keeps having a different picture of him once a week. She insists they are just friends but is that normal and she keeps updating and posting on his wall? so what do you think? i suspect she wants him and he doesn’t want her so she keeps posting stuff about him with the hope he would return her affection and that she only using me to fulfill her emotional needs? i am overthinking? plus she is always eager to meet me and she says she dumped her boyfriend cause of me…so i am overthinking or my gut feeling is correct..plus i told her me and very attractive females can’t be friends..it is the ladder theory and i absolutely believe in that theory…
A woman can only use you to fulfill her emotional needs if you choose to be the subject of them. I can’t drive your car unless you give me the keys to it.
So what you are doing with this post is whats hurting with you with the girl all round. You’re pointing your finger at the girls and this guy and not yourself. A true man, a wise man would ask himself.. How did I allow myself to be placed into this position in the first place? And then how do I get out of it.
And the truth of the matter is.. She’s only taking this large interest in this guy as opposed to taking it to you because you are interested in him as well. The fact that this bothers you in the slightest says to her that the guy has something you don’t. And if you believe this guy has something you don’t( which your post pretty much says)), why would she want you instead of wanting the guy that has something you don’t?
And I know you probably aren’t mentioning this to her directly, but women are 10x more intuitive than man. So if you think it; she feels it and will treat you accordingly.
I believe that answers your question.
I’ve made leaps and bounds this semester in college in the game i feel, however this summer is going to be crucial for the improvement of my game because of the time i have.
Other than actually practicing, what else should/could I do to improve on my game?
Every choice you make every single second of your life affects your level of energy/aura. If you choose to stay in bed all day and eat potato chips it will be reflected in your aura and people will be less attracted to you. They won’t know why, but they just will. Ever meet someone you didn’t like without even knowing them?
The cameras always on man. Theres no hiding. So ensure that every decision you make is a decision you would make if the girl of your dreams had a livestream to every moment of your life.
While your watching tv doing nothing ask yourself ” Would I be watching TV like this if the girl of my dreams was watching from afar ? “
While you’re not giving your best at sports etc..
Every choice you make affects your level of attraction. Treat life like this and you’ll always be on the come up.
Peace & Love
Ex texted me out of the blue, says she misses me as a friend and has a boyfriend now. I said I wasn’t interested in her friendship and she asked why, I replied with “I don’t think it would be healthy for either of us.” She then said “Ok, I thought maybe we could”
I haven’t thought out how to phrase it yet, but I want to text her back one more time to get my intentions clear and that is – I want her, and not as friend. And If she’s down for that then to hit me up. If not, stay out of me life.
Can anyone help me out on how to phrase that? I was thinking something along the lines of
“Look Nicole, I’m not single right now but god forbid if there’s a day when we both are and you would like to go on a date, we could talk about friendship afterwards.”
Please note we’ve been broken up for like 8 months so I’m totally cool with her dating some other dude. And I also don’t want to sound too direct on still wanting her or having feeling for her because I don’t want to come off as “We broke up 8 months and and I still think about and miss you everyday”.
All or nothing never works with girls man. Especially not for the long term. They begin to resent you shortly after.
What you are trying to do is emotional rape.. Its horrible and selfish. You’re no longer relying on your own wit, your own charisma, nor your own charm. You’re all king kong like ” THIS IS WHAT I WANT. GIVE IT TO ME! IF NOT. FUCK YOU!!!!! “. I know I may of made it sound dramatic; but women are dramatic bro. Thats how she’ll see. And with all do respect; thats a loser mentality. Its like the 5 year old crying in screaming with his mommy in the store because she won’t give him candy.
You’re better than that.. A WHOLE lot better.
Stop trying to cheat the system; go get her the way we all get our girls. You trying to skip on to the top with one line is lazy. And its chances of working are slim to none.
Well I have been out with this girl a couple times, I thought it was going pretty well then she texts me today saying roughly
“Iv been doing some thinking and I don’t think I want to take this further, I like you its just I’m too busy to give you the attention you deserve. I’m just enjoying my freedom at the moment and I want to continue doing my own thing”
to which I responded
“Yeah I can totally respect that need for freedom I feel the same way, I think your a great person and I have allot of respect for you, I would be open to some no strings attached fun if that’s your thing?”
To which she responded
“Thanks for understanding, I do like you I’m just not at that place right now, I’m a bit of an all or nothing kinda girl so not sure about the no strings attached thing but you never know”
I literally have no clue how to approach a reply to this. Any you guys help?. I’m not long back into game and I’v not been having the success I used to enjoy. Need to get out there more but I really want to close with this girl.
You’re looking to her to lead and thats the biggest no no too many men are making today. She doesn’t want to LEAD she just wants to know how you feel about her; so she can feel comfortable with you LEADING.
Everything a woman says is either a test or a celebration and this my friend was a test. Its a woman’s way of seeing what is going on in your head. Its her way of seeing how you feel about her and what direction you want things to go in.
Do you know how many times a girl has said to me ” This isn’t working out. We should break up” and I just said “No” and they said ” What do you mean no? ” And I’m like ” I like you. We’re not breaking up”.
They respond with this little ” Oh ” type face. As if their relieved to know I care about them and then we move forward.
Don’t look for a woman to okay your decision. She’s looking for you to make the final call.
All you have to do is say ” I’ll give you a call; we’ll talk later”
I wouldn’t hash things like this out over a message that could be interpreted a thousand different ways.
Be stronger man and more importantly.. Be a leader.
Becuase of that we have been good friends but they have recently broken up, I do feel like shes sending me some signals but Im getting confused:
*She says that im good looking.
*Shes always happy around me, smiling, laughing etc.
* We do, from time to time, maintain eyecontact for several seconds.
*She usually leans towards me while we’re hanging out.
*We do have some good kino.
*When we hug they are for roughly two to three seconds and our full bodies meet. (If you know what I mean?)
*She wants to spend quality time with me, either during weekends at her place or mine and recently we’ve talked about either going over seas or heading to a spa.Then there are the mixed signals:
*She doesnt like my beard and states that a 10 day stubble is more attractive.
*She says that she will be more availble now on phone when shes single (though she hasnt initiated a call so Im guessing she want me to)
*She said she would call one day after work but didnt (Which I interpret as a game plan, she trying to make me sweat and make me think of her)So my question is, could she be interested in me or is my other head playing with my mind?
Also, after skimming through the forum I have another question.
Generally its a bad thing if she doesnt mind wearing no makeup near me or being dressed lightly around me (not only underwear, but some trouseres and a sportsbra or a shirt and panties) Therefor my question follows as such; Since we have know eachother for some time, could it affect her need to always look good infront of me?Sorry for the long post, hope you have time to read it anyway.
Thank you from Boron.
This is a very simple thing.
She’s fresh out of a relationship and is looking for male attention so she can begin to feel emotionally secure again. This is pretty much the breeding grounds for REBOUND relationships. Most of todays women have this experience. Now its on you what you do with this.. But I personally wouldn’t get involved; women fresh out of relationships tend be still be carrying some emotional weight that will be of no use to you.
The thing is; she’ll bait you into giving her extra attention so she can feel better, but if you hold out; her bait will become more and more aggressive. Thats when you make a move if you decide to – which I recommend you don’t once again.
Also.. Don’t change anything. Keep being you. If you decide to cut your beard thats one thing, but don’t make a decision based of the position of another. And definitely don’t do it with some hope that’ll she’ll sleep with you, because it will have the opposite effect.
If you relax, stop analyzing, and be cool you’ll find yourself in position to decide whether you’re going to sleep with her or not.
Let me know if you want any further assistance.
Peace & love
There is this cute girl within my familial/friend social circle. I’ve known her for a while but have only started to really converse with her short time, prior she was just an acquaintance. I think but I’m not totally sure, she likes me. Why? Well :
1) She is very friendly towards me despite lack of previous encounters.
2) She always smiles and stares into my eyes, her own shimmering. She often keeps the warm smile and stare after we say our goodbyes.
3) I get a hug every encounter
4) She always initiates conversations.
5) She is super excited too see me always and says hi “my name” loudly.
Now I must be careful because she does have a friendly personality overall. Also unwanted advances can produce awkward situations for years to come. However she does seem to be more friendly and opening with me than with others that I know.
So what do you think? Also how should I advance this to the next level?
The one thing with women love is courage man. Theres nothing on this planet that a woman admires and respect more than a man with courage. So if you’re going to be apprehensive about any situation; you can just kiss the opportunity good bye.
Theres a little thing I teach and many others teach called “Assume Attraction”. If a woman coughs within 30 feet of me, I assume she just coughed to get my attention. I assume that she thinks I’m sexy so she coughed so I would approach her. Now this may be true or it may not(she could of just had an itchy throat), but I don’t care. I go find out. I take that courages step forward, because that one small step could potentially change my life.
So is a little potential awkwardness worth a life changing experience? I think so. Now if you think so; which the majority of sane people would, I don’t understand how this is even something that needs to be discussed.
Besides, you got way more signs that I have an opportunity to get before I make my moves. I don’t wait around. I take action. And thats what men do
Met a girl a few months ago, when I was just starting to study game. Failed and got friendzoned.
I am the proverbial shoulder to cry on, make her laugh a lot and she seldomly spends a day without texting me, being very codependant on me.
Since then I got better at game, started hitting the gym and changed my looks.
How do I reset her so she forgets the wimpy guy she friendzoned and starts seeing the new me?
Do you live in a small town?
Because you’re currently trying to swim up stream. Its possible, but its a lot of effort when there are a couple other girls just as good as this one if not better that you could be in fellowship with.
But at the end of the day.. If you “No longer” are the guy that she once friend zoned then she’ll notice. Getting your looks in check does something; but not nearly enough. Not unless your changes brought more to your confidence and self assurance. All of my clients are good looking well built men with money. They couldn’t get women before the good looks and they still can’t get them.
What they lack is a self belief. A belief that it is very well possible for them to get any girl on this planet. And all that usually takes is a bit of mental conditioning.
I can turn a fat slob into a ladies man faster than a calvin klien model if he has an open mind.
Open yours. This girl is yours if you believe she is.
I’ve been going Out a lot since starting uni, clubbing to bars, parties and hooking up with girls and making many new girl friends. I’ve also made plenty of lady friends in my tutorial classes. So I have a lot of numbers and new friends but haven’t really pushed past this.
Last week a new girl was in my class that wasn’t there before, blonde and gorgeous, so I doubled back after class and starting chatting with her. We talked for about 15 mins and I found out some basic info about her., like her coming from another state, moved unis, likes the beach etc…. Along with a but of banter about how she plays rock paper scissors.
Pretty much the same thing happened today in the class, had a brief chat about what we did on the weekend and the state of her apartment searching and yeah. Anyway we organised with this small Chinese boy to meet up in a couple of days to do some study together, so I got her number and we have that day set for a study get together.
I’ve tried to hold strong eye contact and even use a small amount of Kino but I seem to forget everything when I chat to her (in a game sense) and just start asking her things…so I really need some help. Also she is a couple of years older than me according to Facebook but we haven’t discussed ages.
I really really really want to date this girl because she is funny, smart and beautiful and just my type, what should I do from here to get her interested and date her, starting with the study session in a few days. I need a solid approach that will help me get her falling for me. (quick facts on me, 6″1′ solid athletic build, brown hair, drummer in a rock band, scholarship student, generally funny and easy to chat with girls, but not many past girlfriends and poor conversions)
Thanks for your help!!
Breathe and just come back into yourself for a moment. You’re currently giving a stream of energy away to someone who hasn’t even opened themselves up for it yet. Thats what causes the pushing of people away. We are only to give our energy when they are open to receiving it. That way we make a home in them as opposed to becoming overbearing.
Now let me say, that it is through forgetting to apply some of the concepts we learn in life in NEEDED situations that we remember in the future. You’re slight “regret” for being forgetful at a time before is what will remind you to be conscious the next time you find yourself in a similar situation.
The thing a lot of men don’t realize is that women only want to date the men that they feel are COOLER than they are. And if she has already slowed the slightest interest then she already feels that you are this. You just have to accept the position she is already giving you and things will go smoothly.
When you develop this understanding, things like IOI’s kino etc. will go out the window. Because you will be operating according to role you’ve already accepted.
Think about when you have a conversation with your best friend.. At no point are you thinking about what you’re going to say next or what you are currently saying. You guys are just hanging out and whatever comes out naturally just comes out and it works. Things are just flowing. Your plane is on auto pilot. So what makes this girl someone who would make you switch your plane to manual drive? Surely she isn’t as cool as your best friend, and surely she hasn’t invested as much in you as he or she has.
I’m going to go to university next year and I applied for a taster (Google translate. It’s a day where you follow a student around to see what the study is like). She mailed me about when I should come and she made a little error in her e-mail. Firstly i would like to say that I know she didn’t do it on purpose, but I would like to just bust her balls about it and see how she reacts. It’s just testing but I m wondering how you would write her back.
Her e-mail (I transleted it):
If I’m correct you applied for a taster. You could join me in class de next days: Tuesday, wednesday and friday. I suggest tuesday because it’s the day with the most classes. I’ve got exams coming up so I’m unavailable the next few weeks. You can arrange a date with me after my exams.
The error is (and you should all have noted if my translation is right) that she implies that we are going to date, while she meant to pick a date for the taster. I would really like to bust her balls a little bit and see how she’ll react to it when we finally meet (or see if I’ll get an e-mail back again). I was thinking about sending something like this:
I usually don’t date people I’ve never met before. But maybe if you’re really nice when I meet you we can hang out sometime.
The rest of the e-mail is (I think) irrelevant so I won’t bore you with it. Do you think this would be a good thing to say or do you recommend sending her something else?
You don’t have to look for an opportunity or even to bust a girls balls to attract her, because YOU are the opportunity. And besides, women don’t have balls. That whole ball busting thing is cute, but its only an attack on the masculine front a lot of women are portraying today. So I guess its mens ways of putting them back into that feminine state. However if you simply just communicate with the feminine from the beginning, they will be just that.
Anyway, theres nothing wrong with you making a joke in a email as long as its funny. And I personally don’t see the message you’re thinking about as funny. Its just a bit try hard, even though its in good spirits. You are already rejecting her and thats not going to get you in. A message like:
” Lol I’m in. We can date.. How’s tuesday ? “
Would get you further than that; granted she’s even sharing this possible fantasy of her taser partner being a romeo. Its your call man, just remember that she’s no one to impress and she doesn’t have balls. Draw women in and love them and you’ll get a lot further. If you must bust balls, do so when they’re getting out of hand.
Peace & Love
Here’s the back story a couple years ago I was dating a girl I really liked while we were dating I had to get some bloodwork done it didn’t come back clear there was a chance it was a blood cancer thankfully it wasn’t. I had to go through more tests then a month long waiting period. During that time the girl I was dating dumped me pretty hard. I took it badly got needy I plain and simply couldn’t handle my situation. The whole thing was pretty traumatizing, but I bounced back from it.
However here is the problem I have I go out to clubs parties what not meet girls escalation everything is spot on because I don’t care if I see them again, but when I meet a girl I’m interested in pursuing a relationship with I’m fearful because of what I went through before which causes me to freeze up when I should escalate basically freeze up when I should be doing all the things that would keep me out of the friend zone. Specific example: I had a boxing fight I brought this girl that I recently realized I had feelings for I won my fight she comes into the locker room gives me a huge hug I was totally on cloud 9 feelings of NRE plus winning my fight NRE maybe a little premature, but I’ve dated this girl for a while. Then a guy comes back to talk to me and was like he’s a tough guy is this your man? She like he’s a friend. And all of a sudden those good feelings were gone it was pretty crushing.
However a wise person told me don’t interperet signals create them. So later through the night I ramped my escalation up because I didn’t feel I was friend zoned just a feeling I got. My escaltion kino was good we had a good time when I dropped her off she gave me a huge hug had her head buried in my chest so I brushed her hair away and kissed her forehead she seemed to light up and was talking in a really seductive voice calling me babe what not. Only problem is I dropped her off at work so I couldn’t push for anything more than that.
Now the thing is I didn’t really even know I had feelings for this girl until now. I’d like to pursue a relationship, but after that experience I’m a total pussy when it comes to escalating with a girl I’m interested in. I’m scared to escalate, I’m scared of pursuing a relationship, I’m scared of what happened before happening again, but I just went for it last night.
I know this is a long winded post, but if anyone has any advice they can offer to help me get past this and what I should to next to hopefully keep my ass out of the friend zone if I’m not already there I’d appreciate it! Thanks a lot!!
Just a slight mentality switch is needed.
1) Let the woman introduce the idea of being in a monogamous relationship. A woman wants to tie one of the good men down; so if she likes you, she will make a point to continue bringing up where this relationship is going. When you begin wanting a relationship they begin to wonder why. What is it that you want from a relationship that you aren’t getting from being with a girl without one? You’re still having sex, going on dates, cuddling etc. What don’t you have?
I began to understand this a while ago, so I made a deal with myself that I was going to be so awesome that the women would be asking me for my number. I’m not going into the interaction to gain anything. I’m just going to be extraordinary enough to the point where they make sure they see me again. Even if I was picking up women on Facebook, POF, etc.. I would be trying to get there number so I could seduce them and sleep with them. But it was a battle and then I stopped. I decided that I’m going to be so amazing that these women are going to ask me for my number. If it takes long; it means I have to develop my amazing-ness. That mentality will turn you into a master in the long run.
Relationship work the same way. When you’re amazing enough, women will do whatever they can to make sure they are the only ones that can enjoy you. Let her tie you down; her nature already leads her to be tied to you when she content with what you’re providing.
Much respect to you gun. You’re diligent about improving. Thats always great to see.