Although most of my material is directed at men, I do always make a point to throw an article up to help out the ladies too every now and then. This topic in particular is one that I get asked a lot, and while I agree with most people who suggest not even bothering with a man who’s not ready to settle down unless “no strings attached” is what you want – I can’t ignore the fact that it is possible to get a man to settle down who thought he wasn’t ready. That is, until he met you.
I’ve seen it happen many times. Not only have I coached women specifically in this area, but I have also coached heart broken men on Getting back with the women they initially didn’t “want to settle down with” after she broke their hearts. This isn’t for the “on to the next one” types, if you’ve made it to that place more power to you. Some women just find themselves in situations where it’s not as easy done as it is said to “walk away” or “move on”. For them it’s too late; they’re already in it, and it’s going to take an emotional tug of war to get out of it. Other women have met a highly successful guy that marrying or being with is beneficial to them, and so they find it better to work it out than to walk away. I’m speaking about high value men here that have choice with women by the way. These are usually the only types that find themselves at a state in which they’re “unwilling to settle down” anyway. So for you ladies, this is, “Getting A Man Who’s Not Ready To Settle Down”
First we need an understanding of how male emotional attachments work. I’ve taught this before, and I’ll post the link HERE if you want to get deeper into it – but, men develop emotional attachments when they invest. The more they invest into you, the higher the chances they’re going to develop an emotional attachment to you. This is one reason some women that allow a man to take them out on an expensive upscale dinner date or vacation end up with a stalker on their hands after deciding they don’t want to deal with the guy shortly after. The guy invested, received none of the cooperation he hoped for from the investment, and developed an strong emotional attachment because of it. One reason the “Netflix & Chill” culture has gotten so popular for men today is because men as a whole are unwilling to invest as much as men of old did – for many reasons we would need more time to discuss. However, that unwillingness to invest is men subconsciously protecting themselves from developing attachments. No investment, means no attachment. And let me just say, investments aren’t necessarily money. Investments from a man can be many things. Things like time, energy, effort, and money. In fact, the more of something a guy has the less he will consider it an “investment” subconsciously. A billionaire spending money on you doesn’t create emotions right away because he has so much money. But if that same billionaire had little free time, and started giving you that free time and even some of his “work time” then that would be a huge investment to him subconsciously.
Let me also just add, that there are girls that manage to Netflix & Chill their way into a relationship through getting a man to invest by these other means. Men started to Netflix & Chill because showering, getting dressed, looking for a destination for a date, traveling to get to the date, spending money on the date(even if it’s just for him), walking with you after the date or during, etc. just to find out that he doesn’t even like a girl, takes time, money, and energy. That energy, if invested creates small levels of attachment that lead to men feeling duped and disappointed if nothing comes out of it. And because of how men are wired they grow tired of this process after the disappointment occurs too many times.
So how exactly is it done?
I’m going to defer to a man by the name of Dante Nero who does a podcast called the Beige Philip Podcast – A branch off of the great Patrice O’Neals ‘Black Philip’ Podcast after he passed.
I’ll call it The Jelly Bean Theory. I’ve always taught this concept to women in my own way, but Dante nailed it with this analogy.
The Jelly Bean Theory basically states that, in the heads of every unwilling to settle down man, he gives each woman he meets a giant empty glass jar. In the jar goes the jelly beans he fills it with whenever the woman he’s dealing with does something he finds pleasing. For example: if she buys him a cute little gift tailored to one of his needs, the man throws 15 jelly beans into the jar. She makes him a meal – 20 jelly beans in the jar, good sex – 10 jelly beans in the jar, shows him love affection – 5 jelly beans in the jar, massages his ego – more jelly beans, and so forth. Whatever is valuable to him is how he’ll add jelly beans to the jars of the women he’s dealing with. On the other end of this however, everything the woman does that he finds disrespectful like – bitching at him, nagging him, overly pressuring him to be exclusive etc. is 50 jelly beans out of the jar. Three positives can get you fifty jelly beans, but one negative can cause you to lose fifty. We can see this in the example of trust – it taking years to build, but only seconds to break.
So this trick here is to fill your jelly bean jar all the way up to the top, until it’s over flowing with jelly beans. And once you know for a fact that your jelly bean is full because you’ve treated him well and haven’t nagged, complained, and gotten into a lot of petty arguments with him – YOU WALK THE **** AWAY.
You call him up one evening and you say something in an extremely loving tone – massaging the hell out of his ego like “ Hey baby, I was just calling to let you know that I love you and that you mean the world to me, and that I want to do anything and everything for you, but I’m not going to be able to continue this relationship. You see, you’re an amazing man and I know you’re not ready to settle down, and as much as I love being with you because, you’re so great, I need to find someone to commit to me. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life, because I want to stay with you, but I can’t, I just can’t. I’m sorry. I Am so sorry“ – And then you hang up. If he calls you back, you don’t answer. You let him call and call for that first day.
You let him think.
Because by now he’s losing it. You’re about to walk away with all of his jelly beans. None of his other girls if he has any, have any jelly beans. He may have one girl with 20, another with 60, but they all eventually lose them because they’re not disciplined enough to show restraint when it comes to buckling down and suppressing their need to vent the frustration with the conditions of the relationship. But you, you just walked away with a thousand of his jelly beans, and he needs to get them back. And he will do almost anything to get them back.
This is where the tables turn and you start getting him to invest. Now you get your own jelly bean jar for him in your head and YOU start filling it with jelly beans. You become the one he starts doing all the good things to get back with so that he can subconsciously get the jelly beans he gave you back from you. However, by the time he does, you guys both have two full jars of jelly beans and the playing field is now leveled. Unfortunately, most women don’t look at the guy the same after this ,and usually end up walking away and breaking the guys heart. So be mindful of this before using it. But, if you come across the right high value man, it may actually be worth sticking around.
I can help you fully execute this process; just email me at EddieFews@Gmail.com – I overviewed this concept as best as I could in a short article, but there are a lot of intricacies that some need help with throughout the process. For example “ Knowing when your jelly bean jar is full, creative ways to add to the jar, knowing when to finally pick up when he comes calling, and more”. And if you’re a guy that’s been through this process I’m here for you too, to show you how to get your jelly beans back. Many women have used this method subconsciously without knowing and got the same results. I bet some of you can think of a time in your life where you implemented this in certain ways and had guys calling for their beans. It happens all the time knowingly or unknowingly, but you can consciously control the process. Anyway, thank you guys for reading as always, and be very careful and considerate with this.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
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I was reading an article about avoiding the common estrogen mocking chemical BPA(Bisphenol A) that 90% of us ingest daily in attempt to preserve testosterone, when I encountered a comment from a guy questioning why it appeared that people in poorer communities had more testosterone than he, when they are exposed to many more testosterone inhibiting chemicals due to poverty than he does. That was when I began to think on this myself because I agreed with his comment. All the testosterone inhibiting chemicals in the world that people from less wealthy circumstances encounter still wasn’t enough to keep them from having higher testosterone than people in upper class communities. But why?
In short.. it’s because they’re uncomfortable.
When one does the research on increasing testosterone levels what they’ll find is, the majority of non-diet related steps to increase the testosterone hormone involve getting uncomfortable. Things like high intense exercises, cold showering/ice baths, giving up porn/masturbation etc. All these things require one to give up “Pleasure” and comfort for testosterone. I personally take a freezing cold shower every single day and for the first few months it was one of the most uncomfortable experiences I had encountered in my life at the time. Now, I don’t even feel it. I’ve adapted and developed a natural edge in which I’m connected to the cold water. The thought of taking a warm shower is completely unappealing to me. I’ve tried and I immediately turn the water back to cold. The benefits of the cold shower far outweigh the pleasure and comfort of the warm shower. And this is kind of how it is for people in lower income communities.
Just as men who traditionally lived in the wild and had to learn how to hunt, maintain awareness, and defend themselves for survival; people in lower income communities have a similar experience . Too many mistakes in the wild could lead one to be mistaken a “prey” and potential “food” for a predator. In that same light, too many mistakes in “the hood” could give one the appearance of a free meal as well. There is an edge that has to be maintained, there is a certain vibe one has to adapt, and a level of getting “comfortable” with the “uncomfortable” that one must learn to stay alive.
The subconscious mind is programmed for survival. Its only job is to provide you with the motivation and desire necessary to keep you alive. Anything extra must be consciously chosen, ardently desired, and then persistent in by your conscious mind. You would have to make your own personal choice to make decisions to create and develop an edge that will assist in building testosterone. When you first jump into a cold shower the subconscious will SCREAM loudly for you to turn the water back warm, because you don’t need cold water on your skin to survive. So unless you have the discipline or a conscious desire greater than the influence of your subconscious you will indeed back out and turn the water back warm.
When one lives in a wealthy suburban area what subconscious need is there to motivate you to develop an edge outside of a conscious choice? The community knows one another, there’s little to no crime, the neighbors wave as your walking by, and so forth? If a person that has only known this type of community were to be thrown in the center of “The hood” the subconscious would scream loudly by giving you fear and anxiety as to say “ Get back to the suburbs!” Just as it would tell you to turn the water back warm after throwing yourself into a cold shower. But if you were to consciously choose to stay in the cold water and/or adapt to your new environment you would develop the edge that would generate the survival induced testosterone that the people in these areas tend to have.
Now, I don’t write this to say “ Go get comfortable in the hood to get more testosterone”. I write this for you to ask yourself – what comforts are normal for you that you get uncomfortable without could you give up to develop an edge that will lead to an increase in testosterone if desired? To gain anything most understand that we must give something up. If we want fire, we must give up some of our wood. What are you willing to give up for this?
I remember when I wasn’t as comfortable approaching women. I remember when I didn’t have the razor sharp edge that made it is as easy then as it is now. I remember when I had to plow through discomfort and mild anxiety and consciously choose to do it despite the emotions coming from the subconscious that said ” you don’t need to approach women to survive”. Just as I had to consciously choose to cold shower, and subconsciously adapt to a rougher neighborhood growing up. All these things were the building blocks that developed the edge that lead to the increased testosterone that I have today.
That edge will give you a swagger, a confidence and a self awareness that will make you happy, make women attracted to you, and make men respect you. Those that choose a life of comfort never quite experience the level respect that these others do.
Why do you think Conor McGregor is such a huge superstar? He grew up rough, that roughness gave him an edge, that edge triggered a generating of more testosterone, and all of that properly directed into a field he could succeed in ( UFC – Mixed Martial Arts) is the reasons millions of children and men all over the world want to emulate him today. You can’t find me a man without an edge that people directly want to emulate. They may want to emulate an edge-less mans work, but they’re never trying to emulate him. This is what the Alpha Males that all men tend to think they are today are made of.
You can try all the dietary tricks and take all the supplements you like to build testosterone, but it can also build on its own without these things when you consciously give up comforts and live your life on the edge.
Thanks for reading.
For One on One in Field Approach Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com
Show Support, Buy The Book: The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Click Here
Recently I was listening to an old Patrice O’Neal clip that I hadn’t heard in a while in which he was talking about the scale he and his friends decided to use to rate women to allow a more accurate rating of their physical beauty. His theory was that when using the 1-10 rating system no one really uses numbers 1-3. The lowest most will give a woman is a four and so this throws off the accuracy of the system; it becomes a 4-10 scale. As a result, he came up with the 1-30 scale. Basically women get broken down into three categories 1-10 is below average women, 11-20 is average women, 21-30 is beautiful women. So once you see a woman you put her in one of those categories and then you rate her amongst all women that would fit into the category. Once you get that number you divide it by three and that will give you the accurate 1-10 rating for a woman. For example: Angelina Jolie would be in the beautiful women category, but when you measure her against ALL the beautiful women in the world where would she fit? A 22 or 23 maybe? Divide that by three and she is about a seven an a half at best.
Now whether you agree with the scale or not, it led to the inspiration for this article. I started thinking about how we as men could rate ourselves. What factors would contribute to our 1-30 rating? I came up with what I’ve found to be the three most important factors when it comes to attracting women. Three categories, rate yourself from 1-10 in each category, add the numbers up, divide it by three, and that will be your overall attractiveness rating.
It’s commonly said that you can attract someone 2 points higher of your 1-10 rating. Example: A Man thats an 8 can attract 10’s but it will require some effort. A man thats an 9 can attract 10’s with light effort, and a man thats a 10 can attract 10’s with little to no effort. But as I’ve commonly taught; a lot more goes into the quality of women you can attract that just what you look like. I know my share of average looking out of shape guys that consistently pull 8’s 9’s and 10’s, and thats because, they have a high rating due to the factors i’m going to touch on in just a second.
Personal honesty is key here. All these factors can be improved. So when you are honest in the assessment of your rating, you’ll understand where to direct your energy to improve yourself, thus improving the quality of women you attract.
Category 1: Your Physical Attractiveness (Score yourself 1-10)
Now although a lot more goes into attracting women than your physical appearance it does play its role. None of us can help how we’re born,but there are many things we can do to improve our appearance. Things like properly grooming, developing our physique, dressing well, and taking care of our skin. A man with average facial features that’s well groomed, an in great physical shape is still pretty high on the scale. I’d go so far as to say a man with unattractive features that dresses well, smells good, is well groomed, and is in great physical shape can be as high as a seven on the 1-10 scale for physical attractiveness alone. Throw some good looks in the mixture and that guy can easily give himself a 9 or 10.
If you want to improve physical appearance it’s going to take sacrifice like everything else. What are you willing to give up to get the things you want? Processed fatty foods? Warm Water? Getting to bed early and getting more sleep? Getting a gym member and regularly making time in your schedule to go. We all intellectually know how to improve ourselves physically, but how many put aside instant gratification to do it?
Now let me say, I do believe this is the least important of the three categories that I’m listing here, but in no means should it be disregarded. It does play its role, and even if it played no role we should all be maximizing our potential. Do not make this a woman thing, make this a you thing. Desire to be the best you that you can be in all areas of your life.
Where do you score 1-10? Hold that number and add it up with the rest below.
I’ve always taught guys three things about self confidence when it came to women.
1. A woman cares more about what you think of you, than she does about what she thinks of you.
2. A woman cares more about what you think of her, than she does about she thinks of you.
As men we often make the mistake of thinking that women are perfect. We put all the focus and energy on ourselves without taking into account the full spectrum of the person we’re interacting with. When a man approaches a woman he tends to ignorantly think that she’s not prone to the same anxiety, nervousness, and lack of conversational ability that he’s prone to. And so he thinks that if he is not successful in his approach than something must not be right with him. This is far from the truth. I’ve known women who’ve rejected men that they have liked simply because they got nervous, didn’t know what to say, and didn’t want to feel unhappy about having an unsuccessful social interaction. She cared more about what “he thought of her” than she cared about what she thought of him. I have also had several women tell me about men they didn’t find attractive as the man was approaching , that admittedly were won over after the approach by the mans swagger and confidence. If this was Tinder she would of swiped left on him immediately, but this was real life and in real life other factors play a role in a mans ability to attract women.
When you look in the mirror what do you see? Do you see what they think, or do you see what you think? Have you accepted yourself. Are you aware of what makes you great? What distinguishes you? What your potential is? Do you stand tall and erect with your head up? Do you believe in your ability to achieve all things? Do you see the Power in you?
I’ll tell you like a old school player that will still dating young attractive women told me “ I’m going to walk like a God, talk like a God, and a woman is going to respond to me in the only way a woman can respond to a God” It was that mindset and the power of his self-belief that led to his continuous success.
Your mindset is the character you play in this movie of life. It can be developed and it can be changed. Just as an actor becomes the character of the script through repetition of his lines and convincing himself over and over that he is the character in the film until it becomes real, you can do the same.
Our thoughts become our words, our words become our actions, our actions become our habits, our habits become our character and our character becomes our destiny.
Take control of your thoughts, tell yourself what you want to be as if you already are it. Tell yourself over and over, billions of times for months/years if it takes and you WILL become that thing.
On a scale of 1-10 how strong is your self belief and inner confidence? How confident are you when walking into a room? Rate yourself an add it to the number from category above and below.
Category 3: The Quality Of Your Intent (Score Yourself 1-10)
I had a friend named Alex who had moved here to New York City suddenly one day with the clothes on his back and two hundred dollars to his name. I wrote about him in one of my books “The Player Handbook”. All he knew was that he wanted to be an Actor and the place he lived wasn’t the proper environment for him to reach his goal. To make a long story short he lived with about fifteen different highly attractive women over the course of his 3 year stay here before finally getting the right gig and moving to Los Angeles. I remember when we were all hanging out with our group and one of my other friends asked him “ How do you do it? How do you get all these beautiful women to let you move in rent free?” Alex’s response was “ Women only like me because i’m good looking and I’m going for my shit. Well they really only like me because I’m going for my shit, Im just good looking and so I had to say it” We all laughed, but what he said was the raw truth. Alex had a 10 on quality of Intent scale. So even if he was a six on the looks scale, and an eight on the confidence scale, that would give him a twenty-four which would be an eight when divided by three. Meaning, he could he could attract 10’s with some effort.
So what is quality of intent you may think? It’s the energy at which you live your life with. It’s the how it’s not the “what”. As I’ve always taught, it’s not about what you do, it’s about how you do it. It’s not about what you say to women, it’s about how you say it. And the how will always come from your intent. How much intention are you living your life with? How many of your daily activities are done with true intention? It doesn’t matter if you’re playing video games all day, the question is why are you playing them? Are you playing them to kill time or because you have some goal in mind you’re trying to actualize? Are you practicing to become a Professional Gamer or Twitch Streamer like Fortnite player Ninja who’s intent led to him making $500,000 a month from playing a video game. I saw an interview with him in which he said “ I always just wanted to be the best. Every time I played it was because I wanted to be better than every one. I didn’t sleep. I stayed up all night playing because I wanted to be the best”. That was the quality of his intent and look where it got him? The quality of Alex’s intent caused him to leave home without much money and go to an unknown place to fulfill his dream.
How much of your time are you dedicating to fulfilling your desires with focused thought and intention? There should be no leisure time, unless it is pre decided with intent to allow yourself room to rest and recharge. If you’re hanging out with a girl, why are you doing it? And how does doing it serve your overall purpose and fulfillment? Are you in school without intent because you think that’s what you’re suppose to do? Are you working a Job just because it pays without an overall reason or goal in mind? That is wasted intention.
You should ONLY be thinking about or focusing on women when it’s time to pursue women through action. Anything outside of that is wasted thought and reduces value. The less I thought about women, the more women I had thinking about me. The more of your time that you spend in focused thought with full intention on being who you desire to be, the higher your quality of intent. The mind should never be wandering. If you are spending time thinking, it should be done with purpose, focus, and intent (visualizations, planning, setting goals etc). When not thinking you should be actively in pursuit of your desires with intent and discipline. The path of success in anything is narrow; so narrow, that most won’t make it, and this is why I feel this is the most important factor of the three.
How would you rate your current quality of intent on a scale of 1-10? How focused are you on creating the life for yourself that you desire? What percentage of your time is devoted to this? 10% gives you a 1 on the intent scale, 50% gives you a 5, 80% an 8 and so forth. Whats yours?
There it is.. Take each other your three numbers from each category, add them up, and divide that number by three. Thats your current rating on whats truly valuable on what makes a man attractive. Are you satisfied with it? Regardless of what it is may you not be satisfied. Maximize your potential. I teach about women a lot because the pursuit to reproduce is a driving force for success, but there is a lot more to life than attracting women. It is usually only when we are personally fulfilled that we will find ourselves in fulfilling relationships with the opposite sex. Take care of your physical(Category 1), master your mental (Category 2), and grow in your spiritual ( Category 3) and you will have fulfillment in both your love life and your personal life.
Thanks for Reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com
Show Support, Buy The Book: The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Click Here
So I was recently hired by a highly attractive educated young woman to begin working with her on improving her dating life success. Her, unlike most with her credentials, physical appeal, and youth had decided that enough was enough, and that she was ready for change. She was only thirty years old, had graduated from one of the top ten schools in the country, had her masters, and is damn near making six figures a year doing marketing with a fortune 500 company right here in New York City. Her problem you ask? She somehow couldn’t manage to get a guy to commit to her for any thing other then a long-term friends with benefits situationship. And I do mean long term. She had had one for two years, another for three, and even one that stretched as long as six years that only ended recently after he proposed to, and married his best friend who he had been crushing on all along. So for the life of her, she wondered what she was doing wrong. You see, she wasn’t a bad woman at all. She had kept all of these men coming around for years and years, so there was obviously something about her that they couldn’t so easily let go of. So what was it? Why wouldn’t they commit to her in the way she wanted? This all had led us into a deeper conversation, an as she revealed some things about herself to me, I had encouraged her to do what I refer to as an “honesty exercise” on FaceTime with this new guy that was set to take her on a first date later on in the week.
She told the guy she would like to FaceTime, he agreed, and then he reported back to her the next morning to inform her that he had ‘fallen asleep before he could FaceTime, but that he would prefer to meet in person anyway so i didn’t matter much’. Her response? “ Okay That Works! 🙂 Saturday?” .. And thats when I realized what part of the problem she was having was. She was just too easy. Instead of committing to the exercise that I suggested she did, she allowed the guy of interest to side step it, and pull her right back into doing what it is he wanted without her putting up any resistance. It’s kind of like a girl saying “ I’m saving myself for marriage” on the first date and then the moment a guy says “ Nah. i’d prefer to have sex tonight” , she responds “Okay thats fine”. Wheres the backbone? No Resistance or challenge at all? You know the move women do even when they know they’re going to have sex with you, when they move your hand the first few times you reach for there erogenous zones, just so they don’t come across as too easy.. Not even a verbal one of those? I have no doubt that if this guy has any skill with women, the moment he saw her response he immediately concluded that he would probably be able to sleep with her on the first night.
She asked me what should she have done and I told her she should of busted his balls. I told her it is your job a female companion to bust a mans balls anytime he deviates from his masculinity. It’s the only thing thats going to make him feel like you in fact, have the potential to make him better. Staying true to our word, and doing what we said we would do is a standard that men are held to. A man cannot be a leader if he’s indecisive, doesn’t know what he wants, and his word cannot be relied upon. Whether he knows it consciously or not a man wants a woman that helps snap him back into position when he falls short of his highest masculine nature. I told her any response such as “ So you didn’t do what you said you would, and now you want me to do what you want? I don’t know mister 😛 “ would of have been sufficient. She kicked herself a bit and told me that she was just nervous that she would come across “bitchy” if she didn’t just go with it. I informed her that when a woman is that easy all she’ll do is weaken a guy over time. It’s like a mother that feeds a child candy every time they ask. It’ll make them happy in the moment, but then what happens in the future? So that behavior is an ego boost for men, and we all know men connect ourselves to women that stroke our egos, but what exactly does an ego boost that isn’t deserved do to a man over time? It destroys him. It dulls his blade. It convinces him that the shell of himself that he is currently being is someone good. Men are programed to pass on our seeds, and most of us won’t become much more than we have to become to successfully do that. That’s what success is to a man biologically; successfully being able to spread your seed as much as possible. This is why the majority of men who go around laying pipe every where don’t really do well in life. (Another reason most of our favorite musicians fall off after getting mainstream successful if they’re unmarried) . You ever hear a woman say ” broke men are the best in bed” ? The success of spreading their seed is convincing their biology that they’re already successful. So the motivation to exceed beyond that is non existent. On a biological level this is the case, but a spiritual level men in tune with themselves know something different. We understand that an overly easy going woman will dull our blade, and we subconsciously resent them for it.
Thats what a side chick is for. The reason a man seeks out a side chick, or a “friends with benefits” is so that we have a woman that carelessly pumps our ego so that we feel “good enough” to deal with our wife, or the woman we actually want to be our wives. She boosts our morale and a self esteem, but she doesn’t actually do anything to boost us beyond that. Our wives on the other hand are holding us to the standard of what they know our potential is. The side chicks are the women on the sideline, the cheerleaders, the screaming fan. The wife is that mirror we have to look into at the end of the day when its all said and done. And what would happen to you if you suddenly could no longer gain access to a mirror? You could think you look good all you like, and feel good because of it , but would you actually look good? And until a woman, your wife, or a mirror revealed to you what you actually look like, you could be living a long life of disillusion.
It is important that a wife learns to be both however, lest their man will begin looking for that side chick. Someone to boost his morale, while his wife challenges him to be better. If you could be a mans biggest fan, and his mirror perhaps he would be slower to seek it out else where. But all in all, if he could only choose one, as I told my client, a man wants his woman to be a blade sharpener. Which is why a man almost never leaves his wife for his side chick. He wants to slice through the world as his woman sharpens his blade. My client was just being another portion of the world that men were slicing through. She wasn’t doing anything to make them better at slicing, or to strengthen their blade. Eventually that mans blade would hit a wall that was too thick from him to slice through because he was being convinced that he was sharp enough already, but he was not actually prepared for what was ahead. She was an amazing side chick; probably one of the best, and this was confirmed after she revealed that several of her situationships led to the guys getting married or being in happy long term relationships after her.
The woman a man needs prepares him for the world ahead. I’ve heard story after story of a woman that supported her man entirely after he lost his job, supported him in his depression, only to have him leave her for another woman once he got back onto his feet. But the support they were offering wasn’t the support these mens spirits were actually longing for. They were giving the “ i’m here for you no matter what. Just take your time to figure yourself out” kind of support, but his spirit was looking for that “ I’m here for you, but I’ll have to leave you if you don’t eventually get your shit together” kind of support. Only one of those was actually going to boost him to do something. I’ve told the story a million times of the woman I know who worked a second job and gave all of the money to her boyfriend, and bought him books, until he figured out what he was going to do with his life who’s now happily married to him and wealthy 18 years later. But the difference between her man and most men is the guy she was with wasn’t lazy, unmotivated, nor was he bum. He was selling drugs at a high level, and getting money the only way he knew how. He just didn’t know any other way, so she asked an already ambitious man to stay at home, while she worked until he figured out a way to redirect his ambition. If he went back to the streets during this time, she was going to leave him, she said it. She wasn’t just taking shit; she was taking some, but she was offering true spiritual support. He sat at home, doing nothing but reading for a whole year while his girlfriend worked a second job an gave him all the money, before he become the multi-millionaire he is today.
Now this isn’t some call for women to no longer remain with the guy you’re currently with. It’s a group effort; I’d suggest that if your man isn’t currently being the man you would like him to be then it could be possible that you’re failing as his companion. Especially if he was once a sharp motivated man when you met him that has somehow lost his way. Did you dull his blade? Why isn’t he sharp? What happen to his motivation? And what true spiritual support have you offered him to try to change that? I would encourage all women to remain with a man thats being honest, upright, and treating you with respect. There isn’t an “I” in team, so if your man isn’t being all he could be, it is possible that you may not be being all that you can be to him. Or that you’re not acting as a source of support and motivation thats encouraging him to become more.
This isn’t all the pieces to the puzzle of becoming the woman that a man needs, this is just one vital portion that I discovered my client was lacking. This is the edges of the puzzle if you will. Her and I will be completing the puzzle over time as we’ll continue our work. Once you become the woman you’re man needs, once you sharpen his blade, and become his mirror that both highlights his beauty and reveals to him his true self a man will be happy be the man to you and to the world that you’ve been wanting him to the entire time.
Thanks For Reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@gmail.com
Show Support, Buy The Book: The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Click Here
This one will probably be met with several screw faces from the female supporters, but I’m going to be optimistic and offer a perspective that should speak to a few of you. The few with a mind that is open to at least discussing masculine ideas without becoming angry. The few who’ll find it easiest to get a man to want to commit to them long term in the first place. I’ve found in my personal life that the most attractive and confident women have a spirit of seeking to understand. They may not agree right away, but they don’t go touting their opinion easily. They understand that there is a difference within the psychology of a man and a woman and thus, they seek to understand the males way of thinking to better help them function in a union with one. The majority of these women just so happen to be in functional relationships, but perhaps that’s just a coincidence.
Today it’s very easy for a woman to say, “Well this is what I want and if he doesn’t like it then its on to the next one”, but how long does this mentality survive until you’ve worn yourself out through failed relationship after failed relationship and one finds themselves alone? It is the very “on to the next one” mentality that results in a man not feeling attracted to a woman anyway. I’ve wrote about this before. A man thrives off of feeling needed, so if you’re mentality is “On to the next one, I can do fine without a man, My feelings or the highway etc…” you will produce a vibe that will subconsciously be a repellent to the opposite sex. He may stick around to enjoy the sex, the affection, and good times, but his eyes will continue to wander to a place in which he can feel that he is “needed”.
Women want to feel “wanted” and men want to feel “needed”. It is a thin line, but there is a difference between the two. Before I get into the topic let me also say that there are always exceptions to every rule. Every time I write something like this I get an email from a woman saying,“ Well I knew this guy that this didn’t apply to”. Of course you do. I’m speaking to the majority. If I wrote an article saying, “Men have ten toes” would you email me saying, “ Well I disagree. I knew someone who had 11 toes?”.
So lets not do that here.
It is also true that men are being emasculated today. We’re dealing with some of the most emotional, not knowing what they want, tipping toeing men of all time. This is happening for several reasons that I will be tackling in my next article,“Why Have Men Become So Effeminate?”. Women are also being a lot more masculine, and consequently we’re dealing with some of the most aggressive, detached, and combative women of all time. So I understand that these two types will be the first to write this content off before they even try comprehend it. But my intent is only to speak to the true nature of masculinity, and not what masculinity has been marginalized into during the 21st century.
Now with that being said, this article is not written to encourage women to give their man a cheat day, its more so written to get women to understand a male’s way of thinking, his nature, and his emotions more than anything. You can do whatever you want with the information after that, but understanding one another should be pivotal. So I’m going to go into several aspects arguing my case, and if you can keep an open mind and put away what YOU think, and your opinions for a moment please continue. If you’re already turning up your nose and waiting to disagree, you can stop here and leave a comment disagreeing as if you read the entire thing and understand what I’m trying to say.
I’ll start by presenting this one fact: ‘A single human male produces enough sperm in two weeks to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet.
Would you or would you not agree that a creatures genetic make up has some impact an influence on what that creature does and that creature’s way of thinking? Surely a lion being born with claws and sharp teeth feels compelled to hunt animals for meat. Its teeth and digestive system aren’t made to digest grass, and so it hunts because of its biological make up . This isn’t some social construct. No one has to tell the lion that it’s suppose to hunt other animals. The lion knows instinctively that its job is to hunt because of the cards that it has been dealt. So, what would possessing enough sperm cells to impregnate every fertile woman on the planet every two weeks do to a man on an instinctual level when our bodies naturally produce hormones that trigger us to want to reproduce? Nothing happens for no reason in nature. It is our hormones and our emotions that trigger our actions.
For example, when a man or woman becomes angry it is because their bodies are producing a chemical called catecholamine, and it is this chemical that triggers the motivation to act out in anger. Its not just a mental thing. It’s a hormonal cause for the emotion that proceeds before the action. So in that same light, how does a woman only being able to have one child a year influence her instinctual behavior? Her traditional nature would encourage her to find one suitable partner with strong genes so that she could give birth and maintain the population of the planet. Nature didn’t create sex so that we could have pleasure, nature made sex pleasurable so that we would reproduce. If sex were painful our subconscious would instinctively shy us away from the act.
So what does a man and woman’s biological nature tell you about the way that we feel compelled to act instinctively? A man’s nature – producing enough sperm to impregnate every female on the planet; a woman’s nature – only being able to produce one child per year? Which would be the one that would be more concerned with finding a commitment with one person? And before anyone says humans have free will… sure we do, but nature still plays its role. This is why you consistently hear women saying, “All men are the same” and men saying ,“ All women are the same”. Surely we each have our own personality and things that makes us unique, but we all possess the same nature. Just as all lions are the same, and all dolphins are the same. They each have unique attributes, but when you boil them down to their nature they each do the same exact things.
And this brings me to my next point:
When a male and female copulate,hug, kiss or touch, a chemical called oxytocin is produced. Oxytocin is a bonding chemical, and this is what creates the romantic feelings we feel for one another. The body begins to crave the feel good chemical oxytocin and this creates the emotion which is responsible for attachment. The most oxytocin is produce when a woman breast is being sucked on, so if any ladies out there are with a no good man that you can’t seem to get away from; keep the guy away from your breast. This is the same chemical produced when a woman is breast feeding that intensifies the bond and connection between a mother and her child. Now, did you that know oxytocin is produced by both man and woman, but testosterone nullifies oxytocin? And the more testosterone a man has the more difficult it will be for him to be attached to any one person. The chemical responsible for attachments begins to be nullified within him. You don’t just love someone dearly because you love them, you love them because they’ve succeeded at producing a sufficient amount of feel good chemicals in your body that created the attachment. This can’t be forced and/or manufactured. A man can’t just love you the way you love him because you want him to. You have to succeed at producing high enough levels of oxytocin within him that can’t be all nullified because of his testosterone. And the more testosterone he has, the more difficult this will be. Which is why the most alpha males(men with the highest testosterone counts) sleep with the most women and have the most difficult time with commitment. He just doesn’t feel it the way that you do. So a mans ability to want to stick around with you after sex isn’t just based on how soon or how late you have sex with him. It is based on how much oxytocin you’ve succeeded at getting him to produce before, and during the act. You wait too long and see him too infrequently, and he will have produced enough testosterone to get rid of it- and the attachment. Too soon, and there simply just isn’t enough yet.
Now let me just say that it is possible to make a man produce enough oxytocin in one day if you’re skilled, and if things line up with the other factors in play, but that’s another article altogether. I will elaborate more on this in my book for woman on how to successful seduce the man they want, but what I will say is that the less sperm a man is carrying over an extended period of time the less testosterone he will have. So if he has masturbated or had sex several days before meeting you and you’re skilled, he won’t have the testosterone available to nullify the oxytocin. Hence why older men are more willing to enter a commitment because a mans testosterone count lowers as he gets older. This is not something men are aware of. For the most part we’re just on autopilot responding to our nature. So my question is, why must men be held to the same commitment standards as women when we’re not even capable of feeling the same things that women are feeling for us biologically? Should a man born without sight be forced to pass an eye exam lest he be cast away?
Why is it that the majority of mammals on the planet exist within a system that contains few males and many females? In a cow pen there is one bull, and a bunch of cows. Lion prides contain one lion and several lioness. In a herd of deer there is usually one alpha male deer that is responsible for impregnating 90% of the females in the herd. Even in a chicken coop there is usually one or two roosters( if the coop is big enough) and a bunch of hens and the one rooster is responsible for fertilizing all the eggs. What is that telling us about the nature of male creatures? Perhaps just more coincidences.
Lets dive into commitment from a male point of view:
When a woman meets a confidant alpha male who naturally attracts a lot of women what is the usual dynamic? Typically the Alpha male will not be looking to settle down with any one particular girl in the early years of his life, and so he will be developing non-exclusive relationships with multiple women. Because the women like him, they will put up with it for a short time before pressuring him to commit to them exclusively over all of the other girls that he’s seeing. He’ll do one of two things: If he likes her he’ll do his best to comfort her and assure her that he does have feelings for her but he’s still not ready. In other words, he hasn’t been worn down enough. Now if he doesn’t like her, he’ll just cut her off and/or make it clear to her that it’s not going to happen and she’ll walk away or stay until she finds someone willing.
All men who have high levels of success with women have been confronted with this dynamic multiple times. Often from two or three women all at once. We know that we chase women initially to lock in their interest and to win their compliance, and then she chases us after that to maintain our investment in her and to win our commitment. Commitment is almost never actually something that WE as alpha males want. Its something that we give to our women if we value them enough over time. If we had it our way, we would have several women who commit to us that we don’t actually commit to. And this is usually what’s going on. The majority of quality women that I know tell me they don’t feel comfortable sleeping with more than one man at a time. And so they’ll be committing to men in non- committed relationships anyway. This is all just due to their nature if their nature is intact; since a woman can only carry the child of one man at a time. Men on the other hand are able to create thousands of children a year if we have the availability. And so a man’s natural and biological feelings will be in alignment with what his biological potential is. Because most women don’t feel this desire to their core, they can’t accept the fact that we legitimately do. The majority of quality men I know are all sleeping with multiple women until they find one suitable enough to build something with.
Ask a woman why hasn’t she had sex with a thousand attractive men yet? And she’ll say something like “ That’s gross, or I respect myself and I won’t just sleep with anyone”. Ask a guy why he hasn’t had sex with a thousand women yet and he’ll tell you that he just hasn’t had the time to, or hasn’t found that amount of attractive women willing to sleep with him.
So if commitment to monogamy is something that we didn’t even want, but we gave to the woman we love as a reward for putting up with enough of our nonsense, should we not be allowed a cheat day as a reward to us for going against our nature by entering a committed relationship once every blue moon?
What women have to understand is that entering a committed relationship is a lot more simple for them. Women are turning down dozens of men every single day that are trying to sleep with them. So once they enter a relationship they don’t have to do anything new. They only have to continue turning down men same way they were doing before entering the commitment. Every day of a man’s life he is trying to get women to sleep with him either directly or indirectly. That’s our life. So once we enter a commitment we have to perform an action that is the complete opposite of the reality that we live every single day. We’re the only ones that have to struggle with taking up a new practice and a new behavior. The women, for the most part, get to remain the same, because after all, the commitment was something that she wanted. So she’s getting something that she wants, that is congruent with her daily behavior anyway. Its like getting paid to brush your teeth, take a shower, and then commute to work. You’ll do it whether you get paid or not, so to get paid for it is a double and unrealistic bonus. Imagine your boss saying “I’ll give you a two hundred dollar bonus on every check if you eat dinner when you get off work.”. Now of course you don’t have to, but you’re likely to do it anyway, so its easy money.
When people go on a diet, they reward themselves with a cheat day because they’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what they were used to every day of there life prior. So in that same light, why shouldn’t men be allowed a cheat day because we’ve successfully been able to commit to a new lifestyle that went against what we were used to everyday of our life prior? Why can’t our women say “ Wow.. You’ve successfully went against your biological nature and motivation to populate the earth and remained with one woman for a year. Go have a cheat day baby. “ Hell, if a woman would do something as simple as saying, ” Thank you for being faithful” it would make a world of difference in how her man felt about staying strong and honoring the commitment.
The modern day, new age feminist will tell you that monogamy is a social construct, and that is a lie. Monogamy for women is a biological construct. It’s embedded in their nature and their biological potential. Once again, sex wasn’t created for us to have pleasure, pleasure is just the emotional impetus so that we will have sex and procreate. Third wave feminism is atheism. You can’t believe in a higher power and think that our biological natures weren’t created with a purpose. But shout out to all of my feminists. Pardon me. This article isn’t for you.
So I want to wrap this up by reiterating that I am not encouraging women to run and tell their boyfriend “ go have a cheat day”, your feelings should matter as well. But what we’re not going to do is coddle childish emotions that aren’t validated by anything other than more emotion, and make decisions based off of that. The discussion can be had, perhaps your man is over that stage of his life, perhaps his T count isn’t where it used to be, and he’s had his fun already. I just think that we should all strive to understand one another a lot more.
In the eleventh chapter of Think and Grow Rich, Napoleon Hill said “ The woman who understand a man’s nature and tactfully caters to it, need have no fear of competition from other women. Men may be “giants” with indomitable will-power when dealing with other men, but they are easily managed by the women of their choice.” And I completely agree with this statement. Its easy to say “only an insecure woman would go for something like this” and while an insecure woman may go for this out of necessity, a woman with the ultimate confidence may be willing to allow it because she understands.
I always tell women that men rule on the front end, we are the conscious mind and women are the subconscious mind. The subconscious is responsible for 80% of our thoughts and activity, but the thing is, the conscious mind doesn’t even know the subconscious mind is operating. A woman that understands her man and seeks to provide him with what he needs will rule her man. And the beauty of it all is, he won’t even have the slightest idea of whats going on. The insecure woman is controlled by her man, because she is trying to control him on the front end. The conscious end. Leave that to him, let him think he’s ruling. He will feel a lot more comfortable with opening up and revealing his true feelings to you that way. The truly confident woman allows her man to have that 20% front end; the small battle, because she knows that ultimately she is ruling from behind the scenes; responsible for 80% of his activity. The women that get a thorough grasp on this, will never be short on a man that’s willing to commit to her and give her his everything.
For anyone further interested in an example of this topic you can check out this couple from Brooklyn, New York who have allowed two additional women into the relationship and are sharing one man between them three. The man and his first wife have been together for 17 years, the two other women have been with him and his wife for 11 years. How many of you have been with one person consistently for 5 years? And i’m not talking about breaking up and getting back together years later. I’m talking about a strong consistent five years. They’re all attractive women who could easily have a man to themselves if they truly wanted to. The women don’t sleep with each other, they don’t do threesomes, and there is not a sign of low self esteem insight. You can check that out here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9XaRjpjdui8
Thanks for reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
Show Support, Buy The Book: The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Click Here
So yesterday in the article I wrote titled “Is Your Girl Slipping Away?” I briefly touched on the underlying rownoncept that is present in all relationships between a man and a woman; which is investment versus compliance.
My original introduction to the concept was spoken by a comedian by the name of Patrice O’Neal who began to gain popularity before his passing (12/7/1969 – 11/29/2011) for his ability to break down relationships from an abstract, yet completely relatable point of view. Patrice said “The game men and women play is pussy versus time. Men are trying to get the pussy as quickly as possible without having to give up that much of their time, and women are trying to get as much of a guy’s time as possible before having to give up the pussy”. He went on to say that women treat men that allow women to abuse their time the same way men treat women who allow them to abuse their vaginas. Men that get friend-zoned are the men that don’t know the value of their time and they see a woman’s sex as being so much more valuable than their time that they allow a woman to completely use their time up without requiring anything in exchange. The men in essence become what Patrice calls “Time Hoes”. They’re not a woman’s friend, they’re just used for male time and attention. They won’t actually have sex with the guy because a woman’s attraction is connected to her respect, and they don’t respect him because he doesn’t know his own value. The same way a guy will have sex with a girl he considers a “hoe”, but would never be seen with her in public at a movie. Women will go to dinner and movies, but would never actually have sex with him, they’ll be having sex with someone else. Its reversed.
You can check out an excerpt from the original audio “Time Hoe” below:
I was first introduced to the concept many years ago, and since I was in agreement with it I didn’t give it much thought after that; I just took it for what it was. But the more and more experience I got with women the deeper I understood what it is they truly want as women and what it is we truly want as men. I peeled back the layers and began to understand that what was thought to be just sex was compliance (Sex, warmth, status, affection, submission, power etc.). And what was thought to be just time was actually investment (Time, commitment, attention, validation etc.). Which is one of the seven fundamental understandings I adhere to when it comes to men and women relationships. This one in particular being Investment versus Compliance
There are many examples of investment that a woman wants. There is time, there is attention, there is money spent, validation, commitment, and so forth. Men all over social media are playing into the whole “time hoe” concept daily. They’re being conditioned to give away time and validation left and right with the “like” button and the comment section. These men that are liking all a woman’s pictures and leaving comments under their pictures for just being “beautiful” are secretly hoping that one of these women sees the comment and decides to message the guy as a result. Which of course never happens. What kind of woman is going to comply with messaging a guy first that is already giving away his time, attention, and validation to her just because she looks good? He isn’t requiring anything. He’s just cheaply giving away something that he should value. For a man to be more successful with women he has to know his value. He has to begin to view his time, attention, and commitment as being worth something. Something that he’s not just going to cheaply give away to anyone without cost. Women will take the validation, the same way most men will take a decent looking woman throwing sex at them, but they won’t actually respect the guy to give him the time of day, the same way you’ll probably have no interest in seeing the girl that slept with you that didn’t know her value ever again. Women don’t probably know this, but as guys we know in our hearts that something as simple as the “like” and the comment section is more often than not used in the spirit of outcome dependence. We’re not doing it for no reason, we want something in return. We want to be noticed, and we cross our fingers and hope that we will be. This is one of the things fueling the gap between beta males and attractive women. There are a lot more outlets today for them to just give away their validation to any attractive woman which subconsciously lowers their own self worth little by little. If I like a woman’s picture more often than not, I found something creative and artistic about it. And if I ever leave a comment, it will be a comment about the creativity or the effort put into the photo. Not the looks that a woman was given at birth, or the looks that a woman paid for.
Your time, your attention, and your validation has to have worth. You have to recognize that you are an entity that’s worthy of being admired. It is a mans frame of mind that attracts women. Women can easily fall in love with a man that they didn’t find attractive at first until they fell in love with his mind. The same way men can easily fall in love with a woman with a terrible personality just because she is beautiful. Its all reversed.
All men in the friend zone that don’t want to be there see themselves as worthless. They don’t value their time, they don’t value their conversation, they don’t value their attention, their touch or anything. And so a woman isn’t attracted enough to their minds to take them seriously. A woman will never take a man seriously unless she is attracted to his frame of mind. A mans confidence is all dependent upon what he perceives his own value to be. Forget what other people say about you, what do YOU believe your value is? And women will treat you according to this. For example: If I make eye contact with a woman I mentally feel that my gaze should be appreciated by a woman because it is worth something. I don’t go around gazing at everyone; and I do this on purpose so that when I do make gaze at a woman she can intuitively pick up on the value of my gaze. This is one of the reasons why I don’t go around staring at women’s asses when they walk by. I don’t care what these others guys are doing, my stare has worth, and I’m not just going to be cheaply giving it out to every fat ass that walks by. I’ll look up and appreciate Gods work of art in the sky before I start staring at every woman I see just because she looks good. Its okay to look and admire beauty, but when you begin to stare, you begin to give too much of yourself away. I tell guys I coach all the time, don’t stare at women. If you’re not going to approach them, leave them alone, because you’re giving away validation and devaluing yourself in the process. You should require something for your stare, and so approach her and if this woman doesn’t recognize your value move on and stop giving yourself away so cheaply.
So if women are going to value your investment (time, attention, and commitment) they’re going to do so because you mentally understand that value of your investment; and because your actions reflect just how much you value what you mentally claim to value. And the more and more a woman values your investment the more willing she is going to be to be compliant with your wishes for smaller and smaller dosages of your investment.
Rockstars are desired by everyone, always on the road, and paid boat loads of money for two to three hours of their time on stage. And so they will naturally value their time because of how much their time is valued by others. So naturally thousands upon thousands of women in the crowd are willing go back to their trailers and sleep with them without requiring anything in exchange. They just perceive the rockstar’s time, attention, and validation as so much greater than their compliance they’ll give it all away in hopes to equal it. Many think it is the money that brings the women to them, but I work with guys with tons of money that can’t get laid for free. Not to mention there are plenty of men without a dollar to their name that are sleeping with attractive women all the time. The truth is, it is the confidence that the value that is put on their investment (time, attention, validation) that attracts the women to them. And you can begin to value yourself to this degree without having to be a rockstar. Success can give a man value, because of confidence it can give him, but a man can create value for himself and develop confidence without having to be successful by societies definition. His high level of confidence becomes a success within itself. What women want from men is investment (Time, commitment, validation, attention) from a guy that actually has value. Women can get tons of attention and investment from guys through social media and walking down the street effortlessly, but she truly wants it from the one guy that she perceives as being valuable. The valuable guy that she respects makes her feel more secure about herself, because he is secure within himself. And once she’s secure she can take the mask off and finally breathe. A woman’s life begins once she’s secure, her power, and everything that makes her special can only be tapped into once she has that security. Many think money is the security that women seek, and society would lead you to believe this, but there are plenty wealthy single women that still aren’t secure. They still aren’t tapping into the unique power of a woman and what makes them special. Their true security comes from having a man that they can follow who is valuable and completely secure within himself.
This same concept applies to women in reverse.
Let’s take the honest Gold Diggers for example:
The honest Gold-Digger is the woman who lets a man know from the very beginning that she doesn’t value his time, attention, and validation because he doesn’t value himself and so she won’t have sex with him, but she’s willing to be compliant with one of his requests (increasing his perceived value by being seen with him) in exchange for financial favors. Similar to the honest Player who lets a woman know from the beginning that he is not looking for a relationship but he is willing to be compliant with one of her requests (time, attention and validation) in exchange for sex. They’re both pretty much doing the same thing and there is nothing wrong with this. Gold diggers and players get a bad rep because of the association with dishonesty due to the label. The players that lead a girl on into thinking that there is the possibility of a relationship, and the gold diggers who lead a guy on into thinking that there is a possibility of sex. These are the two who are wrong and interfere with the entire system. It is not the gold diggers fault if she was honest from the very beginning and all throughout the relationship, that male involved becomes upset that he wasn’t able to manipulate her into giving him sex. His expectation is his own problem, as long as she kept it all the real she shouldn’t have to deal with the emotions he experiences because he wasn’t able to trick her. Just like the woman that gets upset with the honest player who she wasn’t able to manipulate into entering a committed relationship with her over time. He shouldn’t have to worry about the emotions she experiences in the end if he was honest in the beginning and throughout the relationship because she wasn’t able to trick him.
Honest gold diggers and players are in essence the same thing. They’re opposite sides of the same coin. They both know their worth, know their value and refuse to give it away to anyone who they don’t see as being equally as valuable. But they have needs and are honest about those needs with the people that enter their life. She receives the wealth and assets she gets from a successful man, and he receives the empowering feeling he gets from having sex with an attractive woman. If the honest gold digger feels that her being in your presence (raising your social status) is worth you buying her a car and so you buy it aren’t you agreeing with her? And if this honest player feels that him giving you his time and attention is worth you giving him sex and so you give it to him aren’t you agreeing with him as well? Both of the emotional parties have to leave their agendas out of this. Because in all actuality the men buying gifts in hopes of manipulating the woman into giving him sex and the woman giving sex in hopes of manipulating the man into committing to her are the most dishonest people of all. If they were honest from the beginning and said “ I’m going to buy you these gifts for a few months, but then I’m going to try to make you have sex with me” and I’m going to have sex with you for a few months and then I’m going to try and make you commit to me” I’m sure both the player and gold digger would opt out or again make it clear that they are not going to be doing that. You don’t walk into a strip club and pay the stripper for a lap dance and then get angry because she didn’t want to also have sex with you free of charge. You paid for what you believed your money was worth. You made a payment, you received a dance, transaction complete.
So when it comes to a woman and compliance women have to put more value on the things that guys want from them or else they will be used by the guys who know their worth. In the same way I suggested to a man to put value on something as simple as his gaze a woman should put value on something as simple as her hug. The more you do something for everyone, the less valuable the energy around that action will be when its done to others.
Example: The woman that hugs every single person she sees has a hug that is of a weaker energy, feeling, and vibration that the woman that reserves her hugs (because she values them) for the people whom she feels are deserving of it. A man loves a woman’s warmth, whether its the warmth of her hug or the warmth of her vagina and the fewer people that have access to this warmth the stronger the vibration and feeling of this warmth will be when it is felt by the people she deems worthy. Value your warmth. It is of importance to men and of value to them and the warmer it is due to you treating it like its worth something mentally and through action, the more a man will value your warmth. He likely will not know why he enjoys your hug so much, he may not be sensitive enough to your energy to understand, but he will daydream about it and desire it nonetheless.
Men want to be seen with high quality women because its a reflection to other men that he is of high value. The same way women play the “beauty game” as a form of competition with other women. Men play the “Look what I got” as a status game with other men. There is a lot to a woman, but on the surface women help a man validate his own character. They’re pretty much the stamp on him. Without her, as I said in my radio interview he cannot have his crown. He can be a prince at best. But it is the woman he is with that is a reflection to him that he is king. And if you know anything about men, you know that we want power. We want to feel like we’re king. And a quality woman allows us to do that. Highly quality women get treated the same way by men as the rockstar regardless of how he looks gets treated by women. Men everywhere are willing to invest anything into them just to gain their compliance. (sex, submission, status/reverence). Know your worth ladies, come to grips with what it is that men want from you and make sure you’re getting what it is that you want as you’re giving him what he wants. There has to be a balance there to maintain the relationship. He gets too much and your value decreases, and he begins to take advantage. He gets too little, and he’ll either seek it elsewhere if he knows his worth, or he’ll become weak and turn into a man that you no longer find attractive.
Men also want to feel like leaders, its the fantasy played up for us in action movies all the time. We all want to envision ourselves as the hero that leads our team to victory. And the women willing to follow a man they value through being compliant have the ability to grant men this fantasy. We want to be the “head” of our household, we want “respect’’, we want you to “listen”. Blah blah blah, if you’ve ever been in a relationship with a man that knew his value you’ve heard it all before. We want you to look up to us and we want you to let us know that we have power as I touched on in the Dear Women, Men Want Femininity Back back article. But its also important that you do so with balance. A man needs a challenge to continue to grow and become better and any quality man will appreciate and respect you for the challenges you throw his way. He may not like it in the moment, but he’ll thank you for it in his own ways later.
So to the men, know your worth and your value and for the ones who do require submission from your woman with balance. If she became a slave you wouldn’t find her attractive. Just as a woman wouldn’t find a man attractive that completely opened himself up and consistently laid all his emotions and feelings out no matter how much she tries to convince him that this is what she wants.
Compliance and investment. As both parties require their needs from one another with balance it’ll be much easier to keep that spark alive long into the relationship. If any women and men need extra help on understanding where they stand in terms of value, more examples of ways to value themselves, and what they should be requiring based on where they are in their journey they can email me for coaching & consultation to improve this aspect and many other aspects of their relationship life at EddieFews@gmail.com with the title of the article as the subject of the email.
Thanks for reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
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My last article was on the subject of men and women holding each other to higher standards, so we can each begin to improve the quality of ourselves, each other, and the quality of mates we’re attracting into our lives.
I had received a great deal of emails from women thanking me for giving them hope, saying things like “Thank you, I now know that it’s okay not to settle for less than what I deserve”. And while I agree with them, I can’t help but notice a common theme amongst the women of the 21st century.
You ready for it?
I find that many women lack the feminine version of the qualities that they desire in a man; and also, their desire to be liked for the same reasons that they like a man. The high-majority of women who I speak with day to day, are completely out of touch with what it is that attract men, and what it is that men desire. And so they are continually frustrated, because we as men are not attracted to them for the same reasons that they are attracted to us.
I meet a lot of these successful independent women who say things like “I have my Master’s degree, I make over $100,000 dollars a year, I can fend for myself, why can’t I find a decent man?” And what these women don’t realize is that men are not biologically programmed to look at a woman for what she can provide. So the amount of money a woman makes a year means absolutely nothing to the biological reasons that men find women attractive. I would even go so far as to say that any man who is looking to a woman for what she can provide isn’t a man. That’s not how “men” are wired. Women are biologically programmed to look at a man for what he can provide, the same way they look toward a man biologically as a figure of protection. Real men (in my dame dash voice) do not operate this way. A man should not look for his woman to protect him. Imagine a man saying to a group of his friends “Yo… I love my girl man. Last night she killed a big ass spider for me. I was scared as shit. I screamed and she just jumped up and killed it. She’s dope“.
Ladies… what would you do if there was an intruder in the home and your man hid underneath the bed and asked you if you could go out and deal with it? You would probably lose every nanobyte of respect and attraction for that man. Why does that happen? Because biologically you are wired to look to a man as a figure of strength who could protect you if he could.
Ever go on a date with a man who just doesn’t make you feel “safe”? Were you attracted to that man? Of course not.
So why is it that women get into this habit of expecting us to like them for the same reasons that they like us?
I’ll have a woman say something like “Eddie… I love you” and I will genuinely say “thank you” in appreciation that she has expressed herself to me in such a way, and do you know what she’ll say? “Why didn’t you say that you loved me too?” I’ll say “Why do you love me?” She’ll usually say something like “because you’re so funny, wise, and insightful”. I’ll respond genuinely “So why should I love you ‘too’ because I’m funny, wise and insightful? You saying that you love me right now is predicated upon how you feel in this moment. Why do you expect me to love you in this moment the same way you love me, when you’re not doing the same things I am doing in this moment to be loved?”
The problem is, many women I speak with have completely lost touch with what it is that men want and find attractive. With all of the studying they do on men, they still somehow can’t wrap their head around this concept.
So I wrote this piece as a call to women to begin checking whether or not they are the feminine version of that which a man is looking for.
If I make a $100,000 a year and you make $100,000 a year, and one of the reasons you “like me” is because I do decent financially, and I would be able to provide for you if I had too, that doesn’t mean that I am suppose to like you equally for making the hundred thousand dollars.
I say this because, I am not programmed biologically to like you for your ability to provide. We are not equal in terms of attraction in that regard. My $100,000 means something to you biologically – something to the core of your nature. But, your $100,000 means absolutely nothing to me biologically – nothing to the core of my nature. Financial security has nothing to do with the core reasons that I feel attraction for a woman.
A man will approach the girl coming out of McDonalds, with the same type of intensity and desire as the woman walking down Wall Street. If she possesses and has developed/cultivated the qualities that attract him biologically, the money that she makes doesn’t mean a thing.
I want to repeat this again… Any man who feels attraction for you because of how well you do financially is NOT a man. And you will find yourself not attracted to him, and at constant war with him after the honeymoon phase. The man that you want, if you are in tune with your femininity, is the man that will hold you to the standards of what attracts him biologically.
So I agree that a woman should hold the men to the standard of being able to provide if necessary, and a man should hold women to the standard of being that which he finds attractive – which I’ll get into in a second.
This is not some outdated way of thinking… this is our nature. This is what has allowed us to function for thousands of years in harmony. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that the world is currently being destroyed at alarming rates, and the natural fabric of how a man and woman function naturally together is also being destroyed. I believe these extremely high divorce rates, lack of couples getting married, and just unhappy relationships in general, are all a product of this confusion. And each gender is pointing the finger at the other without us realizing what the problem actually is. We are being socially conditioned away from out nature and it is destroying the reasons that we come together.
I now ask the reader… “How many people do you know that you can legit say are in a healthy and happy relationship?”
It’s gotten so bad that break up and divorces have become the norm. We almost expect it now. How often do you expect your guy and girl friends’ boyfriend/girlfriends to stay together? I find many people counting the seconds until it’s over. I know that when I was in high school and the girl I crushed on got into a relationship, I knew it was only a matter of time before I got my shot.
So what is it that men want? Now just as being able to “provide” and being able to “protect” is just two of the many aspects that women are naturally programmed to look for in a man, I will provide two of the many aspects that men are programmed to look for in a woman. For more aspects feel free to send me an email and I can speak with you on this.
1.The Visual – Most women have a difficult time wrapping their heads around this because they believe that they are visual too. And they’re not. At least not in the way that men are visual. For an example of the difference you can watch the videos below:
The Men: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2alnVIj1Jf8
The Women: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUy3_kBme4M
The videos show the difference in the male versus the female reaction to being catfished. In the first video men speak with a woman on tinder who’s, fit and slender, but when she appears on the date she is about 100 pounds heavier than she was in the photo. The same thing happens in the second video; but this time its women meeting up with a guy they thought was in shape, but turns out to be 100 pounds heavier than his photo.
In this video, the women are all a lot more open to giving the overweight “deceiver” a chance than the men are to giving the overweight deceiving woman a chance. The men in the video are practically incapable of functioning. They just can’t handle or look beyond the visual. They ask no further questions, they’re completely uncomfortable and can see nothing else. The women on the other hand are open to see who this guy is, why he may have lied, and if he is someone they can at least be friends with. Someone they can possibly encourage or help. The men… well they took off running.
Now why do you think this is? If you read the comments on the video you will see that a lot of women were offended that the men didn’t respond in the fashion in which they would have responded. Which completely breaks down the reason why I am writing this piece. Men are not attracted to and/or open to women for the same reasons that women are attracted to and/or open to men.
Let’s take Cleopatra for example: it is said that the key to Cleopatra’s consistent ability to seduce some of the most powerful men in the world in that time, is because of her understanding of the male visual. She would completely seduce and dazzle the men of that time with the visual; Robert Greens “The Art of Seduction” even quotes:
“Only one image of Cleopatra survives – A barley visible profile on a coin, but we have numerous written descriptions. She had a long thin face and a somewhat pointed nose; her dominate features were her wonderfully large eyes. Her seductive power however, did not lie in her looks – indeed many among the women of Alexandria were considerately more beautiful than she. What she did have above all women was the ability to distract a man. In reality, Cleopatra was physically unexceptional and had no political power, yet both Caesar and Mark Anthony, brave and clever men saw none of this. What they saw was a woman who constantly transformed herself before their eyes, a one-woman spectacle. Her dress and make up changed from day to day, but always gave her a heightened goddess like appearance […] by the time your head lay on the pillow beside her, your mind was spinning with images and dreams […] you never possessed Cleopatra, you worshiped her […] From Cleopatra we learn that it is not beauty that makes a seductress/siren, but rather a theatrical streak that allows a woman to embody a man’s fantasies […] A man is easily deceived by appearances ; he has weakness for the visual. Create the physical presence of a siren (heightened sexual allure mixed with a regal and theatrical manner) and he is trapped. He cannot grow bored with you yet he cannot discard you. Keep up the distractions and never let him see who you really are. He will follow you until he drowns. “
Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar are both men that could have had access to the most attractive women of all kinds and creeds across the entire planet. But it was Cleopatra, “A woman that had been exiled from Egypt” with the understanding of the male visual that gave her access to the most powerful men the world had to offer. These men even neglected their responsibility and duties within their own country to remain with her in Egypt. Mark Anthony had even known all about how she had seduced Caesar and brought down his kingdom and he still found himself unable to resist her. Think about that… (I’d encourage any woman further interested in this topic to look up the book “The Art of Seduction” and the chapter titled “The Siren” which is the first chapter of the book)
2. The Desire to Feel Powerful – I spoke about this in my Go Pro radio interview a bit more extensively, but to paraphrase… All men have this innate desire to feel as if they are kings of the earth. To Feel Powerful. The more testosterone the male has, the stronger his desire for this. It is what drives a man to want the most attractive woman to parade around and show off, and it is what drives him to want to make the most money. It is a symbol to other men that he is the most dominant and powerful one of them all. All masculine mammals in nature have this battle. There is always one male that has to rise to be the Alpha male of the group. It is even said that in some species of male animals just 5% of the males produce 95% of the children of that species. Imagine if humans were like that? Well… I can’t say that we’re that much different. I’ve heard that 20% of the men sleep with 80% of the women. There is a masculine desire within each of us to want to dominate and conquer as much as we can. Testosterone even works as an agent to nullify oxytocin which will prevent a man from developing a chemical/emotional bond with the women he has sex with. This is why men can be so detached after sex – especially around a woman whose only way to make a man feel powerful was through the opening of her legs. Once he’s conquered what far too many women hold onto as if it’s some golden ticket that no one else has but them, he will be off to the next conquest. Unless however, a woman comes to terms with the principles that will keep the guy around.
I’ve found that far too many women remain quiet. A man wants to know when he is and how he is affecting you. He needs you to express yourself without the fear that he may or may not be feeling the same.
A woman will text a guy something like “Do you miss me? “ – Which really means she misses him, but she’s not comfortable saying so unless she is sure he feels the same. This is anti-seductive; had she had the self-esteem and confidence to be transparent and just say something like “I miss you. You make me feel so tingly on the inside, I don’t know what to do” she would be sub-communicating to the man that he is powerful. He has the ability to make her miss him and feel tingly.
One of the main reasons why a man likes to have sex is not because of the fifteen second orgasm that he gets when it’s over. It is the moaning, the groaning, and the scratching from his woman that he desires, because that is a sign to him that he is powerful. Having the ability to make a woman moan, groan, and scratch. This is why you can search the internet and find men obsessed over how to please their woman. It is not just to make a woman orgasm, but so that the man himself can feel powerful – knowing he has the ability to give pleasure.
So on the equal level of the visual I find this to be almost of a greater importance. The wives of some of today’s most powerful men on earth are not that physically attractive, but I’m almost certain that they have the ability to make their man feel powerful; and it is probably this ability that inspired the man to have the confidence to take his current position.
Be open, be transparent, and outwardly express how great his ability to affect you is, and the man will crave the words that leave your mouth to no end.
So to wrap this up… I just want the female readers to make sure that they are not trying to be the exact representation of that which they look for in a man. Rather they be the feminine representation of the qualities that men seek from them. If you want a man that makes 25 million dollars a year, just make sure you have a 25 million dollar ability to stimulate him through your visual (not just physical feature) and a 25 million dollar ability to give him dramatic and transparent presentations of what you feel his power to be. Just because a woman is making 25 million, doesn’t mean that she qualifies to get a man that makes 25 million. Because once again, he is not looking at your ability to provide to determine how attracted to you he is. If you want to make lots of money that’s great, but understand that your high level of education and the amount of money you make a year, means little to nothing to a real man’s (one that will make you happy) desire to want you for anything more than just sex.
The society of today has put too much emphasis on masculinity. It’s the only thing highlighted; so much so that many of the women today are being imitations of masculinity. No one talks about the innate power of a woman. It’s almost as if to be a woman is something you should be ashamed of. If we’re going to go forward as a society, I think it’s important that we begin to highlight both the power of a woman and exactly what that power is so that little girls can desire to be that which is closest to their nature.
It is through a great woman’s visual, energetic and transparent verbal stimulation that a man is inspired to rise to the height of his potential. Which is why the statement “Behind every great man, is a great woman” is something I whole heartily agree with. We need each other, and we need you to join us, and not compete with us so that we can live in harmony. How many of our great leaders were without a woman? Women are the divine energy. They are the inspiration for all creation on this planet. Men just take the energy that they give us and put it into practice. But it is the woman who gives birth to the energy to begin with. She conceives it, she gives it life, – the man raises it, and creates the physical manifestation of it. We are to come together as a team, each with our own role to become ONE complete body together. We aren’t meant to compete with one another the way we are today.
Men do not have the ability to conceive and inspire through the creation of energy. We create with the energy, we are not the creators of the energy. So if women start doing what they have the power to do and discontinue being imitations of masculinity, our society and generation can rise to its greatest heights once again. And it is the responsibility of us as men to be strong enough to bring this to their attention. Far too many men are willing to just roll over and get fucked by the direction of society. What happened to our warriors? What happened to our voices? What happened to our leaders? I will be addressing us as men more advertently in my next piece.
Thanks for reading.
For One on One Coaching and Consultations via Skype, Phone, or Instant Messenger; Email: EddieFews@Gmail.com
Show Support, Buy The Book: The Secret Laws of Social Wisdom’ Click Here